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 RJ Tubs 202
Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,175
Loc: USA 
Last seen: 6 days, 4 hours
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 Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread  [Re: Amanita86]
#25994318 - 05/15/19 12:55 PM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
Amanita86 said:
Where did Jesus brag about his suicidal tendencies?
Whoops, I let that snide comment slip past my internal editor.
Jesus was committed to being killed. He felt it was his destiny.
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 Amanita86
OTD Keymaster
Registered: 09/26/12
Posts: 89,464
Loc: hades
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#25994559 - 05/15/19 03:19 PM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Jesus asked a few times to not do this. He only went along with it because it was “the father’s will”. I find that humorous in a dark cynical way.
He was just preachin the word man, no cobain about it..
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 Orange clock, pencil
"They threw me off the hay truck about noon..."
*Mark 15:34 
Gam zeh ya’avor...
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magistrus_minimus
Stranger
Registered: 06/07/19
Posts: 4
Last seen: 4 years, 10 months
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#26038454 - 06/07/19 01:57 PM (4 years, 10 months ago) |
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Quote:
RJ Tubs 202 said:
Quote:
Amanita86 said:
Where did Jesus brag about his suicidal tendencies?
Whoops, I let that snide comment slip past my internal editor.
Jesus was committed to being killed. He felt it was his destiny.
He avoided being killed many times until those who wished to kill him came out of the city to seize him. They were out at night they were out in nature among the animals when it happened. His life was traded for a small bag of shekels.
He was aware of the choices that would be made on account of those who decided to murder him before they had followed through with those actions.
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laughingdog
Stranger
Registered: 03/14/04
Posts: 4,830
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#26457822 - 01/29/20 12:14 AM (4 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
....This thread is a completely troll-free zone with an anonymous posting option enabled. A place where Shroomery members can seek council and get talked down from the ledge. If you are concerned about the possible negative ramifications of voicing suicidal thoughts to a healthcare professional, let this thread be your cry for help away from the prying ears of the (Babylon) system's tentacles. If speaking with "unshroomy" strangers on a 1-800 hotline is not your cup of tea, then let this thread be your saving grace.
Your life is worth saving no matter how deep of a...
Talk about a thread getting sidetracked, by religion! and opinions on undocumented dogma...
wow!
No trolls necessary, as long as good old time religion, is in control!
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PTreeDish
Registered: 04/22/18
Posts: 353
Last seen: 2 days, 43 minutes
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: laughingdog]
#26497531 - 02/21/20 07:09 PM (4 years, 1 month ago) |
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Sadly, if you were to call the Suicide Hotline, you would be met with a frustrating phone menu and a long wait time.
Imagine you are contemplating suicide and want help. You work up the courage and put aside your hopelessness for a brief shot at the small chance of some relief when you are hit with a robot telling you that all agents are busy and the current wait time is approximately 25 minutes.
I'm not sure what the solution is here given it is a free service, but to people who are suffering and are reaching out for help, this experience is a real shame and needs improvement.
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Everything Is One
Registered: 07/05/20
Posts: 10
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#26805615 - 07/05/20 04:42 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
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I have no one in physical. Just family (mom, dad, brother). On probation now for cannabis possession felony since 2018. Spent 6 months in jail for it. Never had love. Can't really find a way to resonate to myself or others or this world. All started with social phobia. Depression. I held myself back from having fun or friends throughout all schooling. Best chance came in 2006 in 10th grade. Hot thin DMT girl in high school flirting with me and I let it go. Overwhelmed stupidly by fear and gave in to not reciprocating in my low self esteem. Spent my teens isolated on a computer in the basement or my room online. Doing poorly in school, fuck the education system entirely regardless. Graduated from high school just barely. Skipped graduation ceremony from social anxiety. As presentations in school were humiliating enough. 2009 summer after college started drinking alcohol. Got wonderful euphoria. Even though throwing up. Lying asleep in vomit my parents had to clean up. I drank in my room or in the basement. Then 2011 I finally managed to find a way to get weed. My uncle grew and got seeds. Weed was cool. Music was sacred beauty on it. But it was weird and my intrusive thoughts started happening which only became more pronounced. In 2012 I did Amanita. Bought it online. Ended up hospitalized from too high dose when I went biking on it. Then May 2012. I hung out for the first time in my life. We took DXM. A school associate I knew. It was Delsym DXM and robitussin DXM. I didn't take a toxic dose. Was on a porch at nighttime. I went unconscious hard. Woke up brain damaged ringing emotion loss memory loss sensory loss thinking loss change. Been this way ever since. The kids just left me practically. I dealt with it in solitary. Became atheist after. Convinced nothing was after brain death. Suicidal depession, nihilism, excessive coffee and delusional paranoia of