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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



Registered: 12/09/99
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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: Buster_Brown]
#24550697 - 08/13/17 01:06 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Buster_Brown said: Given the propensity of drugs to exacerbate pre existing conditions while on the path of enlightenment we might surmise the problem to be one of 'software'.
Without examining the software that orchestrates the machine we can expect the symptoms to persist.
Indeed. But without a clinical interview, I cannot discern what is going on from written words, howsoever articulate.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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MarkostheGnostic
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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: Peyote Road]
#24550758 - 08/13/17 01:32 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Well, "fun" was never the defining goal of my life. Exploration of the Big Questions has been my modus operandi since I've been 19 years old. I am not intending to dismiss, demean, or marginalize your distress here, but this is a public forum and you need some assistance in sorting out your unhappiness. From your descriptions, it looks like you are experiencing depersonalization and derealization. These conditions can be perceived as positive states, not as "fun" states, but neither as pathological states. Your valuation of this condition is making it ego-dystonic (unpleasant) rather than ego-syntonic (pleasant). When I was a young man at a NY university populated by many incredibly beautiful girls, all of whom seemed out of reach for various reason, I would have welcomes a respite from my desire. In fact I tried my best to cultivate such a condition with Yoga and psychedelics, but one does not attempt to be celibate in the early 20s. That is a recipe for madness.
You seem to be in crisis based on this and other posts, and writing on this forum is not going to relieve your angst, reading my viewpoint is not going to neutralize your aversion to your condition, and attempting self-help at this point has obviously not yielded significant results for you. Sometimes we need assistance. The surgeon in Antarctica who removed his own appendix under local anesthetic was remarkable, to say the least! But if that physician required heart or brain surgery he would have confronted his own limitations. I once treated a woman who detailed her trauma from age 3, but there was nothing she was able to do about it by herself. When she saw the trigger, a hypodermic syringe, she fainted every time. After one session, when presented with the trigger (in pieces that she had to assemble), she did not faint! She was then able to get pregnant, withstand numerous blood tests, etc. It was a poignant example of what I'm saying about getting a foot up, so-to-speak. The funny thing was that she did not believe that she had been in hypnosis, yet the symptoms of many years had vanished.
I am not saying that hypnotherapy is the right tool for the job, but it might be. I have suggested hypnotherapy to others here and they have enthusiastically reported back excellent results. If your symptoms are a result of a trauma, this may well be the most direct route to its alleviation. Let me say parenthetically that over the last year or two, I have seen 3 different people for hypnotherapy who were suffering PTSD symptoms due to bad trips! Those clients gave me a whole new insight into the nature of so-called psychedelic flashbacks as being a form of PTSD. If you want info about hypnotherapy (e.g., which school of hypnosis to seek out) then PM me.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Jaegar
Formless One



