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I took maybe 4 grams of mushroom powder in hot water.
I didn't really feel it come on like other times, I started to think maybe I hadn't stored the powder correctly and it lost potency.
Then I started feeling it, seeing not very intense fractals. I started feeling cold as per usual when I trip and covered up. Eventually the mushrooms told me to take my clothes off. I was hesitant but double checked the window shades and went ahead and did it. The mushrooms have never misled me before.
So I'm lying down, just enjoying being in my skin, enjoying stretching out, feeling the blankets, and start "self stimulating" (not proud of it, but it is what it is) the fractals became more and more intense and concluded with an explosion of green/white fractals.
After that business, I went outside for a glimpse at the clouds, and as per usual - mind blown. I start feeling euphoric and smiling so hard it was hurting my face. Man the clouds always blow me away. Birds would fly by, flies would buzz by, my hearing became very sensitive and I would pick up the flapping of the birds wings or movement of insects in the plants.
After spending quite a while in a euphoric cloud-induced-stupor, I go back inside and lie down. I start feeling vibrations (another thing I tend to feel on past trips) but this time I really focus on the vibrations, and as I focus on it, my body convulses. I shift my focus away from the vibrations and my body stops moving. Did this multiple times so it was definitely some mind->body thing vs. actually convulsing. This time back inside I did not see fractals when I closed my eyes... I started having thoughts, had the trip ended early? Am I back stuck in my head again and I'm killing the trip myself? Wouldn't an ego death be great about now?
So this annoying voice in my head splinters off as some silly caricature of my ego "meeh meeh this is all in your head" "mmeeh meeh trips over, boo hoo." I take a moment to appreciate the silliness of it, and refocus on the vibrations for a bit and go back outside.
This time I was outside was also very nice, not quite as mind-blowing as the first. I reflected that it's really a matter of perspective... i.e. I could truly appreciate the clouds this time as much as last time I was outside moments prior; but for some reason or another I simply did not. That's ok. I could spend energy/focus to try to "draw out" or interpret why the clouds are awesome this time too, but why? It's ok. The clouds don't need to blow my mind every time, it's no fault of mine nor of the clouds.
So I go back in, come back out, did this a few times. The fractals never really came back, but even now I'm still a bit sensitive to vibrations.
As I'm coming down, I draw a bath, I'm listening to "man of no ego" and I look in the mirror. In the mirror I see a happy version of me. Smiling. Dancing. Cheeks still sore from when I was smiling so hard looking at the clouds. I looked at me, and gave myself permission to be happy.
I lie down in the bath, re-affirming it's OK to be happy, I SHOULD be happy. I AM happy, and I should EMBRACE my happiness.
After a very nice relaxing bath, I devoured my dinner and here I am.
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