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InvisibleEternal Quest
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Sexuality and.. The big, scary R.
    #25026579 - 02/27/18 05:33 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Again. Woke up today feeling sad and purposeless.
Sitting on the floor, was thinking about the emptiness of my life.
Nothing nowadays seems to move me, please me or bring me any sort of joy.
Alcohol works just fine only until I start to sink even deeper.
And that depth it's scaring me of late, for it's getting every time more difficult to climb back to surface afterwards.

And I feel like there's only one thing that works for me, that seems to cure that apathy when it comes about: Love.
To live for someone. To give myself to someone. To deeply care for someone.
In a society where the number of sexual partners you've had is to be displayed like a trophy, to admit that I find my real happiness only in a committed relationship, might seems the real big deal for many.
But I crave that intimacy, the emotional bond, the physical closeness.
There's nothing sweeter.

Now I'm wondering, especially from a man's point of view, is this perceived as an extremely foolish line of thought?


--------------------
"Be kind whenever possible.
It is always possible."


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Invisibleimpatientguy
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Eternal Quest] * 1
    #25026610 - 02/27/18 05:48 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

You need to be able to find happiness by yourself to be in a healthy relationship IMO.


I mean it's not extremely foolish it's just not ideal lol.


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InvisibleEternal Quest
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: impatientguy]
    #25027777 - 02/28/18 03:20 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I was sure something of this kind would have come up.

Then let's specify. I can be okay by myself too. I am single and a perfect functioning member of society (lol). I have a normal social life, hobbies, projects etc. It's just that, no matter what, I always feel more fulfilled and happy when I'm in a relationship. I CAN fly solo, I am capable of doing so, I just find that life gets sweeter when I can share it with someone.
I'm starting to think that all of this it's just who I am, the way I'm wired.
So... What's the point in fighting it?
People find their purpose in faith, work, a personal project. Most of the time they struggle to find it at all.
I see that mine is to care for another human being.


--------------------
"Be kind whenever possible.
It is always possible."


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Invisibleimpatientguy
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Eternal Quest]
    #25027797 - 02/28/18 03:32 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Nothing wrong with any of that :thumbup:

That's just the way most people are. People crave other people's attention.

It helps to reassure that we have value.


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InvisibleEternal Quest
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: impatientguy]
    #25027839 - 02/28/18 04:17 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Most people, you say?
This being exactly my point. I am sometimes disconcerted by the dichotomy I see between me, feeling so strongly about romantic relationships, and others (may I dare a: men in particular) being so emotionally adverse to the very idea of it.
That's why I was specifically asking for men's opinion on this matter. Was just curious really.


--------------------
"Be kind whenever possible.
It is always possible."


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Invisibleimpatientguy
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Eternal Quest]
    #25027886 - 02/28/18 05:15 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I'm probably not the best to be giving advise on this anyways.  I'm 21 and have had no real romantic relationships.

I just grow mushrooms lol


I'm so comfortable with myself that I couldn't imagine dedicating as much time and emotional investment as it takes to be in a proper relationship.

Even if I liked the girl and whatnot, it's just not that interesting to me.

So I'm biased.


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InvisibleEternal Quest
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: impatientguy]
    #25027898 - 02/28/18 05:31 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I see lol
Thank you for chiming in though!


--------------------
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It is always possible."


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InvisibleJokeshopbeardM
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Eternal Quest] * 1
    #25028024 - 02/28/18 08:28 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I don't think any of these feelings you're having are unusual, and in many ways I think they're good; two souls joined in this world, hard fucking place that it is, are inherently stronger and so more capable of dealing with the strife of it all than one alone.

The problem lies in finding someone that is:

a) At the same place as you are in your life/development at any given time
b) Compatibly weird/normal as you are
c) Has similar enough visions of where their future lies
d) Has not been damaged to the point of being weary of commitment
e) Is not overwhelmed by the options provided to us through the likes of internet dating

And then on top of that you have the added difficulty of maintaining a relationship, once started; as whilst it can bring the greatest benefits, it can also bring the greatest hardships.

