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OfflineTheRedRavenPoet314
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Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip?
    #24721700 - 10/19/17 11:16 AM (6 years, 5 months ago)

I'm new around here, so pardon me.

Earlier this year, I decided to take mushrooms to kick off the year. I wanted to see what work needed to be done inside myself. I have past history of clinical depression, a mild bipolar disorder and OCD and anxiety. In the past shrooms helped me immensely with those issues. My guy and I, took about an 1/8th and we had a great time. We connected on different levels, we cried and laughed. and I just felt extreme love for the guy, but I couldn't help but feel a deep darkness all around me. Like tiny minions invading my space. It was like they were laughing at me and mocking me but when I moved around they could not touch me or get to close.
I dealt with it, and didn't come close to a bad trip or anything. I woke up the next day and felt pretty good, had a little headache, but emotionally I felt great. Days after I started getting obsessive thoughts, and mild anxiety. In the following days it increased wildly. So I decided that I must of opened a closed door that I shut a long time ago. I needed to deal with whatever I shoved down inside myself and started to bubble up.
About 3 and half weeks after the the previous shroom trip. It was early after noon, I worked out, cleaned house. Finished all chores. I decided it was time. I ate small healthy meal and took a palmful of very potent shrooms. I went outside and it was a beautiful day. The sun was shining warmly down on me and a gentle breeze would whisper by just when my skin would get a little too warm. I didn't feel much but it was only 15 minutes after I had took the shrooms. I started to feel it a small bit, so I thought taking a nice warm bath would help me ease into the trip. I laid in a warm bath, and started thinking of everything I wish to work through, past traumas, things I felt guilty for. Why I felt the need to hold onto unnecessary habit patterns.
Bam. Time slowed down entirely, just for my eyes to look from left to right seemed to take years. I couldn't feel the water anymore, the water seemed to become me. Tears trickled down my cheeks and I started to bawl and yell. I got out of the bath and just threw a towel around myself, I felt extremely weak and ill headed. Not so much physically weak but emotionally, spiritually. I plopped down on my bed, and all I could do is cry and cry. I gained some composer and put pajamas on and went into the living room where my fiancé and son were. They were just chilling and watching tv. I was looking for some kind of comfort, some kind of love. I went and hugged my fiancé and I didn't feel anything. I was completely absent of love. Then a voice in my head said "No one can help you here." It was very eery. I ran back into my room and got under the covers. I felt to sick to my stomach. I was dry heaving and gagging. Nothing came out. I was cold and hot and sweating all at the same time. I felt this giant presence all around me. It was bigger than the world it seemed like. I called my fiancé into the room with me, but it didn't help. I felt exhausted by this point and it was only 45 minutes into the trip. I knew I was in trouble. The only words I could get out was "Tell it to leave me alone, Its bothering me." Obviously my fiancé was confused. I thought to myself I needed the suns warmth and love. I forced myself to get up out of my pit of despair and open the curtains. Outside had completely changed from a beautiful sunny day to a windy to a cloudy dark dreary dust storm. That only made me freak out more. I felt like the whole universe was conspiring against me. I ran to the bathroom and made myself puke, I puked a little bit of the shrooms out, but they all had pretty much been ingested. I drank water and tried eating an apple, but the water tasted like crap and the apple was extremely cold to chew. I knew I should close my eyes, but that's what I was fighting. I knew something scary was going to happen if I closed my eyes. Finally I ran out of tears and hope. I closed my eyes and I felt like I had just jumped on a crazy roller coaster, I spun and twirled, echoed in and out of myself. I swear I was in an afterlife of hell. The visuals were dark and colorless, anything good did not exist yet or did and was ripped away from me. It was a dimension of utter insanity. I was sure I had a psychotic break and I had visions of myself tied down to a bed in an asylum and having my family bring me flowers and my mother crying because I was completely incoherent. It was all too real. Then I felt my brain rip in half and the left was fighting with right. The left voice was raspy and deep, it said things like "You're a worthless maggot, you don't deserve the life you have." Well as the right was sweet and gentle and would say things like "You're brave for doing this, it isn't easy. I love you." I was sure I was never going to be normal ever again. I felt like I was dreaming, and life was just an imagination of the universe. Then, I seen different types of mythic gods and goddess' turn into each other, dying and living over lives. Turning into flies then bigger bugs then birds then eagles, so on and so forth. Then this deep rumbling voice said "I am in the spiders you kill, the flies you swat, I am in the weeds you spray, I am eternal."
I was sure that Life itself was talking to me. I "woke" up. I was already awake but when I opened my eyes I took a big heaping breathe in and felt a little bit better. I laid down on my couch and was still very much in it. My fiancé and my son were watching tv, and I couldn't follow anything with my eyes. So I closed my eyes again and was in a different place. I seen a a seed planted in a woman who was goddess like, a higher being. The seed was from an even higher being. She gave birth to a very special human. I know what this sounds like. jesus right? It was trippy as heck. I'm not religious or anything but it felt like the bible did tell the story. I seen the perversion in the world, and how we look at a naked body and not see it for its  beauty but see it as a personal pleasure tool. I felt the innocence of humanity die a little because of the perversion. Then I was in the future, I seen old people everywhere wearing this bionic cast, it would allow them to do just about anything. Walk on the beaches, use the restroom by themselves, all just by being connected to the brain. I finally woke up out of whatever it is you want to call it. I had a smile on my face. I texted and called many of my family members and close friends. I told them that I loved them and thought about them often. I had seen my obsessions and realized i wasn't just blindly obsessing about things, It had a deeper meaning. Although it didn't help relieve the symptoms, it helped me realize the reason.  Ever since and it has been a good 7 or 8 months, I struggle with my OCD and anxiety. I recently ate an edible and it gave me a lot of the same dark and sad feelings I have felt while on was the shroom trip.
The point was has anyone else been through the same thing and eventually over came the intense anxiety? Or am I permanently scarred from that trip? I don't know really. I honesty just feel better writing it all out.
Thanks for reading!

