I think what Burke is warning against (at least that would be my interpretation) is the line between being disappointed in OLD and actually holding women accountable for a guy's lack of success - and then forming a worldview based on that notion and even acting upon that worldview.
When you look at the numbers, particularly online dating is definitely a numbers game in which the male/female ratio is very heavily biased towards men on just about any platform. That makes it obviously difficult for any guy to land a nice date through an online channel without the necessary (substantial) portion of luck and a solidly good presentation. In other words, as a guy, you have to work quite hard and be lucky to some extent in order to succeed. It's not a particularly attractive aspect of the whole OLD game.
However, the grass is hardly much greener on the other side of the fence. For women, OLD isn't necessarily much fun either. Have you ever wondered why women who have been on an OLD platform for a while sometimes tend to come across as uninterested, arrogant or downright rude? They face a relentless stream of messages from men, and these messages are often lacking in any serious substance, are overly oriented on just sex or they are otherwise unsettling or not inviting to respond to. It gets quite hard after a while to respond to such messages with politeness or in a constructive way. That, of course, is for the attractive women; those who are less imbued with good looks are often in the same boat as men: they have to approach dozens of men to get a useful response and if they just sit and wait, they are only approached by the most hopeless, blunt or disinterested of men.
The OLD dynamic can therefore be a toxic one. Men face fierce competition and swamp the handful of women on these platforms with loads of copy-pasted messages that lack substance. Women face this endless torrent of annoying messages that reduces their confidence in finding someone genuinely interested. Both parties get calloused and irritated and it shows in how they approach each other. By the time someone actually thoughtful and interesting comes by, neither party is often able anymore to show their best side and things turn sour from the get go. Both sides suffer from the constant stream of rejections that they face, hand out or both.
OLD, and to some extent regular dating as well, is 95% frustration for all involved. It's quite hard to hold on to a little hope for true romance under these conditions, and that goes for both ends of the deal. From a man's perspective, it may seem that for any moderately attractive woman it's just a matter of picking a nice guy and then it's all good. But for many women, the trouble only starts when they've initiated contact with a man, as that's the start of the courtship process and so much can go wrong at all stages. There are men who suggest they're seriously interested, but turn out to only interested in a booty call. There are men who look nice at first sight, but when actual talk/conversation needs to happen, they turn out to be empty vessels or too self-absorbed to make sure if they're actually interested in the person at the other side of the table. Some men seem to be genuinely nice, but after a while it turns out that several other women thought the same thing and their nice guy turns out to play several games of romantic chess at once, sometimes with a long-term partner waiting for him at home. And more often than not, the guy is nice and kind and there are good intentions on both sides, but things just don't click. The odds of meeting the right person at the right time and the right kind of dynamic evolving just aren't all that high to begin with.
Under these conditions, it's kind of hard for either party to not turn sour inside. Some fly into an incel-mode (mostly men, but in fact some women have the same response) and decide that because they haven't had much luck so far, the whole endeavor is hopeless and that society has somehow decided that they don't deserve to meet a nice person. Some (provided they are at least somewhat attractive) give up hopes for anything serious and just go on a try-as-many-beds-as-possible spree, while at the same time remaining emotionally dissatisfied and unhappy. And some just give up after a while and carry on with their lives, figuring that they may try again later and perhaps be more lucky that round. The latter is something I have seen happening many times with women; women tend to try the online game for a while, get sick and tired of the toxic dynamic of the game, and then withdraw after a few weeks of failed attempts and general annoyance only to come back to it after a few months.
Particularly in the online arena, I have found that there are a few things that contribute to success, at least from a man's perspective (looking for a woman):
* It helps if the woman has only started the online game recently. As soon as they've been active for a week or two, odds are they have become calloused and even if you're Mr. Perfect for this particular lady, there's just no way of getting through her emotional harness anymore.
* Try to come across as interested and positive-minded as possible. So no talk about entitlement, lack of success, how other women have been disappointing etc. Present yourself as someone who is genuinely interested in the other person because of who she is, what she does/thinks and what her interests are. Don't jump to the topic of sex too soon. If you're not genuinely interested in the other person, step away from the dating game for a while. It's not going to work if you're just trying to get into a pair of panties.
* Give the other person some time to respond. Many men jump the gun and keep messaging women if they don't respond within a day or so. We all have lives that get in the way, and especially women I find need some 'time off' every now and then. Allow a dialogue to develop over a period of days, weeks or even months. There's no hurry. Nothing is so off-putting if someone is trying to rush you.
* Don't take rejection personally. After all, the person rejecting you doesn't really know you, so you can't really see the rejection as a serious qualification of who you are as a person. It's either a signal of incompatibility (they recognized there is no match, which you overlooked - no problem!) or it is a case of bad judgement. In case of the latter, too bad, but you don't have the time and patience to deal with someone who evidently also isn't patient enough to get to know you at least a little bit, right?
Quote:
I do feel like I'm worth a woman who has a healthy bmi and can wash her vagina, unlike the only women on OLD who ever showed interest in me. Does having self esteem make me a bad person?
No, self esteem is a good thing. Hold on to it. It tends to erode only too quickly in this whole dating game. But the phrasing you used here about the bmi and the clean vagina does show that you've become annoyed, disgruntled or cynical and that is a good signal to step away from the dating thing for a while so that you can use your self esteem to contribute to the necessary portion of optimism. Without optimism, it's not going to work. So work on that first, and most likely, that means quitting the dating process for a while and find some satisfaction in other areas of life.
Oh, and BTW, as I outlined above, it's a numbers game and that has serious negative consequences, but there's also hope to be found in numbers: of the 7B world population, roughly half are women, and even if you disregard the ones who are not on the same continent as you, not in an appropriate age range, do not have the bmi or personal hygiene that you require, this still leaves hordes of young women who are looking for exactly the same thing as you: a nice, genuinely interested and loving partner. She's out there for you too, and it's a matter of time before you find each other.
|
Threaded
Previous
Index
Next
Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order 
Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds, Bulk Cannabis Seeds
Nimph 
yeah 
[Re: 
Edit 
Reply 
1 2 all )
Anonymous
Crystal G