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The first time I smoked weed I was in love. I loved everything about it (im sure u all feel the same way). I smoked happily for a few years and then it started happening. Anxiety attacks every time I smoked. I see alot of posts of the same thing happening to other people here. I have tried alot of things to get rid of these anxiety attackes but nothing has worked.
These anxiety attacks didnt just come when I smoked. It was happening every day. I was living in fear, afraid of when the next one would hit me. I couldnt take it anymore I had to face this fear head on.
Ive read alot about shrooms and learned that they could bring on strong feelings of fear and anxiety. I figured that this might be my chance to take the bull by the horns. Like a person who is afraid of heights, if they go bungie jumping or skydiving, it could either scar them for life or cure them of their fear, (or potentially kill them I guess). I figure shrooms would be my chance to throw myself into the deep end of the pool, I would either drown or learn to swim.
Two weeks ago I went to my friends house who grows mushrooms. He has asked me before if I wanted to trip, and I always told him that I didnt think I could handle it. But this was the night and I had to do it no matter how scared I was, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
we made our way to his closet where he has stored alot of shrooms. Its kinda wierd because he doesn't sell them, but he sure has a shitload of 'em. He reached into one of the bags and just grabs a handful and gives me half. I asked him if we should weigh it to see how much were taking but he didnt have scales. That really scared me but I guess that was the point of this whole ordeal anyways.
I didnt want to just eat them straight so we made some peanut butter and jelly sandwhiches and threw them on there and just munched down. My freind suggested we watch a movie to help pass the time waiting for it to kick in. He had rented "school of rock". About twenty minutes into the movie I started feeling anxious, I couldnt stay in the room I had to go outside.
We made our way outside to smoke a cigerette and get some fresh air. At this point the feeling of fear was building inside of me as I felt the effects of the shrooms start to grow. The body buzz was starting to really get to me I had to go sit in my car and turn the stereo on. I thought that would help but it didnt I was feeling like I was going to puke, but never did.
We made our way back inside and layed down on the couches in the living room. This is where the visuals started to kick in. Little specks on the ceiling started to slightly sway back and forth, and then it all started to come alive, flowing like a thousand rivers.
My friend suggested we go watch the rest of the movie so we did. The movie was great and the trip up to this point was alot better than expected even though I had this tense feeling the whole time. The body buzz at first was my enemy, making the tensness and anxiety worse, but I was getting used to it. It then started to feel incredible I was in heaven...but for every heaven there is a hell.
My friends girlfriend was sleeping and had waken up to us laughing at the movie (which we watched twice). She came in and told my friend he should come to sleep. It was about 3:30 and we started at about 11:00. So he went with her there was no way I could sleep and I know he was going to be staring into darkness for awhile in there. But I was ok just sitting in the room staring at the computer screen watching the colors float out of the screen and swirl into the air. The color swirls then mixed with the chair in front of me, all mixing together dancing with eachother. Its so pretty but a little to much for me. So I closed my eyes and opend them again to find everything in the room melting together. I tried to shake it off but it wouldnt go away. everything was just becoming goo. everytime I turned my head the whole room would smear left and right all melting to my feet.
Now I started to freak out, this was not supposed to happen. I should have some sort of control right. Not the case at all. I hopped up and opend the door that was turning into a puddle in front of me ran into my friends room and flipped on the light and yelled "man come out here please help me". Then I proceeded to run to the back door and outside. The world was gone it was all just like a painting that had be dunked in a tank of paint thinner. everything just dripping and running disappearing before my eyes. I fell to the ground and wrapped myself in the dogs blanket that was laying there. I curled up in a ball closed my eyeys and cried. This was it I felt myself dying I knew I knew I was going to die right there in that sopt. Then I heard my friend come out, and I looked up and it was ok everything was like it was supposed to be. and the fear was gone.
My friend stood out there and talked to me making sure I was ok. and I was, better than ive ever been in my life. I could handle anything now. The worst moment in my life turned into the best. I decided to lay outside for the rest of the night, so he went inside to go back to sleep and I layed there and reflected till about 9 in the morning when I was all the way down and the trip was over.
After that night ive been smoking weed every day. enjoying it like I once did. Not fearing because ive been to hell and back and i can handle anything now and am no longer afraid.
good for you man..Me and my friend want to experiment Mush to help cure or tame his ocd...it affects the same serotonin 5-HT receptors as shrooms does. We have read studies on it but would like to see if it will actually help him out.. once again congratulations on your conquest
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thanks everybody. I think mushrooms do have a healing power (well actually unlocks your own healing powers). I will definatly do it again, because im sure my next trip will be even more amazing because im not scared of it anymore.