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InvisibleChemicalSpark


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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: TheRedRavenPoet314] * 1
    #24721721 - 10/19/17 11:28 AM (6 years, 5 months ago)

.

Edited by ChemicalSpark (04/23/20 06:49 PM)

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Invisibletrees
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: ChemicalSpark]
    #24721749 - 10/19/17 11:37 AM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Not more shrooms, life is still as crazy & profound of a thing & concept as that shroom trip without drugs.


--------------------
Trees is dead, this is his mum posting



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InvisibleAdden
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: trees] * 2
    #24721792 - 10/19/17 11:58 AM (6 years, 5 months ago)

More money hoes and gats.

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OfflineXUL
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: Adden]
    #24721922 - 10/19/17 12:45 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

I haven't seen a block of text like that in a while. haha

It's almost like art.


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TRUMP 2020

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OnlineSonicTitan
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: XUL]
    #24721934 - 10/19/17 12:49 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Woah thats a blur


--------------------
"We are a way for the cosmos to know itself."


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Invisiblecrackbaby
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: TheRedRavenPoet314]
    #24721967 - 10/19/17 01:04 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

i think it's par for the course to feel like you've been scarred or brain-damaged as you initially get into dosing heavy on shrooms.  The worst trips i've had were when i had an overly-analytical approach, similar to what you describe-
Quote:

I laid in a warm bath, and started thinking of everything I wish to work through, past traumas, things I felt guilty for. Why I felt the need to hold onto unnecessary habit patterns.


.  For me it tends to go better when i'm more open oriented, with maybe a few intentions i'm holding onto but willing to let go of depending on the flow and feel of the trip.

It seems like you could use some time away from psychedelics until you become properly integrated with regard to your profound experiences, and then maybe ease back into it with micro doses.  Also, if you have a past history with clinical depression and OCD, it might be a good idea to cycle onto some anti-depressants for a period of time to help your mind to settle after becoming so stirred up from the rough trip.  I've done this before with zoloft and klonopin, then weened myself off the meds after about 6 months when inner and outer circumstances became less overwhelming.  Good luck :cheers:


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InvisibleRevok
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: TheRedRavenPoet314]
    #24722039 - 10/19/17 01:33 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Tldr

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OfflineTheRedRavenPoet314
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: crackbaby]
    #24722081 - 10/19/17 01:48 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

I have been considering taking anti-depressants.
Thank you. :smile:

I should add that a lot of good had came out of that trip. I'm fine with making that sacrifice.

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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: trees]
    #24722150 - 10/19/17 02:15 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Writing it down helps. My advice is don't take any more psychedelics including weed, it just isn't for everyone. Once a friend of a friend had about 20 hits of acid dropped in her eyeball,it was supposed to be less then 10. I wasn't there but I was told she screamed at the top of her lungs for a solid 16 hours. They were dozens and dozens of miles away from the nearest house so they just took care of her for days waiting for her to stop screaming or be able to talk. Point is some people aren't made to take that much + some people have psychosis and don't know it until it's triggered by psychedelics. For these folks you can never have a normal trip. Best of luck to you, I think you'll be fine after a while. If not see a psychiatrist


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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OfflineThreads from God89
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #24722790 - 10/19/17 06:04 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
Writing it down helps. My advice is don't take any more psychedelics including weed, it just isn't for everyone. Once a friend of a friend had about 20 hits of acid dropped in her eyeball,it was supposed to be less then 10. I wasn't there but I was told she screamed at the top of her lungs for a solid 16 hours. They were dozens and dozens of miles away from the nearest house so they just took care of her for days waiting for her to stop screaming or be able to talk. Point is some people aren't made to take that much + some people have psychosis and don't know it until it's triggered by psychedelics. For these folks you can never have a normal trip. Best of luck to you, I think you'll be fine after a while. If not see a psychiatrist




      20 hits of acid being absorbed through the eyeball should not be compared to a strong mushroom trip. 20 hits of acid is just asking to never come back even if she did think it was only 10!

