Home | Community | Message Board


MRCA Tyroler Gluckspilze
Please support our sponsors.

Community >> Sexuality and Relationships

Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder   Bridgetown Botanicals Bridgetown Botanicals   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom

Jump to first unread post. Pages: 1 | 2  [ show all ]
Anonymous #1

I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem
    #25844669 - 02/28/19 11:05 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

*Beware* whiny pathetic bitch post.


It seems like every time I let me guard down with someone romantically a switch is flipped and they end up rejecting me. Rarely do I go out of my way to make romantic connections. Sure I’m friendly and approachable in most social settings. But I’m by no means a flirt or on a “haunt”. Yet I’ve been pursed on more than one occasion. But I start to catch feelings and whenever I do I start seeing them pull away.  You go from talking to a person multiple times a day to barely having one phone call a week that isn’t some overly awkward conversation where you’re made to feel like you’re constantly interrupting them. I almost prefer an outright rejecting then this slow burn pull away.

I think this all is indicative of a larger issue I’ve never been in a relationship a serious long-term relationship. I’ve never experienced another person’s love other than family members. So many things that seem to come easy other people are in the realm of impossibility for me. It doesn’t matter who I date, pursue, or anything else I’m always getting rejected.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineAldous
enthusiast
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/20/99
Posts: 950
Loc: inside my skull
Last seen: 1 day, 11 hours
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25844964 - 03/01/19 03:41 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

And why do you think therapy couldn't help you?


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleJokeshopbeardM
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 19,589
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #25844982 - 03/01/19 04:27 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Therapy, providing the therapist is good, would help anyone. We think and learn about ourselves by talking you see. It's the nature of the human condition.

As would exercise, reading, and a good diet.

Also, not being clingy, which perhaps has been your mistake when it seems people show an interest in you.

Living by the mantra 'let go' has always worked well for me.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Inter-Stellar UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 41,853
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 29 minutes, 21 seconds
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845350 - 03/01/19 10:45 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Are you a female perhaps?

Theres a definite disparity it seems in the male and female community. It would seem that males on average are more into hooking up/causal relationahips while females on average are more into a long term relationships. Speaking in very general terms of course.

If its not that, perhaps you are showing a part of your personality that scares your love interest away. Any idea what that piece of your personality couls be, if it is that?


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlineyeah
Male User Gallery

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 2,425
Last seen: 19 hours, 39 minutes
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25845351 - 03/01/19 10:45 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Is being a 31 y/o dude who lives at home but has a job, does combat sports and is working towards a good field enough to get a gf or should I resign myself to my hand until I make around $60-$75/yr


--------------------
Not all those who wander are lost.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #25845417 - 03/01/19 11:16 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

The first time this happened it was with a guy that I spent a great deal of time with in college. We were in one of those clubs. We always flirted and my senior year I just threw caution to the wind and told him I had feelings for him. He shut me down. There wasn’t even a period of us really dating or seeing each other. But when I put myself out there he didn’t feel the same way.

The second time we were co-workers and had begun dating. We were spending almost everyday together.  But before we got together I had pre-booked a vacation with some friends. When I came back from my trip it was like dealing with a completely different person. I of the opinion that he bagan seeing someone else while I was away and that changed everything.

The third time it was weird the moment I knew I had feelings I started downplaying a lot of interactions and I became more guarded around him. He still talked easily when we were around each other. He told me he wanted collaborate on this project together and when things went bad with the project he basically put all the blame on me for it failing. Accused me of trying to throw him under the bus. Literally the next another neutral person involved in the project basically disapproved every accusation against me. After this point for awhile he was being shitty towards me. Then a week or so later calls me like nothing happened. But after this point our relationship changed drastically. I put further distance btw us. Until I went out of town for a few days and I started just texting him here and there nothing long drawn out.

Now he’s had some recent changes so we won’t be seeing each other at all and I don’t expect to hear from him anymore.


Through these experiences I’ve dated other people but I never click with anyone. I won’t waste people’s time so I’ll say upfront what I’m feeling if I don’t things will work. So this all results in me constantly being alone.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #25845419 - 03/01/19 11:18 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

I knew plenty of females that date guys not into anything except for fucking and that’s enough.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlineyeah
Male User Gallery

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 2,425
Last seen: 19 hours, 39 minutes
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845439 - 03/01/19 11:28 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

https://www.reddit.com/r/trufemcels

you can find support there but you might turn into a woman who says she wont have sex until 3 months into a relationship and will only marry a guy who can pay all her bills, which seems to be a common sentiment among them.


--------------------
Not all those who wander are lost.


Edited by yeah (03/01/19 11:29 AM)


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Inter-Stellar UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 41,853
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 29 minutes, 21 seconds
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845442 - 03/01/19 11:29 AM (1 month, 19 days ago)

I would say u are attracting asshole guys who are selfish and arent really looking for love. Thats my general understanding.

