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 ApolloFluff
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 Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane?   1
#25350499 - 07/27/18 02:29 PM (5 years, 8 months ago) |
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So, as some of you may know, ive done LSD a handful of times and had only 1 good trip (3 out of 4 were bad trips)
The bad trips all seemed connected in a way that would seem as if i knew they would happen, i got really bad deja vu on my last 2 bad trips, and its like i could remember seeing them from the 1st bad trip, its like during the 1st, i had premonitions of these trips. Everything that happened in my trips was connected as well, and i think the reason behind the confusing nature of these trips (none being above 210ug) would be that i smoked weed on the 3 bad trips, either i was already high and took the acid, or i smoked during.
My last trip was on June 23rd, and it was only 40ug, but i had taken 5-6 fat bong rips with it. The acid i took was voidrealm, btw.
Now, every day, i live in a state of constant, unending deja vu, everything i hear, peoples conversations, random noises, the TV (despite having not seen whats on) even this whole post, it all feels repeated, as if im living in a loop, and ive seen it all on my 1st trip.
I constantly feel like the bad trips actually happened, and are still happening, its as if this whole reality is a delusion im having on LSD, and soon, ill wake up from that delusion, deep down, i know this cant be, but everyday it gets more confusing, it seems. Last night i took a walk with some friends, earlier on that day, i had a thought occur "Tonight's the night, somethings gonna happen." and well, something did. I was walking with my friends at like, 11:30PM down my road, and as we were walking, i had intense deja vu, everything they said sounded familiar, and as we were walking back, it only got worse, as we were walking, i had what i can only call like, a PTSD flashback of one of my bad trips, and it felt like it was actually happening, but i couldn't see it. I felt like i was reliving the trip, but, the bad part of it.
Its as if there's 2 realities, this one, and one where i went completely crazy after LSD, as if i'v done horrible things while on, and after LSD than i'm unaware of, because im in this reality.
I cant stop thinking about this, i know the key rule is to not think about it, but its hard when all of reality feels repeated, its hard when deja vu just, consumes every thought, every sound, every word, everything, i hate this shit so much and i dont know what to do about it, i'm still unsure if this is just, side affects from the bad trips, or if everything that i experienced is true, and i hate the feeling. One one hand, im' struggling in this reality, on the other hand, i'm going insane and hurting the ones l love in another reality.
While smoking weed one time, not even on LSD, i got an acid flashback, and i saw myself being put into a mental hospital, i was in a straight jacket, tied to a chair, and i could hear my family members crying, as i was laughing maniacally while blinded with visuals. however, this was all just, like a flashback on acid, was all in my head, but, the vividness at which these things have occured, it scares me, because it makes me question whether or not they have occured.
I really hope im not in psychosis and hallucinating everything, but i also hope i'm not actually getting psychosis, but i'm afraid it might be that, due to a family history of schizoaffective disorder i learned of a few weeks ago. Im also worried that i have PTSD because i have flashbacks while sober, as i wrote about above (not the weed one, but the walking one, i havent smoked weed or done any drug since June 23rd.)
Im just, so fucking lost, im questioning my whole reality, every. fucking. thing is deja vu now, every thought i have, every sound i hear, every word i hear, its all deja vu.
I'm so scared that the other reality will become reality, or that it is reality, I'm scared that I'm still in the trip. The other reality consists of me making a complete fool of myself on LSD multiple times, after which i became insane, and killed my dog,(i dont know why i would see the dog part, which makes me even more worried, i love animals, especially my dogs, i would never hurt them) and I don't want that to happen, for obvious reasons, I'm so worried that, that actually happened, and because I can't accept my current point in life, that nightmarish string of trips happened. I saw myself being put in a straight jacket and thrown in a mental hospital, and hearing my family crying and saying goodbye as I was carted away into a mental asylum forever, it's like I'm one of the people who tripped forever, and this is the trip.
What the fuck is going on with me???
