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Invisiblesakura
Aussie Expat

Registered: 02/08/04
Posts: 592
Loc: Japan
How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers
    #2454396 - 03/20/04 03:12 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

1. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

2. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out GOAT blood? How about lots of HUMAN blood?

3. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at
your leisure. Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

4. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

5. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."


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Shrooms aren't everyone's cup of tea... (Some folks just eat 'em)


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Anonymous

Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: sakura]
    #2454439 - 03/20/04 03:22 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

ah yeah that good. I often answer the phone....Happy hippy hotline how may this happy hippie help you. That often throws them of a lil.


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InvisibleLe_Canard
Danger Man

Registered: 05/17/03
Posts: 93,261
Loc: Earthfarm 1
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: sakura]
    #2454458 - 03/20/04 03:26 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

LOL! :lol:
Especially #4! :laugh:


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Invisiblesakura
Aussie Expat

Registered: 02/08/04
Posts: 592
Loc: Japan
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: sakura]
    #2454473 - 03/20/04 03:29 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I was a telemarketer (corporate fundraising) for 10 years...


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Shrooms aren't everyone's cup of tea... (Some folks just eat 'em)


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InvisibleKackleDude
transmundaneother

Registered: 06/11/02
Posts: 863
Loc: Close to the Edge, Down b...
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: sakura]
    #2454507 - 03/20/04 03:36 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

If you're quick, you can come up with a reply such as those for most telemarketers.
Telemarket: Hello, We're offering winshield repair and replacement. Does your winshield have any nicks or cracks we could help you with?

Me: Hmm, it just may! One quick second, I'll go check and be right back! I'm very interested!
(*put the phone in a drawer*)
(*come back 7 minutes later, they often do wait, they think they may get money from you*)
Me: Hello?
Telem: Hello, did you get a chance to check for cracks?
Me: Oh darn, I forgot to check! I grabbed a coat and it slipped my mind, I'll go check again!
(*wait 3 or 4 minutes*)
Me: Hello?
Telem: ..Hello, well?
Me: Oh, I just realized I ride a bike, Cars are too clunky for me. Would you like to buy some girl scout cookies?
Telem: *click*

Or if it's a roofing company, tell them you live in a tent..
I often tell them I (third person) was tragically killed in a blimp accident next week, and to never call again because it brings up bad memories... *sob* Sometimes you'll get one that gets a kick out of your antics because most people simply hang up.


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yeeeahh, it's gonna be well wicked


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OfflineMitchnast
Trial by Madness
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Mahjong

Registered: 10/28/99
Posts: 8,572
Loc: Okanagan Flag
Last seen: 20 hours, 22 minutes
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: sakura]
    #2454593 - 03/20/04 03:57 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

sakura, you corperate unsolicited bums are the reason guys like me get yelled at and shit when we cann up people to tell them heir new phone numbers and tell them how to use their GPS :smile:
because of guys like you we cant even get squeeze in a sales pitch for phone minutes and package upgrades!!!! how are we supposed to get bonuses? ah, i dont even work there anymore, now im a janitor, but i bet youre also one of those people who gets shit all over the seat and doesnt flush too!!!!!!  :frown:
when im done collage and im a horiculurist im sure youll be aphids!!!!


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Invisiblesakura
Aussie Expat

Registered: 02/08/04
Posts: 592
Loc: Japan
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: Mitchnast]
    #2454638 - 03/20/04 04:10 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Michnast... I am an English teacher. I telemarketed beause I had to feed my family (do you have children to feed...?)

I was VERY good at my job, by the way... While a percentage of people didn't want to know about the Rotary Club, very few took it personally. If you couldn't compete against the likes of me, it is probabaly because you were shit.

Sorry man, but them's the facts... I had a repeating client base I built up over 10 years... They liked me and wanted to talk to me.


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Shrooms aren't everyone's cup of tea... (Some folks just eat 'em)


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Invisiblesakura
Aussie Expat

Registered: 02/08/04
Posts: 592
Loc: Japan
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: Mitchnast]
    #2454658 - 03/20/04 04:17 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Quote:


when im done collage and im a horiculurist im sure youll be aphids!!!!




I think you should have added a 'w' at the start of that word... :smile:


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Anonymous

Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: sakura]
    #2454676 - 03/20/04 04:23 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

haha..funny stuff.

That has to be one of the most boring jobs there is. People who fuck with them are prolly the highlight of their day.