You did disclose your feelings maybe too early on the first guy example, but i dont think thats the main reason for your situation with guys.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #25845509 - 03/01/19 12:20 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

This first guy we knew each other over two years before I disclosed my feelings so I waited what I thought was awhile.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlineyeah
Male User Gallery

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 2,425
Last seen: 19 hours, 39 minutes
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845536 - 03/01/19 12:36 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

have you tried online dating? OKCupid has more people looking for relationships than Tinder. One of my gaming buddies married an Indian gal he met off Tinder.


--------------------
Not all those who wander are lost.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Inter-Stellar UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 41,853
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 29 minutes, 21 seconds
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845564 - 03/01/19 12:52 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Ok, so its definitely the guys themselves. Sounds like a commitment issue on their side, which is sort of typical for many modern guys.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Inter-Stellar UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 41,853
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 29 minutes, 21 seconds
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #25845575 - 03/01/19 12:55 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

I would theorize you are believing that men are falling in love with you when really they are not. An optical illusion of the Heart if you will.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #25845595 - 03/01/19 01:06 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

I wouldn’t say love which i consider a strong word and wouldn’t be something I would associate with someone I’m not in a relationship with. But I I thought I had established a connection so I think there is a a lot fault there


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Inter-Stellar UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 41,853
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 29 minutes, 21 seconds
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845607 - 03/01/19 01:19 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Its either your perception of the relationship is off or the guy is putting a false façade to make it look like they feel a certain way toward you.

Here's an extreme example of my misperception of the relationship:
I once knew a girl in college who seemed to have a sort of "love" feelings toward me only after a speech I did in a class. I quickly realised on our second meet that I failed to meet her expectations and she became "unhappy" with me, even thou we barely knew each other. We had only interacted a few times. It was really strange.

Not saying that is you, just saying maybe reflect on your past and see if that sort of behaviour reflects in any way your understanding of yourself.

But I still think overall, its not just you but both parties in the relationship.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #25845755 - 03/01/19 02:32 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

It’s defintely major mid-reading on my part. It’s that normally I have a difficult time opening myself up to people. I can look at someone and say oh wow he’s a really good looking guy. But would ever go out of my way to talk to him or get his attention no. In these cases I was the one approached and after some prodding and cajoling I finally gave me and allows myself to start thinking of them in a romantic way.

I think that’s why going on dating apps or websites doesn’t really appeal to me because I can’t imagine meeting a complete stranger and having chemistry off the bat.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleJokeshopbeardM
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 19,589
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #25845757 - 03/01/19 02:36 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I can’t imagine meeting a complete stranger and having chemistry off the bat.



It does happen. What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain?

It doesn't sound as though your current tactics are working well for you, perhaps it's time to change them up.

To learn and grow, if nothing else.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleAcuriousmycologist
"Asking for a friend"
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/07/18
Posts: 627
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #25845770 - 03/01/19 02:48 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Sounds like a mismatch between your hopes or expectations and those of the guys. And some potential arseholery.


--------------------
We're all mentally ill. We're all delusional. We're all junkies. It's just a matter of degree
(the Venerable Robina Curtin)

Anything I say here is a fiction, for role play or research only. Full of bollocks I am. I wouldn't believe me.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Inter-Stellar UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 41,853
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 29 minutes, 21 seconds
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845777 - 03/01/19 02:50 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Ita definitely an odd situation. Its like u attract guys, but they arent in love but then u fall in love so to speak and they get all freaked out.

Oh twisted fate, why thou so....


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Offlineyeah
Male User Gallery

Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 2,425
Last seen: 19 hours, 39 minutes
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25845972 - 03/01/19 04:16 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I can’t imagine meeting a complete stranger and having chemistry off the bat.



It does happen. What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain?

It doesn't sound as though your current tactics are working well for you, perhaps it's time to change them up.

To learn and grow, if nothing else.




Pretty much this.

As a woman on OLD you have a huge advantage. You will be getting tons of matches and messages every day.

Just be sure to weed out the guys who only want sum fuk and do some easy non committal date like coffee.

You can also exchange messages for a few days before you meet, but don't try and turn potential suitors into pen pals.


--------------------
Not all those who wander are lost.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #25846013 - 03/01/19 04:43 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

No my current tactics defintelh aren’t working for me. But right now I’m kinda of in this place where I’m licking my wounds sort of speak. Honestly my confidence is in a bad place because for some people it just seeems like relationships come easy without all this extra angst. They can go out meet someone starting dating and it either works out or it doesn’t. But I can’t seem to even get to that place let alone a long-term committed relationship.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
InvisibleJokeshopbeardM
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 19,589
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25846021 - 03/01/19 04:47 PM (1 month, 19 days ago)

Practice makes perfect m'lady!

I was useless at relationships as a youngster, but couldn't find them any easier now.

Of course, I've made an absolute fuckton of mistakes along the way, including a marriage that nearly ended me, but you get out there and learn now, ya hear!?

It'll do you good in the end.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Inter-Stellar UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 41,853
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 29 minutes, 21 seconds
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25846325 - 03/01/19 07:53 PM (1 month, 18 days ago)

Its not easy. Ive had lots of relationship failures growing up. As u get older, it gets easier I would argue. Just have to keep your heart semi open and be aware of guys who dont want any sort of romantic relationship.