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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: Peyote Road]
#24551310 - 08/13/17 05:24 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Peyote see a genuine medical practitioner. Hypnotherapy is not part of modern medicine and especially in serious cases of illness. It would be a ineffective tool at the least and if your condition is deteriorating a dangerous diversion.
Edited by Jaegar (08/13/17 05:29 PM)
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Peyote Road
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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: Jaegar]
#24552066 - 08/13/17 10:05 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Thanks, I appreciate all the responses. Yeah I definitely have depersonalization and i know I need more help than what the shroomery has to offer but the nature of my condition makes it hard for me to even seek it. Because everything feels so meaningless, and because I don't feel like I have a self even, there is very little motivation to do anything. It doesn't feel like there is enough of "me" left to receive help. Ive been trying to get myself to set up a skype session with a kundalini expert but I keep putting it off. I'm not sure what a medical doctor could do beyond prescribe psychiatric drugs and I dont have insurance, but I'd be open to it. I just dont see what good it could do at this point.
I've had depersonilization before from drugs and I know it can be perceived positively but this is different, it's because there are lots of negative things about this state on top of depersonilization. But in some ways I do seem to be getting a little better. I am still going to work and keeping up with the demands of life, I just dont enjoy anything.
As far as being as being free from sexual desire being positive I'd agree that if you have peace of mind, being free from sexual desire is a great freedom. But since I lack peace, its not like that. On the contrary it feels like now that desire can't be satisfied, because even if I had sex I'm too depersonalized to really enjoy it. Its like half of me still wants sex, while the other half perceives all women as my spiritual sisters and is grossed out by the very thought of sex. My psyche is totally opposed to itself instead of integrated. I had too much trauma in my unconscious and when the kundalini rose it brought it all up at once in a way I could not deal with, so my mind shattered.
And sorry Markos, fun wasn't the right word. I just mean that I would not wish this state on anyone.
-------------------- The path of the herbalist is to open ourselves to nature in an innocent and pure way. SHe in turn will open her bounty and reward us with many valuable secrets. May the earth bless you. - Michael Tierra
Edited by Peyote Road (08/13/17 10:27 PM)
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serendipitythenot
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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: Peyote Road]
#24555715 - 08/15/17 12:40 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Peyote Road said:
Quote:
viktor said:
I found some good info here about what happened to me: http://biologyofkundalini.com/article.php@story=KundaliniandSchizophrenia.html
Hello!
Unfortunately, I can't say that I'm knowledgeable enough to be able to offer any helpful sort of advice to you(or anyone) regarding these subjects(as I have only very recently - 3+ish years ago now? - begun "awakening" to my own personal journey/path into spirituality), but I do hope that you are able to find some peace through all of this sometime soon... similar complaints seem to be not all that uncommon, from what I have read. I have certainly had experiences which have been far too intense for me and similarly "out of control" although nothing nearly as intense as you describe; it is terrifying, exhausting mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically ofc and, well, I certainly do not envy your current situation =\ It does seem to me, though, that you've been given some excellent information here... a step in the "right" direction =)
I also wanted to thank you for sharing that link! After a short initial skim I'm quite intrigued by the apparent content & range of topics and very much looking forward to reading the articles more in depth. Looks very interesting; your sharing of said link is much appreciated! =)
Goodluck on your journey <3
ETA: I have no idea why this is showing up like this with my comment in the quote box... ugh... apologies! Not sure what I did... I'm not great with technology as you can see, lol
Edited by serendipitythenot (08/15/17 12:41 PM)
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Peyote Road
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You're welcome. I also found that website quite interesting, especially in explaining the biochemical changes that occur with enlightenment. Many spiritual teachings are completely silent on what's going on in the body and the brain as a person progresses through various stages of consciousness.
-------------------- The path of the herbalist is to open ourselves to nature in an innocent and pure way. SHe in turn will open her bounty and reward us with many valuable secrets. May the earth bless you. - Michael Tierra
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deep_thinker
Suffocating

Registered: 04/16/17
Posts: 135
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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: Jaegar]
#24652040 - 09/22/17 03:58 PM (6 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Jaegar said: Peyote see a genuine medical practitioner. Hypnotherapy is not part of modern medicine and especially in serious cases of illness. It would be a ineffective tool at the least and if your condition is deteriorating a dangerous diversion.
For some there is no cure.
I paid serious cash to a hypnotherapist who claimed to fix everything...including bipolar (which I don't have) in just 4 hours.
He changed my life yes but 3 months later it wore off. I went with depression, which got fixed temporarily, and ended up with panic attack, extreme anxiety, and then a different type of depression.
It did NOT fix me, but it did lead me to Spirituality, almost like I got programmed by him to become spiritual.
Only now, 3-4 years later am I nearly there with regard to fixing my PTSD properly.
FWIW I tried CBT and therapy etc and it didn't do shit. I would suggest mdma assisted therapy if you can find it, which I cannot here in the UK.
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VroomerMcZoomers
"This user is a dumbass"


