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OfflineAtomisk
all forms areself awareness

Registered: 02/09/04
Posts: 164
Loc: jungle of love
Last seen: 13 years, 6 months
for a little someone
    #2455414 - 03/20/04 09:18 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

For A Little Someone

Someone?s hurting, very near
Full of worry, shame, and fear

Someone desperately, requires relief
From a toxic state, of core belief

?Big boy?s, aren?t supposed to cry!?
So all his tears, have poured out dry

?You?re a bad boy, and won?t amount to much!?
Have scarred his soul, with a verbal touch

So he protects himself, with character defects
The moment determines, how he selects

Constantly numb, to cover the pains
With liquor bottles, or needles veins

This someone you need to know, so very well*
Has been living life, that seems like hell

If you search, deep down inside
You and someone, will collide

While you?re running reckless and living wild
That someone is, you?re inner child

The child who lives, in each adult
Must come to realize, it?s not his fault

If he?s gonna live and really let live
The child within, must learn to forgive

Healings are possible, down in the depths
If we meet the child, down the Steps

It?s a journey that, Step One will start
That?ll connect your head, to your very heart

It?s something that, we must surely do
And God?s light will shine, to see us through

The child can heal, if the Steps are done
It?s the least we can do For A Little Someone

Poem by: Kevin Kensick


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o house-builder! thou art seen. thou shalt build no house again. all thy rafters are broken. thy ridge-pole is shattered.


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OfflineAtomisk
all forms areself awareness

Registered: 02/09/04
Posts: 164
Loc: jungle of love
Last seen: 13 years, 6 months
Re: for a little someone [Re: Atomisk]
    #2455443 - 03/20/04 09:28 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

god, im so tired of fighting and struggling. honestly, i feel like ending myself. lately, ive been having hallucinations that the end, for me, is near.

why should we look down on suicide? we all control our destinies. ive experienced more pain in my 22yrs of life than anyone else i know, but thats how the cookie crumbles.

why should taking my life impede the big picture? a conscious decision to stop this life doesnt seem wrong to me. im not a christian, i dont believe in heaven and hell...i believe in consciouness.

ive just taken in too much damage for this life. im not bitter, or vengful towards anyone, including myself. im just tired.


--------------------
o house-builder! thou art seen. thou shalt build no house again. all thy rafters are broken. thy ridge-pole is shattered.


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OfflineDreamer987
The VerbalHerman Munster
Female

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 5,326
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
Re: for a little someone [Re: Atomisk]
    #2455472 - 03/20/04 09:43 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

you know thats not the right way to go. Life is to precious to waste. Things can get better soon, i promise. Life can be buetiful. I won't pretend to know what you'v been through, but suicide isn't ther answer. Just think about how it would tear apart your friends, and loved ones. How it would effect their life.

just slow down man, think things through. Talk to someone you trust


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InvisibleLazerouth
Drunkard

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 1,091
Loc: England
Re: for a little someone [Re: Atomisk]
    #2455517 - 03/20/04 10:06 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Someone dies every second. In the grand scheme of things your life or death mean nothing.


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OfflineAtomisk
all forms areself awareness

Registered: 02/09/04
Posts: 164
Loc: jungle of love
Last seen: 13 years, 6 months
Re: for a little someone [Re: Atomisk]
    #2455567 - 03/20/04 10:33 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

i have the gun and the bullet here. how many lifetimes has this happened to me? how many times have i choosen the lower path in my opportunities(opportunities showthemselves-karma, we act on them-freewill)? what if i make the same mistakes in my next life and i end up in my same spot. its like a bad movie that wont end. i just want ending.
remember to love.
blowing out the candle...


--------------------
o house-builder! thou art seen. thou shalt build no house again. all thy rafters are broken. thy ridge-pole is shattered.


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OfflineDreamer987
The VerbalHerman Munster
Female

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 5,326
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
Re: for a little someone [Re: Atomisk]
    #2455622 - 03/20/04 10:53 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Dude its NOT WORTH IT. Go talk to a friend or family member. You'll feel better.
At least sleep on it before you decide to kill your self. Things will look up in the morning


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InvisibleShroomismM
Space Travellin
Male User Gallery
Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 02/13/00
Posts: 65,384
Loc: 9th Dimension Flag
Re: for a little someone [Re: Atomisk]
    #2456439 - 03/21/04 05:06 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

If you kill yourself you will reincarnate with even worse problems then before. It will be much worse. Life is a challenge, face it, it's worth it in the long run. We are here to learn and evolve remember? Don't cut off your life, it will happen naturally when your time has come.

