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OfflineDoctorJ
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Registered: 06/30/03
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Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Is abstinence sexual paranoia? * 1
    #25068012 - 03/16/18 07:12 AM (6 years, 14 days ago)

Hi. My name is Doctor J, and this is my first OP in this forum, though I am a long-time shroomerite, and many here already know my romantic history.

But in case you don't know, let me briefly attempt to summarize: Seems like every woman I've ever slept with has defrauded me somehow. There are some people in my family with money (not ALL of us, and certainly not me, though), so this has forced me to speculate about why a chick would approach me, if someone paid her too, or if she heard a rumor that has sent her after me for the wrong reasons.

Most of my exes have cheated on me while I stayed loyal to them. No one believes this, because many women, exes or no, have run smear campaigns against me at some point. Projection is a really ugly thing, and this kind of false consensus is why I no longer count myself among the Democrats.

Add to that my father once telling me: 'If you meet any girls down there in Austin who have that Smith gleam in your eye, it might be one of mine, because I did spend some time there in the 60's (or 70's, I forget which).'

I'm from a pretty stereotypical GenX background, divorced parents, wish I had a normal family, and all that stuff. Finally, I live in a college town full of rape-whistle-blowing feminists and body-type-acceptance people who literally want to chain me to partners I don't find attractive.

Because of all this, I've started to embrace abstinence. I've decided that if it doesn't honestly work out on a mental, spiritual, and emotional level, then the sex would be a scam that will ultimately cost me in the form of a self-entitled hypocrite extracting payment for her 'services' later.

Of course, I am surrounded by people who think I am closed-minded and a dork, because I cock-block myself, and only pursue women who are 'out of my league'.

What do?

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OfflineMorel Guy
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Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: DoctorJ]
    #25068057 - 03/16/18 07:42 AM (6 years, 14 days ago)

I have only known whores, not literally but professional sluts.  Girls that go from guy to guy to guy to guy their whole lives.  One liked me that had a kid with some random partner as she was hitting on me.  So it's all hirt a lot.

Biggest mistake is thinking girls will be as loyal and serious as you.  But make no mistake that sex is risky and vd or child support sucks!

Not to mention all the emotions.  Plus there are not great girls in my area.  I know one that seems good.  Sh's attractive in many more than just physical ways and is very physically attractive.  But she's young and out going and probably gonna have a great life.  I'm not.

Do what you do for you!


--------------------
"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: DoctorJ] * 1
    #25068080 - 03/16/18 07:59 AM (6 years, 14 days ago)

Hello Doctor J, and welcome to this stage of the human condition. I've been here for some time myself. Happy birthday BTW - what years number ye?

It started when I met 'the one' they all talk about and got married/got a house/dog/etc and all that good shit. That all eventually collapsed and disappeared from my life, after which I went on a sex/relationship binge in the form of playing polyamorous for about six months. I then followed that up with eighteen months of celibacy, learned a fuckton about myself, and then broke that six months back, having spent that entire time at various levels of relationship/intimacy with multiple women. Nothing in any way 'official' I might add - as I'm simply not ready nor available in that way.

At this stage, I'm left very much wanting for faith that it actually can/will/does ever really work out. You know, that stuff where man/woman meet, fall for each other, and bravely struggle through the hardships of life, as a team, 'till death do us part'. I'm sure on rare occassions it does, but 99% of the time I don't think it does, and 100% of the time the adventure holds a lot of heartache in store.

Not that that last aspect is a bad thing - a bit of pain does us all good at times - but I don't think one should go looking for it. Which is where my happy medium with it now lies; I have promised myself to refrain from ever 'looking' for anyone ever again. I'm stopping just shy of returning to enforced celibacy, as I felt there was a point of declining returns from that path, although I may very well return to it for a while in the none too distant future. Make no mistake about it - there is a lot to be learned from that practice and I fully encourage it, even if only for a time.

TL;DR - No, I don't think abstinence is sexual paranoia. Embrace it fully, live it a while, and see what benefits the experiment brings, for I guarantee at least some.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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OfflineDoctorJ
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Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: Morel Guy]
    #25068083 - 03/16/18 08:02 AM (6 years, 14 days ago)

I maintain that there are women suited to my purposes out there, but it's the sluts and hos who deliberately keep me away from them. To exploit me. And that happens to beautiful women all the time, too, mostly through misinformation or judging someone's actions when they've been set up to fail.