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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: deep_thinker]
#24659880 - 09/25/17 07:52 PM (6 years, 4 months ago) |
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Wow, you don't get to read this kind of thing in the newspapers. Talk about interesting.
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Either you repeat the same conventional doctrines everybody is saying, or else you say something true, and it will sound like it's from Neptune. -Noam Chomsky
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Peyote Road
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Registered: 09/02/15
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I feel like I am possessed by demons. It's just really unbelievably bad. I didn't imagine something this bad could ever happen to me, and I've been through some extremely traumatic things.
As I have more clarity over the events, I believe my condition has as much to do with living with that mad magician in a cult like atmosphere as it does to do with my sexual problems, although I believe had I not messed around with my sexual energy its quite likely or possible I would have it made out of that fine. I believe the combination between the sexual energy and the magic is what did me in.
I am waiting to see a therapist who knows about this kind of thing. You can check her website here: http://www.taraspringett.com. I should have my first session with her soon.
That evil magician still emails me demanding money and sending threats. I despise him now.
Edited by Peyote Road (09/26/17 01:33 AM)
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krypto2000
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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: Peyote Road]
#24673521 - 09/30/17 07:31 PM (6 years, 4 months ago) |
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I had something similar happen once. A different cause, but the result sounds pretty on par with yours peyote. I went to a psyche ward and sought professional treatment but that only made it worse, although I would not discourage you from going. What works for someone may not for another.
After that I felt hopeless and stuck, I felt I had nothing to live for, I was empty, no emotion, desires, nothing. Although it did not feel like it at the time this was actually kind of beneficial. Everything seemed pointless so I just did the logical "best action" at any given time. I ate really healthy, worked 9-5, cleaned, did w/e chores needed to be done. Any free time I had would be spent meditating and I'd usually give myself a couple hours of "relaxation" time to let my mind wander and do whatever before bed.
For me it lasted about a month and half and then one night the blocks dissipated just like that and I felt everything I was missing the past couple months. I was ecstatic, everything was as it should be, it all made sense, etc etc. This newfound energy/insight lasted about a couple of weeks and then I was back to normal.
Months later I began meditating again and it again brought me back to that place. I kept with the practice and, iirc, about two weeks later I passed through into the more enjoyable later stage. I was able to maintain that for quite a few months but eventually it was almost as though I had acquired a tolerance to it. It had become masturbatory. I was gaining insight just for the sensation and not really applying it to anything. My knees were swollen and it was hard to physically sit, which was the most effective form of meditation for me, and I decided to stop. Just like that I quit, haven't meditated in seven years or so now.
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Peyote Road
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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: krypto2000]
#24674540 - 10/01/17 08:01 AM (6 years, 4 months ago) |
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Well I've just made things far, far worse. On friday I masturbated. I haven't masturbate much this happened but on occasion I have gotten away with it. However on Friday when I masturbated I experienced another major surge of energy doing even more brain damage. It's absolutely horrendously awful right now. I feel like my entire brain has been erased by my own sexual energy.
I never knew this could happen. I knew masturbation was bad but no one told me it could destroy your whole brain.
-------------------- The path of the herbalist is to open ourselves to nature in an innocent and pure way. SHe in turn will open her bounty and reward us with many valuable secrets. May the earth bless you. - Michael Tierra
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krypto2000
Unknown


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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: Peyote Road] 1
#24674751 - 10/01/17 09:31 AM (6 years, 4 months ago) |
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It can't, masturbation nor kundalini energy can cause brain damage. You're feeding into your delusions which perpetuates the cycle. You should practice meditation or some type of good habit to keep your mind occupied, don't feed the delusions, pay attention. Find a hobby. Stop dwelling on it.
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Peyote Road
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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: krypto2000]
#24676687 - 10/01/17 10:15 PM (6 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yes it can, masturbation and orgasm can certainly damage the brain. I even did a thread on it. Google masturbation orgasm brain damage and you'll find more information.
-------------------- The path of the herbalist is to open ourselves to nature in an innocent and pure way. SHe in turn will open her bounty and reward us with many valuable secrets. May the earth bless you. - Michael Tierra
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krypto2000
Unknown


