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Anonymous #1
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 Destructive Sexual Tendencies 
#25766229 - 01/24/19 08:23 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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I really really want to stop watching pornography and masturbating. I know it is one of the main reasons my mental health is complete shit. The longest I have gone with no-fap in the past year is like a week.
What do you guys do to remove destructive sexuality from your lives? I have been able to remove all sexual contact with women from my life which has helped tremendously in and of itself but now I need to go the extra mile and commit to no-fap. What tricks if any do you guys use for such endeavors?
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 LeningradCowboy
Yes, my name is you?
 
Registered: 08/01/15
Posts: 1,962
Loc: Siperia underground
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25766232 - 01/24/19 08:24 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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Why don't you drop porn instead of women?
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From tundra with love!
FREE HAMHEAD 2020!
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Thesunbeam
Stranger
Registered: 07/08/18
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Why no sex? Sex is good
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Thesunbeam]
#25766251 - 01/24/19 08:33 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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I havent had sex in years at this point and im OK with that. Havent had any sexual/romantic contact outside of vaginal sex in even longer than that. I just want to know what people recommend for committing to no-fap. I recognize my sexuality is destructive to me and I want to make an effort to change.
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
LeningradCowboy said:
Why don't you drop porn instead of women?
Im too afraid and untrusting these days. I dont want to change this either, I am ok this way.
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 Supernova
Stranger
Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 3,151
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25766296 - 01/24/19 08:52 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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Maybe a 12 step group? It sounds like it's interfering with life, so that's not good. Of course, if it's just once a week, maybe you just need some counseling to get over being so hard on yourself. I mean, depends really. But it sounds like it's a problem for you, so I suggest getting some help, which I know is what you're doing by asking the question, but I've had 10 years of therapy myself (no longer in it) and I found it to be very helpful with my own sexual issues, which didn't involve porn but relationships. I couldn't stop getting into troubling relationships.
I'm told that working with others - doing volunteer work and getting your mind off of self-centered behavior really helps. Call up a local shelter and go feed the homeless. That puts life in perspective, gets you out of your own head, and takes your mind off yourself indulgences. Good luck.
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Icon
Bloomer
Registered: 05/15/14
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25766298 - 01/24/19 08:54 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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A life without orgasm sounds awful. Get a girlfriend, for real. Not only does regular sex make masturbation less desirable to the point that you can give up porn without even noticing, but relationships are good for humans. Your mental health would benefit more from just being with someone than no-fapping. Maybe your partner can give you the encouragement and support you need.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Icon]
#25766311 - 01/24/19 09:01 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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There is zero chance im entering a relationship or having sex anytime soon. Not even considering it. I see how that could easily solve the issue for some people but im looking to remove orgasm and sexuality from my life entirely if possible but its hard to find people who can find this desire relatable and even harder to find people who have achieved it and can explain how they went about it.
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Supernova
Stranger
Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 3,151
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25766321 - 01/24/19 09:06 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm interested. What's your goal for removing orgasm/sexuality? Personally, I think it's anti-human, and possibly not realistic, to believe you can remove a basic human characteristic - sexuality - from your life. Perhaps orgasm, or at least waking orgasm, but not sexuality. It's innate.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Supernova]
#25766327 - 01/24/19 09:10 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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I no longer get anything good from it personally. All I get when I jack off is regret and pornography has rotten my mind after all the years. I would love to be in a fulfilling sexual relationship but im not competent to be at this point in time and am unsure if I will be in the future.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25766342 - 01/24/19 09:15 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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I just wish I had a greater sense of control over myself and my health. I know what I want out of life but from years and years of horrible habits and ingraining toxic reward pathways in my brain its difficult to rewire myself. At least I have identified what I know the problems are though. Its no good being the degenerate piece of shit I am and have been. Its not a satisfying life.
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SporeJunkie
Pöåšt Šhïttēr
Registered: 11/30/18
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25766376 - 01/24/19 09:33 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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Dude dont mean to be so blunt but sounds like youre just too scared or worried to get a piece of ass. Stop beating your dick, get out and get some pussy. Even if you dont want a relationship youll get way more out of it that jacking off. Sounds like youre just settling with your own hand than having to work a minute to get a piece. It just cant be healthy.
