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OfflineFractalscape
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Cyans - 2g. "Difficult First Trip"
    #25652976 - 12/02/18 06:59 PM (2 years, 2 months ago)

Recently, by a stroke of luck I had come across a patch of P. Cyanescens while looking for Mycena of all things. I was super excited about the find, I had always wanted to try magic mushrooms and the opportunity presented itself.

I read about Set and Setting and how to frame an experience, in particular I'd recommend everyone have read the Psychadelic Harm Reduction Manual.


In the weeks past I had taken 0.5g and then 1.0g to test the potency of this patch and get a general sense of how I react. It wasn't unlike an edible THC high, pleasant, I could think clearly and it gave me a sense of pleasure. Little did I know how different my next experience would be.

As Friday rolled around, I was excited and looking forward to exploring a new mind space. I was fairly hungry so I had a heavy meal, eggs and bacon, I even topped it off with a dessert of ice cream. I figured this would only slow down absorption. About an hour later, I weighed out 2g of cyans and chewed them down. Unlike previously where I used lemon-tek, I simply ate the mushrooms this time.

The 45 min coming up was nice, I felt myself sink into a calm and melt into a deep relaxation. Then a very new sensation began to build in me, at first I pushed it out of my mind but soon waves of nausea hit me. The intensity and character of the nausea was severe and sharp, all of my sensations were becoming hyper-sensitive and the gut wrenching feeling in my stomach became more and more of the focus. It felt as if there was mass in my gut of unhappiness.


My gf was there sitting me, calmly eating her dinner. I didn't want to worry her so I put on a brave face and knew I was going to have to deal with this. The mantra I kept repeating to myself was, "Everything will pass." There was no fighting the physiological response I was having. My mind went through the logic of what was happening, I ingested mushrooms, one component was inducing a mind-altering state, and something told me that another component was inducing the nausea. I figured the best course of option was to induce vomiting and if the mushrooms were dirty or something, I would get it out and help sooth this sensation.

About an hour in, I was kneeling over the toilet, dry heaving with my fingers down my throat. When I would close my eyes I began to see red spinning arrays of mushroom buttons. In fact, everything that I was seeing and thinking felt as if it was a 2-D image of that object projected onto a mushroom. The toilet bowl with it's stipe and inverted pileus. Kneeling there, it wasn't that the mushrooms talked, but they painted a picture in my mind of what was happening. I was a worm crawling through the soil, and on reaching the mycelium of these P. cyanescens, I had nibbled on it and the fungus was teaching me not to eat them. I was a worm trying to vomit out this thing I mistook as food, and learning to not eat this again. My entire body felt just like that, I was reduced to a mouth, GI tract and anus like a worm, my mouth instinctively felt better wide open as the heaving would over take me.

What was even more profound is that I didn't feel disgust towards the mushrooms I ate, all of this feeling I associated with a recent slump in my life. In June I hurt my toe in a rock climbing fall and I had let myself go over the last few months. I was eating more then I needed, not exercising and really not being very motivated to exercise. My passion and love for rock climbing faded because the injury didn't let me perform and express my body to it's full potential. I was disgusted that I had neglected my body, putting on 10 lbs of pretty much all fat.

About two hours in, after vomiting up the mushroom bits, my body was still angry fighting to purge itself of toxins. With one wave of nausea my entire heavy, oily and gluttonous dinner ejected. I slumped over to the side of the toilet, feeling empty, relieved and exhausted.

At one point I felt very hot so I took off all my clothes, now I was shivering. I began to run a hot bath to warm my organism back up. I was still nauseous, but I knew this was just a residual physiological response, everything I had consumed was out of my system. So I lay back, in the warm water and enjoyed my existence as a worm, mouth relaxing wide open the entire time.

