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OfflineYouEnjoyMyself
PHiSH

Registered: 03/01/03
Posts: 8,127
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
who's got jokes.
    #2458579 - 03/21/04 10:47 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

lets post funny jokes in this thread...let's hear them people.

I got this out of my friends away message on AIM:

There was a small boy who was put to bed by his parents. The boy had a nightmare, and got out of bed to go to his parents room.
When he got there, he saw mommy bouncing up and down on daddy. When his dad noticed him in the doorway, the kid ran away.
The mother got off and got dressed quickly, and went to the boy's room. He was in his bed, and he asked, "Mommy, what were you doing to daddy?"
The mother replied, "Well, your father has noticed his belly getting bigger, and I was just trying to flatten his tummy for him by bouncing on it."
"Oh, that's what you were doing but you're wasting your time mommy." The boy said
"Oh, and why is that?" The mom asked
"Because everyday when you leave for work the neighbor lady comes over, gets on her knees and blows it right back up again.


--------------------
-Wash uffitze drive me to firenze


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InvisibleMarioNett
Stranger
Registered: 07/22/03
Posts: 354
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: YouEnjoyMyself]
    #2458726 - 03/21/04 11:15 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

A blonde and her brunette friend were chatting at the office. The blonde said, "I saw your boyfriend at the flower shop during my break. I sure wish mine was that thoughtful."

The brunette sighed. "Oh, I wish he'd think of something new."

"What, you don't like flowers?" asked the blonde.

"I like them, but I don't like the expectation that comes with them. I don't want to spend the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde thought about that for a moment, then asked, "Couldn't you just use a vase?"


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Offlinemonkey_monkey
lover

Registered: 03/10/04
Posts: 77
Loc: UK
Last seen: 11 years, 8 months
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: YouEnjoyMyself]
    #2459635 - 03/22/04 10:06 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

What can a Jelly Baby do that a man can't?



Cum in 5 delicious flavours!!!! :blush: :lol: :laugh:


--------------------
Monkeys need lovin too!


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OfflineSnape
Eternal Chaos
Male

Registered: 08/05/03
Posts: 2,285
Loc: Montreal, Quebec
Last seen: 2 years, 5 months
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: YouEnjoyMyself]
    #2459640 - 03/22/04 10:12 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

It's Superman and he wants to fuck REAL BAD. So he flies up in the sky and looks all around and sees Wonderwoman all horny and stuff  sitting in a chair on a rooftop.

So Superman flies down to Wonderwoman, fucks her hyper-fast with his superhuman speed and soars back high. Then Wonderwoman asks:"What the hell was that??"

And the invisible man replies:"I dunno, but fuck did that hurt !!! :sad: "


--------------------
I'm floating in the sea of stars,
I'm drifting away from the shore
I will be lost in the dream when the dark days come
But I will make the time run backwards and
I'll make the stars shine again


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OfflineDobie
Dopeless Hopefiend
Male User Gallery
Registered: 08/15/02
Posts: 52,140
Loc: ON DA BLOCK Flag
Last seen: 8 months, 1 day
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: Snape]
    #2459660 - 03/22/04 10:28 AM (13 years, 1 month ago)

lmao thats a good one :laugh:


--------------------
This place is gayer than when the balls touch


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OfflineYouEnjoyMyself
PHiSH

Registered: 03/01/03
Posts: 8,127
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: Snape]
    #2460638 - 03/22/04 05:09 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

haha, that was pretty good.


--------------------
-Wash uffitze drive me to firenze


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InvisibleJiggleThaHandle
LITTLE DOO-DADS FROM THA WOODS

Registered: 11/06/03
Posts: 3,066
Loc: Carlyle Hotel---ROOM #9
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: YouEnjoyMyself]
    #2460642 - 03/22/04 05:10 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Heres one that kills me for some reason...
A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar...
Bartender asks the brunette "What'll it be lady?" She replies "I'll have an MGD".
Bartender asks the redhead "What'll it be lady?" She replies "I'll have a "PBR".
Bartender asks the blonde "What'll it be lady?" She replies "I'll have a 15"
Bartender is like "Um, I know what a MGD is and I know what a PBR is, but I have never heard of a 15."
Blonde replies "It's a 7 and 7, silly!"


