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InvisibleJokeshopbeardM
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Registered: 11/30/11
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Arranged Marriage
    #25058901 - 03/12/18 07:37 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

What's your thoughts?

Say it was normal in our culture for your parents to pick someone for you at a young age, and it was normal for us to accept that. Do you think it might result in us seeing less:

- Divorce
- Domestic violence
- Infidelity
- Relationship strife
- etc

Do you think it would be better all round for humanity if that was our chief mode for reproduction? Or worse? Why?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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OfflineThundermuscle75
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Re: Arranged Marriage [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25058936 - 03/12/18 07:53 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I think it would essentially be a wash. My understanding is that arranged marriages work out about as well as love marriages.

It might seem counterintuitive.

But how many times have you known a couple who are the only ones around who think their relationship will work?


--------------------


"Rape ... Is a... can of apples" -Fiery


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Invisiblebasqueshaman
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Re: Arranged Marriage [Re: Thundermuscle75]
    #25059016 - 03/12/18 08:31 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Id say it would definitely prevent so many people from being single,  how about we go back to divorce pre church of England?


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InvisibleTantrika
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Re: Arranged Marriage [Re: Jokeshopbeard] * 1
    #25059030 - 03/12/18 08:37 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

This made me think of something from an old book by Ralph Metzner

Quote:

It is extremely difficult for a western mind to understand a system of thought such as that contained in the I Ching or Book of Changes.  It is not merely a question of unfamiliar concepts, such that we might encounter in learning a new scientific discipline or in entering a new field of research, but rather it is a fundamental difference in life experience and hence in basic outlook.  Since the Chinese educational tradition is very different from ours, the result is that the Chinese will take for granted certain things, which for us are quite strange, and, conversely, many of our basic assumptions will not appear to them as at all obvious.  The extent of this difference and the difficulty of bridging it were brought home to me very vividly one time when I found myself seated on a plane next to a Chinese man from Hong Kong.  I was on the way to India in search of a guru who would impart to me the wisdom of the East.  He was on his way home after having spent eight years in England acquiring Western architectural skills and knowledge.  I talked to him of my search for a teacher and the truth, of my desire and hope somewhere, sometime, to find liberation.  It was out there and I had to find it, move toward it.  He talked to me of the self as a circle, saying that to find liberation I must go to the center; there was no need to go anywhere; I was already there, within.  I needed only to open myself to the inner self and I would be free.  There was a containment and a cyclic completeness in his attitude to which by comparison my own attitude seemed intrusive, restless, and impatient.  Hunting the Guru in India was the title of a book by an Englishwoman that had just been published and I began to feel like a hunter searching for some half-mythical animal.

Our talk turned inevitably toward the topic of the relationship between the sexes.  I was in the midst of a very tempestuous relationship with a lady, from which my journey to the East was no doubt an escape, though I was not able to admit this until much later.  He, on the other hand, was returning to Hong Kong to marry a girl he had never met, whom his parents had picked out for him.  I was free to choose but could not accept the freedom.  He accepted a constraint that seemed inconceivable to me and felt free.  I talked of the pain of separation.  He said, "If you miss the girl and want to write or call her, wait till you no longer miss her, and then write or call, and the relationship will be happier."  Confucius, in his commentary on Hexagram 42, I, INCREASE, says: "The superior man sets his person at rest before he moves; he composes his mind before he speaks; he makes his relations firm before he asks for something."



Excerpted from Maps of Consciousness by Ralph Metzner; the chapter about I Ching

With that background thought of the way, my thoughts on the topic
are influenced foremost by knowing by proxy (friend's parents) a handful of traditional arranged marriages

Domestic Violence/Child Abuse(by Western standards)/Infidelity/Relationship Strife
were commonplace to the relationships; perhaps even considered some form of natural
Divorce still has not taken place in any of the couples, and presumably never will

but not certain the 'traditional' arranged marriage point of view
is necessarily the same as the modern Western point of view
we have a sort of emphasis on marriage as an institution bonding souls together out of love
'they' have a perception that bonding appropriately matched souls together leads to love

Now, the actual question of issue:
Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
...
Do you think it would be better all round for humanity if that was our chief mode for reproduction? Or worse? Why?




For reproduction/child upbringing
my friends have had consistent and relatively well-off lives growing up and moving out
and the parents in all three scenarios are doing 'well' by metric of marriage as a social tool
they are active in their community and relatively well off; the children were educated and had a secure upbringing
aside from 'Asian-style' beatings

none of my friends have married; their parents have given them the freedom to choose
tho in one instance, she moved over to Korea to live with an aunt who has been trying to set her up with a bunch of guys

would need actual statistics that show that arranged marriages provide a more stable household for jumping fully on support tho

personally do not think humans are good at monogamy
and that our current system of marrying for love "causes" more issues

we pursue what we want in a relationship when we want it
and what people want changes through time
arranged marriages come from a parent's sentiment of what their child needs to have a functional, developmental relationship

but with that said
as mentioned, arguments over infidelity existed
but infidelity was sort of 'accepted' at some level in the relationship
which makes me think the more historically visible tradition of Emperors having concubines
may trace into sentiments that marriage is a social/political device while love is more free
:shrug:


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InvisibleJokeshopbeardM
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 24,531
Loc: Deep in the system Flag
Re: Arranged Marriage [Re: Tantrika]
    #25060219 - 03/13/18 12:04 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Great post there Tantrika, thank you. It was actually reading about Roman emporers and their tendencies to marry off daughters that got me thinking about this subject, but you're right; concubines I'm sure would play into it, as it seems infidelity does in arranged marriages.

I did a little further reading last night, this article brings up some good points:

Why Are So Many Indian Arranged Marriages Successful?

As said, I guess it's hard to get a metric on such things as 'is a marriage successful'.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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