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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: Peyote Road]
#24677299 - 10/02/17 07:23 AM (6 years, 4 months ago) |
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Can you give me a link? Google turns up nothing but forums where people are debating whether it can cause brain damage, with the consensus even then being an obvious no. There is nothing resembling evidence of any sort.
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B5000
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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: Peyote Road] 2
#25339667 - 07/21/18 08:31 PM (5 years, 7 months ago) |
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I made an account on this forum so I could respond to this thread. Peyote, I deeply empathize with your experiences and I would like to help if I can. I too went through a traumatic and destabilizing kundalini awakening. Mine was psychedelic-induced and completely upended my world.
I experienced the whole gamut of “kundalini syndrome” symptoms that are written about in many people’s accounts: uncontrollable altered states of consciousness, intense ecstasy, intense terror, feeling on the edge of madness and suicide, feeling possessed by demons, sleep paralysis and accidental astral projecting, terrifying experiences with entities attacking me, unable to sleep because of kundalini raising (inducing paralysis, an astronomical level of terror surging through my body, and perception of threats all around me), hearing high-pitched sounds all around me, feeling surges of energy in my perineum and all throughout my body, experiencing an upwelling of unconscious impressions, hypersensitivity to light/sound/people, PTSD symptoms, kundalini raising up and feeling like it will explode out of my forehead, third eye awakening and permanently seeing etheric energy all around, intense sexual energy fluctuations and disturbing psychological conflicts, dysregulated nervous system and inability to handle increases in energy, radical disintegrating of my worldview many times over, violent and confusing dream experiences and “communications,” traumatic memories resurfacing and overwhelming me, and a pervading sense of dread at never escaping this nightmare.
I read all the articles and books I could get my hands on and I searched online for any help I could find regarding Kundalini. Among the people that responded there was one person who could truly help and it changed my life forever.
I contacted this person through e-mail, detailing my experiences and symptoms and they calmly responded, asking for a picture of me from the chest up so they could view my eyes, face, and space above my head in order to do an energy reading.
He responded back with detailed information about my stage of spiritual awakening and the level of kundalini arousal I was experiencing. Through his articles on kundalini and other recommendations I was able to stabilize myself and recover.
I later began to explore his body of work and experiences as a teacher of meditation and I realized that I had no idea what I had really stumbled upon.
Here was someone who had spent decades mastering meditation, mapping out the entire continuum of consciousness, and studying kundalini and other spiritual experiences to the highest level of precision and detail.
Working with a completely awakened “inner eye” (what some have called a “third eye”) he has spent years studying subtle phenomena and researching the kundalini energy up-close through direct observation, tracing the way it moves through each of a person’s bodies and up through the Soul and into other spiritual dimensions.
Through this means he was able to produce a “Kundalini arousal scale” that describes the inner workings of the Kundalini with an astonishing level of precision and fine detail, including the many ways that it can become imbalanced and short-circuited, and how to address them. He is truly an expert on Kundalini like no one I have ever encountered.
He also has a Master’s degree in clinical psychology, experience in mental health counseling, drug counseling, and more. So he is able to look at the mind and at psychological issues from multiple perspectives, forming a well-rounded and grounded perspective.
As a service to the meditation community he provides a Kundalini Syndrome consultation at no charge (but a donation is optional).
After helping me I encouraged my friend to e-mail this meditation teacher, as he was also having Kundalini symptoms. It turns out my friend had a misalignment in their vehicles of consciousness that was causing the kundalini energy to remain fixed at a higher center and produce all kinds of imbalance symptoms (e.g. derealization, rapid shifts in consciousness, depersonalization).
The teacher offered to provide a specific inner attunement in order to move the vehicle of consciousness back in alignment to try re-establish normal Kundalini circulation and reduce the negative symptoms.
If someone else is having significant Kundalini issues like these that are ruining their life, speaking to someone with this level of subtle vision, understanding, experience, and ability can be a life-saver. It is extremely rare to find.
Not only that, but he is such a good-natured, compassionate, understanding person. I am grateful for coming into contact with someone like him. He has written excellent books on ways to meditate in a BALANCED way so that you don’t go crazy, books about cults and how to recover from them, books about recovering from drug addiction and a dysfunctional childhood, and more.
I will provide a couple links of his articles, for Peyote and for anyone else who reads this and is in need of help with a Kundalini syndrome.
Kundalini Syndrome Consultation Order Page
(At the bottom of the page is his e-mail to send your photo to)
https://mudrashram.com/kundalini-recovery-services/
Article: “Dealing with Kundalini Emergencies”
(Note the “What you can do” section, with crucial advice like the grounding visualization to bring the kundalini energy back into the earth)
https://mudrashram.com/how-to-deal-with-kundalini-emergencies-2/
Article: “Grounding: Coming Back from Altered States of Consciousness” https://mudrashram.com/grounding-coming-back-from-altered-states-of-consciousness-2/
— These next articles are less about addressing immediate Kundalini crises (like the last two), and more about in-depth, intricate information about the Kundalini.
If you are having troubling imbalance symptoms and difficulty reading, don’t feel obligated to look through these, as the first 3 links (especially the link for the kundalini consultation) would probably be most relevant and helpful.
Article: “A Kundalini Arousal Scale” https://mudrashram.com/A-Kundalini-Arousal-Scale-2/
Article: “Reflections on Kundalini Shakti” https://mudrashram.com/reflections-on-kundalini-shakti-2/
Article: Talk Given at Babaji’s Parliament of Yoga and World Religions, December 19, 1992 https://mudrashram.com/kundalinitalk/
The credentials of the meditation teacher https://mudrashram.com/who-is-george-a-boyd/
The spiritual journey of the meditation teacher https://mudrashram.com/my-spiritual-journey/
Edited by B5000 (07/21/18 08:33 PM)
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pacmanbreed