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Offlineoggleman
Stranger
Male
Registered: 01/21/04
Posts: 281
Loc: Chicago
Last seen: 11 years, 2 months
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: JiggleThaHandle]
    #2460815 - 03/22/04 05:52 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

good one :lol:


--------------------


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InvisibleJiggleThaHandle
LITTLE DOO-DADS FROM THA WOODS

Registered: 11/06/03
Posts: 3,066
Loc: Carlyle Hotel---ROOM #9
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: YouEnjoyMyself]
    #2461476 - 03/22/04 09:36 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

There were three third graders walking down the street a redhead, brunette, and a blonde. Which one had the best figure?

The Blonde, she was 18.


Sorry for the blonde jokes, my GF is blonde and I know a shitload of them


Edited by JiggleThaHandle (03/22/04 09:36 PM)


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InvisibleRipple
Ripple
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/16/02
Posts: 21,014
Loc: the timbers of Fennario
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: YouEnjoyMyself]
    #2463927 - 03/23/04 03:50 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Tampa Airport on its
final approach The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain.
We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with
us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay". He forgets to

switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation
from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, watcha
gonna do in Tampa?"
Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the
hotel and take a big crap....Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess
with
the huge tits out for dinner..... then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take
her back to my room
and put it to her big time all night." Everyone on the plane

hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying
to
get a look at the new stewardess. Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the
very back of

the plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips
over an old lady's
bag and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says: "No need to
hurry, dear. He's gotta take a shit first."


--------------------
The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!



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Offlinedjd586
Underpants Gnome

Registered: 02/03/03
Posts: 1,655
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: YouEnjoyMyself]
    #2464053 - 03/23/04 04:34 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Three avid golfers are enjoying a round of golf at their favorite golf course. They're having a blast as they always do... enjoying each others company, drinking some beer and shooting great.

A freak thunderstorm comes out of the blue and the three golfers are caught stuck in the middle of it with no where to take shelter.

They huddle close together hoping for the best. A lightning bolt streaks out of the sky above and strikes all three of the golfers killing them instantly.

The three golfers awake to find themselves at the gates of Heaven with St. Joe gazing down apon them. "Hello you three, welcom to Heaven!" says St. Joe. "There's has been a mistake with you three. Sadly enough, it seems that it wasn't your turns to die. In lue of our mistake up here at Heaven, we plan to compensate the three of you. Each one of you can go back down to Earth and be anything or anyone you wish and live out the rest of your lives until it's your time to die."

"Anything or anyone?" one of the men reply? "That's correct," says St. Joe.

"Well, if it's alright with you, we'd like to take a few to decide what we'd like to do," says another one of the men. "Oh, by all means, take your time!" says St. Joe.

The three golfers huddle together and throw ideas at each other. They spend hours taking, Hours turn in to days and days turn into weeks. Then finally the three come to an agreement.

"St. Joe, we're ready," says one of the men. "Alright," says St. Joe, "what will it be?"

"Well, St Joe, after much deliberation, we have decided to go back to Earth as lesbiens." "LESBIENS!" shouts St. Joe, "Why in the the name of the good Lord would you want to go back as lesbiens?"

"Well," say one of the men, "We want to hit from the woman's tee, but we didn't want to give up licking pussy."


--------------------

Phase 1... collect underpants... phase 2...??? ... Phase 3 - PROFIT!


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Offlinepattern
multiplayer

Registered: 07/19/02
Posts: 2,183
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: YouEnjoyMyself]
    #2464155 - 03/23/04 05:06 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

I was at the park wondering why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger as it got closer and closer... and then it hit me!


