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InvisibleMazzyStar
C4LC

Registered: 10/12/03
Posts: 1,426
=(
    #2477889 - 03/27/04 02:03 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

well this is the feel sorry for yourself group central right, so that's what i'm going to do..
i think i am going crazy for real, i don't have anyone or anything. My only friend in the entire world is too busy to talk to me I guess or something....that alone makes me wish I was dead, but then my family...i don't even feel like i'm a big sister to my sister anymore, it's just like i'm not a part of their lives anymore, like it wouldn't matter if i died because everyone's already used to me being gone.....
And I don't buy shit for myself ever but I am still running out of money, I don't even really have the money to buy myself groceries, I've been rationing my Fruit Loops and half gallon of milk for nearly 2 weeks now and i don't know maybe because of that i'm getting sick or something because i feel light headed and dizzy and sick to my stomach all the time...but there's no way in hell i could ever tell my mom, i'd rather die first..
Then a pipe or something broke in my toilet because the water just keeps rushing out and flooding the fucking bathroom, every towel i own is on the floor so I have to use my comforter to dry off with after i take a shower and then just sleep with a sheet, how fucking pathetic and disgusting is that....I don't have the money to call a plumber so I guess i'll try to fix it myself tomorrow..
Then so as I'm leaving to go to a job that i hate with all my soul, i'm late and get in a wreck that is totally my fault, so now i have to pay for that too...
and i felt so bad, i couldn't stop crying and apologizing, that guy probably thought i was a fucking freak...
all right i'll stop wasting the shroomery's space with my pathetic rants.....i don't expect anyone to read or reply i just need to write i think, since i don't have another human being or even an animal to talk to..i guess a computer will have to do....god, i wish i was dead
i apologize for this post


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InvisibleMOTH
Wild Woman
 User Gallery

Registered: 06/06/03
Posts: 23,359
Loc: In the jungle
Re: =( [Re: MazzyStar]
    #2477938 - 03/27/04 02:27 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Hi,

Sorry you're feeling bad, sweetheart. 
:heart: *gentle hugs* :heart:

You're not wasting space at all here...this is an area for us to hold one another up and encourage one another.  I wish I was there to help you clean up your bathroom.  I hope that writing this at least helped you feel a little bit better.  I don't have any great advice or anything, but I wanted to let you know that I read and care and that you're in my thoughts.  If you ever need someone just to talk to, feel free to PM me anytime.  :heart:

love,

Michelle


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InvisibleMazzyStar
C4LC

Registered: 10/12/03
Posts: 1,426
Re: =( [Re: MOTH]
    #2477966 - 03/27/04 02:41 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

thanks so much  :crying:


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InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: =( [Re: MazzyStar]
    #2478009 - 03/27/04 02:58 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Why dont you want to tell your mom anything?

Not eating will make you feel bad. It lowers your bodies ability to make you process those things which make you feel good. I wouldnt be surprised if this is a real add up of a lot of things. This kid i work with hasnt had it so well either, he lives on his own. He got into a wreck for the second time within this past month or so. Hes been sick as well.

I would say try to keep your eating up first. Let me know about your toilet, ive had to deal with toilet bs, and pipes for the past couple of weeks now. One valve on my hot water heater busted off when i was trying to turn it off, water gushed all out, all over me, and all on the side of the walls in the garage.

Do you think that your trying to establish a sense of independence away from your family and that may be contributing to your sense of isolation from your family... or your feelings of unwillingness to ask her for money?


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What?


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InvisibleMazzyStar
C4LC

Registered: 10/12/03
Posts: 1,426
Re: =( [Re: Zero7a1]
    #2478016 - 03/27/04 03:00 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

No it isn't that I'm too proud or embarassed or anything, they would give me anything they could in a heartbeat if I just asked, it's just they've done so much for me already, i don't want to ask for anything more..