Registered: 10/12/16
Posts: 3,737
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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: Earthsweeties]
#25339910 - 07/22/18 12:49 AM (5 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
Earthsweeties said: I've read some heartening posts of yours in the past, so it was sad to read this.
God loves you man! Us humans are miraculously resilient. We all have our falls on the road and take wrong turns, but you'll pick yourself back up. The intention is there, the fact you're even reaching out to ask tells me that the seed of faith and hope remains, as tiny as it may seem.

I even dont enjoy sex that much now adays, as ive been abusing my sexuality and dominance from my younger days. Ive done so much immorality in my part specially that im commited to someone, hurting so many people without being aware of it. Until i recieved my heart wrecking awakening by losing my little love ones.
Nothing is wrong with pure sex as a human aslong as both of the parties are not yet commited. That it would hurt other souls.
Some pure physical things turns to pure love as times goes by.
I am feeling your struggles men. Ive learnd so much wisdom from your post.. Thanks for sharing your honest ups and downs.
As a human we all have our own weaknesses. I agree to earthsweeties post that the fact your reaching and asking, there something special within you that most people havent tap into.
Matthew, 13:32 - which indeed is smaller than all seeds. But when it is grown, it is greater than the herbs, and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in its branches."
All scriptures points to the same direction. Only difference is the one's who explains them in pure honesty to help others thru the road.
Edited by pacmanbreed (07/22/18 01:15 AM)
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Earthsweeties
Curioso
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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: pacmanbreed] 1
#25352463 - 07/28/18 03:23 PM (5 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
pacmanbreed said:
Quote:
Earthsweeties said: I've read some heartening posts of yours in the past, so it was sad to read this.
God loves you man! Us humans are miraculously resilient. We all have our falls on the road and take wrong turns, but you'll pick yourself back up. The intention is there, the fact you're even reaching out to ask tells me that the seed of faith and hope remains, as tiny as it may seem.

I even dont enjoy sex that much now adays, as ive been abusing my sexuality and dominance from my younger days. Ive done so much immorality in my part specially that im commited to someone, hurting so many people without being aware of it. Until i recieved my heart wrecking awakening by losing my little love ones.
Nothing is wrong with pure sex as a human aslong as both of the parties are not yet commited. That it would hurt other souls.
Some pure physical things turns to pure love as times goes by.
I am feeling your struggles men. Ive learnd so much wisdom from your post.. Thanks for sharing your honest ups and downs.
As a human we all have our own weaknesses. I agree to earthsweeties post that the fact your reaching and asking, there something special within you that most people havent tap into.
Matthew, 13:32 - which indeed is smaller than all seeds. But when it is grown, it is greater than the herbs, and becomes a tree, so that the birds of the air come and lodge in its branches."
All scriptures points to the same direction. Only difference is the one's who explains them in pure honesty to help others thru the road.
Thanks man. Funny I just came on here for the first time in a while and I've just lost a good friendship today because of stupid sexual ambiguities between us (female friend). Sex seems to naturally lead to a shitstorm, in my life at least... We continue learning
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pacmanbreed



Registered: 10/12/16
Posts: 3,737
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Re: Bad kundalini awakening destroyed my mind [Re: Earthsweeties]
#25352553 - 07/28/18 04:12 PM (5 years, 6 months ago) |
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My gratitude too. And thanks be to God, fellow friend & brother, That is some Comforting synchronocity in both our part stumbling to this thread once again in long time. Matthew, 5:4 - Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted John, 15:26 But when the Comforter is come, whom I will send unto you from the Father, even the Spirit of truth, which proceedeth from the Father, he shall testify of me: Luke, 1:47 - My spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior,
Self-realization is a huge step towards helping others and spread THY word. Glad to see another awakening soul out there.
Edited by pacmanbreed (07/28/18 04:34 PM)
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