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OfflineTheMycMan
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So Im single again. Advice?
    #25350829 - 07/27/18 05:31 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

Im single again after 3 and a half years of loving someone shes decided that im no longer what she wants.
Im just wanting to move on and i dont need cliches but i would like advice on where to look or places to go to meet someone who is just like me in a sense, I dont mean in every scope of the way but interested in everything i am.

Im an atheist
i love the sciences but in particular Mycology and anthropology
im a skeptic
im politically involved\
im an independent liberal (not everything leans to the left)
im into a very wide variety of music excluding mostly foreign and country music or lyrics that arent in english
im in love with computer hardware
im a gamer (when i have the time which is rare)
im a researcher and a scientist
im absolutely in love with psychedelics (they play a huge role in my life)
i like women all all shapes and sizes but The Myc Man certainly has a weight limit.

what other details are important?
if i was to start dating online what are some red flags?
what would be important onmy profiles?
what other things about myself are important to describe?
shpuld i just post my life story or what?

TO THE ADMIN: if this is not appropriate to this forum then please move this thread to the Pub instead


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Science can and will solve all of our problems. Science denial will destroy the world as we know it.

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OfflineBBBlack
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Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: TheMycMan] * 2
    #25350908 - 07/27/18 06:08 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

Trying to approach the pursuit of a mate based on that list you've written with all those things describing yourself, seems like an excellent way to end up in yet another 3.5 year relationship, and ultimately be disappointed.

Are you being a bit too rigid? Too formulaic?

I've always found that the more important things in life tend to come up only after you've quit searching for them outright (or prior), and instead have accepted that it's simply something you desire, releasing any expectation as to where it might possibly show up. The mysterious way in which that process unfolds, is what makes life beautiful and interesting.

So, as far as recommendations as to where you might have luck finding a mate...

How about trying the last place you'd think to look? :wink:

Of course, finding her in the obvious place to look before you actually had come up with the idea, can be just as much a surprise as finding her in the last place you'd look. Gosh, ain't life bizarre?


There truly is no rhyme or reason to this. Just be yourself, let mistakes happen and always seek to break down your own barriers. Get into your own groove - your balance - learn to stay there, and before you know it a perfect mate will appear out of nowhere like a vapor. It'll probably be at the freaking supermarket.

Edited by BBBlack (07/27/18 06:18 PM)

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OfflineTheMycMan
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Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: BBBlack]
    #25350934 - 07/27/18 06:18 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

she was nothing like me we shared almost none of the same interests. niether have any of my exes for that matter. are you suggesting i shouldnt be looking for someone more like myself? thats only ever led to heart break for me so far.
isnt the point of a happy relationship to do things together that you both love?
what do you mean a mate?


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Science can and will solve all of our problems. Science denial will destroy the world as we know it.

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OfflineBBBlack
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Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: TheMycMan] * 1
    #25350944 - 07/27/18 06:23 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

You're asking me what a 'mate' is after posting this thread?

Um... it's a "girlfriend".

To me, your sig reveals that you're trying too hard to calculate this out. Just be yourself - strong - and go about your daily life, and you'll find her when you find her. Sorry if you wanted something more complex.

She will not necessarily be just like you, and she will not necessarily be unlike you. You'll only know who she is when you find her. (That kind of talk probably annoys the crap out of a guy like you :tongue2:)

I'm not saying you won't find someone if you go out looking, but the chances of a relationship which starts out like that, isn't always meant to last more than 3.5 years.

Your mileage may vary. This is just my opinion and experience.

Edited by BBBlack (07/27/18 06:26 PM)

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Invisiblesplit_by_nine
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Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: TheMycMan] * 1
    #25350955 - 07/27/18 06:28 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

i agree with BBBlack, solely based on my life experiences. Happiness is found within yourself. If you are happy and passionate about your life and what you choose to do with it, then the right people will come along (friends and lovers). I don't know the details of your relationship that ended, but I can say for sure that you both can benefit from it. This is the time for self reflection and growth. I was in the same boat my friend. I felt devastated for a long while after my breakup, but in retrospect, I wouldn't change any of it. It was a great experience in both love and pain. I don't doubt that you loved her or she loved you, but sometimes the universe makes a decision without asking us.. take this time you have on your hands and show the world that you are a good person. the love you take is equal to the love you make.