Edited by ApolloFluff (07/27/18 02:37 PM)
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theRealrollforever
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: ApolloFluff]
#25351417 - 07/27/18 10:59 PM (5 years, 8 months ago) |
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Hey dude relax. I have been exactly where you are when I was a teenager and suffering a psychosis from being sleep deprived and using lsd daily for 7+ days. I can tell from your hesitance to believe in these delusions or 'deja vu' as you experience it means you can heal. The brain is an amazing thing. It can literally grow new brain cells and form new neural pathways for healthy living. Cease drug use. Eat relatively healthy. DEFINITELY exercise it gets rid of the neurotic energy better than any medication. Focus on social things. By that I mean ignore the loops and deja vu as best as you can and focus your thoughts and energy outward to things that are supported by people in your social circle. Parents and friends think school is important? Continue with your schooling. If you are no student work on being better employee. These are examples, please do not get hung up on specifics. Art and sports could be good alternatives. Do not think of yourself as insane or not insane. Are you able to function ? Then it does not matter insane or not insane if you can hold work and define goals and attain some sort of happiness. Life is way tricky without overcomplicating your own perception of it. Medication should be last resort only IF you cannot function. Not that functioning is UNCOMFORTABLE but that you are genuinely unemployable and cannot contain your craziness to yourself and appropriate others. (Close friends, us on the shroomery, etc.)
Just saw that you stopped smoking a month ago. This is good but please give yourself more time. What are your current living situations and day to day like?
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sunshine said:
The order has to be secret and no one is sure.
Edited by theRealrollforever (07/27/18 11:01 PM)
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mndfreeze  
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Set and setting are important. If you have anxiety and stress in your life, negative emotions, depression, etc then it can and most likely will bring those issues out while tripping and ruin it. A lot of people find that as they get older even they can't trip anymore because the weight of life kicking your ass over the years starts to stick with you and they start having panic attacks and such more often.
Relax! Take a break from drugs, you dont NEED them.
HPPD and PTSD definitely can happen and are an issue some people have to deal with. If I were you I would lay off any and all drugs, and start working towards making your life healthier and more productive. Figure out what it is that's causing you all the stress, anxiety, etc, etc. Get yourself to a happy place where you are happy regardless of being high.
If you are struggling with that, you should see a doctor and a therapist. There is nothing wrong with asking for help from a professional, and its better then suffering alone or with people who can't really help. A lot of your issues are things you can not only cope with, but defeat, given you really want to and put forth the effort and investment required.
I came across this place while watching a streamer who was talking about dealing with depression and such, give it a look. It might be something that will work for you.
https://www.betterhelp.com/
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Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!
quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]
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ApolloFluff
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: mndfreeze]
#25352692 - 07/28/18 05:22 PM (5 years, 8 months ago) |
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@mndfreeze
Whats making me stressed is me literally feeling like theres a second reality where the bad trips all happened, as if this is a dream, or a fake world i created as a defense mechanism for that shit, it feels like the trips may have actually happened, and i already went insane from LSD, and this world is a delusion in my insane, psychotic brain
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mndfreeze
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: ApolloFluff]
#25353087 - 07/28/18 09:42 PM (5 years, 8 months ago) |
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Quote:
ApolloFluff said:
@mndfreeze
Whats making me stressed is me literally feeling like theres a second reality where the bad trips all happened, as if this is a dream, or a fake world i created as a defense mechanism for that shit, it feels like the trips may have actually happened, and i already went insane from LSD, and this world is a delusion in my insane, psychotic brain
The fact that you are able to conceptualize the idea of thinking you are insane means you pretty much are not. If you had lost sense of reality and gone schitzo, you would believe the world you were generating and not be posting about it.
I think you have some deep set anxiety and stressors going on and taking psychedelics can make a person associate that with the feelings they had when they were tripping. It is a sort of PTSD you could say, but it doesn't have to be severe and you can fix it and get better.