oneness of everything. Schizophrenia occurred quickly. I spent the last decade in mental wards. Psychiatrists. Antipsychotics. Tried to have an online relationship for the last decade through it all and eventually rejected. Then jumped off my parents roof in 2016. Broke pelvis, ankles spine. Had 5 surgeries. Wheelchair. Relearned to walk. Then after a year got back to something more like before. Moved out of my parents after wrestling breaking banister with my dad. I got an apartment. This 50 year old with prosthetics wanted to have sex. A neighbor. Started smoking cigarettes. Started doing methamphetamine with her. I grew weed. Got arrested when cops showed up when a guy fell asleep in my car I let him use while he lived there. Spent a day or two in jail. Then 3 court trials for the weed felony possession. Lost apartment. Then found a new one. Let over that same guy that ended up getting me arrested back at my new apartment. He lived at my apartment on meth heroin fentanyl doing drug runs. I kicked him out after he brought over a heroin addict mom. Let her stay. Started doing heroin/fentanyl each day with her. Snorting. She had a 24 year old daughter that stayed there. Became a trap house. Then got arrested for probation violation for drugs in my piss. Spent 6 months in jail. Got out eventually. Fought to take back my apartment from it being a meth heroin drug house. Let some more heroiners and methers almost take over my apartment and life. Then here now. Wiser. Still dumb pragmatically. I can't feel drug highs since 2012. Meth and heroin aren't euphoric. Nor is alcohol. I just want someone that I can love, them love me. Even with that woman tried to kill myself on aspirn left me in hospital and ward. Then again before I let guy back at my new apartment before jail happened. I'm not suicidal. Real nihilistic and weary. Been off for over a year without pharmaceuticals. Better than ever. But I dunno how to get the opposite young sex. These thin hot girls that are torturing. I ODed on Fentanyl in May. Last guy I almost let take over my life that was a drug runner fetty heroiner. My walking is real bad. Nerve damage in my right foot. And leg. I just sit isolated like most all my life. Except the hard drug period in it. Literally no friend. Just life. I live for not much reason. Food is okay. Parents want me to. Dunno if death will be worse. Plus I have no gun. Never any money. On SSI. I ruminate intrusive psychic superstitiousness all day. And its just life. Already 30 on the 15th. And I feel I'm never gonna get a girl. Love or connection or intimacy. Worst self image and dissing myself all day. Autonomic shit taking myself and society in rage and isolation endlessly. All my shit caused from no girl love intimacy. And it's a mindfuck that topic. I'm gonna get too old, rack up more injury, then seriously kill myself if something isn't figured out on this. That trajectory. Tortured by that 24 year old thin youth blonde girl that stayed with her heroin mom at my place. She rejected me and shit over me too. Lost my PS4, identity stolen, 3,000 bought on my account while I was in jail. Just ridiculousness. Something has to show some way. No girl every synchronizes to me and I'm exhausted from 17 years of no love. One milf which she was cruel and I couldn't vibe or get off during sex
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"The boundaries of space and time are all in our minds. We all are one, everything is one."
Edited by Everything Is One (07/05/20 04:44 PM)
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,634
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Not 1 , not 2.
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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
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Anonymous #5
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: The Blind Ass]
#26807377 - 07/06/20 03:55 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
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I want to walk off into the wilderness somewhere and put a bullet in my head.
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,634
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: Anonymous #5] 1
#26807521 - 07/06/20 05:14 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
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Life will end on its own, taking it into your own hands, unless your suffering horribly from some incurable disease & in pain beyond measure, prematurely ending it - is foolish naivety. After life ends you won’t remember any of it anyways - suffering and all - therefore it’s better to spend as much time you can Awake & Alive to reality, than it is to not be . Because what you get is all there will ever be. And since you ultimately won’t remember any of it any ways - the nature of our personal suffering is like a dream, a phantom, an apparition, a hallucination, an illusion. If your going to end it, may as well do what you truly want to do in life - since there’s nothing holding you back but yourself anyways. Nothing to lose, everything to gain experientially - at least for a while until the big sleep comes.
Time to change, deeply - and live skillfully & wise like there’s no tomorrow, cause there isn’t.
Choose life, it’s the only good choice.
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Everything Is One
Registered: 07/05/20
Posts: 10
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: The Blind Ass]
#26809261 - 07/07/20 02:46 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
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Yeah we get it.. you believe death is nothingness forever and want everyone to believe like you. So many passive aggressive insinuations of it in that spiel
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"The boundaries of space and time are all in our minds. We all are one, everything is one."
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The Blind Ass
Bodhi
Registered: 08/16/16
Posts: 27,634
Loc: The Primordial Mind
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Whatever makes you feel better.
