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Anonymous #1
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 Broke up an ex's engagement 
#25517677 - 10/06/18 04:23 PM (5 years, 6 months ago) |
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So as the subject title says I broke up an ex's engagement and I'm not sure how to feel, back when we were together are relationship was rocky at best (we dated from 15 to 20) both the same age. Now I'll get into the details as to what's happened and see what suggestions or whatever youse may have...
To start off with the relationship was doomed from the start, they got together directly after we broke up and got engaged, afterwards a year later she messages me complaining about him. She was currently out of work, while he was doing a menial labour job for low pay. He had started telling her if she doesn't find a job soon, she will need to start selling her body. This blew me away when she told me and I replied saying how can he say he loves you when he would be happy for you to sleep with other guys for money? She made some excuse and I just tried to support her emotionally and talk.
Eventually he found out we were still talking, messaged me with abuse about cheating ect, and I brought up how is that cheating when we are just talking (keep in mind she moved away with him about 700kms away). Followed by me mentioning how can you say you love her if your telling her to sleep with people for money? I won't detail the arguement but it was heated, it finished and me her and him had no contact for a year or so.
Fast forward to yesterday I get a message saying her and her fiancé are done, she couldn't deal with the emotional abuse, she misses me, and apparently even though our relationship was rocky I never put her in a place where she felt useless and used. She has told me she wants us again and I'd be lying if I said I didn't want it too.., we are both 23 and she was my first love but I feel as though it would be destined to fail, and knowing that she is a very emotional person I don't know if it's worth the possible pain and anguish she may go through for us to try and be together again.
Sorry for the long post if it is a bit unreadable please feel free to ask questions?
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 split_by_nine
i am the liquor
Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Re: Broke up an ex's engagement [Re: Anonymous #1] 3
#25517740 - 10/06/18 05:03 PM (5 years, 6 months ago) |
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my advice would be to remain friends and build a relationship based upon a strong friendship. she feels she can be happy with you and that's great. putting too much pressure on a relationship will most likey cause it to fail. enjoy being friends and sharing good times with her. if something beneficial blossoms for both of you, then great. if not, then that's okay too. at least at the end of the day you can be confident that you made the right choices and did not intentionally hurt someone.
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🐴
hpoo or die
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks for your reply I do want to be with her but I know she is a very fragile person, this is why I'd hate for us to jump in to a relationship only for her to be in a worse way down the track. We are going to continue to be friends and I think your right, I do think/hope that we will be able to work up to a fruitful relationship.
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 pslyke
fantasmagoric
 
Registered: 06/12/10
Posts: 4,247
Loc: 
Last seen: 14 hours, 52 minutes
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Re: Broke up an ex's engagement [Re: Anonymous #1] 2
#25519511 - 10/07/18 12:43 PM (5 years, 6 months ago) |
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Probably shouldn't be taking credit or blame for their breakup. Sounds terribly dysfunctional and doomed from the beginning.
In regards to getting back together... Only you can decide based on how you feel and how she makes you feel. Some times first loves can work out, although the statistics show that this is rare.
I guess I am the rare exception to the rule. My high school sweetheart and I started living together almost immediately after starting to date. We lived together for almost 5 years before breaking up (she too, was quite emotional and I was young and dumb). After around 8 months apart we somehow found our way back together. That was 23 years ago. I would be lying to say it has been easy. Marriage with someone that is prone to strong emotionality takes work and a certain personality. However, after years of working hard and figuring out how to be the best possible partner for one another I wouldn't change my decision.
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"What appears impenetrable to us does exist, manifesting itself in the deepest wisdom and the most radiant beauty" Einstein
"The conservatives of 70 years ago would be outraged at what has come to pass. It embodies everything they took up arms for to defeat"Asante
Edited by pslyke (10/07/18 12:46 PM)
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student
Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system 
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Re: Broke up an ex's engagement [Re: pslyke] 1
#25519571 - 10/07/18 01:03 PM (5 years, 6 months ago) |
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Don't charge in like a white knight. Let her figure herself out. She's on the rebound right now and it's hardly surprising that she's reaching for you.
As has been said, be a friend, but I highly advise about jumping into to anything more than that.
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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor
Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
Don't charge in like a white knight..
haha very true! be available, but keep it casual!
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🐴
hpoo or die
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Anonymous #1
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Thanks everyone for your advice 
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student
Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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That's what we're here for!
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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe
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KINETIC SPORE
Fuck around and find out!
Registered: 10/07/18
Posts: 1
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
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You're not a crutch bro don't let anyone take you for one that's first. and second you gotta not be so nice I mean you said you haven't talked to her in a year or so if she really wanted you she would have made an attempt or at least left the guy not stay with him for a whole year now all of a sudden she wants you back.. I say you slowly distance so you dont get hurt or be a friend as suggested from the other forum users. But don't fall for the act and get attached after that you're fu**ed
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split_by_nine
i am the liquor
Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
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Quote:
KINETIC SPORE said:
You're not a crutch bro... don't fall for the act and get attached after that you're fu**ed
i fell for the "act" and lost 2-3 years of my life trying to "make it work". i dont regret it, im glad to learn from it and never let that shit happen again..
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🐴
hpoo or die
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goslugsgo
Registered: 08/06/18
Posts: 283
Last seen: 8 days, 12 hours
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According to my math*, she's been in a relationship since she's 15. IMO she needs to spend some time with herself for awhile before jumping into another partnership, whether you or someone else.
Be a peripheral friend.
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I am just an atom in an ectoplasmic sea without direction or a reason to exist.
The anechoic nebula rotating in my brain is persuading me, contritely, to persist.
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Bikerfool
Your Local Edgelord
Registered: 11/21/05
Posts: 1,579
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Re: Broke up an ex's engagement [Re: goslugsgo]
#25533636 - 10/13/18 01:49 AM (5 years, 6 months ago) |
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I bet it wouldn’t work out long term. Keep your exes exes. Onward and upward.
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Vonvladi
The explorer
Registered: 09/29/17
Posts: 54
Loc: Omicron Persei 8
Last seen: 10 months, 5 days
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Re: Broke up an ex's engagement [Re: Bikerfool]
#25582990 - 10/31/18 10:57 PM (5 years, 5 months ago) |
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Well all I know is you shouldn't take the blame for ruining that relationship, clearly it was even more rocky than yours.
Also since you're in this situation, you now have the upper hand, play it safe and continue showing emotional support, you get to choose the path and dont let her take away your male energy! Lead the way.
In sales we say "After an offer the one who speaks first, loses"
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Who are we, but mental constructs of ourselves?
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Mr Piggy
Big Dick Retard
Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 8,841
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Re: Broke up an ex's engagement [Re: Vonvladi]
#25583789 - 11/01/18 10:10 AM (5 years, 5 months ago) |
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Not with a ten foot pole.
Run, do not walk, away from the concept of being in a relationship with her.
Be a friend if she needs it, but I'd avoid any romantic involvement.
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🅃🄴🄰🄼 🄵🄾🄸🄻
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