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agent_smith
newb
Registered: 10/06/18
Posts: 97
Last seen: 5 years, 10 days
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: koods]
#25666922 - 12/08/18 11:27 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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I can't believe anyone is defending that douche. I've been in that situation and you know what I did? That's right, I said, "It's cool baby we can just cuddle." Like every other normal, non rapy guy on the planet does.
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bodhisatta
Smurf real estate agent
Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 61,891
Loc: Milky way
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: agent_smith]
#25667395 - 12/09/18 08:58 AM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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I don't think anyone is really defending him. He's obviously POS. But its like going to a rock concert and not wanting tp be exposed to loud music. If you go on tinder, go to someone's house on the first date, and that person is also a cop. What the fuck do you realistically expect. Obvious hookup is obvious hookup.
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chibiabos
Cosmic Pond Scum
Registered: 03/16/17
Posts: 4,180
Last seen: 1 year, 15 days
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: bodhisatta]
#25667788 - 12/09/18 11:59 AM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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Seems like she was expecting him to not be a pushy, rapey douchebag.
Quote:
bodhisatta said: I don't think anyone is really defending him. He's obviously POS.
You kind of just did. Throwing in a qualifier about him being an asshole doesn't somehow cancel out the apologism. High risk behavior (if you really want to count hooking up with strangers as high risk behavior, which honestly seems like a stretch) is an entire discussion unto itself, but meeting up with somebody through a dating service doesn't mean that you're committing some social faux pas by deciding that you don't actually want to screw them after all. I'll also make the bold statement that the gaggle of older men chiming in here doesn't, as a result of our collective wisdom, really have any salient advice on how to navigate society as a woman (nevermind as a nineteen year old girl).
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bodhisatta
Smurf real estate agent
Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 61,891
Loc: Milky way
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: chibiabos]
#25667795 - 12/09/18 12:01 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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so if I go to victors my neiborhood cougar bar (I'm 30) and find some 62 year old cougar and she invites me over. It's probably to play monopoly right? I pretty much expect she's going to shove her hand down my pants and grab my dick as soon as we get past the foyer. Your chance to say no was before going into someones private residence with the leading on of a hookup. if you don't want someone to try to have sex with you then you have to avoid getting into a situation built for two adults to have sex. Otherwise men and women alike wouldn't ever be able to try to initiate sexual contact because it's never an appropriate time.
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chibiabos
Cosmic Pond Scum
Registered: 03/16/17
Posts: 4,180
Last seen: 1 year, 15 days
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: bodhisatta] 1
#25667807 - 12/09/18 12:07 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
bodhisatta said: so if I go to victors my neiborhood cougar bar (I'm 30) and find some 62 year old cougar and she invites me over. It's probably to play monopoly right? I pretty much expect she's going to shove her hand down my pants and grab my dick as soon as we get past the foyer. Your chance to say no was before going into someones private residence with the leading on of a hookup.
Do you really not see the difference between a date and a hormonally charged meat market?
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sprinkles
otd president
Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: bodhisatta]
#25667809 - 12/09/18 12:09 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
bodhisatta said:
Ever meet or hear about a non abusive cop? Never have I ever...
you are an idiot. cops don't sign up to abuse people. they choose that career because they want to help others. they believe they can make a positive difference in peoples lives. what they end up doing is dealing with stupid people all day and stupid people problems they bring on themselves and others. they risk their lives every day in a thankless fucking job. I was with one for years. He is a high quality man and so were his men. I wish there was more like him.
I'm sorry you break the law and have bad experiences with police. stop breaking the law asshole.
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chibiabos
Cosmic Pond Scum
Registered: 03/16/17
Posts: 4,180
Last seen: 1 year, 15 days
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: sprinkles] 1
#25667820 - 12/09/18 12:17 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
bodhisatta said: if you don't want someone to try to have sex with you then you have to avoid getting into a situation built for two adults to have sex. Otherwise men and women alike wouldn't ever be able to try to initiate sexual contact because it's never an appropriate time.
Huh? Hanging out at somebody's place (Tindr or no) is not "a situation built for two adults to have sex." That's some high school level bullshit, right there. Deciding that you want to try going on a date with somebody doesn't mean that you enter into a contract to fuck. If you want that sort of dynamic with another human being then you can go pay for a hooker.
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bodhisatta
Smurf real estate agent
Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 61,891
Loc: Milky way
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: chibiabos]
#25667853 - 12/09/18 12:35 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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Then go on a date to a bar or restaurant. Not to someone's house off tinder an app made for fucking. Going to someone's house meeting off tinder isn't a date. Its a hookup
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chibiabos
Cosmic Pond Scum
Registered: 03/16/17
Posts: 4,180
Last seen: 1 year, 15 days
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: bodhisatta]
#25667866 - 12/09/18 12:50 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
bodhisatta said: Then go on a date to a bar or restaurant. Not to someone's house off tinder an app made for fucking. Going to someone's house meeting off tinder isn't a date. Its a hookup
It's a date with somebody who you met through a dating service that's designed to make you less anxious about approaching prospective partners. Sex sells, but that doesn't mean that Tinder is "an app made for fucking" (as if what a bunch of coders had in mind really means fuck-all here).