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InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: =( [Re: MazzyStar]
    #2478039 - 03/27/04 03:08 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Do they know you got in a wreck? Do they pay for everything in your place, or have you been paying for it? I know sometimes i feel like my mom has done too much for me, which she has done a lot. I do live with her right now, although she still insists on supporting me. I am grateful, i try to show her. Do you just feel troubled about asking her? Are you worrying that youll be asking too much from her? Like being greedy or something?


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What?


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InvisibleMazzyStar
C4LC

Registered: 10/12/03
Posts: 1,426
Re: =( [Re: Zero7a1]
    #2478048 - 03/27/04 03:10 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I am paying everything in my place now..
No, I know I'm not greedy by any means, it's just, I'm raised now and on my own, it is time for my parents to be able to spend some money on themselves for once and I want them to be able to do that, I don't want to take any more money from them..


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InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: =( [Re: MazzyStar]
    #2478074 - 03/27/04 03:19 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Well i know if you want to feel better, in the physical sense of the word, you should remember to eat :wink:. Other than that, your circumstances are intwined with why you choose to do what you do. Family is for helping eachother out when we dont have anything else. Whether you ask them for money or not, it sounds like you need to talk to them anyway. It sounds also like you want to avoid the financial part of the situation, and focus soley on the family.

Have you talked to your sister lately? I might call her up, talk to her. Some of those things i dont think you will be able to avoid, about not feeling like a big sister. What is the age difference between the two of you?

My brother is 5 years older than me, hes been out of the house for a while. I dont see him all the time... im sure he has felt simillarily. Like he was growing up really fast, as if he was thrown into an isolated adulthood. But i try to call him. Personally, family is very important to me... I understand that communication is essential to keeping up those bonds.

Even if you dont ask for anything, you may still want to call them... which im not sure if you do or not? How far away do they live?

Eating is important!!! :thumbup:


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What?


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InvisibleMazzyStar
C4LC

Registered: 10/12/03
Posts: 1,426
Re: =( [Re: Zero7a1]
    #2478082 - 03/27/04 03:21 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

'bout 2 hours...i just am feeling really alone and bad lately in every sense of the word
thanks for the words of advice though...


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InvisibleZero7a1
Leaving YourWasteland

Registered: 10/23/02
Posts: 3,594
Loc: Passing Cloud
Re: =( [Re: MazzyStar]
    #2478094 - 03/27/04 03:26 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Yeah, i know what its like to feel bad and alone. Especially hungry plus those things. Its a real crappy state to be in. I just try to offer some of my own experiences, i hope you feel better  :sun:


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What?


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Invisibleshriek
*********

Registered: 12/13/03
Posts: 3,274
Re: =( [Re: MazzyStar]
    #2478168 - 03/27/04 04:02 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

hey there :smile:

dont feel so bad. life has many turns and sometimes you need to go on that bumpy road in life before things works out for the better. i respect that you dont want to get money from your parents, it will make you stronger in life :smile: if you are really alone and wants to talk or something you can always pm this crazy viking and i do my best to cheer you up some :smile:

peace love n respect


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InvisibleSuffer
puter dork
 User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 03/06/99
Posts: 1,090
Loc: MA
Re: =( [Re: MazzyStar]
    #2478178 - 03/27/04 04:05 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Ive been in similar situations before... At one point a few years ago I had to pawn my guitar because I hadnt eaten in 3 days. It SUCKED! What sucked more was that I knew I could have called my Mom and she would have gotten me food... But I think I wanted to prove it to her and to myself that I COULD do it on my own. Well, I ate for a week from the money i made off my guitar, but I felt like I had sold out still... that I was a failure. It sucks to make those kinds of sacrafices... but at some point you have to decide which is more important... living or quality of living.

I know it does get better... speaking from personal experience. I ended up being able to support my self fine, but about a year ago my mom asked me if i wanted to get back into school (I dropped out of HS at 16... moved to Colorado on a greyhound with Ythan). I knew that I couldnt hold back based on pride or my feelings about my parents giving me money, If i was going to make something better out of my life, I needed all the help I could get. Besides that, I finaly figured out that my mom LIKES helping me out... she just likes me being in her life again. Im not saying any of this applys to you or your situation, just rambling about my expierence. TALK to your rents... Even if you dont want help or they dont offer it, They will prolly be happy to just have you letting them know whats going on in your life. And... believe it or not, your rents have life expierence beyond what you have expierenced yet. They may be able to give you some ideas of how to make it better. Just give it a try... I cant promise anything, but at this point what do you have to loose?


