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Offlineflugelizor
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weed and relationships
    #25861477 - 03/08/19 06:38 PM (1 month, 17 days ago)

All the sudden weed legalization is gaining momentum, (but not legal in NY yet)
So I got some from a dispensary.  Wife was OK at first, not so much now.
She never touched it. Giving me silent treatment.

This adds to anxiety / paranoia, so not good for being stoned.

This is my forever-wife, but I feel like she is drawing a line in the sand. Her, or the weed.
WTF? I feel like weed has been subjugated, now I should stand up for it!


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OnlineDoneKildatReason
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Re: weed and relationships [Re: flugelizor] * 1
    #25862173 - 03/09/19 01:34 AM (1 month, 16 days ago)

Does she have any reason to think weed will lead you to any other drugs or activities she doesn't approve of


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This was an experiment.


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Anonymous #1

Re: weed and relationships [Re: flugelizor] * 1
    #25862432 - 03/09/19 07:14 AM (1 month, 16 days ago)

well, if you're not abusing it and still are able to function properly in your everyday life then it isn't about the weed at all.
maybe you just need to clear some misconceptions she might have about it, maybe it's about control within the relationship :shrug2:


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Offlineflugelizor
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Re: weed and relationships [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #25862694 - 03/09/19 10:17 AM (1 month, 16 days ago)

Quote:

DoneKildatReason said:
Does she have any reason to think weed will lead you to any other drugs or activities she doesn't approve of



That's a very good question!
I've been through weed, and many more harder drugs in my younger days, and stopped all drug use years ago. She knows this.

In my opinion I would never do anything harder, but we never discussed it.
Next time the discussion comes up I will reassure her.
THANKS!


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Offlineflugelizor
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Re: weed and relationships [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #25862706 - 03/09/19 10:24 AM (1 month, 16 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
well, if you're not abusing it and still are able to function properly in your everyday life then it isn't about the weed at all.
maybe you just need to clear some misconceptions she might have about it, maybe it's about control within the relationship :shrug2:




No, maybe couple times a week, two hits. Any real stoner would laugh I'm sure. Maybe she's afraid her straight laced friends will disown her?
She says she is upset because it's not legal yet.
But in my opinion it's like driving 46mph in a 45mph speed zone.


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Invisibletrees
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Re: weed and relationships [Re: flugelizor] * 4
    #25865756 - 03/10/19 04:10 PM (1 month, 15 days ago)

How in tf did you marry someone like that you've been a shroomerite for over 10 years? If i was you I'd just use it as you please without worry. If she leaves you over it you can rest assured you dodged a bullet

Anyone who tries to stop a human from enjoying something that doesn't impose on anyone else but themselves is irrational and abusive


Edited by trees (03/10/19 04:14 PM)


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Offlineflugelizor
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Re: weed and relationships [Re: trees]
    #25866515 - 03/10/19 10:21 PM (1 month, 15 days ago)

Quote:

trees said:
How in tf did you marry someone like that you've been a shroomerite for over 10 years? If i was you I'd just use it as you please without worry. If she leaves you over it you can rest assured you dodged a bullet

Anyone who tries to stop a human from enjoying something that doesn't impose on anyone else but themselves is irrational and abusive




Well, I had a job requiring drug testing when we met :wink:
After a more heated discussion with her about it, I think anonymous #1 was right about control. And I told her as much.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: weed and relationships [Re: flugelizor]
    #25877778 - 03/16/19 01:37 PM (1 month, 9 days ago)

It might be about control within the relationship. Another thought I have is that when we are stoned we usually are not as engaged with our partners and other people. Getting high can be fun, but when someone who doesn't smoke tries to engage with someone who is high, it's like, well, trying to talk to a stoned person. We call it "stoned" for a reason :cool:


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Offlineflugelizor
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Re: weed and relationships [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #25878192 - 03/16/19 05:25 PM (1 month, 9 days ago)

Yes, I see what you mean.
I don't think that's true for us, because the only thing she has seen from me is micro-dose of sativa and micro-dose CBD. Both of which made me more social, I think?
Maybe...


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OnlineDoneKildatReason
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Re: weed and relationships [Re: flugelizor]
    #25879037 - 03/17/19 12:55 AM (1 month, 9 days ago)

Hmm.... Well anything other than your baseline may rub her wrong, even if it is on the more sociable end ....
Does she have or has she ever had any close friends, family, or past loved-ones who had any kind of addiction problems?  If so, perhaps she has had her view of all chems or substances tainted from bad past experience....
I'm just trying to understand what this aversion she has is rooted in, not trying to legitimize it.... But we may be wrong to trivialize it too.... Perhaps she has a good reason to be against it, though polarized views on either end usually aren't good.. On any subject.