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🐴:poop:
hpoo or die

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OfflineTheMycMan
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Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: split_by_nine]
    #25350973 - 07/27/18 06:38 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

black im not annoyed at all.
i asked what you meant by mate because like 4 definitions come to mind when i read that.
how will that all work out if im an introvert?

split: she ended it because apparently im not enough like her and we dont hold any of the same interests.
evidently she wants someone else and not me. she hasnt even moved out yet and shes already been on a few dates which just pisses me off to no avail
Im ready to focus on me but being who i am (introverted, shy, methodological, ADD AF and easily friend zoned.
the signature is definitely something im true to but i know know to apply science to dating

some things about me are like huge desires in a significant other. like i watch a lot of stuff about debunking religion and debate tactics against theism (A LOT)
wouldnt it be a bad situation to end up with someone whos religious and i may not know until it got serious?

are you both suggesting i dont try online dating at all?


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Science can and will solve all of our problems. Science denial will destroy the world as we know it.

Edited by TheMycMan (07/27/18 06:43 PM)

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Invisiblesplit_by_nine
i am the liquor


Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: TheMycMan] * 1
    #25351004 - 07/27/18 06:51 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

online dating is hit or miss. i've found some cool friends online and girlfriends.

and as far ending up with someone who is religious... well.. my wife is devout christian and I am not religious at all (in fact i am more like you when it comes to religion, i cant stand it but i do think it is interesting enough to study). It comes down to respecting one another and respecting one another's choices in life. I listen to music that would scare the hell out of my wife haha like satan worshipping BLACK METAL, but I respect her enough to not play it around her. does that make sense? lol 

and for the record, I like Black Metal music, but i do not worship satan lmao


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🐴:poop:
hpoo or die

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Invisiblesplit_by_nine
i am the liquor


Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: split_by_nine] * 1
    #25351011 - 07/27/18 06:55 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

i think you are feeling the way i used to feel about intimate relationships. in so far as, you want your significant other to share all the things you enjoy, and you to enjoy everything they like to do.. and that is true to an extent. you still have to be an individual and have your own space and time to yourself. I would be divorced if I tried to force all of my hobbies on my wife haha she doesnt even drink or smoke herb. in fact she never has, and she doesnt care that i do every day because we support each other no matter what! if you want everlasting love and happiness, you have to be prepared to make huge sacrifices and expect some losses.


--------------------
🐴:poop:
hpoo or die

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OfflineTheMycMan
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Registered: 12/05/17
Posts: 224
Loc: Florida Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 3 days
Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: split_by_nine]
    #25351023 - 07/27/18 07:02 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

i would never assume you worshiped Satan. most satanic people are atheists anyway.
the problem would be that i am basically an anti theist in that i think religion as a whole is more harmful to society than good.
i find that i typically know more about the bible than most Christians and im unfortunately or not very outspoken on it.
the girl whos leaving me came into the relationship a catholic and left an atheist and it burdens me that i took that away from her sometimes.
people love their religions and its not bad for everyone but i dont even think i could be with someone who claimed to be spiritual
im just such a methodological naturalist that i find religious dogma to be repulsive
as a study of culture though yes i am fascinated by their beliefs its just hard to speak to religious people without attempting to debate with them even if i intend to be civil about it. not every conversation is a debate despite what my brain wants.
what kinds of sacrifices did you make if you dont mind my asking?
again for anyone else who reads this i by no means hate or have any problem with religious people. you can believe we came from pixies and im not gonna judge you.


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Science can and will solve all of our problems. Science denial will destroy the world as we know it.