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Royale with cheese
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25766382 - 01/24/19 09:35 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
SporeJunkie said:
Dude dont mean to be so blunt but sounds like youre just too scared or worried to get a piece of ass. Stop beating your dick, get out and get some pussy. Even if you dont want a relationship youll get way more out of it that jacking off. Sounds like youre just settling with your own hand than having to work a minute to get a piece. It just cant be healthy.
Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:
Quote:
LeningradCowboy said:
Why don't you drop porn instead of women?
Im too afraid and untrusting these days. I dont want to change this either, I am ok this way.
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SporeJunkie
Pöåšt Šhïttēr
Registered: 11/30/18
Posts: 2,123
Loc: TheOnlyTenISee
Last seen: 4 days, 48 minutes
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25766397 - 01/24/19 09:40 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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I understand that youre “ok this way” but maybe you should give it an actual shot. It may turn out better for you than you know. Especially if you dont give up too soon on a girl thats worth it.
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Royale with cheese
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: SporeJunkie]
#25766400 - 01/24/19 09:43 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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I am legitimately incompetent to do so at this time and may continue to be so for some time to come if not permanently. I am not a virgin and have had sex plenty of times before but I cant even stomach the idea of getting laid at this point in my life. Its become something that I reject entirely.
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SporeJunkie
Pöåšt Šhïttēr
Registered: 11/30/18
Posts: 2,123
Loc: TheOnlyTenISee
Last seen: 4 days, 48 minutes
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25766409 - 01/24/19 09:47 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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Wellman maybe its just your attitude on the situation. Get rid of those negative thoughts and push through that shit. If you dont nothing will ever change. Ipromise you that.
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Royale with cheese
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: SporeJunkie]
#25766411 - 01/24/19 09:48 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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Your implying that I want to get laid and your wrong.
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SporeJunkie
Pöåšt Šhïttēr
Registered: 11/30/18
Posts: 2,123
Loc: TheOnlyTenISee
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25766417 - 01/24/19 09:51 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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Not im implying that you need a companion. Someone that can help you cope with the shit that youre dealing with. If you cant see that then im sorry but youll need professional help.
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Royale with cheese
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: SporeJunkie]
#25766426 - 01/24/19 09:53 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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Ok thats completely fair and true. I wish that option was available to me honestly. My previous companions whom I cherished deeply have abandoned me and the remainder which did not do so I have chosen to let go of because I recognized the toxicity of our interactions. My track record for positive relationships with men and women is dog shit. I need healthy people in my life.
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SporeJunkie
Pöåšt Šhïttēr
Registered: 11/30/18
Posts: 2,123
Loc: TheOnlyTenISee
Last seen: 4 days, 48 minutes
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25766434 - 01/24/19 09:56 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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Well dude idk if youre the same person ive been commenting on the last 20 min but you guys seem totally the same. I know i may not be there in personbut if you ever need someone to talk to im here. Ive been and in a sense am still in the same position you are and know it sucks.
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Royale with cheese
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: SporeJunkie]
#25766438 - 01/24/19 09:59 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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You sly fox. Yea you caught me. 
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MadValley
Stranger than Most
Registered: 10/29/18
Posts: 573
Loc: An island in the PNW 
Last seen: 11 months, 21 days
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25767893 - 01/25/19 02:20 PM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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There are many celibacy-centered paths available from the priesthood to following some Buddhist teachings. I'm not sure where you're located but people who follow a voluntary sex-free lifestyle should be found everywhere. If that's the direction you want to go in find a group whose philosophies are in line with yours and then visit the group and see if it would work for you.
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How can you be in two places at once, when you're not anywhere at all?
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student
Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system 
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: MadValley]
#25769276 - 01/26/19 02:47 AM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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You sound young OP. I say that because we tend to be far more 'black and white' in our thinking when we are. I get it. Been there.
I also agree that porn is (generally) no good. Many of my friends can bring themselves to orgasm from memories of previous sexual encounters alone. Unfortunately I am very visual and, try as I might, I cannot reach orgasm without a visual catalyst. Porn aint the devil though. Like so many temptations in this life, there's not a lot wrong with moderate, disciplined usage.
Perhaps though, you can cum without needing a visual catalyst? Have you tried? Have you tried many times?