      LSD is man-made, therefore artificially synthesized.  It is unpredictable and dangerous as people can easily take to much.

      Mushrooms are natural and a little more consistent.

That girl is lucky she came back to her senses or at least what she has now.


--------------------
Admirer of Bushido....... Seeker of Truth, and Knowledge.

    I Will Keep the Fire going,  and the Good Wolf fed.......

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OfflineThreads from God89
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: TheRedRavenPoet314]
    #24722813 - 10/19/17 06:13 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

TheRedRavenPoet314 said:
I have been considering taking anti-depressants.
Thank you. :smile:

I should add that a lot of good had came out of that trip. I'm fine with making that sacrifice.




    It sounds like you had a pretty fruitful trip even though it had it's moments im sure!!!  :thumbup:
,
        Yes, it is possible to overcome that anxiety, and no I am sure you will process your experience along with it's visions in due time.

        I hope you felt how much you were loved, and how there should be no sadness or anxiousness amongst you... Our lives are a gift to Cherish.


--------------------
Admirer of Bushido....... Seeker of Truth, and Knowledge.

    I Will Keep the Fire going,  and the Good Wolf fed.......

                    ( We Are All Threads from God.)

                 
                             

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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: Threads from God89]
    #24722895 - 10/19/17 06:41 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Quote:

Threads from God89 said:
Quote:

Seriously_trippin said:
Writing it down helps. My advice is don't take any more psychedelics including weed, it just isn't for everyone. Once a friend of a friend had about 20 hits of acid dropped in her eyeball,it was supposed to be less then 10. I wasn't there but I was told she screamed at the top of her lungs for a solid 16 hours. They were dozens and dozens of miles away from the nearest house so they just took care of her for days waiting for her to stop screaming or be able to talk. Point is some people aren't made to take that much + some people have psychosis and don't know it until it's triggered by psychedelics. For these folks you can never have a normal trip. Best of luck to you, I think you'll be fine after a while. If not see a psychiatrist




      20 hits of acid being absorbed through the eyeball should not be compared to a strong mushroom trip. 20 hits of acid is just asking to never come back even if she did think it was only 10!

      LSD is man-made, therefore artificially synthesized.  It is unpredictable and dangerous as people can easily take to much.

      Mushrooms are natural and a little more consistent.

That girl is lucky she came back to her senses or at least what she has now.



I'm a HUGE lsd and magic mushroom advocate for it being safer then most society acceptable drugs. A strong trip is a strong trip no matter what you use. Just because Mushies are natural doesn't mean someone with a predisposition to psychosis won't continue to have problems with psychedelics. It just doesn't work that way. Op said even a pot brownie brought her back to that dark psychosis. Pot brownies are a lot less psychedelic then mushrooms at regular doses. 

You're right about my friend though she is indeed lucky to have that story end with "3 days later she was home and not in a mental ward"


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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InvisibleT-Funkadelic
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: Seriously_trippin]
    #24722903 - 10/19/17 06:44 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Keep shroomin, is my advice.  Just take baby steps...smaller doses.


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InvisibleT-Funkadelic
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: T-Funkadelic]
    #24722933 - 10/19/17 06:55 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Shrooms will thrash you and help you. You don't get to decide what happens unless you start off with micro doses and work your way up.


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OfflineI AM LOVE
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: T-Funkadelic]
    #24723069 - 10/19/17 07:49 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Try to meditate and center yourself in your heart, learn to disassociate from the voice that looks apon reality negatively that voice is not who you truly are, and it does not serve you. You will grow brighter from the experience if you take the good and leave the bad. Best of luck


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To be love is to understand existence

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OfflineThreads from God89
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: I AM LOVE]
    #24723347 - 10/19/17 09:46 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Seriously_trippin I am glad your friend made it back ok!  :thumbup:


--------------------
Admirer of Bushido....... Seeker of Truth, and Knowledge.

    I Will Keep the Fire going,  and the Good Wolf fed.......

                    ( We Are All Threads from God.)

                 
                             

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OfflineSeriously_trippin
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Re: Permanent anxiety & OCD from intense shroom trip? [Re: Threads from God89]
    #24723379 - 10/19/17 09:58 PM (6 years, 5 months ago)

Why thank you sir me too :hug:. If I were there I wouldn't have let it happen but whatever


--------------------
R.I.P
Zombi3, Blue Helix
Modest Mouse
Zappa
Slothie
That Kid With The face
ShLong
Le Canard
split_by_nine
& Big Worm Forever
Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many :heart:

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