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Give me Liberty caps -or- give me Death caps
Edited by The Blind Ass (07/07/20 03:00 PM)
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Anonymous #6
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: The Blind Ass]
#26918628 - 09/05/20 04:37 AM (3 years, 7 months ago) |
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Quote:
The Blind Ass said:
Life will end on its own, taking it into your own hands, unless your suffering horribly from some incurable disease & in pain beyond measure, prematurely ending it - is foolish naivety. After life ends you won’t remember any of it anyways - suffering and all - therefore it’s better to spend as much time you can Awake & Alive to reality, than it is to not be . Because what you get is all there will ever be. And since you ultimately won’t remember any of it any ways - the nature of our personal suffering is like a dream, a phantom, an apparition, a hallucination, an illusion. If your going to end it, may as well do what you truly want to do in life - since there’s nothing holding you back but yourself anyways. Nothing to lose, everything to gain experientially - at least for a while until the big sleep comes.
Time to change, deeply - and live skillfully & wise like there’s no tomorrow, cause there isn’t.
Choose life, it’s the only good choice.
Easy for you to say. When you grow up socially mal-adjusted and everything you want or have ever wanted fades away then there's nothing left but life and life without all those things is worthless to me. How can you go through life without every knowing love, you cant. All the good looking self assured assholes will never understand true struggle. Nice guys will always finish last and my life will always be null and void and I can't wait until it ends.
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skOsH
Functionally dysfunctional
Registered: 07/03/19
Posts: 1,377
Loc: the PNW
Last seen: 2 months, 3 days
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: Anonymous #6]
#26976480 - 10/09/20 05:46 AM (3 years, 6 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #6 said:
Easy for you to say. When you grow up socially mal-adjusted and everything you want or have ever wanted fades away then there's nothing left but life and life without all those things is worthless to me. How can you go through life without every knowing love, you cant. All the good looking self assured assholes will never understand true struggle. Nice guys will always finish last and my life will always be null and void and I can't wait until it ends.
Damn...you wrote that so well. I am in the same boat. It really sucks. I couldn't have written what you wrote any more accurately to describe my situation as well.
I have no solutions. I really don't know what to do.
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RJ Tubs 202
Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,175
Loc: USA
Last seen: 6 days, 4 hours
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: Anonymous #6]
#26987394 - 10/15/20 04:39 PM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous #6 said:
When you grow up socially mal-adjusted and everything you want or have ever wanted fades away then there's nothing left but life and life without all those things is worthless to me. How can you go through life without ever knowing love, you cant.
It's easy to get stuck in a rut and adopt perspectives that are far from accurate. For example, people who get stuck in depression for an extended period of time often believe they will never feel differently. This (irrational) crippling conclusion inhibits change and keeps people stuck.
Consider your perspective above may not be accurate. You have never once experienced love? Think back on your life. You have never loved someone? Are you 100% sure this is accurate? Don't believe everything your mind tells you. Have you engaged in kindness with people? Love and kindness are things we give - not necessarily things we always get.
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skOsH
Functionally dysfunctional
Registered: 07/03/19
Posts: 1,377
Loc: the PNW
Last seen: 2 months, 3 days
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
#26999061 - 10/23/20 03:34 AM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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I don't think I could love someone. I thought I did, and then they did a "oh you paused for like half a second you don't love me", then they cheated on me. That was...I wanna say, 15 years ago. Besides a little fooling around after that relationship maybe a year later, that was one out of two relationships. I'm 31yo, I'm comfortable not being in a relationship. Love is not some ultimate goal in life. It might be for some people, but for others, it holds no interest. Especially if I am not even really attracted to anyone (I am pretty sure I am asexual). But, that, with my ptsd, has caused me a lot of pain, and it is hard to trust people. As such, it is even difficult to obtain an income in today's world with what is going on, to have a place of my own. I no longer have a place of my own, nor one with buddies, who are all out of state. My best friend is 1,000mi away. Not sure what to do.....every day it's just emptiness. My favorite time of day is when I am heavily sedated on otc pills and my extremely strong pharma pills, and I keep taking them until I pass out. Sometimes it takes a lot. Then I have a heavenly death nap.
So, not really having my own place atm, is bumming me out. Not having my best friend around, also bumming me out. He is currently obsessed with a girlfriend that he's always had a crush on, so...yeah. I'm on the backburner and...yeah, I don't know.
Who am I living for, you know? I don't think I am living for anyone. I go to work, I come home, I almost kill myself with pills just to sleep and not be bothered by ptsd, I wake up, shower, chug a coffee, go to work again...it's just...there's no variety. I miss my own place. That was freedom. It's hard saving up money, when I get shit hours. I am scared to try to switch jobs and get even less hours, and I am just grateful to have a job...but it's not much money at all.