I'm legally and financially trapped in Texas for at least another year, but I've come to realize I won't find true love until I move to an environment where I'm not surrounded by petty enemies, and do some things differently with how I represent myself, things I've learned from past interactions, most of which were my own social experiments, just to figure humans out. But imagine if you were Yngwie Malmsteen. It took that guy years to get that good at guitar. At one point he sucked, and his hometown remembers that. They may even have recordings!

So at some point in life, it's good to move to a place where you're introduced as a bad-ass, and as far as the locals know, you always have been. A place where they won't hold shit from High School 20 years ago against you. A place where they will actually let you live your past down, without confining you to artificial consequences.

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OfflineMorel Guy
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Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: DoctorJ]
    #25068095 - 03/16/18 08:07 AM (6 years, 14 days ago)

Nah you'll fuck up again.

Things follow us around because it's behavior.  Yes we can modify but also delude ourselves that things are new and all that different.

People simply find a fresher perspective easier in more ideal conditions.  That doesn't mean negative behavior is no longer negative.  And negative behavior is cultural.  There is no universal negative behavior.


--------------------
"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found

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OfflineDoctorJ
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25068108 - 03/16/18 08:11 AM (6 years, 14 days ago)

Promiscuity has never felt right to me, though macho insecurity may have made me express contrary sentiments in the past. I've had some girlfriends who were into it, and a few of them tried to suck me into it, but I've just never been able to go that far...  I do agree you can love multiple people at once, platonically.

As for 18 months, I could do that standing on my head, but if you're a sex addict (or addicted to the social privilege that sex can sometimes grant), then I salute you for abstaining that long.

I don't really need women for sex. I guess I'm just that good at masturbation. What I do need is love. Genuine love, not a band-aid on a flesh wound, or a happy meal.

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Invisiblebasqueshaman
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Registered: 04/01/11
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Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: DoctorJ]
    #25069110 - 03/16/18 03:50 PM (6 years, 13 days ago)

May i suggest finding a heterosexual life partner, and fuck whores

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InvisibleJohnnieYen
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I'm a teapot


Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: DoctorJ]
    #25069174 - 03/16/18 04:21 PM (6 years, 13 days ago)

I'd rather be abstinent than fuck someone I didn't find attractive. I value love over sex too.
Do the things you like to do, have some pride in your appearance, love yourself, and the right person will come along.


--------------------
[center

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OfflineDoctorJ
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Registered: 06/30/03
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Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: basqueshaman]
    #25070268 - 03/17/18 07:04 AM (6 years, 13 days ago)

Quote:

basqueshaman said:
May i suggest finding a heterosexual life partner, and fuck whores




Well that's another problem I have: I go out and no one really sticks out as 'Oh, you should talk to this person'. They all just kind of blend together as one simian biomass. Rarely I meet a woman I would like to fuck, but the rarest needle in the haystack is someone I'm willing to end up stuck with. And since I live in the South, it's a bad idea to mess around with anyone I don't want to end up in a shotgun wedding to.

Of course, when I do meet the ultra-rare woman I consider 'marriage material', they consider themselves 'out of my league', or they have the same high standards and paranoia that I do. Which I obviously can't condemn, but it is frustrating. It's like, people keep saying 'the right one will come along', but society tries to stick me with compromises while the right ones keep passing me by for men who haven't been bullied and looted their whole lives.

Beauty, history, intelligence, social conscience: all of these things are important to me in a romantic partner. But the woman who has all that wouldn't give a guy like me the time of day.

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OfflineDoctorJ
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Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: DoctorJ]
    #25070277 - 03/17/18 07:11 AM (6 years, 13 days ago)

And believe me, there are plenty of dude-bro PC Principal people whose idea of 'anti-slut-shaming' is sticking a guy like me with their leftovers. And I've been open-minded and tried that before. Those guys fuck the good out of those girls, and guys like me are left with their insecurities and demons. That's how you end up projected onto, fucked over via non-sequitur rationalizations, and haunted by someone else's past, and the traumatic memory of how they abused and exploited you.

I've been there and done that. Now I'm holding out for someone more pure...  A girl who kept her head down, made good grades, and ended up with a good career, instead of riding the carousel and then attempting to leech my resources post-wall.

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Invisiblebasqueshaman
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Registered: 04/01/11
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Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: DoctorJ]
    #25070330 - 03/17/18 07:49 AM (6 years, 13 days ago)

Just accept you are going to be alone,  the problem is with you.

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OfflineDoctorJ
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Registered: 06/30/03
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Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: basqueshaman]
    #25070365 - 03/17/18 08:07 AM (6 years, 13 days ago)

Quote:

basqueshaman said:
Just accept you are going to be alone,  the problem is with you.




