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Offlinethestringphish
vajrayana

Registered: 04/17/03
Posts: 521
Loc: on my way to another plac...
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
please, input is needed, tell me what you think, help.
    #2533831 - 04/07/04 04:05 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

a couple years ago i met this girl and soon afterwards moved into an apartment with her as my roomate with one other person. I did not know her at all pretty much, the first complete night we spent at this apartment our other roomate left and me and this girl had a chance to talk, we sat together for hours together talking about all kinds of things, details being unimportant, i never met anyone remotley close to this and knew instantly i could and would fall painfully hard in love with this girl if i gave my self half a chance. The problem with this situation is the other roomate who left is my best friend i knew from high school and the girl is his new girlfriend. i decided that night then and there that i simply could not go after this girl, i had to accept the fact that my friend had scored the most incredible person ever as his girlfriend and i would simply have to hope to find someone half as great someday. I was not going to be the asshole who betrayed my best friend for a girl. we were supposed to move to seattle together, me and my friend, but after meeting this girl, he took her instead of me with him, and i moved to pheonix. (we were all living in iowa). after pheonix i did some traveling and eventually they invited me to come live with them in Seattle. i went and a short while after my arival i notice this girl is coming on to me pretty hard, still going out with my friend, after time i had become better friends with the girl than with the high school buddy, we could simply talk about anything and with my hs friend i could not. after a little while i give in and me and this girl have a fling. she notices that this is tearing me and my hs friend apart. he has no clue of what is going on but i cant even look him in the eye anymore 'cause i feel overwhelmingly guilty, and the fact that when he comes home from work as we're making out on the couch and she suddenly gets up to go greet and kiss him, i can't handle this, but she see's all this(she's pretty damn smart) so she eventually tells me she does not want to me to be a fling on the side and cuts it off. things go back to normal for a while then she breaks up with him a few monts latter. all of a sudden the flood gates are open for her, not only are we doing our thing again, but she's seeing every guy who she finds halfway interesting, my friend finds out we've been going at it for a while now but somehow understands and is still cool with me, although he considers her the devil. i get angry at her because were suposed to be best freinds above anything and that starts to disolve with the evolution of our relationship, we get into a fight, i tell her i'm leaving washington, she dont' belive me, i leave, she stay's, i go back to iowa, she showas up in iowa a week later, she came after me. everything's great and after a while we decide to start dating eachother exclusivley. a couple days laster she has to go to seattle, and i cant leave iowa for another cople weeks. i knew when she went back to seattle she was going to have to stay with a guy she used to date, you know where that's going to lead, i called here the othere day, i can finally get out of here and i can meet up with her again. but i know she's been fucking around on me i expected it and when i finally talked to her again i could tell for sure, ( i know her pretty well now). were going to maui together and basically what i'm getting at is, the one thing that hurts me more than anything is if the girl i love is fucking around and being dishonest with me, which happens to be the case right now, i cant simply leave her, i'm bonded to here for life, at least as a friend, but i guess what i'm asking is, would i be better off cutting off the romantic aspect of this relationship and returning to simple friend status, this is an incredibly hard notion for me, as i see her as the most important, incredible, wonderfull, beautifull thing ever to make a prescence in my life, or should i confront this and work this out. she treats me as if i'm indispensible and if i ever have any problems with her she's always quick to take care of them and always trying to make me happy, i guess i just want suggestions on my situation, i'm young and inexperienced, and this is all very overwhellming to me. please, give me some words and i'll explain more of my situation latter. thank you very much. peace.


--------------------
Ken Wilbur

"this is life changing"

welcomehome


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Offlineenotake2
Stop Bush's war
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Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 1,457
Loc: Comfy chair in my lounger...
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: please, input is needed, tell me what you think, help. [Re: thestringphish]
    #2533849 - 04/07/04 04:49 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Man, I reckon I would confront her and ask her if she has slept with that other guy and why if she went all the way to washington to chase you. If she says yes tell her your feelings and let her know you want it to be exclusive (if she doesn't know already). From there it will be easier to make a decision about what to do.


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Computer games don't affect kids. I mean if Pacman affected our generation as kids, we'd all be running around in a darkened room, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music.

"Being bitter and hateful is like drinking a vial of poison and hoping the other person gets sick" FreakQLibrium

"My motto from here on out is: If someone or something (including me) in my life is conducting themselves in such a way that they can be seen on Jerry Springer, it's time to take out the garbage!!! When you stop taking their behaviour personally and see their antics as a true reflection on their character, it becomes absolutely nauseating." Anon. on abusive relationships.


