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Offlinejamzymc
Stranger
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Registered: 01/30/15
Posts: 81
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Start of a rap what you think?
    #25031319 - 03/01/18 11:55 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Ancient astronomy alining stars astrology
abnormal abnormalities axioms, anomalies
ancient aborigenies annihilated awfully
advances amazing aesthetically, aided artificially

Administered authority, architects of austerity
Assembled armies artillery,
Aiming for ascendency


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OfflineUpSyndrome
Male


Registered: 10/16/17
Posts: 975
Last seen: 2 months, 14 days
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc]
    #25031327 - 03/01/18 12:01 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Crap.


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InvisibleTantrika
Miss Ann Thrope
Female


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/27/12
Posts: 17,138
Loc: Lashed to the pyre
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc]
    #25031332 - 03/01/18 12:03 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Grade: A-


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InvisibleMalcolm_Xtasy
Oh baby what Is you doin??
Trans-male User Gallery

Registered: 04/04/12
Posts: 13,813
Loc: Flag
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc] * 3
    #25031359 - 03/01/18 12:21 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Trash. Sounds like something Connie would write 0/10 :thumbdown:


--------------------
I'm stupid, Enlil is smart.
I'm ugly, Enlil is beautiful.
I'm a loser, Enlil is a winner.
Someday, I hope to be like Enlil but secretly know I never will.


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OfflineNOUS333
Stranger Than You
I'm a teapot

Registered: 12/26/15
Posts: 2,952
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: Malcolm_Xtasy] * 1
    #25031965 - 03/01/18 04:53 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Too complex and doesn’t make sense.


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InvisiblePlain
You are the universe
Male User Gallery


Registered: 05/30/16
Posts: 1,603
Loc: In the moment
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: NOUS333] * 1
    #25032013 - 03/01/18 05:02 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Keep working at it.


--------------------
"You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle."

- Eckhart Tolle

“Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.”

- Alan Watts

"Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia"

- Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)


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InvisibleAsclepius
Human Being
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Registered: 01/09/18
Posts: 2,163
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc]
    #25032224 - 03/01/18 05:55 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I am no rap expert.  Just a simple observation: you used only words that start with the letter "A."  I am going to assume that was deliberate.  As far as the meaning of the rap lyrics, it seems you were going for something cryptic.  I don't have the slightest clue as to what you were trying to say.


--------------------
A society governed in terms of double standards is self-destructive




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Invisibleremake
Male

Registered: 01/05/16
Posts: 3,759
Loc: South Africa Flag
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: Asclepius]
    #25032240 - 03/01/18 06:01 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I’m the motherfucker at the bar
Dipping his hands in the ice bucket
Look at my eyes bitch they’re crazy
Look at my crazy looking eyes
Then look away son
It’s ya brotha sis
Poopin out yellow bricks
I think they call em gold sticks
Bitches stay away from me
Cause I’m scared and freaky
Ready to love you like a pussy
Then chill out because I don’t want to offend you
Kiss you on your booboo
Let’s be friends and not make shit intense


--------------------


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InvisibleAsclepius
Human Being
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Registered: 01/09/18
Posts: 2,163
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: remake] * 3
    #25032275 - 03/01/18 06:18 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

You lost me at the "poopin' out yellow bricks" part.  LOL

:joneswtf:


--------------------
A society governed in terms of double standards is self-destructive




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InvisibleLophosaurus
suruasohpol
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 08/09/07
Posts: 8,678
Loc: CA Flag
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: Asclepius] * 2
    #25032438 - 03/02/18 12:36 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

You're trying to hard. Just say what you really feel and it will be much better


--------------------
My Pronouns: What begins with T, ends with T, and has T in it?        Teapot


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Offlinejamzymc
Stranger
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Registered: 01/30/15
Posts: 81
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: Lophosaurus]
    #25032714 - 03/02/18 05:51 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

The start is about ancient people being the first astronomers then the next part is us not understanding them. The next part is how Usa formed and the part after was about the advances made through the power of the USA. The next part is about the American empire building its armies. And world dominance.


