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OfflineJbar1288
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The reason I love the shroomery
    #24974780 - 02/07/18 08:15 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Because - for the most part - you are a bunch of straight-up, understanding, fellows. I go searching for the most efficient/painless way to extirpate oneself, and go on reddit: full of people telling me a load of shit, that there is no easy method, that I need to talk to someone: I highly doubt it. Couple of ‘moral of the stories here’ 1. Don’t use reddit And 2. Shroomery is boss, for they actually UNDERSTAND the pain some people suffer, that speaking to someone isn’t gonna help.

I am referring to this thread btw https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/17563079. In which my long search of via the internet of how to extirpate oneself finally brought me to ; I know, I know, I should have knew this would be the place to get a good answer from since the start. Silly me.

I am a huge idiot, truly, my childhood was abysmal, so too my adolescenthood, and, to get to the point, I’m so ignorant of such useful knowledge that probably everyone of you smart motherfucker on here know: how to effectively kill yourself.

I mean, come on, how the fuck do I not even know how to do that? To kill myself!! Am I truly that useless? For gods sake!!!


Edited by Jbar1288 (02/07/18 08:16 PM)


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24974832 - 02/07/18 08:32 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Is this a cry for help?  Kind of a weird example to give.  Life is hard man but just stick it out.  We all do, just be tough like the mushrooms.


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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24974845 - 02/07/18 08:36 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Your damn right shroomery is boss. That right there is reason enough not to off yourself...you would miss out on too many great posts :ruggedwink:...
All joking aside there are a lot of people here who will support you so dont go offing yourself, you hear? :shroomeryhead:


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Offlineviktor
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24974854 - 02/07/18 08:38 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive.


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"They consider me insane but I know that I am a hero living under the eyes of the gods."

Sobriety Bias Syndrome is the tendency for people to erroneously assume that, if there are two competing perceptions of reality, the one that was arrived at while sober must necessarily be the correct one.


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OfflineJbar1288
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: viktor]
    #24974873 - 02/07/18 08:45 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Not a cry for help, for I’m afraid I’ll not be talked out of it ; if the pain persists, I’m killing my self, no doubt about it. I just genuinely wanted to say the shroomery is awesome because thanks to the shroomery now My mind is relieved ; i have a security, an assurance that if the pain persists, I can die peacefully


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OfflineJbar1288
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24974881 - 02/07/18 08:46 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

And before i found that thread, I was panicked in my mind ; now I’m calmer, for I have my method all planned out


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Offlinespirit_shadow
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24974888 - 02/07/18 08:48 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

What ails you? Maybe we can figure this shit out together?


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24974893 - 02/07/18 08:50 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I mean we don't know that much, and as much as I agree with the idea behind allowing it, I wouldn't trust that thread to guide you into a painless end. 

It sounds like what your dealing with now is emotional pain and stress.  I agree that it's sort of nice knowing that you could end it, and nobody can really tell you what to do, but you shouldn't let those transitory feelings overtake your better thinking. 

What would you say is the pain that is plaguing you, if you don't mind my asking?


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Offlineenjoi-more
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #24974965 - 02/07/18 09:06 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

yo




much love brother.

Pain is unavoidable in our time during Saṃsāra. May the deeds done within this life aid you in the next. Whatever suffering you may bear, now and then, know that I will make certain that you will be one of the first I carry across the river.


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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288] * 1
    #24974969 - 02/07/18 09:07 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Who are you?


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288] * 1
    #24974981 - 02/07/18 09:09 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Jbar1288 said:
Because - for the most part - you are a bunch of straight-up, understanding, fellows.




Clearly you're high if you believe that.

That means you're one of us!

It might be a good thing. Time will tell you.


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OfflineJbar1288
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Patlal]
    #24975005 - 02/07/18 09:15 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

My fucking spine - persistent weight placed on it from hiking in the mountains with a weighted pack, fucking nasty place to injure. I went to the hospital, told them that I’d rather die than keep on going with this spine pain, have they anything that can help, that could put my to sleep, because it’s preferable to living with this pain in my spine”

and me, being an utter dumbass, devoid of common sense ( I fucking suck at playing “the game” Had no mentor in my life. No one to look up to) but anyway, telling them that I wanted to kill myself was THE WORST thing I could have done, for the spine issue - which was the ONLY reason I went - was thrown out the window ; they  focused on my mental health, called in people to speak to me , I tried to explain that they were misunderstanding, but they nodded and asked me if I heard voices in my head. LMFAO
II sighed, decided I was an idiot , and decided no matter what I said, they thought I was insane and was making up that I had spinal pain.......this was four weeks ago, and day in day out since I suffer , I’m all stiff, can hardly move my neck, and made another appointment with my private doctor today, told her in my most earnest voice about the pain in my spine, she listened, then replied “ ok, Jordan, is there someone in your head telling you all this” ( of course the hospital had forwarded all details pertaining to me to my doctor).