Yeah, I hear that a lot, from victim-blaming, hyper-sexual conquistadors. Nothing will ever make me believe evil scum like that, though.

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Invisiblebasqueshaman
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Registered: 04/01/11
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Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: DoctorJ]
    #25070647 - 03/17/18 10:35 AM (6 years, 12 days ago)

Quote:

DoctorJ said:
Quote:

basqueshaman said:
Just accept you are going to be alone,  the problem is with you.




Yeah, I hear that a lot, from victim-blaming, hyper-sexual conquistadors. Nothing will ever make me believe evil scum like that, though.



So its because im Basque :shrug:

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Offlinetriphead9428
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Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: DoctorJ]
    #25072116 - 03/17/18 11:08 PM (6 years, 12 days ago)

Quote:

DoctorJ said:
And believe me, there are plenty of dude-bro PC Principal people whose idea of 'anti-slut-shaming' is sticking a guy like me with their leftovers. And I've been open-minded and tried that before. Those guys fuck the good out of those girls, and guys like me are left with their insecurities and demons. That's how you end up projected onto, fucked over via non-sequitur rationalizations, and haunted by someone else's past, and the traumatic memory of how they abused and exploited you.

I've been there and done that. Now I'm holding out for someone more pure...  A girl who kept her head down, made good grades, and ended up with a good career, instead of riding the carousel and then attempting to leech my resources post-wall.




How the hell do you "fuck the good out of someone?" Usually I sympathize with people who have difficulty getting girls cause this is something I struggle with, but reading your post it really does sound like you're being too picky. I see girls walking around all the time that I'd like to fuck. Hell, I'd fuck like 90% of the girls walking around my campus. My biggest problem is pretty simple, I'm scared. If your problem is that you don't find many girls hot though, then I'm sorry but you're being too picky, cause there's a lot of hot girls out there.

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InvisibleBarnaby
Interesting lifetime
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Registered: 12/13/17
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Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: DoctorJ]
    #25072160 - 03/17/18 11:51 PM (6 years, 12 days ago)

I am.  I even bought a 10 dollar pack of Trojans and because of my beliefs and wanting to do Tinder, then not, I realize I am just a monogamous person.  Didn't use to be, it just feels hollow now.  And I have been through call girls, girlfriends that just want sex, girlfriends that want sex and more, and religious marriage before sex and commitment.

So I have a unwrapped 10 of quality Trojens in my bathroom at almost midnight on St. Patties day and I am typing on this computer.  I just can't fuck someone unless I, who am I kidding?  The will and the body. 

Insert some Ricky Gervias jokes here.

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OfflineDoctorJ
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Posts: 8,846
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Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: triphead9428]
    #25074616 - 03/19/18 12:48 AM (6 years, 11 days ago)

Quote:

triphead9428 said:
Quote:

DoctorJ said:
And believe me, there are plenty of dude-bro PC Principal people whose idea of 'anti-slut-shaming' is sticking a guy like me with their leftovers. And I've been open-minded and tried that before. Those guys fuck the good out of those girls, and guys like me are left with their insecurities and demons. That's how you end up projected onto, fucked over via non-sequitur rationalizations, and haunted by someone else's past, and the traumatic memory of how they abused and exploited you.

I've been there and done that. Now I'm holding out for someone more pure...  A girl who kept her head down, made good grades, and ended up with a good career, instead of riding the carousel and then attempting to leech my resources post-wall.




How the hell do you "fuck the good out of someone?" Usually I sympathize with people who have difficulty getting girls cause this is something I struggle with, but reading your post it really does sound like you're being too picky. I see girls walking around all the time that I'd like to fuck. Hell, I'd fuck like 90% of the girls walking around my campus. My biggest problem is pretty simple, I'm scared. If your problem is that you don't find many girls hot though, then I'm sorry but you're being too picky, cause there's a lot of hot girls out there.




I think there's a fine line between saying the victims of rape like Elizabeth Smart shouldn't be devalued by their actual victimhood, and admitting that willfully promiscuous people devalue both themselves and others in general.

As far as calling someone 'too picky', I mean I agree there are times when people are, and if it's a real hot and influential person, that could throw a monkey wrench in social mobility. But some people are special enough to the point where they would be cheating themselves not to have high standards.

Also, admonishing high standards is just another form of rape culture: a society where all relationships necessarily entail uncomfortable and unnatural compromises to the integrity of all involved parties.