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Invisible1234go
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Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 31,583
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc] * 2
    #25032732 - 03/02/18 06:52 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Lophosaurus said:
You're trying to hard.




Exactly what I was going to say. It just seems like you're trying to force something, and it doesn't flow.


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OfflineNOUS333
Stranger Than You
I'm a teapot

Registered: 12/26/15
Posts: 2,952
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc]
    #25032905 - 03/02/18 09:28 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

jamzymc said:
The start is about ancient people being the first astronomers then the next part is us not understanding them. The next part is how Usa formed and the part after was about the advances made through the power of the USA. The next part is about the American empire building its armies. And world dominance.



I don’t think ‘ascendency’ is ‘domination-y’

I respect the insight you must have and the drive to express it but it seems forced.  Keep building the insight and try talking about it in normal everyday conversations with friends and that will help you realize a more organic way to word your expression of it in a way that a wider variety of eyes and ears will relate with and comprehend quicker/easier.


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Invisible1234go
 User Gallery

Registered: 07/08/09
Posts: 31,583
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc] * 3
    #25032921 - 03/02/18 09:38 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

jamzymc said:
The start is about ancient people being the first astronomers then the next part is us not understanding them. The next part is how Usa formed and the part after was about the advances made through the power of the USA. The next part is about the American empire building its armies. And world dominance.




Have you been listening to a lot of Damian Marley lately?


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InvisibleScott Bennett
Lucrative
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Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 17,730
Loc: Toronto
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc] * 5
    #25032927 - 03/02/18 09:40 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Try the next chapter of the dictionary.


--------------------
It's just some nights, you really want to go out, get some hot bitch to dump Goose down your throat and snort coke off a stripper's tits.


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InvisibleRevok
I Am OTD
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Registered: 08/29/12
Posts: 10,355
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: Scott Bennett]
    #25032933 - 03/02/18 09:44 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I didn't like his use of "of".


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OfflineCHeifM4sterDiezL
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Registered: 07/28/10
Posts: 15,882
Loc: united states Flag
Last seen: 4 hours, 29 minutes
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: Revok]
    #25032940 - 03/02/18 09:49 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)



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Offlinexbloodwhipx

Registered: 02/24/12
Posts: 12,791
Last seen: 1 year, 8 months
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: CHeifM4sterDiezL]
    #25033146 - 03/02/18 11:47 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

trapped inside the bottle,
lost inside the cup,
along the path i lost myself,
i still dont give a fuck,
baby cause i loved you,
now i feel regret,
along the way the prophecy was never met,
the pain ran to deep,
cause you are why i never sleep,
its just what i fucking reap,
sow this fuckin mask i weep,
(faster flow)
baby blue eyes wish i could mend time,
remove the bind you put on my mind,
(back to normal)
free myself from you,
i know you never knew me itd be hell for you,
probably for the better that you brushed me off,
i watched you everyday but we never talked,
when you took a walk,
everynight when you would sleep,
take a shower feed your kids and maybe eat,
or kick back your feet and relax,
flexin in your green slacks,
it drove up me the wall we werent together,
i just wanted to love you baby forever,
i came up with somethin swore it was so clever,
in the end we could maybe even die together


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InvisibleApples in Mono
Not a puppet


Registered: 09/21/17
Posts: 3,144
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: xbloodwhipx] * 1
    #25033178 - 03/02/18 11:58 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Big A, little a, what begins with A?

Aunt Annie's Alligator

A..a..A


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Invisibleplasma

Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 9,019
Re: Start of a rap what you think? [Re: jamzymc]
    #25033205 - 03/02/18 12:07 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

jamzymc said:
Ancient astronomy alining stars astrology
abnormal abnormalities axioms, anomalies
ancient aborigenies annihilated awfully
advances amazing aesthetically, aided artificially

Administered authority, architects of austerity
Assembled armies artillery,
Aiming for ascendency



Don’t do dis

D-


What’s funny though is OP was feeling himself so good on this rap
Thought it was an Emmy in the making


--------------------
splash my nuts


Edited by plasma (03/02/18 12:09 PM)


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