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jamzymc
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15
Posts: 81
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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Start of a rap what you think?
#25031319 - 03/01/18 09:55 AM (6 years, 29 days ago) |
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Ancient astronomy alining stars astrology abnormal abnormalities axioms, anomalies ancient aborigenies annihilated awfully advances amazing aesthetically, aided artificially
Administered authority, architects of austerity Assembled armies artillery, Aiming for ascendency
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UpSyndrome
Registered: 10/16/17
Posts: 978
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc]
#25031327 - 03/01/18 10:01 AM (6 years, 29 days ago) |
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Crap.
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Tantrika
Miss Ann Thrope
Registered: 03/26/12
Posts: 17,138
Loc: Lashed to the pyre
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc]
#25031332 - 03/01/18 10:03 AM (6 years, 29 days ago) |
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Grade: A-
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Malcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??
Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,851
Loc:
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc] 3
#25031359 - 03/01/18 10:21 AM (6 years, 29 days ago) |
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Trash. Sounds like something Connie would write 0/10
-------------------- I'm stupid, Enlil is smart. I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful. I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.
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NOUS333
Stranger Than You
Registered: 12/26/15
Posts: 2,952
Last seen: 3 years, 19 days
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Too complex and doesn’t make sense.
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Plain
You are the universe
Registered: 05/30/16
Posts: 1,620
Loc: In the moment
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: NOUS333] 1
#25032013 - 03/01/18 03:02 PM (6 years, 29 days ago) |
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Keep working at it.
-------------------- "You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle." - Eckhart Tolle “Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.” - Alan Watts "Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia" - Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)
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Asclepius
Human Being
Registered: 01/09/18
Posts: 2,209
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc]
#25032224 - 03/01/18 03:55 PM (6 years, 29 days ago) |
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I am no rap expert. Just a simple observation: you used only words that start with the letter "A." I am going to assume that was deliberate. As far as the meaning of the rap lyrics, it seems you were going for something cryptic. I don't have the slightest clue as to what you were trying to say.
-------------------- A society governed in terms of double standards is self-destructive
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remake
Registered: 01/05/16
Posts: 4,201
Loc: South Africa
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: Asclepius]
#25032240 - 03/01/18 04:01 PM (6 years, 29 days ago) |
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I’m the motherfucker at the bar Dipping his hands in the ice bucket Look at my eyes bitch they’re crazy Look at my crazy looking eyes Then look away son It’s ya brotha sis Poopin out yellow bricks I think they call em gold sticks Bitches stay away from me Cause I’m scared and freaky Ready to love you like a pussy Then chill out because I don’t want to offend you Kiss you on your booboo Let’s be friends and not make shit intense
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Asclepius
Human Being
Registered: 01/09/18
Posts: 2,209
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: remake] 3
#25032275 - 03/01/18 04:18 PM (6 years, 29 days ago) |
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You lost me at the "poopin' out yellow bricks" part. LOL
-------------------- A society governed in terms of double standards is self-destructive
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Lophosaurus
suruasohpol
Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 8,744
Loc: CA
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: Asclepius] 2
#25032438 - 03/01/18 10:36 PM (6 years, 28 days ago) |
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You're trying to hard. Just say what you really feel and it will be much better
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jamzymc
Stranger
Registered: 01/30/15
Posts: 81
Last seen: 4 years, 4 months
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: Lophosaurus]
#25032714 - 03/02/18 03:51 AM (6 years, 28 days ago) |
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The start is about ancient people being the first astronomers then the next part is us not understanding them. The next part is how Usa formed and the part after was about the advances made through the power of the USA. The next part is about the American empire building its armies. And world dominance.
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1234go
#1 Swiftie
Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 56,299
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc] 2
#25032732 - 03/02/18 04:52 AM (6 years, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
Lophosaurus said: You're trying to hard.
Exactly what I was going to say. It just seems like you're trying to force something, and it doesn't flow.
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NOUS333
Stranger Than You
Registered: 12/26/15
Posts: 2,952
Last seen: 3 years, 19 days
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc]
#25032905 - 03/02/18 07:28 AM (6 years, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
jamzymc said: The start is about ancient people being the first astronomers then the next part is us not understanding them. The next part is how Usa formed and the part after was about the advances made through the power of the USA. The next part is about the American empire building its armies. And world dominance.
I don’t think ‘ascendency’ is ‘domination-y’
I respect the insight you must have and the drive to express it but it seems forced. Keep building the insight and try talking about it in normal everyday conversations with friends and that will help you realize a more organic way to word your expression of it in a way that a wider variety of eyes and ears will relate with and comprehend quicker/easier.
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1234go
#1 Swiftie
Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 56,299
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc] 3
#25032921 - 03/02/18 07:38 AM (6 years, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
jamzymc said: The start is about ancient people being the first astronomers then the next part is us not understanding them. The next part is how Usa formed and the part after was about the advances made through the power of the USA. The next part is about the American empire building its armies. And world dominance.
Have you been listening to a lot of Damian Marley lately?
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Scott Bennett
Lucrative
Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 17,730
Loc: Toronto
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc] 5
#25032927 - 03/02/18 07:40 AM (6 years, 28 days ago) |
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Try the next chapter of the dictionary.
--------------------
It's just some nights, you really want to go out, get some hot bitch to dump Goose down your throat and snort coke off a stripper's tits.
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Revok
I Am OTD
Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 10,355
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I didn't like his use of "of".
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CHeifM4sterDiezL
Chief Globerts
Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 22,938
Loc: United States
Last seen: 38 minutes, 33 seconds
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: Revok]
#25032940 - 03/02/18 07:49 AM (6 years, 28 days ago) |
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xbloodwhipx
Registered: 02/24/12
Posts: 12,791
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
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trapped inside the bottle, lost inside the cup, along the path i lost myself, i still dont give a fuck, baby cause i loved you, now i feel regret, along the way the prophecy was never met, the pain ran to deep, cause you are why i never sleep, its just what i fucking reap, sow this fuckin mask i weep, (faster flow) baby blue eyes wish i could mend time, remove the bind you put on my mind, (back to normal) free myself from you, i know you never knew me itd be hell for you, probably for the better that you brushed me off, i watched you everyday but we never talked, when you took a walk, everynight when you would sleep, take a shower feed your kids and maybe eat, or kick back your feet and relax, flexin in your green slacks, it drove up me the wall we werent together, i just wanted to love you baby forever, i came up with somethin swore it was so clever, in the end we could maybe even die together
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Apples in Mono
Not a puppet
Registered: 09/21/17
Posts: 3,240
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: xbloodwhipx] 1
#25033178 - 03/02/18 09:58 AM (6 years, 28 days ago) |
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Big A, little a, what begins with A?
Aunt Annie's Alligator
A..a..A
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plasma
ɹoʇɐɹǝpoɯ
Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 10,001
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Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc]
#25033205 - 03/02/18 10:07 AM (6 years, 28 days ago) |
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Quote:
jamzymc said: Ancient astronomy alining stars astrology abnormal abnormalities axioms, anomalies ancient aborigenies annihilated awfully advances amazing aesthetically, aided artificially
Administered authority, architects of austerity Assembled armies artillery, Aiming for ascendency
Don’t do dis
D-
What’s funny though is OP was feeling himself so good on this rap Thought it was an Emmy in the making
Edited by plasma (03/02/18 10:09 AM)
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