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InvisibleJokeshopbeard
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Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: basqueshaman]
    #25077488 - 03/20/18 11:23 AM (6 years, 9 days ago)

Quote:

DoctorJ said:
I think there's a fine line between saying the victims of rape like Elizabeth Smart shouldn't be devalued by their actual victimhood, and admitting that willfully promiscuous people devalue both themselves and others in general.

As far as calling someone 'too picky', I mean I agree there are times when people are, and if it's a real hot and influential person, that could throw a monkey wrench in social mobility. But some people are special enough to the point where they would be cheating themselves not to have high standards.

Also, admonishing high standards is just another form of rape culture: a society where all relationships necessarily entail uncomfortable and unnatural compromises to the integrity of all involved parties.



Jesus christ, is the air pretty thin way up there on top of that high horse of yours??? It's definitely one of the taller ones I've ever heard anybody speak from.

Hella judgemental brother. I think you see yourself as a lot more special than you actually are.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe

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Invisiblebasqueshaman
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Registered: 04/01/11
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Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: basqueshaman] * 1
    #25077562 - 03/20/18 11:58 AM (6 years, 9 days ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

DoctorJ said:
I think there's a fine line between saying the victims of rape like Elizabeth Smart shouldn't be devalued by their actual victimhood, and admitting that willfully promiscuous people devalue both themselves and others in general.

As far as calling someone 'too picky', I mean I agree there are times when people are, and if it's a real hot and influential person, that could throw a monkey wrench in social mobility. But some people are special enough to the point where they would be cheating themselves not to have high standards.

Also, admonishing high standards is just another form of rape culture: a society where all relationships necessarily entail uncomfortable and unnatural compromises to the integrity of all involved parties.



Jesus christ, is the air pretty thin way up there on top of that high horse of yours??? It's definitely one of the taller ones I've ever heard anybody speak from.

Hella judgemental brother. I think you see yourself as a lot more special than you actually are.



Exactly why I responded with
Quote:

basqueshaman said:
Just accept you are going to be alone,  the problem is with you.



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OfflineDoctorJ
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Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25079408 - 03/21/18 07:14 AM (6 years, 9 days ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
Quote:

DoctorJ said:
I think there's a fine line between saying the victims of rape like Elizabeth Smart shouldn't be devalued by their actual victimhood, and admitting that willfully promiscuous people devalue both themselves and others in general.

As far as calling someone 'too picky', I mean I agree there are times when people are, and if it's a real hot and influential person, that could throw a monkey wrench in social mobility. But some people are special enough to the point where they would be cheating themselves not to have high standards.

Also, admonishing high standards is just another form of rape culture: a society where all relationships necessarily entail uncomfortable and unnatural compromises to the integrity of all involved parties.



Jesus christ, is the air pretty thin way up there on top of that high horse of yours??? It's definitely one of the taller ones I've ever heard anybody speak from.

Hella judgemental brother. I think you see yourself as a lot more special than you actually are.




Yeah, I used to have a lot of liberal egotism like you. Then I met this girl, and her attitude was unlike any woman I've ever met: she was this really super-hot chick, who was abstinent. And I wanted her so badly, it made me curse the fact that I'm not a virgin. And it was then I realized, that all of my past relationships had been hormonally-driven mistakes, my attachment style is monogamous, and a woman like her is who I should have held out for. I can't imagine how much better my circumstances would be today if I hadn't diluted myself with a slim handful of cheap hos who use sexual bribery and false consensus to ruin every man they touch. Because there's a class of woman who won't do that, we just have to be classy enough for them.

They say 'Don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes'. The more accurate reality is, once you've walked a mile in someone's shoes, they'll say you can't judge them because now you are 'in the same boat'. In the game of romance, the bad people keep good people apart, and confine the beautiful and rich to promiscuous classes where they might not want to stay forever. So, knowing what I now know, I'm taking a personal stand against all that. If that makes me snooty to the fat, hairy local orgy people, so be it. :shrug:

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OfflineDoctorJ
Male

Registered: 06/30/03
Posts: 8,846
Loc: space
Last seen: 1 year, 4 months
Re: Is abstinence sexual paranoia? [Re: DoctorJ]
    #25079416 - 03/21/18 07:20 AM (6 years, 9 days ago)

But on the flipside of that girl's positive influence, my point is that there are worse classists than me in the world. I'm not a virgin, but I'm not Wilt Chamberlain, either. Still there are people who say, 'You were open-minded, you did the humble chalice thing, you did the 'let he who is without sin cast the first stone' thing, and it ruined you, so now you're stuck in this ruined class'. And the painful self-awareness I have is that that class could never satisfy me.

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