I also think that the current state of society may play into this somewhat; I feel we are at a time in evolutionary history where people are probably the least inclined to be committed. I mean, just look around. Look at the horrors some people go through when a relationship doesn't work out. Look at how the media glorifies it. Look at the divorce rate. Look at how many people, even when they say they want to be committed, change, break said commitment, and then lie about it and cause masses of emotional pain in the process.

I'm with you all the way EQ; I had those feelings and desires once. They nearly killed me, several times, when I gave everything I had to them.

I think we are all, inherently, wired to feel this way from the moment of our conception. I just think many of us are so damaged by life that being able to bring them to fruition is nigh on impossible.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleEternal Quest
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25029507 - 02/28/18 06:35 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
The problem lies in finding someone that is:

a) At the same place as you are in your life/development at any given time
b) Compatibly weird/normal as you are
c) Has similar enough visions of where their future lies
d) Has not been damaged to the point of being weary of commitment
e) Is not overwhelmed by the options provided to us through the likes of internet dating

And then on top of that you have the added difficulty of maintaining a relationship, once started; as whilst it can bring the greatest benefits, it can also bring the greatest hardships.




Hey, I've never said it's an easy job, especially if you're after a genuine connection.
I can see all of these 'challenges' but, as I fight to overcome them, I can't help but only focus on the priceless prize is waiting for me at the end of the struggle.
Also, wasn't it you, JSB, stating on this very forum: “Good things always come from a little work.” or “There's no such thing as an easy life.”?


Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
I also think that the current state of society may play into this somewhat; I feel we are at a time in evolutionary history where people are probably the least inclined to be committed. I mean, just look around. Look at the horrors some people go through when a relationship doesn't work out. Look at how the media glorifies it. Look at the divorce rate. Look at how many people, even when they say they want to be committed, change, break said commitment, and then lie about it and cause masses of emotional pain in the process.




Again, absolutely on point.
About this, I find this thought from Bauman particularly fitting:
“Partnerships are increasingly seen through the prism of promises and expectations, and as a kind of product for consumers: satisfaction on the spot, and if not fully satisfied, return the product to the shop or replace it with a new and improved one! You don't, after  all, stick to your car or computer or iPod, when better ones appear. So what is so different about partnership?”
This gave me the chills the first time I read it. So true and terrible.


Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
I had those feelings and desires once. They nearly killed me, several times, when I gave everything I had to them.




I think you're protecting yourself here, which is just the most human (animal) reaction to anything we recognise as a threat for our survival, but from my point of view in doing this you're also missing out on the very juice of existence.


Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
I'm with you all the way EQ.




If you honestly believe in these words, why do you still dwell in your hurtful past?
Someone I deeply care about once told me: “Being vulnerable is good, it's an amazing way to grow”. Why not to try and embrace the fact that you, as well, are vulnerable, accept the fact that you will suffer and struggle profoundly, but that every second you'll be spending with the person you really love ('cause, YES, you will love again) will be totally worth all of that, and more?
I see how this of mine could easily be called Pollyannaism, but I'd rather spend my days in that 'together' place that it appears to be for the fewer of us, than to end my life one day with the regret of having missed out on even one minute of that glorious feeling.


--------------------
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It is always possible."


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Anonymous #1

Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Eternal Quest]
    #25030725 - 03/01/18 04:00 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

10 one night stands with the kind of girl you pick up late at night as they're leaving da club, or 50 with your gf :shrug:

I think I've made my choice


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InvisibleEternal Quest
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25030741 - 03/01/18 04:14 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous #1 said:
10 one night stands with the kind of girl you pick up late at night as they're leaving da club, or 50 with your gf :shrug:

I think I've made my choice




That being..?
Or was it supposed to be implicit? :confused:


--------------------
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It is always possible."


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Anonymous #1

Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Eternal Quest] * 1
    #25030773 - 03/01/18 04:33 AM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I took the time to discover what I wanted by dating a few girls here and there, in doing so I found in general what I liked in a woman and what I not so much liked. After a while I kept to these general attractions, and I was honest about what I wanted, and I was fortunate enough to meet the kind of person I was hoping to meet.