The first step is to stop doing drugs and start addressing issues in your life that are causing negative emotions or issues. Are you happy with life? Yourself? Your friends? Your family? Why do you think you had those bad trips to begin with? Perhaps you are more prone to anxiety or depression than you think and it just brought it out. That tends to happen with psychedelics. When in control of your emotions and sober, you think your fine and there aren't any issues going on upstairs. Take some acid and it quickly brings out the raw and buried shit rattling around up there as you fly into a bad trip. That in turns scares the shit out of most people. It manifests in all sorts of way from thinking you're dying to paranoia to the feeling you have lost your mind.
Those sorts of experiences are still legitimate experiences. Look at it like any mental trauma. You legitimately scared the shit out of yourself and induced fight or flight kind of responses. The problem a lot of people have is that they start to associate how they felt during that bad trip with feeling that way sober when the reality is it was just raw anxiety, panic, etc both times, it just seems a lot more profound and in your face when tripping, especially since most people have never known fear on that level.
If you really feel it is severe enough and your concern is high enough to worry about it being permanent or you not being able to cope then you should see a doctor and a therapist. There are ways to resolve it and tests that can be done to check your mental health if you truly are worried your going insane or have long term damage. I can assure you though that most likely you are fine.
Take care of yourself man! You are loved.
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Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!
quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]
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 Buckthorn
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: mndfreeze]
#25356008 - 07/30/18 01:52 PM (5 years, 8 months ago) |
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“Mushrooms break the ancient seal - Opening the eye to the forgotten.”
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ApolloFluff
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: Buckthorn]
#25360838 - 08/01/18 07:02 PM (5 years, 8 months ago) |
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Like, i legit feel like this reality isn't real, it feels like this is all some dream i had on LSD, some hallucination, and that soon, i'm gonna wake up in "reality" where my bad trips were actually happening, where i went crazy, where i got arrested, where i killed my dog out of psychosis or something, none of this happened in this reality, but i loosely feel like, this isn't even reality, it feels like its all some sort of hallucination, and really soon, i don't know when, but soon, i'm gonna wake up from it, i'm gonna be in the reality where my bad trips happened, and i'm gonna like, wake up either in my last trip (the dog trip) or i'm gonna wake up in an asylum somewhere, its been like this for the past month but the last week has been extremely bad... i'm seeing the psychiatrist tomorrow though
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All We Perceive
Sea Cucumber
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: ApolloFluff]
#25363441 - 08/03/18 12:02 AM (5 years, 8 months ago) |
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lay down the drugs for a while dude.... sounds like you're going a little too deep
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"plus they atually think jambands are good or sumthing, so they clearly know absolutely nothing about music, clearly lol" -Bassfreak
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Gorlax
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: All We Perceive]
#25370231 - 08/06/18 01:29 PM (5 years, 8 months ago) |
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I passed out from lack of sleep and sever dehydration and it was identical to a full blown hallucinogenic trip it was pretty mind blowing honestly. I was told I looked stiff but wasn’t shaking so it very well could have been a seizure but all the scans showed no seizure. After googling it i saw deja vu and hallucinations were a side effect of seizures n i was haveing shroom/2c-i flash backs. Super weird. I was also having those weird thought loops where u cant really think so im pretty sure bad trips are basically partial seizures
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mndfreeze
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: Gorlax] 1
#25373624 - 08/07/18 09:54 PM (5 years, 8 months ago) |
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Thought loops and confusion are a known common issue any time the brain is struggling, regardless of drug intake. It's also a warning sign for major issues likes strokes and shit. I don't think a lot of people realize until it happens to them that the "trippy" effect you get from drugs is REALLY similar to shock, panic attacks, passing out, blood pressure issues, seizures, heatstroke, etc, etc, etc. Most things that fuck with your brain doing its thing at 100% induce those effects at varying degrees.
I've had a few seizures over the years (part of how I came to this site) and any time I feel one coming on, it feels very very very much like I'm starting to trip super fucking hard for a few seconds, while falling rapidly. Most people just have never had that "effect" happen to them before taking drugs, so they associate it only with the drugs.
Bad trips are definitely not seizures though. You would KNOW you had a seizure because when you wake up after a minute or two, it feels so ungodly painful. As if you did a million ultra workouts on every single muscle fiber in your body at a million miles a second. It is PAAIN even hardcore opiates could numb. You also generally can't talk for a bit afterwards. If you had scans then you can be fairly certain you are safe.