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Offlinedaba
Stranger
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Registered: 12/30/02
Posts: 3,881
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Re: please, input is needed, tell me what you think, help. [Re: thestringphish]
    #2533862 - 04/07/04 05:07 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Paragraphs... I can barely read that.


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Fold for The Shroomery!


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Offlinemonkey_monkey
lover

Registered: 03/10/04
Posts: 77
Loc: UK
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: please, input is needed, tell me what you think, help. [Re: thestringphish]
    #2534611 - 04/07/04 12:28 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

She cheated and lied to your mate...why do you think she will be any different with you?
She sounds like trouble and certainly not someone I would want in my life...bin her and find someone worthy then mend some bridges with your friend


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Monkeys need lovin too!


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Offlinewaterbug
just a figment
Female

Registered: 01/06/04
Posts: 3,322
Loc: where i live they grow ou...
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: please, input is needed, tell me what you think, help. [Re: thestringphish]
    #2534799 - 04/07/04 01:25 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

I agree with monkey, she cant be the best girl ever if she has no problem sleeping around on everybody, I say you guys should prolly just be friends and then if you end up fooling around there would be no hurt feelings.


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Girls Poop!


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Offlinesykobish
ProfessionalPsycho - JTOKREW
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Registered: 03/15/03
Posts: 17,805
Loc: Toronto, eh?
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: please, input is needed, tell me what you think, help. [Re: thestringphish]
    #2535789 - 04/07/04 05:33 PM (12 years, 7 months ago)

For one thing, you should never have gotten involved with someone you knew was cheating on someone else.  There is no excuse for that.  And since she did that with you, the idea that she may continue that with other people while you two are together, will always be at the back of your mind.  As it should, because as monkey said, she did it to your friend, why would you think she would be any different or more loyal towards you?

Sounds like she's confused as to what she wants.  I would say that the best thing you could do for your own well-being and mind, is to end it with her.  You don't want to continue a relationship when you can't trust that person and are always doubting them.  A relationship is based on trust and loyalty.  If you don't have that, it's not a relationship.

I'm sorry to hear that it didn't work out better for you but at least you can chalk this one up as experience and move on with your life.  I wish you the best. :heart:


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I would rather have had one breath of her hair, one kiss from her mouth, one touch of her hand, than eternity without it. One.
-={Nite-Crew}=-

*-_Thread_Jacker_-*
To love is to admire with the heart; to admire is to love with the mind. - Th?ophile Gautier.
Seek not every quality in one individual - Confucius.
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Offlinethestringphish
vajrayana

Registered: 04/17/03
Posts: 521
Loc: on my way to another plac...
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Re: please, input is needed, tell me what you think, help. [Re: sykobish]
    #2537926 - 04/08/04 03:12 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

Quote:

sykobish said:
For one thing, you should never have gotten involved with someone you knew was cheating on someone else. There is no excuse for that. And since she did that with you, the idea that she may continue that with other people while you two are together, will always be at the back of your mind. As it should, because as monkey said, she did it to your friend, why would you think she would be any different or more loyal towards you?





this has been a key problem continuing to come up in my head. She does know i want to be exclusive, she has been messing around with the other guy. I know this for sure already. After she broke up with my friend i was one of a myriad of guys she was seeing, and after a while they thined out and i remained. after months of her knowing i wanted it to be an exclusive type of relationship, and her saying that that would be the number one thing to destroy our frendship, she suddenly changed her mind, one day she just came to me and said she had been incredibly stupid and she wanted to be with me, just me, she actually told me, no shit, that i was her ideal of what a human being should be and she had no idea why she was afraid to be with me before. there is a huge part of me that wants to say we should just be friends and nothing more, but when it comes down to it i love her to death and any chance at all to take it further than that i'm going to be all over. i sometimes wonder if she's just terrified of getting too serious about anything. one thing that i think is strange also is the fact that no matter how many other people she sees, anytime i go out with someone else she acts like a goddess to me for days afterwards, if we are walking down the street or sitting on the bus and other girls our age come by, she's always quick to put her arm around me or kiss me as too let them know that i'm taken, but if i do the same she acts annoyed. i know what i should do for my piece of mind, and to be honest, i think i might be a little too dumb struck at the the moment to do it, but i've obviousley gotten some intelligent input thus far (thank you) so, can anyone suggest what they think she might be going through.