I burst into laughter there and then, she completely dismissed the fact turning my head is causing me extreme discomfort, for they all think I’m crazy....lmfao....but I don’t blame them....for I remember reading someone who said something on here that went something like “ most people suffer/go to the doctors / want to commit suicide due to their own stupidity” and a more true saying, I have never heard. So, I don’t blame the doctors for not helping me ; it’s not their fault I think Ive irrevocably fucked my spine due to continuous weight being placed upon it while walking for miles ; that’s my fault, my utter idiocy in thinking it was benefitting me, making me fitter, and not damaging my spine irreparably.
People seem to look - i I’ll certainly admit I did , and it’s stupid to use the word ‘people’, because perhaps it’s only me that does- to look to doctors as their savours.

One thing I’ve learnt from all this - 19 year old fool that I am - is that never to rely on other people, to rely on yourself and no one else ; for having to rely on doctors isn’t gonna end well. Also to look after yourself. I took walking through the mountains for miles upon miles each and every day with my dogs at my side for granted, and now that my spine is so fucked i can hardly walk up the stairs, I miss it so much.

Ah well, I wish someone would have taught me the rules  of ‘ the game’ because I’m so ignorant to how things work: rules and regulations and what not......my dad when I got home, said I hope you didn’t say to the doctor that you wanted to kill yourself, that’s the worst thing to say......because what I wanted is diazepam.....testing my body with the effects of drugs for example. Taking one single drug ina day and seeing it’s effects on the spinal pain, the only thing that’s helped so far is Diazapam : but, my father informed me ( afterwards god damit) that if you mentioned killing your self, they wouldn’t give it to you due to over dose ( what an idiot I am, I’m too open, I just tell everyone what I’m thinking, what I get up to, because I thought honesty was best, I tell strangers I meet on walks that I like mushrooms ( because I want to spread the word , how there are these little pointy things that, every autumn, grow all over the place and go unnoticed, and that if consumed but once can cure more than a lifetime of pill-taking, and the next thing due to me telling people, I get in shit). You see when I was younger 17 I was into the whole Buddhist shit and some Buddhist guy said “ have no secrets and you a free, you have no worries” so I’d go around and just speak to anyone who deemed to speak to me ( be it strangers I met on my walks or family member) I’d be so so open, and it got my Into incredible bother.

......but.....but.....it is stupid and cowardly to blame others for your problems, so if I die ,with so much more to experience, fuck it. A nice deep sleep. Good for me :smile: I’m  happpyyy

Ps. I told the doctor, when I initally went to the hospital, that I wanted to kill myself, because I thought - idiot that I am - that this would convey the seriousness of my spinal pain - the fact I’d rather be dead than suffer this intolerable discomfiture.


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Edited by Jbar1288 (02/07/18 09:29 PM)


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OfflineJbar1288
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24975007 - 02/07/18 09:16 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Too long for reading shit from
An idiots mind: It’s not mental pain ; it’s physical


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24975037 - 02/07/18 09:28 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Hmm yeah it sounds like you pushed yourself too hard physically and ended up with some negative repercussions.  I think many of us are guilty of this physically and mentally, but you still can recover. 

I mean I don't know the pain that you're in, but most people don't go through a traumatic injury like that and immediately resort to suicide.  I don't mean to be a dick, but if you're taking walks and talking to people about mushrooms, it doesn't sound that bad.  It sounds like you're frustrated because you weren't properly treated, but on the other hand you do sound like you're eager to abuse drugs in a world where medical professionals are looking out for that.

Like people break their spine in half, spend years in hospital, and go on to live productive lives.  If you have medical insurance I would look into physical therapy, and if not I would seriously invest yourself in balance and body control.  Through work and proper rest you can get better, especially being so young, and basically what you're saying is "that sounds too hard I just want to die".  I'm not talking shit, lots of us feel like that sometimes but you need to be tough to survive.


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OfflineJbar1288
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: moonrockmushy]
    #24975060 - 02/07/18 09:37 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

The walks and mushrooms was all years ago.....not even sure why I mentioned it to be honest....it’s completely apart and irrelevant with the current situation....I’m rambling cause I’m doped up on all the pills I can lay my gargantuan hands on ; big hands = big dick

Me currently on mass benzos



And you’re spot on; I pushed myself far, far, far too far physically ; I didn’t give myself a break to let my muscles restore ; day in, day out, 7 days a week,!I was out walking miles with a backpack ; reason? I don’t have a job, so I was like, I might as well put all my time into getting fit.

Moral of story: don’t be like me

Addendum: it’s folly to even say to the members of this glorious website - how do the government let such a website run? - who are ocean full of eminent good sense, to tell them not to be like me: for of course! Youse ain’t gonna be like me!!! God sakes! Ya’ll too smart for that


Edited by Jbar1288 (02/07/18 09:40 PM)


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OfflineJbar1288
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24975077 - 02/07/18 09:44 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I live in UK, so, the mostly America’a, on this thread will not be familiar with the way the health service works over here: but it’s all groovy I don’t want a big discussion, just wanted to thank the members on here for not withholding helpful information : I asked the doctor what was the best way to extirpate oneself, and she told me do I think it’s appropriate to ask a doctor such a question.....but of course the good motherfuckers of the shroomery have a 100page thread on the matter! HA!