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Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!
quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]
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Gorlax
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: mndfreeze]
#25375759 - 08/08/18 07:14 PM (5 years, 8 months ago) |
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Yeah I felt like I ran a marathon and skept for almost 3 days after. I also couldn’t remember much of anything which still is bothering me. It was strikingly lucid tho. I’ve tripped quite a bit and that is the only way i can describe the feeling. Like taking shrooms. Throwing a blanket over your head and jumping in an electric wave pool. It wasn’t fun but I was freakisly relaxed and content. I remember lifting my head up and just laying it back down in defeat i was so tired then just closing my eyes. I had tunnel vision most of the time too such a fucked up experience. Don’t try to run off 2 hours of sleep no food severe dehydration in 115+ degree weather you won’t come out on top
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MarkostheGnostic
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: ApolloFluff]
#25377762 - 08/09/18 05:01 PM (5 years, 8 months ago) |
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First allow me to clarify that insanity is a legal term, not a clinical term, "mid 16th cent.: from Latin insanus, from in- ‘not’ + sanus ‘healthy.’"
There is no sense in pointing out that you probably had no adequate guidance on your first few trips, and that being unaccustomed to the radical shift in consciousness, cannabis exacerbated the already significant disorientation. I only mention this because there has been some bad advice on these forums which I have frequented over the past 19 years which tells individuals like yourself to take even more acid or higher doses, AS IF that is going to make things better. It will NOT! I am also being cautionary about not taking additional trips until your situation has cleared up. This might entail ceasing the use of cannabis as well. You seem like you're having a rough time of it and I'd hate to see anyone worsen their condition with unfounded bullshit. I've been using psychedelics for 47 years so I have some experience in this.
You may be correct and indeed are suffering from PTSD. In recent years I eliminated (as a certified clinical hypnotherapist and licensed mental health professional) profound anxiety of 2 different clients whose PTSD symptoms originated with traumatic acid trips (one was 20 years earlier)! I also reduced to the point of non-interference, a case of Hallucinogen Persistent Perceptual Disorder (HPPD). I am not advertising MY own practice to you, but I utilize a particular method called "5-Path®" of hypnotherapy that was developed by my first hypnosis teacher Gerald Kein and one of his successful students Cal Banyan.
You seem to be experiencing depersonalization and/or derealization by your description of separate realities (both are criteria in PTSD). You are also giving free-reign to imaginative but horrible scenarios. I do not get the impression that you have developed an intact delusional system (and have become psychotic) since you sound like you're just trying to understand what is happening to you. Of course you are not my client/patient and I am decidedly not diagnosing you on a public forum!  I am trying to help you clarify one possibility as well as suggesting that one particular school of hypnosis which is head-and-shoulders above other schools I have trained in or studied CAN help you with your symptoms. There is The American Society of Clinical Hypnosis (ASCH) to check out and the National Board for Certified Clinical Hypnotherapy (NBCCH) www.natboard.com .
Of course you are going to have to do the legwork if you're interested, and inquire as to which hypnotherapist (1) has been trained in 5-Path®, (2) do they actually USE the method with everyone! This is very important! 5-Pathers® use Age Regression every single time, not mere hypnotic suggestions. To alleviate/eliminate symptoms, one has to Revivify the trauma (relive it while in trance), and then apply therapeutic to remove (decathect) the negative emotions that are trapped in the unconscious and generating chronic symptoms.
Just my 2¢. Best wishes!
-MtG
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ApolloFluff
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: MarkostheGnostic]
#25396232 - 08/18/18 12:10 PM (5 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
MarkostheGnostic said:
Just my 2¢. Best wishes!
-MtG
whats strange to me is how the DPDR is manifesting, its literally manifesting as a whole separate reality, one where i went crazy and did horrible things after LSD and weed.
