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Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #25846013 - 03/01/19 01:43 PM (3 months, 23 days ago)

No my current tactics defintelh aren’t working for me. But right now I’m kinda of in this place where I’m licking my wounds sort of speak. Honestly my confidence is in a bad place because for some people it just seeems like relationships come easy without all this extra angst. They can go out meet someone starting dating and it either works out or it doesn’t. But I can’t seem to even get to that place let alone a long-term committed relationship.


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25846021 - 03/01/19 01:47 PM (3 months, 23 days ago)

Practice makes perfect m'lady!

I was useless at relationships as a youngster, but couldn't find them any easier now.

Of course, I've made an absolute fuckton of mistakes along the way, including a marriage that nearly ended me, but you get out there and learn now, ya hear!?

It'll do you good in the end.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25846325 - 03/01/19 04:53 PM (3 months, 23 days ago)

Its not easy. Ive had lots of relationship failures growing up. As u get older, it gets easier I would argue. Just have to keep your heart semi open and be aware of guys who dont want any sort of romantic relationship.

Are you familiar with attachment styles? Knowin attachment styles is a great way to understand basic types of attachments people in relationships have. For me, understanding the different styles has brought much clarity to my social life.

More on attachment styles: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/compassion-matters/201307/how-your-attachment-style-impacts-your-relationship


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #25846393 - 03/01/19 05:38 PM (3 months, 22 days ago)

The first and last attachment disorder really hit home. I see myself a little bit in both forms of attachment. I swing between being attentive interested to coming off standoffish. I do take small things that the other person does and thinks, oh well he’s no longer interested in me. Taking apart certain interactions to look for a deeper meaning. It’s fucked up and leads me always pushing people away.


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25846534 - 03/01/19 07:13 PM (3 months, 22 days ago)

If u have a partial Fearful Avoidant Attachment style, that can definitely play a negative role in making a relationship work. Everyone wants to have a Secure Attachment but most of us deal with other attachment styles mixed in from our childhood. But that Fearful Avoidance could be fueled by standoffish guys as well, and creates a vicious cycle.

One thing therapy can do is look back into our childhood and identify where we developed our current attachment styles. Our upbringing has a huge impact on our adulthood relationships, but it doesnt define us but merely influences are adulthood relationships.


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25846550 - 03/01/19 07:21 PM (3 months, 22 days ago)



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Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 2
    #25846620 - 03/01/19 08:16 PM (3 months, 22 days ago)

My parents didn’t have the best marriage and constantly fought. Receiving or giving affection was a rare thing in my household. Not to say I had a difficult or bad upbringing or anything it’s just how things were. I crave stability and the slightest alteration gives me a great deal of anxiety. It’s just so hard going through these things and still trying to remain positive about life, your future, etc. because this aloneness isn’t going away for me anytime soon.


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25846654 - 03/01/19 08:35 PM (3 months, 22 days ago)

Sorry to hear that. My parents divorced when I was around 8. Because of the inconsistency of love and affection, I adopted an anxious-ambivalent style. Its tough to escape that "need" for bonding. Our childhood can fuck us up for years.

I would say those experiences with your parents have definitely colored your perception of romantic relationships. And u seem to be attracting guys with similar avoidant tendencies. Not sure your age, but with age comes a detachment from those old attachment needs which helps overall with future relationships.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #25847196 - 03/02/19 06:24 AM (3 months, 22 days ago)

I would the harsh truth about my situation is this: not all these men are bad guys. I think with the right woman they would thrive and be in a committed relationship, eventually marry. With the exception of one whom I know had a chaotic/abusive upbringing I don’t think they lack the willingness to be in a relationship. I think a lot of comes down to me and my behavior repelling people. Ultimately you meet someone have that initial connection and after that as you get to know them you either want to grow closer or you want to distance yourself. I’m the person that you want to distance yourself from this is what it comes down to.


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25848144 - 03/02/19 03:30 PM (3 months, 22 days ago)

Alright. If you think its you that is causing it, then I would recommend getting into mediation. Mediation has a ton of benefits and can help you learn about yourself. It would be helpful to join a weekly group so you have a small community to grow with. But you can do it by yourself if you have the will to learn the technique.

Once you learn about yourself, you will better understand if its you pushing guys away or if its some other factor causing it.


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #25855282 - 03/05/19 09:44 PM (3 months, 18 days ago)

Please stop thinking of yourself as a "whiny pathetic bitch". You are human. Be OK with that. 

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:

It seems like every time I let me guard down with someone romantically a switch is flipped and they end up rejecting me.




Have you considered instead of placing focus on romance, putting your efforts into intimate non-sexual connections?


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25855286 - 03/05/19 09:45 PM (3 months, 18 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:

My parents didn’t have the best marriage and constantly fought. Receiving or giving affection was a rare thing in my household. Not to say I had a difficult or bad upbringing or anything it’s just how things were. I crave stability and the slightest alteration gives me a great deal of anxiety. It’s just so hard going through these things and still trying to remain positive about life, your future, etc. because this aloneness isn’t going away for me anytime soon.





:heart: :heart: :heart:


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