I seriously think about killing myself...well...every day I hope the pills I take kill me in my sleep...they never do...seems like they get close every time...I just want to remove myself from reality, but the thought of someone finding my body...in any form, would be depressing. If there was a way to just vaporize out of existence I would do it in a heartbeat.
If it wasn't such a shitty thought to leave my body behind, I know how to kill myself, I just haven't really...bought the shit for the plan I have, which is painless, foolproof, etc. No one has ever failed my method. It's not messy either, its just...I would leave a body behind. If I could set it up and then somehow be able to fall into an active volcano that would be ideal but that's just too much effort.
I guess...I'll just keep putting minimal effort into my life. When I put in a lot of effort I just kept getting taken advantage of. Fuck that. I'll deal with the grief much more easily if I just constantly don't care. What are people going to do, try to hurt my feelings? That's on them. I get a lot of fucked up people saying some fucked up things to me at my job. It's the only thing that I wake up for (my job, not the people saying fucked up shit), but honestly there's no point to it. If people knew the shit other people go through, then no one would say fucked up shit...but...they do...and they don't think before they say something hurtful. I don't think there's anything that someone can't one-up me with. I don't have anything, I don't have a net worth of more than $1000 plus a car, I don't have jack shit...but I get shit on every day, people bother me, when I go out in nature just to be alone somehow dozens of people descend on the same trailhead and then I can't just fucking be alone. Ever. That's why I just knock myself out with pills...all...the...time. All the time. Being asleep is like being dead..
Edited by skOsH (10/23/20 03:38 AM)
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InnerWisdom
Registered: 08/09/19
Posts: 1,936
Loc: North EU
Last seen: 12 days, 2 hours
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: skOsH]
#26999089 - 10/23/20 04:21 AM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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I understand your situation. There is a way out always, and for you start by trying to visualize the things you want and then plan to achieve those. Learn small new skills, like how to help yourself. Read books that help you understand yourself, if you can't afford therapy. You have basic needs and there is something inhibiting those needs. You mention PTSD. Start there. "I guess...I'll just keep putting minimal effort into my life. When I put in a lot of effort I just kept getting taken advantage of. Fuck that." How many times have you actually experienced that your efforts don't turn out well? Isn't it possible that you are locked in a certain perspective of your life?
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skOsH
Functionally dysfunctional
Registered: 07/03/19
Posts: 1,377
Loc: the PNW
Last seen: 2 months, 3 days
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: InnerWisdom]
#26999538 - 10/23/20 11:18 AM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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No, I have no skills. At least, I don't know how to figure out any since I can't seem to even get interested in hobbies, which could lead to a better life, but yes, every time I put more effort into my life I have been punished and even worse things happen. It is inescapable. I feel like I am cursed
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InnerWisdom
Registered: 08/09/19
Posts: 1,936
Loc: North EU
Last seen: 12 days, 2 hours
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: skOsH] 1
#27002097 - 10/25/20 01:54 AM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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All I can say is that start from getting sober. One day at a time.
If you are getting fucked up just to sleep, that's a huge reason for your problems.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student
Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: skOsH]
#27002548 - 10/25/20 11:04 AM (3 years, 5 months ago) |
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How long have you been dealing with PTSD? Do you recall the event that caused it?
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Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe
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skOsH
Functionally dysfunctional
Registered: 07/03/19
Posts: 1,377
Loc: the PNW
Last seen: 2 months, 3 days
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Re: Shroomery Suicide Prevention Thread [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#27043815 - 11/17/20 12:41 PM (3 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said:
How long have you been dealing with PTSD? Do you recall the event that caused it?
I've had PTSD (c-PTSD, or complex PTSD as I guess it's called) for 12 years now. TRD (treatment-resistant depression) came along for the ride.
I recall the event...all the time. Like it happened five seconds ago.
I fucking hate this. I had it under control for a few years, that was only due to the grace of psychedelics
But we have a fucking fucked up government and I have no intention of reaching old age and then dying with PTSD my entire life because the government won't legalize psychedelics until 2253, or until they invent a new calendar, or if they do legalize them, they will be only in an annoying doctors office with them constantly interrupting the trip to ask questions for a few thousand dollars a session
I took another overdose of pills. Oops
I mean, if you had this before taking any pills, and it got worse, before taking any pills, then yeah, I started taking pills. I had to go to a psychiatrist. To bring my flashbacks from 300 a week to maybe 5 or 10 a day. When I am driving usually...because I got PTSD from some redneck road rage fuckwit who I wish I could kill his entire family in front of him and make him watch it whilst I did it slowly. Sadly I do not know this person's name and they got off scot free. No justice
No justice for ruining a life that was just starting at the age of 19
Probably didnt help that I was beaten constantly as a kid and ignored
Also I thought I would find my people on this site but if I want to post anything I get flamed into oblivion or ignored so I assume everyone has me on ignore, so why exist in the first place??
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