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Invisiblesplit_by_nine
i am the liquor


Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: TheMycMan] * 1
    #25351048 - 07/27/18 07:13 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

the biggest sacrifice i had to make was to stop being so selfish, which was incredibly hard for me. i used to be the type of person who would say, "I want what I want, and that's that." and now that I have a wonderful person in my life, I have to ask myself, "how will this decision affect her?".

another major sacrifice for me was giving up on trying to have sex every moment of my life hahaha i enjoy sex and i enjoy it with many people, but now i am monogamous and that was very hard at first. but now, I can't imagine being with anyone else.


--------------------
🐴:poop:
hpoo or die

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OfflineTheMycMan
Industrial Mycologist
Male


Registered: 12/05/17
Posts: 224
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Last seen: 5 years, 3 days
Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: split_by_nine]
    #25351069 - 07/27/18 07:22 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

okay, it just scares me. Ill be 24 next month and i know thats young but i was ready to get engaged and have a kid which is all she ever begged for and now she doesnt wnat that or me.
i dont like the idea of waiting until im 30 to have a child and i hate the idea of not being with the person i have a kid with. not just child support but all the stresses of not being around my kid all the time.
it scares me that i wont achieve that. like the thought of what if the next one gets to 3 years and does the same thing. then im fucked


--------------------
Science can and will solve all of our problems. Science denial will destroy the world as we know it.

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Invisiblesplit_by_nine
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Posts: 21,288
Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: TheMycMan]
    #25351083 - 07/27/18 07:32 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

dude, the same thing happened to me at that age. i'll be 32 in november. trust me, it gets easier and it does get better. My wife is hesitant on having kids right now. the girl i was with before her, i thought we'd have kids and all that and I really wanted them and still do. but it will happen naturally if it is supposed to. my parent split when i was small and ive never had a real relationship with my dad and barely have one with my mom.. so i always wanted a family and wanted love, but as I get older I realize that I do have love all around me, but i have been ignoring it. the world is full of beauty and love and you will find yours. and like BBBlack said, sometimes you have to stop looking and let it find you.


--------------------
🐴:poop:
hpoo or die

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OfflineTheMycMan
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Registered: 12/05/17
Posts: 224
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Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: split_by_nine]
    #25351093 - 07/27/18 07:38 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

not that it wont happen but how will they find me if i work almost entirely from home and i dont like going out to places without a purpose?
my parents were only together for a few months when my mom got pregnant.they married 3 years later and have been together ever since. not that i wont get it but thats what i want
they do everything together
i want a best friend
i want a soul mate so to speak. i know thats kind of asking a lot


--------------------
Science can and will solve all of our problems. Science denial will destroy the world as we know it.

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Invisiblesplit_by_nine
i am the liquor


Registered: 07/11/18
Posts: 21,288
Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: TheMycMan] * 1
    #25351187 - 07/27/18 08:22 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

you can ask for a lot if you are willing to give a lot, man. instead of looking to gain a companion, put more of an effort into being one. you need to make time for yourself that doesnt involve work. throw a party at your house and have friends bring other friends and try to meet new people. you could start a band if you play any instruments.


--------------------
🐴:poop:
hpoo or die

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Invisiblekeyohnah
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Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: TheMycMan] * 1
    #25351281 - 07/27/18 09:29 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

My advice? Enjoy being single for awhile and in saying that, I don't mean by dating. I'm not saying to rule out dating entirely but go spend time with friends or make new ones, spend time alone, go do activities alone that you may not have done alone before. I find that often when someone begins casually dating so quickly after such a long term relationship, they have a tendency to just fall back into another serious relationship.

My advice is to just enjoy being by yourself for now. It can be a beautiful thing.


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"Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story."

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Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: TheMycMan]
    #25351562 - 07/28/18 01:17 AM (5 years, 7 months ago)

My advice is to be happy being single.


The rest will fall into place once you've done that.


--------------------
Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!

quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]

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OfflineBBBlack
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Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: TheMycMan]
    #25351986 - 07/28/18 10:01 AM (5 years, 7 months ago)

?