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Offlinefilthysock
puresoul

Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 2,080
Loc: Bergen, Norway
Last seen: 10 years, 5 months
Re: =( [Re: MazzyStar]
    #2478879 - 03/27/04 09:05 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

All I can say is whatever you do, you'll come out of this situationalot stronger... and what people are saying about food is true, food affects mood and behaviour and general health.


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Magic mushrooms are not addictive, the shroomery is!


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InvisibleMazzyStar
C4LC

Registered: 10/12/03
Posts: 1,426
Re: =( [Re: filthysock]
    #2478891 - 03/27/04 09:07 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

no...actually i'm starting to think i won't come out of this situation at all



thanks everyone though for being nice to me...


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Offlinexjessesxgirlx
present

Registered: 01/14/04
Posts: 3,287
Loc: inside
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
Re: =( [Re: MazzyStar]
    #2479222 - 03/27/04 10:47 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

oh mazzy  :sad: it makes me real sad to hear this especially bc you are such a nice person. I wish I could help you, I would absolutely wire you money if I had it but I'm broke too  :frown: damn


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You know Rents, for a vegetarian, you're a mean shot.


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Offlinewaterbug
just a figment
Female

Registered: 01/06/04
Posts: 3,322
Loc: where i live they grow ou...
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: =( [Re: MazzyStar]
    #2483782 - 03/30/04 03:38 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Mazzy, my sweet Mazzy!
you are so sincere and cute, if I could do anything to help you feel better I would do it!
Dont you work at an olive garden? can you take home left overs or anything, because you really need to eat but I realize that that is not the whole problem. Just know if you need anybody to talk to you, you will always have a openminded ear (or rather pair of eyes) in me. I dont know why but I just love you to death, and I hope things start to look up, please PM me if you wanna talk,
lovin you very much
waterbug


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Girls Poop!


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InvisibleMazzyStar
C4LC

Registered: 10/12/03
Posts: 1,426
Re: =( [Re: waterbug]
    #2483790 - 03/30/04 03:40 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

aw, thank you waterbug, you're very sweet
yeah i work at olive garden and yea i guess i could take some some leftovers, but i wouldn't get a discount at all, they still make us pay for the food =/


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Offlinewaterbug
just a figment
Female

Registered: 01/06/04
Posts: 3,322
Loc: where i live they grow ou...
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
Re: =( [Re: MazzyStar]
    #2483823 - 03/30/04 03:48 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

corporate bastards!


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Girls Poop!


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Offlineanarchyhollow
Creator, DrugExploree

Registered: 11/13/03
Posts: 355
Loc: Heart
Last seen: 12 years, 3 months
Re: =( [Re: waterbug]
    #2485813 - 03/31/04 01:08 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I'm here for ya mazzy. I wish i could be there with ya so that i could help ya out somehow :frown: Maybe you should just ask for a small amount of money from family so that you can stay alive, ya know? I'm sure they'd be happy to help you, because you truely do need it. You're family is there for reasons just like this. I hope everything turns out, and if you wanna talk to me, pm me or email me any time ya like. Peace


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See, the shrooms explore me. They riddle my mind, they teach me the eternal with direct experience. My soul is one with existance.


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OfflineMikeOLogical
Doctor ofShroomology
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/31/04
Posts: 4,130
Loc: florida
Last seen: 6 months, 11 days
Re: =( [Re: MazzyStar]
    #2486022 - 03/31/04 02:34 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

cheer up mazzy! life aint so bad... if ya have a po box or a paypal account, I propose everyone here send mazzy a buck right now... i'll go first... what's yer paypal id?


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We got Nothing!
we're no longer selling jars.  :laugh:


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