One idea kept recurring, we are both our bodies and our minds. Whatever we identify as ourselves we see as this pattern of thinking in our brains, but our bodies are the carriers of our minds, and the only carriers we have. They are these temporary vessels and it's our responsibility to take care of these vessels, nurture them and keep them strong. This was something I was neglecting in my life because my mind felt unmotivated and gray, and in turn my body was acting and morphing into the body of a gray worm. I knew that coming out the other side of this I need to seriously reformulate how I treat my body, because I was not on a sustainable path.

After the bath, I crawled to the living room to sit beside my girlfriend. She would tell me about her day and the feelings I felt were incredibly intense and personal. I felt the raw connection between us. I could close my eyes now and the nausea wouldn't be overwhelming. I saw shapes and trails, it was abstract geometric shapes but they were the objects I would see in my day to day life, and the same colors of those objects. When my gf was speaking, I would see trailing lines in gray, yellow, orange that had the same texture as her sweater. When I thought about my work, I would see the texture of my workspaces, and all of it would respond to the sounds I would be hearing.

I spent maybe another hour recovering in this position, waiting for the nausea to dissipate. At one point I focused on my own awareness, kind of like meditating and I felt a separation between my mind and my body. It was as if my mind detached my cold and tired body and gave itself a rest from the intense physical sensations I was feeling. I knew those sensations were still down there in the body, but I didn't have to experience them as an assault on my mind.

Finally, about four hours in I could stand, walk and talk. My mind felt as if a fog was lifted and I spend the next four hours rambling about the origins of computer science. I actually was able to write out the design for a computer program I have been trying to conceive for the last year or so but never had the right way to implement it. The solution seemed so trivial now and my ability to focus was so intense that I sat hunched over my notebook for hours (and most of the next day).

The next day, I went for a session of hot yoga to re-awaken my body. I wanted to spend some time with my muscles, make them feel again and get myself back on track. I wrote out a training plan and knew that I needed a new physical focus in my life to have that balance. I recently signed up to run a marathon in the spring. With this new goal set I am happy to go to the gym again and train at something. This fragile body is my friend and carrier of my mind. This mushroom experience taught me to love and respect my body once more, because we're going through this adventure of life together until the end.


I don't regard this as a bad trip at all. On the physical side of things it was super taxing and I felt probably the worst I ever have in my life because it was so intense. But this experience gave me the perspective I needed, it showed me that the road I was on was not good. I'm incredibly grateful!


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Invisiblerainout
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Registered: 10/06/18
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Re: Cyans - 2g. "Difficult First Trip" [Re: Fractalscape]
    #25656991 - 12/04/18 03:22 PM (2 years, 2 months ago)

I read that our stomach cant digest some parts of the mushroom, and that's where the nausea came from, that's why so many people make a tea out of them instead of eating them dry.

Also that trip sounds fantastic, glad that it make you reflect on your life-style.


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: Cyans - 2g. "Difficult First Trip" [Re: rainout]
    #25657844 - 12/04/18 10:24 PM (2 years, 2 months ago)

I found that if I grind/powder them and cap them, or make a chocolate the nausea is very slight or not there at all.


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OfflineFractalscape
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Registered: 10/16/18
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Re: Cyans - 2g. "Difficult First Trip" [Re: tyrannicalrex]
    #25660572 - 12/05/18 10:58 PM (2 years, 2 months ago)

I've since read this advice.

Do you know what the nausea inducing component is in whole mushroom? I haven't read anywhere what it is exactly.


It felt very similar to LPS (Gram negative bacteria) induced nausea, it was super intense but once the stomach was clear it began to subside.


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Invisibletyrannicalrex
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Re: Cyans - 2g. "Difficult First Trip" [Re: Fractalscape]
    #25660575 - 12/05/18 11:00 PM (2 years, 2 months ago)

I have read that the material is so fibrous that the stomach has trouble ingesting it, therefore nausea. So, by grinding it/powdering it as much as possible, little to no nausea. I found this to be very true for me and others.


Edited by tyrannicalrex (12/05/18 11:01 PM)


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Mushrooms, Mycology and Psychedelics >> The Psychedelic Experience >> Trip Reports

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