Maybe if you stick to the things you want, and if you express what you want, but you are flexible enough to realise it may not always be exactly what you want, I hope you can find the person you are looking for. I do believe there is someone out there for all of us.


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InvisibleEternal Quest
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #25031889 - 03/01/18 04:28 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

But I have very clear in my mind/heart what I'm looking for in a potential partner.
The problem is (after the physical/emotional match) to take it to the 'partner' stage at all.
Here I was more interested in that mechanism that poses engaging in a committed relationship a psychological stumbling-block for many.
Also, by introducing myself with an "Hi, I'm ----, wanna be in a relationship with me?" I might come across as a bit too intense.
Oh, and crazy. That too. :crazy:


--------------------
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It is always possible."


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InvisibleJokeshopbeardM
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Eternal Quest]
    #25031915 - 03/01/18 04:37 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Eternal Quest said:
Oh, and crazy. That too. :crazy:



Quote:

George Carlin said:
Here’s all you need to know about men and women: Women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. It’s not the only reason, but it’s a big one. And by the way, if you don’t think men are stupid, check the newspaper. Ninety-nine percent of all the truly horrifying shit going on in this world was initiated, established, perpetrated, enabled or continued by men.

But as I say, besides knowing that men are stupid, it’s also important to remember that women are crazy. And if you don’t think women are crazy, ask a man. That’s the one thing men aren’t stupid about; they know for sure, way down deep in their hearts, that women are straight-out fuckin nuts.



Probably best to just embrace your crazy. I've for sure embraced the sheer volume of my stupidity by now. It's quite something. I'm not saying it's gonna help matters, but better to at least laugh about it right?

It'll only scare the ones that would get scared further down the line anyway. I think the bluntness of the "Hi, I'm ----, wanna be in a relationship with me?" could just work..


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleEternal Quest
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25031951 - 03/01/18 04:49 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Jokeshopbeard said:
I think the bluntness of the "Hi, I'm ----, wanna be in a relationship with me?" could just work..




It's decided then. I shall try this line down at the pub tomorrow night; let's see if I can find some stupid (enough) men to go with it! :wink:


--------------------
"Be kind whenever possible.
It is always possible."


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InvisibleJokeshopbeardM
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Eternal Quest]
    #25032002 - 03/01/18 05:01 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

LOL. That reminds me of the oft supposed proposition shared between men; if one was to walk up to enough women and ask the question 'do you wanna fuck?' then surely, at some point, it's gonna work right?

I've had that conversation between friends a few times. This is like the gender/role-reversed equivalent.

I think you'd get better responses though; I can literally see the unfolding of 'this is gonna lead to a fuck' thought train in the minds of men...

It would certainly be an interesting social experiment though.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleEternal Quest
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25032160 - 03/01/18 05:26 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)



--------------------
"Be kind whenever possible.
It is always possible."


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InvisibleJokeshopbeardM
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Eternal Quest]
    #25032178 - 03/01/18 05:30 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Seriously?

I'm drinking Margaritas again; I really wouldn't listen to anything I say right now.


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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InvisibleEternal Quest
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
    #25032189 - 03/01/18 05:35 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I'm always serious when it comes to help the human kind with a social experiment.
I am a kind and generous person, you see.

And, man, you should quit that shit. And drink some Kraken instead.


--------------------
"Be kind whenever possible.
It is always possible."


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InvisibleJokeshopbeardM
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Re: Sexuality and.. The big, scary R. [Re: Eternal Quest]
    #25032200 - 03/01/18 05:42 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

LOL, I have a bottle of spiced rum behind me. I've been contemplating what to do with it for a couple of days now.

So, perhaps we should come up with a line of questioning that potential suitors should answer before they can 'be in a relationship with you'?

1. What does love mean to you?


--------------------
Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not.
--Jac O'keeffe


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Community >> Sexuality and Relationships

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