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OfflineDeerStalkerCap
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Second Psilocybin experience 2g dried cubes. * 1
    #25411488 - 08/25/18 04:34 AM (2 years, 8 months ago)

I took a small gap in my schedule and headed to my friend's house. I had 2g left from the 3 I bought. (My jars are still colonizing) These are the same guys I was with for my 1g experience I outlined before.

I took my baggie, put the contents in my mouth and chewed those awful things up, then I rinsed the dust down with some water, ya know, just to make sure I got it all.

People say it takes an hour or more, but I feel the start of the trip in about 25 minutes. My buddy had thrown on Disenchantment, the new Matt Groening show on Netflix. I watched a little bit, and then put on my headphones. I made a new playlist, with Bach violin concertos, Beethoven's fifth, "The planets", and a new Yo-Yo Ma recording I got called Six-Evolutions Bach Cello suites. I put my affirmations on there, but they didn't come up. The reason was that I had selected shuffle, and iTunes has a pretty smart feature that prevents voice notes from showing up in random playback. and honestly I'm glad it didn't.

I made the mistake of eating before I realized I actually had time to go trip. So I had to relax to prevent anything from showing up a second time. My first visualizations were much like my last experience. They occupied a space in my head where I imagine things, they have a conceptual feel, I don't see them in a way that I see real-world objects. The images were quick to change and very ambiguous, I realized that my visualizations might actually have been altered by my physical eyesight. One of my eyes was hit with a paintball, It is fuzzy, and I don't really notice because my other eye compensates. Obviously, my brain works with my eyes to try and create the clearest image with what it has available. My visual hallucinations took on this same quality, and I briefly got mad at my eye for being fucked up and ruining my trip, but I calmed myself down and realized that was a bit ridiculous. Probablt inspired by the Groening show, I saw a complex and intricate pattern of yellow, white circles, and little bits of blue and red, a very Bart Simpson-like visual pattern. I settled in knowing I was now in it for next few hours.

I played with the idea of controlling the trip, and I made my visuals switch to the night sky scheme I'd seen last time. It was compact, and a bit different than it had been. I started enjoying my music and realized that my breathing was going to be important on this trip. I got a slightly claustrophobic feeling if my breaths got too shallow. I start to get cold when my trips start so I had my friend throw me this awesome blanket I had last time and covered up. I didn't want to impose too much so I didn't ask my friend to turn the lamp off even though I wanted it darker.

I believe this is the point where I started to understand Native American art. I saw a knot, almost like a cord, or even the body of a snake, that had colorful patterns on them just like some of the bead-work and embroidery I've seen, Lines of squares and triangles with white in between, like it had been painted on a backdrop of white. The knots glowed and had a vibrant electric look that stood out against my black nebulous headspace. Breath in, exhale slowly, breath in again, deeper.

The exact order and length of the events were unclear, my friend mentions hearing me snore. I don't think I fell asleep, but maybe I did.

The next thing I remember is having the blanket over my head. This blanket is made of fluffy little balls that are bonded somehow to a sheer material, so it makes a pattern grid of light that passes through it. I opened my eyes and beheld the pattern. I began slowly smiling wider and wider, like the sloth, Flash, from the movie Zootopia when he hears the joke. My conscious mind was still with me, watching myself have the experience, so it questioned my feelings, "was the pattern moving in some way that made it amazing"? no... it wasn't, so I just let myself feel.

I became astonished. I was staring at the blanket because it seemed to have been the trigger, and I let myself feel this rush of serotonin most likely. I was, simply put, astonished! I took a breath, nice and deep, slow in, slow out. I needed it to ground me a bit, give my brain a slight respite before I moved the blanket with my hands. A short time later, maybe 30 seconds, I feel the welling up of emotion, I didn't rush it, I let it build, then, drawing in a very deep breath and holding for just a second, I peaked again with another rush of amazement. It was practically joy unfiltered. Please don't let this be the end of the trip I begged internally. I took another brief break.

The blanket thing worked one more time but to a lesser degree. Then I remembered my friend had told me to try looking at the ceiling before. I pulled the cover off, stared open-eyed up at the ceiling patterns. This was the first time I remember having significant open eye distortions. The ceiling pulsed in and out toward me, the edges of my perception twisted and waved back and forth like the water in a washing machine when the agitator gets moving. It filled me with joy again. Just like the blanket, I was astonished, also happy to have had some open eye visuals. I thought to myself just how much of a difference another gram made. I wasn't double dose, double strength, it was exponentially greater. Water ran down my face from my eyes in a tear like function, but it came without the typical redness and puffiness I get when I cry. I also noticed the music more and the impact it was having on the timing of my emotional highs, and the respites I was getting in between. I had the first inkling that the music was my guide, and the control I thought I had based on my breath may have been the music, or was it both? Was classical music so impactful because the intent of it has been to control your breathing the whole time? Did people in the Philharmonic actually gasp with each rise and fall of the violins? Did people take short quick breaths when the woodwinds and strings danced among one another in the arrangement, in a competition for clear space in which to ring out!? Fuck if I know.