Edited by BBBlack (07/28/18 10:06 AM)

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OfflineBBBlack
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Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: TheMycMan] * 1
    #25351991 - 07/28/18 10:03 AM (5 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

TheMycMan said:
okay, it just scares me. Ill be 24 next month and i know thats young but i was ready to get engaged and have a kid which is all she ever begged for and now she doesnt wnat that or me.
i dont like the idea of waiting until im 30 to have a child and i hate the idea of not being with the person i have a kid with. not just child support but all the stresses of not being around my kid all the time.
it scares me that i wont achieve that. like the thought of what if the next one gets to 3 years and does the same thing. then im fucked




Brother - quit freaking out and overthinking all of this.

The fact that you didn't know what I meant when I used the word 'mate' in referring to a romantic partner, and that "four different things came to mind" when you read it - I can't get over that. You're lost in your head if that's actually what happened, and this would explain why you're going to such elaborate measures to try and calculate and analyze what is truly a simple, organic, "feeling-based" experience.

On the other hand, this might indicate that online dating is exactly what you need. Just copy and paste that list from your original post into your online profile. Because, after all, isn't a human being pretty much just a conglomerate of beliefs and opinions? On the surface level, sure... but again, addressing surface-level stuff alone as part of the pursuit of a mate (hehe), is a surefire way to have a shallow and highly temporary experience. And, it sounds to me like that's specifically what you're trying to avoid.

That isn't supposed to be a jab at online-dating - my cousin is happily married to a great woman who fits him perfectly because of it. Many others have found great people though it. I'm just trying to help you get the whole "2+2=4" thing out of your head, because in reality, 2+2 sometimes equals 94, and other times, 5.67, and other times it equals pasta-sauce-mahogany-BUll+filament ((times twelve, with a zero on the tail-end, sans stupor an-CHOosseUHM empattity.))

I'm not trying to be a jerk. And I'm not trying to crap all over your method - the amount of thought you're putting into this is admirable and certainly shows that you posses great capacity for LOVE. But too much thought, and too much conceptual focus placed upon anything, tends to have the opposite effect. This is the paradox that any deep thinker such as yourself, must eventually realize. After enough thinking-it-through, you begin to simply do what you do, without much thought. Move toward this.

Quote:

mndfreeze said:
My advice is to be happy being single.


The rest will fall into place once you've done that.




^^This is 100% correct, and it's what I'm trying to say but in a much more streamlined manner. Take this advice and use it.

Edited by BBBlack (08/31/18 04:46 AM)

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OfflineTheMycMan
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Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: BBBlack]
    #25352096 - 07/28/18 11:24 AM (5 years, 7 months ago)

thank you all.
ive decided to take all of the advice at hand
im going top set up some online profiles just to have them in my back pocket but i wont dwell on them.
ill try to get out more with friends and meet new people as difficult as that may be for myself.
ill focus on me and start putting myself first above all others for a while
maybe start saving more money
ive got a shit ton saved already my bank account is very happy
im gonna focus more on my mushroom cultures and when i feel stable again ill have some self reflecting trips (its been a long while)
maybe one day in the soon or distant future ill go out with confidence, be less frugal and pursue meeting someone but you're all right
its time for introspection

thank you all again. and i never felt bullied


--------------------
Science can and will solve all of our problems. Science denial will destroy the world as we know it.

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Re: So Im single again. Advice? [Re: TheMycMan] * 1
    #25353154 - 07/28/18 11:02 PM (5 years, 7 months ago)

Making the profiles is a good idea, just be careful you don't let yourself slip into another relationship that isn't right purely out of lonliness and being on the rebound.  It is good to put yourself out there however if anything just for a little self esteem boost and reminder that there are other people who are single.

Really, the key is to be happy by yourself, with yourself, about yourself, so that you can be happy with someone else and they will be happy with you.  You are young.  There will be others, for sure.  You don't need to rush life or meet any expectations of when to have a kid, be married, etc, etc.  Trust me when I say as you age time flies much much faster and the things that seem SOOOOOOO important now, are not going to be important at all later.

Love yourself!


--------------------
Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!

quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]

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