i'll spell this out again, she just ended major relationship, wanted me as her best friend as she dated others imediatley after, but kept me close and made an obvious effort to not let me get to far away (at one point i was going to go to hawaii with some rainbows i know and leave her in seattle, she freaked and begged me to not leave her behind, i submitted and stayed), once she had enough of the dating shit she decided she wanted to be with me exclusivley, yet i know she still has her eye out for others, it's going to be a long time and work of magic if i can ever trust her enough to have a serious, meaningfull romantic relationship with her.

i'm not sure if she see me as the best she can get or if she sees me as the best but wants to have fun before settleing down for a potentially serious length of time with one person. (this is the first time in about 6 years she's been single) i see things that point to both conclusions, and would hate to extend the relationship if it's the former, but would hate to end it if it's the latter. this is my dillema.

And more than anything else, i care about her alot and i hate seeing her with other guy's, it dont matter who they are, they always seem like shit bags to me, so even if nothing else, if she's with me at least she's not with someone else. i know this is a little fucked up but i also know that she's happy with me and eventually always gets frustrated and pissed with others. wtf?


--------------------
Ken Wilbur

"this is life changing"

welcomehome


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Offlinemonkey_monkey
lover

Registered: 03/10/04
Posts: 77
Loc: UK
Last seen: 11 years, 4 months
Re: please, input is needed, tell me what you think, help. [Re: thestringphish]
    #2538127 - 04/08/04 05:06 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

She keeps coming back to you because you let her! You sound as though your self esteem and confidence has taken a bashing. She is treating you badly and no amount of wishing and distortion on your part is going to change that.
Its difficult I know to actually see the facts for what they really are. She sounds to me like she wants you as a kind of "reserve" for when nothing better is available. She doesnt really want you...not in the true sense....but she doesnt want anyone else to have you either!! You are a safe bet and will keep treating you this way as long as you allow her to. Remember...you cant change someone elses behaviour....but you CAN change how you respond to that behavior!!!
If she really means the things she says then she WOULD NOT be treating you in this way!
You are clearly unhappy and confused...that is not the way you should be feeling in a loving open relationship. You should feel safe and secure and be confident about the other persons feelings towards you.
Hunni I know its a tough one...I spent 8 years chasing emotions out of someone that I thought was the love of my life...he treated me in much the same way as this girl is now. I now know that true love and respect is based upon honesty and respect and you should NEVER compromise your sense of esteem and belief in what is right and wrong.
Im in love now...real love...and one that allows me to be happy safe secure and honest. People who say they love you should be making you feel that way....words are just meaningless unless backed up by actions!!
Be strong and be honest with yourself...You deserve to feel so much better!!! Good luck!!


--------------------
Monkeys need lovin too!


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Invisible40oz
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Registered: 01/19/01
Posts: 30,035
Loc: Sandy Eggo. Ca.
Re: please, input is needed, tell me what you think, help. [Re: thestringphish]
    #2538143 - 04/08/04 05:26 AM (12 years, 7 months ago)

okay, first off,
bro's over hoes' dude.
bitches come, bitches go,
its your homies thatll be there forever.

so anyway,
things usually end, the way they begin.
she has a promiscuous cycle and a problem with commitment.
you seen it first hand from the get go, and you must realize
you cant change other people. history is more likely prone to repeat itself than not, dont set yourself up next time.

to be quite honest with you, i wouldnt just 'end it'
ive seen alot of great possibilities being flushed down the toilet becuz their significant other doesnt exactly fit societies personal stereotye/image of who that perfect somebody should be.

desite her promiscuousness, you still aknowledge how great things still are. why would you want to ruin that? honestly?
we're only human! no one is perfect, & no one is going to fit a pre-concieved image.
now what you need to do is realize how your relationship is
truthfully & adapt to it, dont kill it.
but open your mind a little bit.
relationships are strickly about bonds.
not about trust, loyalty, faithfulness,etc (put aside
the stereotype of 'relationship')
yer young, BE young. LIVE young.
there is a time when its time to think about monogomy,
and now isnt the time.
live a little & be strong.
nothing lasts forever,
everything has an end.
cherish those times you feel with her,
cherish your bonds with her while you 2 have that possibility.

now, 1 more thing i highly suggest you doing after you
have come to terms with how things really are:
communicate with her, be real w/ eachother.
if she isnt going to be faithful,
that a primary concern is that she is doing so responsibly.


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