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24975089 - 02/07/18 09:48 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I mean I've made the same mistake with a job and without.  I was reckless in the woods and I got lyme disease, then I pushed myself too hard loading trucks all fucked up on painkillers.  I have pain every day several times a day, some days are better than others, but the only thing that seems to help is to just keep moving.  Finding a balance is something that everyone has to come to terms with at some point, and we all have things from our past dragging us down. 

It sounds like you don't want off the pills, and you want an easy way, but life is hard man.  Getting out of bed in the morning and making an effort through the day to be independent and even try to be helpful to others is hard, anyone who says it isn't is a liar, but doing that actually will help with the problems you're facing, and it doesn't take much to start seeing a difference in yourself and those around you.  I know this sounds like alot of shit if you're in agony, and in that case focus on yourself and get better, but it sounds like you're just frustrated you can't get high and escape life when you need to come to grips with what you're facing and learn to manage it in a healthy way.


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OfflineJbar1288
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24975115 - 02/07/18 09:58 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

Oh. Also, I hate being ignorant , I feel so trapped! Knowledge really is power. Where do you learn about the best way to kill oneself ? For example how do youse know about all these drugs that are foreign to me ? Like heroin, fentanyl, carfentanil ? And how do one get his hands on these ? Fucking rules and regulations, man. I have no contacts in my area ( I’m a loner) and the government have all these drugs under the strictest lock and key ; like fuck sake, give me some fentanyl and let me never wake


I apologise for rambling ; I’m be benzoed up.

And once for, the game, I suck at playing, for now what I type online is permanently saved and can be used against me ; well I am autistic ( I believe ) so my parents tell everyone “ our sons autistic” and so people greet me with hugs and say awwww I feel so sorry for him.....how funny life really is

Lol. I used to be a huge nature freak : only ate fruit, despised pills, but now that diazapam is the only thing giving me relief, I have to admit I’m now in favour of pills....pain-killers suck ibuprofen (which the doctor said to take ) did nothing . The only thing that helped is diazapam, makes me nice and sleepy , I forget all about my spine......but I just consumed the last one and today the doctor refused giving me more due to me admitting I’m suicidal ... not due to being depressed about life..I LOVE LIFE....but due to physical pain...”yes, jordan, I know, she said , do you think your different from people, is that why you dress like you do””. ( I was wearing a colourful hat and sandals). I TOLD her I wore the sandals because I substitute style for comfort, and I like the hat cuz it’s cool, no ulterior motive
“Jordan” said she “ did you ever feel like voices are telling you do things, things you don’t want to do “

At this point I gave up pathetically pleading for her to help my spine.

So, does anyone have any advice on her to get sedatives?  Boy, do I wish I had street smarts


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Invisiblemoonrockmushy
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24975138 - 02/07/18 10:08 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

There's no best way to kill yourself like there is no best way to get high powered fentanyl analogues.  It's guaranteed not to be like you expect it will, and if suicide survivors are to believed you almost certainly will experience regret and disappointment, it is a more difficult experience than anything daily life can throw at us from what I understand. 

I get that what you're going through is hard, but I would try to connect with your parents and work on social skills.  Taking pills is just going to make you more and more distant from others when closeness to others is really what you're lacking.


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OfflineJbar1288
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Re: The reason I love the shroomery [Re: Jbar1288]
    #24975148 - 02/07/18 10:12 PM (3 years, 2 months ago)

I know life is hard....that you have to get out of bed....but, I mean, what presumptuous entity chucked me into this chaotic world? Thinking I’d enjoy it.
Why should life be hard? What’s wrong with looking pleasure and enjoyment? I mean, how fucking strange is all this ? Alan Watts - “life is playful’

And I understand, I do, that people, despite how awful they feel, despite how shitty their lives are, keep going ; I actually got told today “ you just gotta keep going” but to my mind - and this is MY mind - I have to ask why? You don’t HAVE to keep going: you can kill you self . Why do you have going? Why? Because you might miss some future ‘important’ moment ?

To my mind - and it’s cowardly, I know- but what’s the point in living if you’re not having fun? Lol that just doesn’t make sense : keep in mind I’m still a kid, in my mind anyway, I’m 19, yes, but I was late to hit puberty ; I only now have a considerable beard at 19 ; my classmates grew beards at 12 and produced sperm at 12 ; I didn’t until I was 17!!!!!

Lol how awkward and funny life can be ; they used to make fun of me because of this, my squeaky voice and what not, and I’d be like, man, logically, you’re making fun of genetics ? It’s not my fault I’m late to puberty? What can I do to force it on? So your basically making fun of DNA. 

I can only ascribe my late development to three things: 1. Genetics 2. Autism 3 trauma as a kid (bullying, father stabbed, other things I’d rather remain unsaid )

But I’m 19 now, and still not full developed, but at least my dick is big? Eh? HThat’s one thing I got going for me.....


Lol I feel like I tell the shroomery anything cuz you all have a vast abundance of erudition


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