Are you familiar with attachment styles? Knowin attachment styles is a great way to understand basic types of attachments people in relationships have. For me, understanding the different styles has brought much clarity to my social life.

More on attachment styles: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201307/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #25846393 - 03/01/19 08:38 PM (1 month, 18 days ago)

The first and last attachment disorder really hit home. I see myself a little bit in both forms of attachment. I swing between being attentive interested to coming off standoffish. I do take small things that the other person does and thinks, oh well he’s no longer interested in me. Taking apart certain interactions to look for a deeper meaning. It’s fucked up and leads me always pushing people away.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Inter-Stellar UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 41,853
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 29 minutes, 21 seconds
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25846534 - 03/01/19 10:13 PM (1 month, 18 days ago)

If u have a partial Fearful Avoidant Attachment style, that can definitely play a negative role in making a relationship work. Everyone wants to have a Secure Attachment but most of us deal with other attachment styles mixed in from our childhood. But that Fearful Avoidance could be fueled by standoffish guys as well, and creates a vicious cycle.

One thing therapy can do is look back into our childhood and identify where we developed our current attachment styles. Our upbringing has a huge impact on our adulthood relationships, but it doesnt define us but merely influences are adulthood relationships.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Inter-Stellar UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 41,853
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 29 minutes, 21 seconds
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25846550 - 03/01/19 10:21 PM (1 month, 18 days ago)



Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 2
    #25846620 - 03/01/19 11:16 PM (1 month, 18 days ago)

My parents didn’t have the best marriage and constantly fought. Receiving or giving affection was a rare thing in my household. Not to say I had a difficult or bad upbringing or anything it’s just how things were. I crave stability and the slightest alteration gives me a great deal of anxiety. It’s just so hard going through these things and still trying to remain positive about life, your future, etc. because this aloneness isn’t going away for me anytime soon.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Inter-Stellar UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 41,853
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 29 minutes, 21 seconds
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25846654 - 03/01/19 11:35 PM (1 month, 18 days ago)

Sorry to hear that. My parents divorced when I was around 8. Because of the inconsistency of love and affection, I adopted an anxious-ambivalent style. Its tough to escape that "need" for bonding. Our childhood can fuck us up for years.

I would say those experiences with your parents have definitely colored your perception of romantic relationships. And u seem to be attracting guys with similar avoidant tendencies. Not sure your age, but with age comes a detachment from those old attachment needs which helps overall with future relationships.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #25847196 - 03/02/19 09:24 AM (1 month, 18 days ago)

I would the harsh truth about my situation is this: not all these men are bad guys. I think with the right woman they would thrive and be in a committed relationship, eventually marry. With the exception of one whom I know had a chaotic/abusive upbringing I don’t think they lack the willingness to be in a relationship. I think a lot of comes down to me and my behavior repelling people. Ultimately you meet someone have that initial connection and after that as you get to know them you either want to grow closer or you want to distance yourself. I’m the person that you want to distance yourself from this is what it comes down to.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
Inter-Stellar UFOs
Male User Gallery


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/12/07
Posts: 41,853
Loc: The Inexpressible... Flag
Last seen: 29 minutes, 21 seconds
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25848144 - 03/02/19 06:30 PM (1 month, 18 days ago)

Alright. If you think its you that is causing it, then I would recommend getting into mediation. Mediation has a ton of benefits and can help you learn about yourself. It would be helpful to join a weekly group so you have a small community to grow with. But you can do it by yourself if you have the will to learn the technique.

Once you learn about yourself, you will better understand if its you pushing guys away or if its some other factor causing it.


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 3,089
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 6 hours, 36 minutes
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #25855282 - 03/06/19 12:44 AM (1 month, 14 days ago)

Please stop thinking of yourself as a "whiny pathetic bitch". You are human. Be OK with that. 

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:

It seems like every time I let me guard down with someone romantically a switch is flipped and they end up rejecting me.




Have you considered instead of placing focus on romance, putting your efforts into intimate non-sexual connections?


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 3,089
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 6 hours, 36 minutes
Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25855286 - 03/06/19 12:45 AM (1 month, 14 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:

My parents didn’t have the best marriage and constantly fought. Receiving or giving affection was a rare thing in my household. Not to say I had a difficult or bad upbringing or anything it’s just how things were. I crave stability and the slightest alteration gives me a great deal of anxiety. It’s just so hard going through these things and still trying to remain positive about life, your future, etc. because this aloneness isn’t going away for me anytime soon.





:heart: :heart: :heart:


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
Jump to top. Pages: 1 | 2  [ show all ]

Shop: PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder   Bridgetown Botanicals Bridgetown Botanicals   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom

Community >> Sexuality and Relationships

Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* Moms Morel Guy 378 17 03/16/19 01:28 PM
by RJ Tubs 202

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: Middleman, Shroomism, automan, yogabunny, Ballerium, koods, Jokeshopbeard, CookieCrumbs
365 topic views. 0 members, 2 guests and 1 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Print Topic ]
Search this thread:
Zamnesia.com
Please support our sponsors.

Copyright 1997-2019 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.06 seconds spending 0.007 seconds on 20 queries.