Repeat: suicide results in mental hell. If you kill yourself to escape problems in this life, they will only be magnified exponentially in the next one. You are given the same life lessons repeatedly until you learn from them, understand them, and master them and move on to the next lesson. Don't give up now, not in the middle of the lesson... you'll just have to start from the beginning again.

Remember, you are loved.

With unconditional love and understanding, the cosmic mind.


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OfflinetrendalM
tangential derivation
Male User Gallery

Registered: 04/17/01
Posts: 20,334
Loc: Ontario, Canada
Last seen: 6 hours, 44 minutes
Re: for a little someone [Re: Shroomism]
    #2456443 - 03/21/04 05:08 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

It's not your time, my friend. You should stay here with us! There are people here who love you, on this Earth and in this existence! Whether you know us now or haven't met us yet, we are here :heart:


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The story book's been read
And every line believed
Curriculum's been set
Logic is a threat
Reason searched and seized


BTC - 1KqrSHZ1C3NsQP4g3PkHhppBnhdgyXr6sB


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Offlinecastaway
Isanybodyreallyhome?
Male User Gallery
Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 553
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: for a little someone [Re: Atomisk]
    #2456485 - 03/21/04 05:39 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

Atomisk said:
i have the gun and the bullet here.




If it comes to that; try seriously asking inside your head "If there is a God I need to know it" inside your head, overnight, like a mantra.

It worked for me but I wasn't dependent on oxy. Maybe it'll work for you.


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Offlinecastaway
Isanybodyreallyhome?
Male User Gallery
Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 553
Last seen: 11 years, 7 months
Re: for a little someone [Re: trendal]
    #2456491 - 03/21/04 05:45 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

trendal said:
I think of "baiting" as posts, usually of little to no content, that are obviously intended to incite anger in the target, or to hurt them in some way.





It's a shame you're not a mod in THIS forum


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InvisiblePapaverS
Madmin Emeritus?

Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 26,880
Loc: Radio Free Tibet!
Re: for a little someone [Re: castaway]
    #2456496 - 03/21/04 05:53 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:

castaway said:
Quote:

trendal said:
I think of "baiting" as posts, usually of little to no content, that are obviously intended to incite anger in the target, or to hurt them in some way.





It's a shame you're not a mod in THIS forum




Well, maybe he should be. I've been busy lately, so I'm not really up on things this past week... I do know we've been moving some Mods around, so if Trendal want's it, then he can just ask... :smile:

In regards to "baiting:" There should be none it, or anything else even remotely similar, in this forum. If there is, then please point them out to me via PM, and I will "dispatch" them. We take a dim view on such things in the Support Group Forum...


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Offlineshaggy101
Male

Registered: 08/17/00
Posts: 1,816
Loc: ..still waiting for godot
Last seen: 4 years, 8 months
Re: for a little someone [Re: Atomisk]
    #2456591 - 03/21/04 07:33 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Atomisk,
I dont remember you to well,
but seeing your choice of expression, I percieve you.
I wont attemt to tell you how cool you are,
how special you,
how deeply the world would be hurt without you.

No,
you already know all this,
youve seen your powers,
how much you can achieve,

..you just feel crippled.
I only see what you let me ..and maybe just a little more.

wandering around in our innocence
we sometimes are subject to hell
we know the word
yet we never seem to recocnize it within us.

You have what it takes to defeat the sorrow
to see it truely..
and not decieve yourself.

I would choose frienship from you,
one that has hurt so deeply,

over anyone.

Do you know why?

because you are more love,
whether you see it know or not.

there is only change in this life friend,
and you are approaching it fast,
for better or worse we shall see,

but  I know  it can be better!
I have lived in hell for awhile..

