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OfflinecharlieXxXxX
Stranger

Registered: 03/29/04
Posts: 80
Loc: Earth, USA, WI, Madison
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
CHARLIE CHOPPER TEK
    #2581851 - 04/20/04 11:14 AM (13 years, 7 months ago)

After reading a recent thread discussing methods to chop straw, I felt another method needed to be found to speed up the process. (Seriously, how many bales of straw do you want to cut up with a bread knife?!)

As usual, I was willing to spend way more time pondering how to avoid work than I would have spent if I'd actually done the work itself. But I digress.

Great minds have come up with many wondrous benefits to man during periods of contemplation. Witness the great pyramids, the theory of relativity, fusion, and rocket science.

And now, perhaps eclipsing all the others, is the CHARLIE CHOPPER and the CHARLIE CHOPPER TEK!!!

Do away with the endless hours of drudgery chopping straw to produce your favorite fungi! Follow the CHARLIE CHOPPER TEK!






1. The simple four step process begins by you selecting a nicely formed bale of straw. Spend time carefully choosing a specimen that you can be proud of. After all, your chopped straw can only be as good as your original bale.





2. Cut your bale of straw open and carefully spread an even layer of straw on the ground. You don't want any big clumps. Some people enjoy alternating the direction of the straw. Some may make elaborate patterns with the straw but I think they are generally under the influence of one or more illegal substances. Aim for a layer 2 to 3 inches thick.






3. Carefully chop this 2 to 3 inch layer with the CHARLIE CHOPPER (PATENT PENDING). The CHARLIE CHOPPER is the key to your success with the CHARLIE CHOPPER TEK. As a special offer for Shroomery members for this month only we will include free shipping with your USD $399 CHARLIE CHOPPER! As you might expect with such an incredible offer, we must limit each address to 50 CHARLIE CHOPPERS. We are sorry but we can only give away so much of our meager markup. Orders over 50 CHARLIE CHOPPERS will receive the standard USD $99.95 shipping charge per CHARLIE CHOPPER ordered.





4. Rake up your shredded straw. It is ready to use in your favorite substrate. Now you see how truly easy it is to chop straw with the CHARLIE CHOPPER and the CHARLIE CHOPPER TEK!!


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OfflineThatDaltonGuy
PermanentlyFried
Registered: 04/07/04
Posts: 213
Loc: USA
Last seen: 13 years, 6 months
Re: CHARLIE CHOPPER TEK [Re: charlieXxXxX]
    #2582004 - 04/20/04 12:07 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

lol your cracking me up... good idea using the lawn mower though...


--------------------
Let me remind you that the above text is completely false and has been typed to you by an escaped mental patient and shouldn't be taken seriously unless you yourself also have a mental condition. These kind of things need to be taken into consideration by those viewing these threads.


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InvisibleMykey
spectraltraveler

Registered: 04/07/04
Posts: 542
Re: CHARLIE CHOPPER TEK [Re: charlieXxXxX]
    #2583028 - 04/20/04 03:25 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

That is some funny shit!
One question though. Does the Charlie Chopper come with a handy dandy detachable filter patch collection bag?

Good idea!


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InvisibleSpeeker

Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 664
Re: CHARLIE CHOPPER TEK [Re: charlieXxXxX]
    #2583096 - 04/20/04 03:38 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

Do you include free shipping for over seas orders also?  :wink:


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Offlinedebianlinux
Myconerd - DBK
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 12/09/02
Posts: 8,272
Loc: Over There
Last seen: 7 months, 29 days
Re: CHARLIE CHOPPER TEK [Re: charlieXxXxX]
    #2583444 - 04/20/04 04:46 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

nice sense of humor but...

A) using a lawn mower is old news

B) mowers and weed whackers can actually obliterate straw to an unusable point. if it is chopped too fine it will fuck up, it needs to maintain it's "strawness" (as in a tube).

C) advanced?


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OfflinecharlieXxXxX
Stranger

Registered: 03/29/04
Posts: 80
Loc: Earth, USA, WI, Madison
Last seen: 12 years, 9 months
Re: CHARLIE CHOPPER TEK [Re: charlieXxXxX]
    #2584030 - 04/20/04 07:58 PM (13 years, 7 months ago)

lol

We'll have to work on that Mykey.

Given the profit margin, I think we can handle the shipping speeker!

try to smile every day


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