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Anonymous #1

I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem
    #25844669 - 02/28/19 09:05 PM (3 months, 18 days ago)

*Beware* whiny pathetic bitch post.


It seems like every time I let me guard down with someone romantically a switch is flipped and they end up rejecting me. Rarely do I go out of my way to make romantic connections. Sure I’m friendly and approachable in most social settings. But I’m by no means a flirt or on a “haunt”. Yet I’ve been pursed on more than one occasion. But I start to catch feelings and whenever I do I start seeing them pull away.  You go from talking to a person multiple times a day to barely having one phone call a week that isn’t some overly awkward conversation where you’re made to feel like you’re constantly interrupting them. I almost prefer an outright rejecting then this slow burn pull away.

I think this all is indicative of a larger issue I’ve never been in a relationship a serious long-term relationship. I’ve never experienced another person’s love other than family members. So many things that seem to come easy other people are in the realm of impossibility for me. It doesn’t matter who I date, pursue, or anything else I’m always getting rejected.


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OfflineAldous
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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25844964 - 03/01/19 01:41 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

And why do you think therapy couldn't help you?


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InvisibleJokeshopbeardM
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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #25844982 - 03/01/19 02:27 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Therapy, providing the therapist is good, would help anyone. We think and learn about ourselves by talking you see. It's the nature of the human condition.

As would exercise, reading, and a good diet.

Also, not being clingy, which perhaps has been your mistake when it seems people show an interest in you.

Living by the mantra 'let go' has always worked well for me.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845350 - 03/01/19 08:45 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Are you a female perhaps?

Theres a definite disparity it seems in the male and female community. It would seem that males on average are more into hooking up/causal relationahips while females on average are more into a long term relationships. Speaking in very general terms of course.

If its not that, perhaps you are showing a part of your personality that scares your love interest away. Any idea what that piece of your personality couls be, if it is that?


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25845351 - 03/01/19 08:45 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Is being a 31 y/o dude who lives at home but has a job, does combat sports and is working towards a good field enough to get a gf or should I resign myself to my hand until I make around $60-$75/yr


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Not all those who wander are lost.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #25845417 - 03/01/19 09:16 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

The first time this happened it was with a guy that I spent a great deal of time with in college. We were in one of those clubs. We always flirted and my senior year I just threw caution to the wind and told him I had feelings for him. He shut me down. There wasn’t even a period of us really dating or seeing each other. But when I put myself out there he didn’t feel the same way.

The second time we were co-workers and had begun dating. We were spending almost everyday together.  But before we got together I had pre-booked a vacation with some friends. When I came back from my trip it was like dealing with a completely different person. I of the opinion that he bagan seeing someone else while I was away and that changed everything.

The third time it was weird the moment I knew I had feelings I started downplaying a lot of interactions and I became more guarded around him. He still talked easily when we were around each other. He told me he wanted collaborate on this project together and when things went bad with the project he basically put all the blame on me for it failing. Accused me of trying to throw him under the bus. Literally the next another neutral person involved in the project basically disapproved every accusation against me. After this point for awhile he was being shitty towards me. Then a week or so later calls me like nothing happened. But after this point our relationship changed drastically. I put further distance btw us. Until I went out of town for a few days and I started just texting him here and there nothing long drawn out.

Now he’s had some recent changes so we won’t be seeing each other at all and I don’t expect to hear from him anymore.


Through these experiences I’ve dated other people but I never click with anyone. I won’t waste people’s time so I’ll say upfront what I’m feeling if I don’t things will work. So this all results in me constantly being alone.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #25845419 - 03/01/19 09:18 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

I knew plenty of females that date guys not into anything except for fucking and that’s enough.


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845439 - 03/01/19 09:28 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

https://www.reddit.com/r/trufemcels

you can find support there but you might turn into a woman who says she wont have sex until 3 months into a relationship and will only marry a guy who can pay all her bills, which seems to be a common sentiment among them.