That would certainly solve your porn problem. Discipline is your next port of call if not.
As for the problem with sexuality and relationships; it's a problem for all of us, so don't feel alone. It's probably the biggest problem each of us faces in our existence here (but it's generally very taboo to say so), so don't be hard on yourself about it.
I've always been extremely sexually active but have chosen a path of celibacy at this point in my life. I've chased women all through my youth, got married, lost my wife, gone wild in polyamorous relationships/stints after, committed to celibacy for twelve (it became eighteen, because it was working for me) months, gone even wilder than ever with women after that time, and now, I'm celibate for - if necessary - the rest of my life, and very much at peace with it. I won't ignore life if it chooses to place someone in my path and gives me the signs (as it does) that I should pursue something deeply/intimately with that person, but I am done with looking for, or chasing, women/relationships.
I still jack off though. It's good for you, it's healthy, and there's nothing really wrong with a little porn from time to time.
I think you want a quick fix answer to your problems but fact is there just isn't one. You're a unique individual and your sexuality is one of the uniquest and hardest to figure aspects of yourself. You need time, experimentation, and experience on your side to figure it out and find comfort in it. If you don't put in the work, it'll forever give you the run around, just like it is now.
It's deep and innate to you (and the rest of us) in its own way, and language is not a perfect tool, and so we cannot provide you the answers you seek.
You can though. What you know to be right is already in you. You just need to put in the work and time to figure out what that is.
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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,703
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Anonymous #1]
#25769341 - 01/26/19 04:13 AM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #1 said:
I recognize my sexuality is destructive to me and I want to make an effort to change.
Can you explain how your sexuality is destructive to you?
Quite frankly, it sounds a bit far-fetched to me. I would almost think that you have become jaded due to some kind of disappointment(s) in terms of romance and have now decided to just forget about it altogether. If this is the case - don't fool yourself. Banning sexuality from your life is not going to improve your mental health. Quite the opposite.
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Khanshur
Subversive Sage
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: koraks] 1
#25769486 - 01/26/19 06:53 AM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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I've had similar issues.
For a long time there's been a sense of conflict between my sexuality and the generally conservative background I came from, and I'd always find myself wanting to be in a relationship, and whenever I had the chance for any real intimacy with anyone, something would end up sabotaging it, and eventually as a teenager I got so fed up with all these restrained approaches to sex and relationships, I was shocked to find out about how people could treat you just for not being straight (found that I was bisexual), and I didn't have anyone I could trust to be open about myself with on this, so I had come to think that if I just got to have sex then I could be validated and start feeling like an actual person, though until I was about 17 the closest I could ever get to it was sexting, and I would find myself envious of people who could actually have a sex life, which ended up giving me some really challenged relationships with others, and made me feel like quite a douche. By the time I got to actually do it with someone, I could barely reach my climax, it just felt... empty. I suppose it's worth noting that I hadn't actually known them very well before doing it with them.
Since then I've started to understand how I need to give my appetites less power over my choices, and while I definitely can't see myself abstaining from orgasm completely, I've decided I'll cut out porn, and make an effort to avoid fapping if I can help it, maybe just doing it to treat myself every couple of days.
I've also been meaning to find an authentic relationship for myself again, I'm willing to give however much time with someone it'll take for that even if I can't be sure that's what I'll get, although with that being said I want to avoid finding myself in the mentality of being dependent on having that happen, since that's already where things start to go wrong, and my chances of making it happen any time soon are quite small, as there's virtually no one in my area who's single and fits my preference that I have an opportunity to get close with, and for anyone further away I'll have to make sure I can actually meet them in person eventually.
Edited by Khanshur (01/26/19 07:08 AM)
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triphead9428
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Re: Destructive Sexual Tendencies [Re: Khanshur]
#25775871 - 01/29/19 01:38 AM (5 years, 2 months ago) |
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OP you can't stop jacking off. Its physically impossible. If you don't jack off while you're conscious then your body will jack you off for you while you're sleeping.
For the record, going a week without jerking off would be impossible for me. However much you think is "too much jacking off" is probably actually pretty damn normal. To feel guilty about masturbating is as silly as feeling guilty for taking a piss.
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