So, if it is a control thing, then its just a control thing, in which case the solution would be approached one way... But if its not a control-thing, and instead is a real and fair fear of hers, for whatever reason, we need to figure that out so as to come up with a plan.

Some questions - does she trust your driving, and does she mind riding shot-gun? Does she gripe about your taste in music? Does she like when you pick what is for dinner? Not asking details and I mean no disrespect to ask -, is she comfortable being submissive in the bedroom?  Do you guys have any other trust-issues?  What are some ways you can get her to accept that if you choose to smoke marijuana occasionaly, she can trust you with it?  Is there a compromise available.... Such as you agree not to have a 5ft bong posted up in the corner....lol


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Offlineflugelizor
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Re: weed and relationships [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #25879485 - 03/17/19 08:46 AM (1 month, 8 days ago)

Some of this stuff is kind of personal.
I PM'd you full responses, here is a summary for the internet:

I already keep it 100% hidden.
This was very traumatic for her. She was angry for a couple days. wouldn't speak to me.
If it is that important to her, I think I should respect that, and back off.
We will discuss again when it is legal.
Also, I don't LOVE weed, I just think I should be free to choose.

Thanks for the help. But really, don't spend too much effort. It's not a show-stopper for us. We have been married a long time, we know how to compromise.


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Anonymous #2

Re: weed and relationships [Re: flugelizor]
    #25879640 - 03/17/19 11:23 AM (1 month, 8 days ago)

I just feel like it's so unfair and immoral that she's playing the victim in this situation. It's your own body, She doesn't own you.


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: weed and relationships [Re: flugelizor]
    #25883571 - 03/19/19 02:48 PM (1 month, 6 days ago)

Took me 50 years to find someone who does not care what I imbibe in even if I'm right there by him. My ex was the worst control freak ever. I can even take lsd or mdma and if he doesn't want to he says, have fun see you when you get to bed, and then he asks if I need anything and how i'm doing when I go to bed, this is the most loving and kind person to me ever. I hope it turns out that way for you. Sounds like a control issue and just plain shittyness to me.


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Anonymous #2

Re: weed and relationships [Re: tyrannicalrex] * 1
    #25885476 - 03/20/19 12:22 PM (1 month, 5 days ago)

Quote:

tyrannicalrex said:
Took me 50 years to find someone who does not care what I imbibe in even if I'm right there by him. My ex was the worst control freak ever. I can even take lsd or mdma and if he doesn't want to he says, have fun see you when you get to bed, and then he asks if I need anything and how i'm doing when I go to bed, this is the most loving and kind person to me ever. I hope it turns out that way for you. Sounds like a control issue and just plain shittyness to me.




Wow that's so awesome. That's unbelievable your partner is cool with you partying by yourself under the same roof when hes not in party mode himself. Sounds like he's a really (moraly) intelligent person overall. I usually assume people like that simply don't exist in real life.

Also, control "freaks" are generally fear based people, who are stuck in a state of fear. Im betting that control "freaks" are wired with fear. Such an unfortunate reality. They really just need help. They have a hard time understanding their own brains because they are constantly in their own blind spot.


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: weed and relationships [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #25885501 - 03/20/19 12:38 PM (1 month, 5 days ago)

I was a bit harsh and braggy. I just let myself be with someone controlling before this guy and it was for 15-20 years due to me being a self loathing low self esteemed person for many years. I finally got my head together and started making better decisions and BAM! I met this person. I never thought in a million years I would ever meet someone as kind, loving, and cool as this person (male or female). Not only cool about recreational drug use, but I could go out alone, or on a trip out of town/state alone and he would be cool about that! He's amazing and I feel very lucky.


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Edited by tyrannicalrex (03/20/19 12:40 PM)


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Offlineflugelizor
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Re: weed and relationships [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #25885878 - 03/20/19 04:07 PM (1 month, 5 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #2 said:

Also, control "freaks" are generally fear based people, who are stuck in a state of fear.





That's funny, I came to the same conclusion!

Years ago I told my mother -
My wife is afraid of everything, I am afraid of nothing.
Add us together and divide by two you get one reasonably sane person!


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