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Anonymous #1

1st relationship advice.
    #25114298 - 04/04/18 06:29 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Okay so Im a 23 y/o male and I went on my first date last week. I really like this girl and she likes me. I have been texting her every day. My last relationship was when I was in the 7th grade. Im afraid Im being too clingy and will drive her away. I dont think posting on the internet will help but I thought I would try. I just want general advice of how things usually go.

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
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Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #25114335 - 04/04/18 06:44 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
I dont think posting on the internet will help but I thought I would try. I just want general advice of how things usually go.



Hey man, that's what we're here for! It's certainly not gonna do any harm to talk things through and perhaps be a little better prepared!! The human mating ritual can be one of the most counter-intuitive aspects of the whole human experience - and that's before you've even got into 'relationship' territory!

#1 piece of advice I can give is don't take anything too seriously at this stage. Be light and playful. Don't smother her in any way, including texting too often.

If you just have fun, then you'll just have fun!! Try and remain in the present moment as much as possible with her. Listen, talk, laugh, and, if it feels right, touch.

Good luck!!


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Anonymous #2

Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 3
    #25114343 - 04/04/18 06:48 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Don't make her the center of your life

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Anonymous #1

Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25114364 - 04/04/18 06:54 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

thanks thats a little re-assuring.

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
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Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25114372 - 04/04/18 06:58 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Feel free to elaborate if there's anything that's on your mind.


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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Anonymous #1

Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25114435 - 04/04/18 07:17 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

would it be okay to text her a picture of what Im doing every so often?

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25114460 - 04/04/18 07:31 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

I think that's a great idea/gesture man. It can be a lot of fun if you turn it into a game. 'Picture of the day' or 'Best picture of something blue' or even just something that inspires you. Nature is always handy for doing that and looking beautiful at the same time!!

Just refrain from the selfies is all. There's a million things out there more interesting than capturing yourself in a pose...

You'll get plenty of time to look deeply at each other later.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Anonymous #1

Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25114479 - 04/04/18 07:41 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Okay cool. Would it be normal to call and talk every so often? I'm horribly bad at texting and talking feels more natural to me.

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OfflinemndfreezeMDiscordReddit
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Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #25114494 - 04/04/18 07:48 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

A good rule of thumb to follow if you are concerned about smothering/being to clingy is to look at your actions with her like you would with a friend.  Treat her the same (a little better, she is relationship material anyway right?) as you would your close friends.  Generally if something you would do with a friend, like taking a picture of what your doing would be OK and normal for you and your buds, its probably ok with her.  If your friends would ask you wtf is wrong with you and not in that friendly sarcastic way, probably a bad idea. :laugh:

As the relationship grows you can slowly get deeper into it from there, but thats a good guideline for when things are starting out.  Light, friendly, flirty.  Be open and honest but keep in mind that the honeymoon period of a new relationship can oft lead your mind and mouth astray because you are not seeing the bad things, only the good, and they seem REALLY good. 

There are also no hard and fast rules on how often to text or talk.  Its different for everyone.  Some people get weird about it if it occurs to often, other people dive into it head first.  You definitely should chat on the phone every 3 or 4 days.  Any longer and she might think you're not that interested in her.  Feelings are weird, people are weird, and they get butthurt over weird things sometimes.


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Nothing says love like grannies prolapsed anus!

quote]Urb said:
I know... Its fucked up... Ill fix it minyana..[/quote]

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: mndfreeze]
    #25114571 - 04/04/18 08:20 PM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Amazing advice from Mr Freeze up there as usual.

I think talking on the phone is way superior to texting, so definitely go with that if you've been texting but know you've both got time for a chat. Find somewhere comfy to sit/lie and get to know each other deeply whilst being silly and having fun!!


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Anonymous #1

Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25115041 - 04/05/18 03:46 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

That's great advice.thankyou

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
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Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25115047 - 04/05/18 04:00 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

You're welcome man. I'm really happy for you; getting into that aspect of life with such untainted eyes as your own sounds like a very beautiful thing. Because of the way the world is I wouldn't be surprised if it felt the opposite of that, but as a romantic it's fucking stunning to remember back to that place.

Always worth bearing in mind that, again, due to the nature of our world, most of what we've been told in this life is bullshit. A huge amount of that surrounds intimate relationships.

Best way is to drop all preconceptions and enter into it with as open a mind as possible. You're entering into a realm of almost infinite potential.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Anonymous #1

Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25115058 - 04/05/18 04:13 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Haha thanks. Yeah whatever chemicals my brain released when I put my arm around her at the movie made me feel really dizzy and weird but good. I do understand the nature of how life is sometimes with relationships. Ive never had something like this in my life and Im trying to not let it occupy my thoughts too much. I will post an update if things go good or bad. either way it should be a learning experience haha.

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OfflineCrispy224
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Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #25115194 - 04/05/18 06:40 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
Haha thanks. Yeah whatever chemicals my brain released when I put my arm around her at the movie made me feel really dizzy and weird but good. I do understand the nature of how life is sometimes with relationships. Ive never had something like this in my life and Im trying to not let it occupy my thoughts too much. I will post an update if things go good or bad. either way it should be a learning experience haha.



Ahh how cute... Wait until you two get naked for the first time you think going to the movies make you dizzy and excited. Best of luck friend. What made you not have a girlfriend from 7th grade until 23? Did you put school first? Or where you not as aggressive with pursuing them?


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Matsesherbs.com is a SCAM site. Do not send them any money!!!!

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Anonymous #1

Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Crispy224] * 1
    #25115680 - 04/05/18 11:21 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

I'm really quiet and I got distracted by porn videogames and drugs.its annoying that they stole so much time from me. I've been good for a few years now. I'm picky and i finally found this girl that I like enough to ask on a date.

Well she didn't respond to my good morning message the other day so I think she got annoyed or something. Should I just not message her again or wait a few days? I know she's going out of town this weekend.

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25115690 - 04/05/18 11:29 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

How many days had you been texting and at what frequency?

How did you meet her and ask her out, and how long ago?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Anonymous #1

Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25115718 - 04/05/18 11:42 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

I met her 2 weeks ago at a fire at my friend's house. I got her number and we went out past weekend for dinner and a movie in the city. I have been texting her once or twice a day since. She has been responding quickly and seemed to like me. 2 days ago I asked her to lunch and pool at a pub and she said she was busy. Then I texted her the next morning saying good morning and asking what she was doing that day.

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25115734 - 04/05/18 11:49 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

Had you texted her in the morning before that?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Anonymous #1

Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25115738 - 04/05/18 11:49 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

No she said she was busy so the next morning I just texted her good morning.and asked what she was going to do that day. She hasn't responded since then.

Edited by Anonymous (04/05/18 11:50 AM)

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: 1st relationship advice. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25115750 - 04/05/18 11:54 AM (5 years, 11 months ago)

That was probably a bad move. It makes you look a bit insecure.

Hmmmm. I wish I had better advice, but I would probably text casual as can be tonight, saying something about how you're making plans for the weekend, and asking if she fancies meeting up again sometime over the coming one.

If she doesn't respond, at least you'll know for sure that you've blown it.

It can really be an edgy fucking ride in those early days - believe me - it's not just you!!!


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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