I wanted to tell my friend how beautiful the music was. I wanted him to come and listen, but I also knew he wouldn't hear it like I was. It was the most emotionally relevant music ever to be produced. I was certain.

My other friend had come home around this point and I had wanted to tell him how amazing the music was too. What song was this!? I don't remember buying it, but who cares. It was profound. "I haven't heard any of affirmations yet", I remember thinking. But I didn't care. In fact, I dreaded one would come on next and take me away from this. I thanked the mushrooms for letting me stay here. I felt like I was IN an amphitheater, I was surrounded by the music.

I began to move. My arms and hands conducting along with Symphony no. 5 in C Minor, Op. 67: I. Allegro con brio.

It was understated at first, but I soon found myself reaching my hands far above my head, grasping from side to side, and intertwining with one another as though I was trying to perform some raver hand light show. As good as the music was, I had been hearing it, motion connected me to it. My raphe nuclei were being played like a fucking clarinet.

I was aware I looked like an ass. Or I imagined I did. But I didn't care. In my mind my movements were perfectly timed. My feel for the music bordered on precognition. The rich tones moved me, but sometimes I was pseudo-conducting, so It was almost like I was calling it forth. If I stopped, it might stop. Although I knew that to be untrue.

The joy I had been missing for the last year or more flooded into me all at the exact same time. I didn't know drugs could do this. I know why people get high now. I can't be mad at anyone for wanting this. Everyone should have this.

I don't know what song it was, but It took me to ecstasy. Not MDMA, but utter pleasure. Terrence Mckenna was right, or had caused this to be so by planting the idea, that this was a very feminine experience. I was being penetrated by the music into my soul, into my god-damned soul. I felt as though I'd had a spiritual orgasm. It left me in an afterglow much like the women I've seen in amateur pornography who had dick that was too good. Smiling like an idiot and covering my face in a bit of embarrassment at how I'd been writhing around. I was exhausted, but happy.

At several points, my hands were together in praying position, or my fists clenched, each time I did this I was thanking the universe, the drugs, the anything, for letting me have this. I was pulling the experience in, not letting anything stop me from living inside each note and each rest as song after song orchestrated the meanings of the words happiness, joy, ecstasy, catharsis.

Describing the experience with words feels like trying to perform surgery with an obsidian arrowhead.

I wanted to go outside. would my friend stop me? maybe I should just stay in here. Breathe. I did have to use the restroom and I absentmindedly kissed my phone when I was in there. in more of a "thank you Jesus"! kinda way than a romantic one, but that song had truly had sex with me. I'm confident that the rush I'd had was chemically no different than an orgasm. With zero genital stimulation, no erection, nothing.

It was incredible.

I ended up going into the backyard. I knew that if I went out front I'd have to stop 'dancing'. Step outside and ruin this by going for a walk and getting the cops called on me? No Way! I could only see a little bit of anything natural, but It was nice, mainly for the fresh air. I went back inside. I stepped out again a little later, I really wanted to hop in the hottub, but decided maybe I shouldn't for fear of making my friends nervous.

I rambled on about how fantastic it was, and how my music selection had been 1000% better. I felt like I was coming down, but I still had a lot of good vibes left. I put music back on, this time Jaylib-Champion Sound. An album I had a long time ago, just got again, and absolutely love when I'm not high. It was bangin'. I was clear-headed enough to walk to the corner store and grab a drink and a snack. My fears from earlier had been somewhat confirmed though, I just could NOT STOP dancing. I dance kinda like Donald Glover in the 'this is America' video, mixed with Drake. So I look nuts. I started singing to the chorus as well. I was pretty sure I could outsell Bruno Mars if I recorded an album right then and there. I grooved for a while back at my friend's place just trying to make sure I was good to drive. That was about the end of it, except for everything being a little more connected for a while.

I don't feel like I did ANY of the emotional work I wanted to do. But this experience was worth it on it's own. I am going to give it a little time, see what the long-lasting effects are if any, and I might need to do this again and see if I can "learn more" as people say. Work on actually incorporating it into a theraputic approach.


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InvisibleInflaton
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Registered: 03/28/18
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Re: Second Psilocybin experience 2g dried cubes. [Re: DeerStalkerCap] * 1
    #25411912 - 08/25/18 09:38 AM (2 years, 8 months ago)



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Materialistic, individualistic, truth seeker, risk taker.


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OfflineRomeoPapa
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Re: Second Psilocybin experience 2g dried cubes. [Re: Inflaton] * 1
    #25413528 - 08/26/18 12:20 AM (2 years, 8 months ago)

Wow. Sounds like you had an amazing time! Dont feel too bad about not working on your mental issues. Just literally, physically feeling better is good medicine.


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It's better to have it and not need it
Than it is to need it and not have it.



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OfflineDeerStalkerCap
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Re: Second Psilocybin experience 2g dried cubes. [Re: RomeoPapa]
    #25413607 - 08/26/18 01:42 AM (2 years, 8 months ago)

Thank you! It was outstanding. Only the shroomery is gonna have people who can understand this. It was bliss!


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