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Not all those who wander are lost.


Edited by yeah (03/01/19 09:29 AM)


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OfflineLogicaL ChaosM
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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845442 - 03/01/19 09:29 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

I would say u are attracting asshole guys who are selfish and arent really looking for love. Thats my general understanding.

You did disclose your feelings maybe too early on the first guy example, but i dont think thats the main reason for your situation with guys.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #25845509 - 03/01/19 10:20 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

This first guy we knew each other over two years before I disclosed my feelings so I waited what I thought was awhile.


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845536 - 03/01/19 10:36 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

have you tried online dating? OKCupid has more people looking for relationships than Tinder. One of my gaming buddies married an Indian gal he met off Tinder.


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845564 - 03/01/19 10:52 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Ok, so its definitely the guys themselves. Sounds like a commitment issue on their side, which is sort of typical for many modern guys.


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #25845575 - 03/01/19 10:55 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

I would theorize you are believing that men are falling in love with you when really they are not. An optical illusion of the Heart if you will.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos]
    #25845595 - 03/01/19 11:06 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

I wouldn’t say love which i consider a strong word and wouldn’t be something I would associate with someone I’m not in a relationship with. But I I thought I had established a connection so I think there is a a lot fault there


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845607 - 03/01/19 11:19 AM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Its either your perception of the relationship is off or the guy is putting a false façade to make it look like they feel a certain way toward you.

Here's an extreme example of my misperception of the relationship:
I once knew a girl in college who seemed to have a sort of "love" feelings toward me only after a speech I did in a class. I quickly realised on our second meet that I failed to meet her expectations and she became "unhappy" with me, even thou we barely knew each other. We had only interacted a few times. It was really strange.

Not saying that is you, just saying maybe reflect on your past and see if that sort of behaviour reflects in any way your understanding of yourself.

But I still think overall, its not just you but both parties in the relationship.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: LogicaL Chaos] * 1
    #25845755 - 03/01/19 12:32 PM (3 months, 17 days ago)

It’s defintely major mid-reading on my part. It’s that normally I have a difficult time opening myself up to people. I can look at someone and say oh wow he’s a really good looking guy. But would ever go out of my way to talk to him or get his attention no. In these cases I was the one approached and after some prodding and cajoling I finally gave me and allows myself to start thinking of them in a romantic way.

I think that’s why going on dating apps or websites doesn’t really appeal to me because I can’t imagine meeting a complete stranger and having chemistry off the bat.


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #25845757 - 03/01/19 12:36 PM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I can’t imagine meeting a complete stranger and having chemistry off the bat.



It does happen. What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain?

It doesn't sound as though your current tactics are working well for you, perhaps it's time to change them up.

To learn and grow, if nothing else.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleAcuriousmycologist
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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #25845770 - 03/01/19 12:48 PM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Sounds like a mismatch between your hopes or expectations and those of the guys. And some potential arseholery.


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Anything I say here is a fiction, for role play or research only. Full of bollocks I am. I wouldn't believe me.


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25845777 - 03/01/19 12:50 PM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Ita definitely an odd situation. Its like u attract guys, but they arent in love but then u fall in love so to speak and they get all freaked out.

Oh twisted fate, why thou so....


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Re: I don’t know if therapy can help with this problem [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25845972 - 03/01/19 02:16 PM (3 months, 17 days ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I can’t imagine meeting a complete stranger and having chemistry off the bat.



It does happen. What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain?

It doesn't sound as though your current tactics are working well for you, perhaps it's time to change them up.

To learn and grow, if nothing else.




Pretty much this.

As a woman on OLD you have a huge advantage. You will be getting tons of matches and messages every day.

Just be sure to weed out the guys who only want sum fuk and do some easy non committal date like coffee.

You can also exchange messages for a few days before you meet, but don't try and turn potential suitors into pen pals.


--------------------
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