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bodhisatta
Smurf real estate agent
Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 61,891
Loc: Milky way
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: chibiabos]
#25667922 - 12/09/18 01:20 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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use your head meeting off tinder going to house is different than meeting of tinder going to a much safer public space for a get to know you first thing. You CAN use a hookup app to date. But usually that doesn't involve go directly to someones residence with no plans on what to do...
wasn't like cop was hey come over and we'll play video games and watch a movie. it was hey come over.
should the guy have stopped his advancements after she said hey I don't want to fuck tonight. Absolutely. but this whole idea that if you put yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time nothing bad should happen is so unfuckingbelievabley naive it's mind boggling.
It's like that old saying every mom had. if someone said jump off this bridge with me would you? people are pretty good at noticing situations.
get in a car more likely to die in a car crash, go to a mans house with no plans and you met on a hookup app more likely to get pushy sexual advances. maybe that's unfair but it's fucking real life. sorry I can't wave a magic wand and get rid of rapey guys, they're out there and they're going to be out there.
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sprinkles
otd president
Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 21,527
Loc: washington state
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: bodhisatta] 1
#25667962 - 12/09/18 01:38 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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NO MEANS NO. Period. the end.
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bodhisatta
Smurf real estate agent
Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 61,891
Loc: Milky way
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: sprinkles]
#25668042 - 12/09/18 02:07 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm going to walk through the hood in the middle of the night dressed as white as possible and when something goes down I'm going to scream no and no means no as much as possible and nothing bad will happen to me.
silly kids should be taught to say no and no means no to bullies too. would end bullying tomorrow.
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yeah
Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 3,729
Last seen: 1 month, 6 days
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: sprinkles]
#25668087 - 12/09/18 02:25 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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nobody's said it doesn't
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bodhisatta
Smurf real estate agent
Registered: 04/30/13
Posts: 61,891
Loc: Milky way
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: yeah]
#25668110 - 12/09/18 02:34 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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no means no only to people that don't have the intention of doing you harm no matter what you say.
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yeah
Registered: 02/08/09
Posts: 3,729
Last seen: 1 month, 6 days
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: bodhisatta]
#25668145 - 12/09/18 02:51 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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unfortunately
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Supernova
Stranger
Registered: 08/13/03
Posts: 3,151
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No, by definition it is not sexual harassment. He's not your boss or teacher or anything else to you. He was a guy you didn't know who you met on a dating app known by some for a good place to go for a quick hookup. You are right - when you said no, he should have stopped. But look, you have to take responsibility for what YOU did, not what he was trying to do and never actually did. The thing is, you have no idea whether he's a rapist or not, and you put yourself in that predicament. Just be careful and aware that just because someone seems nice on a dating app or website doesn't mean you can trust them. He very well could have raped you, and no, it wouldn't have been your "fault", but wouldn't you also question whether you were being responsible when you went to strange guy's apartment?
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chibiabos
Cosmic Pond Scum
Registered: 03/16/17
Posts: 4,180
Last seen: 1 year, 15 days
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: Supernova]
#25668697 - 12/09/18 07:31 PM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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For fuck sake...People get raped in empty rooms at parties. She could have been raped at this guy's place and she could have been raped in the bathroom at a loud bar. There is a salient discussion to be had about evading danger, but you guys aren't even close to starting it.
And this is a galaxy and a half apart from wandering around the hood in the middle of the night, Bhodi. If you have a point to make then you might be more convincing with a less hyperbolic analogy.
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agent_smith
newb
Registered: 10/06/18
Posts: 97
Last seen: 5 years, 10 days
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: chibiabos] 1
#25669226 - 12/10/18 02:07 AM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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I don't blame the guy for trying to get some. What really pisses me off is that little comment he made.
You don't owe that fucker anything and for him to suggest it makes him douchebag of the multiverse. He's a predator of the worst kind.
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Anonymous #1
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: agent_smith]
#25669269 - 12/10/18 04:04 AM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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I appreciate everyones input, less so the people who are making excuses for him though. I will add that the conversation didnt go like "hey wanna come over?" and I agreed. We had been texting for some time and it was casual conversation and nothing sexual and eventually agreed we should meet.
I have met with other tinder people before and they didnt expect sex and it wasn't just for a hookup. I've hung out with quite a few people where it was super casual and we just smoked and talked or something.
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Acuriousmycologist
"Asking for a friend"
Registered: 07/07/18
Posts: 751
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Re: Was this sexual harassment? [Re: sprinkles] 1
#25669299 - 12/10/18 04:50 AM (5 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
sprinkles said: NO MEANS NO. Period. the end.
-------------------- We're all mentally ill. We're all delusional. We're all junkies. It's just a matter of degree (the Venerable Robina Curtin) Anything I say here is a fiction, for role play or research only. Full of bollocks I am. I wouldn't believe me.
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