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: ApolloFluff]
#25396331 - 08/18/18 12:55 PM (5 years, 7 months ago) |
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i often have premonitions too all my life , esp before acid trips
and then the acid comes flying into my lap, good acid.... by one serving God
for the acid was pure, pure of spirit, purely made, created with intention,effort,care,love , and sold for just the right price (cheap), in right amount to learn
and just as i didnt need the teacher anymore, all the good lsd vanished
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: All We Perceive]
#25396350 - 08/18/18 12:59 PM (5 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
All We Perceive said:
lay down the drugs for a while dude.... sounds like you're going a little too deep
In my experience, I would lay off the weed, it is much harder on the psyche than LSD.
I don't even think weed is supposed to be smoked.
Smoking is self-harm.
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ApolloFluff
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: lessismore]
#25396608 - 08/18/18 02:47 PM (5 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
lessismore said:
Quote:
All We Perceive said:
lay down the drugs for a while dude.... sounds like you're going a little too deep
In my experience, I would lay off the weed, it is much harder on the psyche than LSD.
I don't even think weed is supposed to be smoked.
Smoking is self-harm.
definitely, because on like, thursday night, i smoked a bit of resin and kief, and i was thrown headfirst into a flashback, as if this is all a dream, and reality is one where i went insane after taking lsd or something
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: ApolloFluff]
#25397229 - 08/18/18 08:08 PM (5 years, 7 months ago) |
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This IS ALL A DREAM; and you are dreaming now. Let not the scientific minds blind you, into thinking you are living a materialistic ape existance: Nothing could be further from the truth. These ape-evolutionists, don't even see anymore. They programmed themselves not to see!
You are living a dream, just like a dream.
You are here for a purpose, just like every human and every creature is here for a Purpose, Plan.
Purpose, plan from the One Creator.
We chose to incarnate here, for a purpose. Now just to remember the purpose.
This is not always easy. It may come as bits and pieces.
If we listen, with clear mind it may come to us.
Do what makes you happy, and you will know exactly why you are here my friend. The Soul knows.
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ApolloFluff
Stranger
Registered: 04/23/16
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: lessismore]
#25397442 - 08/18/18 10:27 PM (5 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
lessismore said:
This IS ALL A DREAM; and you are dreaming now. Let not the scientific minds blind you, into thinking you are living a materialistic ape existance: Nothing could be further from the truth. These ape-evolutionists, don't even see anymore. They programmed themselves not to see!
You are living a dream, just like a dream.
You are here for a purpose, just like every human and every creature is here for a Purpose, Plan.
Purpose, plan from the One Creator.
We chose to incarnate here, for a purpose. Now just to remember the purpose.
This is not always easy. It may come as bits and pieces.
If we listen, with clear mind it may come to us.
Do what makes you happy, and you will know exactly why you are here my friend. The Soul knows.
yea, i get that, but i mean like, in a fucking literaly sense, as if all of this is some delusion im having on one of my acid trips, and that soon, really soon, idk when, but it feels like the trip is gonna end, and when it does, im gonna wake up in another reality where i went batshit insane from LSD.
Dont get me wrong, i agree with that mentality you have, but this isnt supposed to happen, i cant live with this feeling man, im in constant fear that im gonna wake up in a reality where i did horrible things, and that the past few months of my life have been some sort of acid trip, i respect what you said, i do, but im looking for a way to get all this to stop because its making my life miserable, i cant even have one conversation without being able to recall it as it happens. I want to be blind again
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mndfreeze
Shroomery Secret Service
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: ApolloFluff] 1
#25397454 - 08/18/18 10:34 PM (5 years, 7 months ago) |
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Take everything he says with a few million grains of salt.
You should talk to a specialist if you are continuing to have issues dealing with it. They can help you with exercises and steps to ground yourself and get your mind back on track to where you want it to be.
--------------------
Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!
quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
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Re: Is this PTSD from bad trips? Or am i insane? [Re: mndfreeze]
#25397972 - 08/19/18 08:45 AM (5 years, 7 months ago) |
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Please go to no specialist. This guy above is insane, and in the business of Psychiatry,psychology , in to get you to spend your money on them,their status binges.
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