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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,235
Difficult times *DELETED*
    #2464099 - 03/23/04 04:46 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

Reason for deletion: x

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Registered: 08/17/00
Posts: 1,816
Loc: ..still waiting for godot
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
Re: Difficult times [Re: poke smot!]
    #2464495 - 03/23/04 06:45 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Heh man,
I relate to most everything you say.

First of you are making a bigger step than you may know by admitting and recognizing whats going on with you, im surprised at how clearly you see things.
But please do see that there is more to it..only you know how deep it goes,
but getting to the bottum of whats causing some of these things is horribly rough and can seem self depricating..but in the end it is just the opposite.

So how much do you think you bottled up?
That part really scares me, as it is the same thing I have done ,
and I know how dangerous it is :sad:
and painful...
My friends never seem to fail reminding me of that "shaggy..ya hes capable of anything"

Maybe fifteen year old ICP fans like being called psycho,
but it has a different ring when its true.

So what helps me the most is my faith..that has grown,
my spiritual beliefs.
It starts there,
everyone is spiritual,
even if they dont claim to be.
I mean im a scientist..and I still see the benefits of faith(science had a huge part in getting me there)

So thats my main reccomendation friend,
search yourself for these answers,
and if you dont already come visit S&P.

What you have said about health and thought scares me man because I have thought the exact same thing,
and felt it too,

Yet I made the changes,
I dont know what shrinks tell you(I cant afford one :nut:)
but you need to do this on your own is what I would say..and I dont mean people cant help you,
just in the end,
it will be your  choice

and dont doubt it is a choice that will change things, It will probally be a very hard choice though.

I dont feel like I have given you very good advice man,
I just am sure I have experienced(experiencing) alot of what you feel,
If you want to talk to someone who feels the same PM me
peace and shroomyness friend

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Invisiblepoke smot!
floccinocci floofinator

Registered: 01/08/03
Posts: 5,235
Re: Difficult times *DELETED* [Re: shaggy101]
    #2465435 - 03/23/04 11:20 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

Post deleted by poke smot!

Reason for deletion: x

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The Watcher

Registered: 09/16/02
Posts: 2,577
Loc: shambhala
Last seen: 5 years, 11 months
Re: Difficult times [Re: poke smot!]
    #2467200 - 03/24/04 12:39 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

I just spent about half an hour writing out a big reply about my own problems and how I got over them, then I pressed "back" by mistake and lost the whole fucking thing......so ill have to simplify.

I've had a few problems, nothing anywhere near the scale of yours, but stemming from a combination of adolescence, heavy weed smoking (+ the paranoia that goes with it), my situation (a school where I didn't really fit in) and my personality. A while back a humiliating and disturbing bad acid trip opened my eyes fully to my problem and I started to deal with it.

Essentially, I'm completely normal (!). I've just had a rough 6/7 years mentally. They call it adolescence, but it fucked me up more than most. I think some form of social paranoia/anxiety, however minor, was probably what I suffered from. Maybe I was just really quiet. But whatever it was, it's mostly under control and I know I'll get completely over it.

So although my problems are incomparably small compared to what you're going through, there are some parallels and so maybe I can help.

You mentioned Buddhism, and the idea that "if you kill yourself you will only come back to this world in the next life, faced with the same problems you faced before"ie running away from your problems solves nothing. You also said: "Western psychology and psychiatry have given me a chance, and I've failed miserably". So why not look more into Eastern religion, in particular Buddhism?

Although institutionalised religion will never be for me, I am a spiritual person and I think a lot on this aspect of life. And though I'll never be a follower, the philosophies and practices of all types of Buddhism seemed to ring much truer than Christianity ever had. Just reading about Buddhism changed my perspective on things, even though I didn't believe, or even tried to.

But meditation was what opened my eyes to myself and showed me the roots of my problems, and how to solve them. Silencing "mental chatter"; was the real breakthrough; instead of thinking about people around me and their opinions of me (essentially paranoia), these thoughts were no longer buzzing in my head, I would be concentrated on what I was thinking and doing. It really came down to awareness and self-perception; it seems so easy and simple now.

So meditation really helped me, and I believe it can help other people too; although your problems are on a completely different scale, maybe it can help you. It might not solve your problems but it might show you new ways of thinking that will le ad to you overcoming them.

If you ever need to talk or vent, just give me a PM. Sometimes I don't come here for a while so ill give you my email addy if you want.

Peace, and best of luck. Never give up!

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Registered: 01/12/04
Posts: 2,080
Loc: Bergen, Norway
Last seen: 12 years, 2 days
Re: Difficult times [Re: poke smot!]
    #2474044 - 03/25/04 08:19 PM (14 years, 2 months ago)

In all honesty meditation works wonders. I've felt what you have felt (and deal with some of it now, but now I can deal with it in the right manner as oposed to before when I dwelled and reacted to the thoughts in my head).

Let me just give you a short example if you dont mind... social anxiety, I had it bad before, I couldnt keep eye contact and concentrate at the same time because of fear/paranoia/anxiety so I would often force myself to stare at the other person and fake my responsive words and or physical gestures (like smiling... because I would be pre occupied with paranoid thoughts) and that really shows so I would get even more frustrated during the same conversation till I would start talking really fast and act really frustrated...
*takes deep breath*, but after experience, a few trips and starting to meditate I still feel the social anxiety at times but I feel I dont have to stare, I try not to think about my concerns about myself even though they're in my head and I take my time answering questions and giving responses. For some reason (p-o-t) it takes alot to make me smile and or laugh, but I try to fake it to be pleasant, but I also try to remind myself not to care, and take it easy and not give a damn more often...

I'm rambling, I'm very sorry, but believe me, meditate, take your patience into meditation and you'll find your way out of this, its well worth the 30 minutes a day and you'll feel it working faster than you'd imagine. Also you can practice beathing slow and taking deep breaths (for as long as you can remind yourself to do this) everytime you feel negative thougths entering you're mind, breath in this way and clear you're mind... when depression or social anxiety strikes I'll do this, any place any time, the only thing is its hard to remember to do this, but you'll get the hang of it.

I agree with the above responses as well

Magic mushrooms are not addictive, the shroomery is!

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