--------------------
man = monkey + mushroom


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OfflinePhychotron
Crazy Mofo
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 06/17/02
Posts: 9,087
Loc: In A Forest Of Colossal F...
Last seen: 18 days, 1 hour
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: pattern]
    #2464171 - 03/23/04 05:10 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

two peanuts were walking down a dark street one night... one was assaulted.


--------------------
On a mission to prove that the truth gets you no where.
They tried the truth, It didn't work. Then they wrote the bible. 

Only the foolish fear the inevitable.


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OfflinePhychotron
Crazy Mofo
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 06/17/02
Posts: 9,087
Loc: In A Forest Of Colossal F...
Last seen: 18 days, 1 hour
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: Phychotron]
    #2464216 - 03/23/04 05:23 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

The Eternal Question
If a man says something in the woods and no woman hears him, is he still wrong?
Only if he is silly enough to repeat what he just said!

This guy goes to sperm bank to give a sample.
So the girl At the front desk says to him. " Thank you for coming."

Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in the divorce court and the judge said to Mickey, 'You say here that your wife is crazy?'
Mickey replied, 'No I didn't. I said she is fuckin Goofy.'


Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.

I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose

Two muffins are in a toaster oven, first muffin says: "Boy, its hot in here" second muffin says, "OH MY GOD, a talking muffin!"

Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet?
Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.

How is sex like air?
It's no big thing unless you aren't getting any.

Do you know what a Yankee is?
Same as a quickie, except you're by yourself


--------------------
On a mission to prove that the truth gets you no where.
They tried the truth, It didn't work. Then they wrote the bible. 

Only the foolish fear the inevitable.


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OfflineSoulSurfer
Killer of Giants
Male

Registered: 10/24/03
Posts: 1,138
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: Phychotron]
    #2464424 - 03/23/04 06:23 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

What's worse than a dead dog on your piano?





A rotten pussy on your organ.  :eyemouth:


--------------------
:sunny: :sunny::sunny:


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OfflineHarbinger
The Power of theRiff Compels Me

Registered: 08/12/03
Posts: 2,059
Loc: Far Away
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: who's got jokes. [Re: YouEnjoyMyself]
    #2464477 - 03/23/04 06:39 PM (13 years, 1 month ago)

Two old friends were just about to tee off at the first hole of their local golf course when a chap carrying a golf bag called out to them, "Do you mind if I join you? My partner didn't show up."

"Sure," they said, "You're welcome."

Part way around the course, one of the friends asked the newcomer, "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a hit man," was the reply.

"You're joking!" was the response.

"No, I'm not," he said, reaching into his golf bag, and pulling out a beautiful Martini sniper's rifle with a large telescopic sight.

"Here are my tools."

"That's a beautiful telescopic sight," said the other friend, "Can I take a look? I think I might be able to see my house from here."

So he picked up the rifle and looked through the sight in the direction of his house. "Yeah, I can see my house all right.

This sight is fantastic. I can see right in the window.

Wow, I can see my wife in the bedroom. Ha Ha, I can see she's naked!

What's that? Wait a minute, that's my neighbor in there with her...he's naked as well! The bitch!

"He turned to the hitman, "How much do you charge for a hit?"

"I do a flat rate - for you, one thousand dollars every time I pull the trigger."

"Can you do two for me now?"

"Sure, what do you want?"

"First, shoot my wife, she's always been mouthy, so shoot her in the mouth. Then the neighbor, he's a friend of mine, so just shoot his dick off to teach him a lesson."

The hitman took the rifle and took aim, standing perfectly still
for a few minutes.

"Are you going to do it or not?" said the man impatiently.

"Just wait a moment, be patient," said the hitman calmly, "I think I can save you a grand here..."


--------------------
Click the pic to hear some songs I've recorded.


:rockon:


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