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat...ev=#Post2139680

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat...ev=#Post2087705

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat...ev=#Post2005366

http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat...ev=#Post1790882

please choose with me,
everyday is hard.
but if you simply choose to try.....you have already won.

please dont kill yourself :sad:


Edited by shaggy101 (03/21/04 08:01 AM)


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OfflineAtomisk
all forms areself awareness

Registered: 02/09/04
Posts: 164
Loc: jungle of love
Last seen: 13 years, 6 months
Re: for a little someone [Re: shaggy101]
    #2456964 - 03/21/04 12:29 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

god, whats wrong with me.
last night my mind was racing so fast.
i cried myself to sleep.
put the gun away.
need to get out of the fog.
i still feel awful.
i need a psychologist.
im going fora walk.


--------------------
o house-builder! thou art seen. thou shalt build no house again. all thy rafters are broken. thy ridge-pole is shattered.


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InvisiblePapaverS
Madmin Emeritus?

Registered: 06/01/02
Posts: 26,880
Loc: Radio Free Tibet!
Re: for a little someone [Re: Atomisk]
    #2457132 - 03/21/04 01:31 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

You know, I kept trying to post in this thread last night, and address the issue, but I was having a bad psychedelic experience, so I kept writing pages of gobbledygook and then not posting them because they were just too weird and not very helpful, so I was left making some post that didn't even address your issue... Sorry...

Some of the pages I wrote last night were still open on my computer, and this excerpt is probably the only thing remotely coherent or helpful in the lot...

Quote:

The key thing is, that things will get better. Wait it out, and try to distract yourself. It's a waiting game. Given enough time, these feelings will change. Change is inevitable -- it's the only goddamn constant in this universe...

Feelings are like ocean waves, and the farther above them you are, the more you can look down on them and see there rhythms, rhyme, and reason to them... Just try and get some distance from what you're feeling. I do know that is hard to do at 22, but it is possible...




I think you may be on the right track about about seeing a professional, and also taking a walk outside. I don't know much about you, so I can't say for sure, but if you really feel you need help, then by all means seek it.

Also, exercise and fresh air will do you wonders too. Hobbies are good, do you have any? The more your mental energy is focused on external things, then the less it's focused on your problems. Negative thought loops can build up, and be very destructive and hard to eliminate, so any way that you can create alternate, positive, thoughts, about external things the better. :smile:

Also, I noticed you made a post about addiction web-sites, have you been dealing with a serious substance abuse issue? If you have, then that can also be a source of very bad feelings, because the neurochemistry of your reward pathways has been compromised, and it will take time for it to correct itself.

Things will get better though. It's always darkest before the dawn. Just persevere, and seek help where you can. Talking to people is always good.

PS: If you have a gun in the house, may I suggest that you GET RID OF THE GUN! Give it to a friend to hold, or sell it, or something. You really don't want that thing around, when you're depressed...


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Anonymous #1

Re: for a little someone [Re: Atomisk]
    #2457201 - 03/21/04 01:58 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Please think things through. Suicide is not the answer, it will only make you repeat the cycle. You are working through tough times right now. There is a peaceful light at the end of this tunnel, believe it or not.

Where is your general geographic location? If you are anywhere near me lets get together and talk if you could. If not, then please PM me if you ever need someone to speak to.

Like Papaver said, look towards a good hobby. Spring is here in the US and simple things like gardening can re-energize a wounded soul. Life is beautiful, please don't get off the ride yet


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InvisibleLazerouth
Drunkard

Registered: 10/16/00
Posts: 1,091
Loc: England
Re: for a little someone [Re: Atomisk]
    #2458819 - 03/21/04 11:45 PM (13 years, 8 months ago)

Sorry if my words where a bit harsh. I was tripping pretty hard.

I actually thought you went ahead with it. Glad you didn't.

Next time you decide to kill yourself don't put your last words on the internet. At least go out with a bit of class man.  :wink:


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OfflineDreamer987
The VerbalHerman Munster
Female

Registered: 04/15/03
Posts: 5,326
Loc: Texas
Last seen: 9 years, 11 months
Re: for a little someone [Re: Atomisk]
    #2458894 - 03/22/04 12:07 AM (13 years, 8 months ago)

I'm glad you didn't do it man. I was real worried last night. I went reading through some of your posts and you seem like a cool motha. Your few posts carry more resonance than my hundreds. You are a valued member of the community


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