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Invisiblesakura
Aussie Expat

Registered: 02/08/04
Posts: 592
Loc: Japan
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: ]
    #2454713 - 03/20/04 04:38 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Residential telemarketing (raffle tickets and such) is really boring... Some monkeys who fall into corporate telesales follow the same approach.

Telesales (with the right product) can actually be a damn good career if you're good at it. But you gotta be GOOD... Blabbers don't cut it, you gotta be a REAL salesman, with the ability to adapt to the particular demands of telesales...


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Shrooms aren't everyone's cup of tea... (Some folks just eat 'em)


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OfflineMitchnast
Trial by Madness
Male User Gallery Arcade Champion: Mahjong

Registered: 10/28/99
Posts: 8,572
Loc: Okanagan Flag
Last seen: 20 hours, 22 minutes
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: sakura]
    #2458737 - 03/21/04 11:19 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

my T button doesnt work very well, it was supposed to me horticulurist, and we cant have kids, thanks.
i was being sarcastic of course, sorry i diddn't think you took the job of telimarketing so seriously. it really is a job just about anyone can do these days. i started in tech support and accounts for satilite systems. inbound. but the contract got dropped and they transfered me to what was left, basically sales, but to an established market of registered clients, diddnt stay there much longer.
also i diddnt have to compete against you, you would be outside of my marketing demographic, however, its the existance of unsolicited telimarketry that made it difficult to establish contacts. i was in a buissness that was solicited, people just assume im some charity, religous group, or sales organization and hang up before i can even say hello. i definately wasnt "shit" tho, i was top "advisor" highest numbers on the whole floor. and that was the outbound, on the inbound i was the fastest with the computer, fastest problem solver, shortest talk time, and always zero wrap. i could fully activate a new account with wizard in 5 minutes flat averagem time was 20min, i would have all the typing done and the computer would flash screen to screen while i sat back and watched it compile evrything i had entered. basically i did it all with my eyes closed.

people messing with me was cool, but the people who come on and call you "fucking stupid" or something and really mean it just because you called them at home when they requested the call and then verbally abuse your supervisor for half an hour with the ample time they obviously have that somehow you interrupted.... well, that just makes me wanna flip out on them. but i cant, oh but how i would have liked to.

also youre an english teacher in japan. not the same as an english teacher.:)


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Invisiblesakura
Aussie Expat

Registered: 02/08/04
Posts: 592
Loc: Japan
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: Mitchnast]
    #2459462 - 03/22/04 05:38 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I had comparatively few negative responses in my years on the phone...

If there was one thing which I learned very early on, it was never to tell them where I was from until I already had their interest and attention.

At the end of the day, though, I was basically a showman with an agenda. I lost my 'pitch' 3 days in and I can talk to anybody about most things. If you make their day interesting, they are happy to talk with you.

And, you are right... I'm not a 'real' English teacher (although I've spent the last couple of years teaching English 50 hours a week and I do have TEYL and TEFL qualifications) My background is in Business and Marketing.


--------------------
Shrooms aren't everyone's cup of tea... (Some folks just eat 'em)


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InvisibleInnvertigo
Vote Libertarian!!
Male

Registered: 02/09/01
Posts: 16,296
Loc: Crackerville, Michigan U...
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: sakura]
    #2459525 - 03/22/04 08:02 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I've used the what are you wearing one before, it works pretty good.  Also try telling the person on the other end (male or female) that you have a boner, I did this when I was high once and it really freaked them out. :lol:


--------------------

America....FUCK YEAH!!!

Words of Wisdom: Individual Rights BEFORE Collective Rights

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." -- Thomas Jefferson


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Offlinenerveagent
Come on Pilgrim

Registered: 06/13/03
Posts: 243
Loc: The Land of Nod
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: sakura]
    #2459669 - 03/22/04 10:34 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Once I got a call for someone tryin to sell me a college loan and asking about my future, I told them I was a slacker and didn't care about college or my future (not true). Telemarketer- "Well... um...?" Me- ~click~

Another time I just started screaming into the phone, afterwards they were still on the phone, "Um... sir... hello?" so I continued to keep screaming, that workd alright.

I also used to work for a telemarketing place, for about a year. It sucked ass and I think it was a scam.


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InvisibleInnvertigo
Vote Libertarian!!
Male

Registered: 02/09/01
Posts: 16,296
Loc: Crackerville, Michigan U...
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: nerveagent]
    #2459917 - 03/22/04 12:58 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I was thinking that it would be funny if you pretended (or even did it for real) masterbating while they were talking to you and every now and then ask them to either talk dirty or use a sexy voice. I think that would get a few hillarious responses.


--------------------

America....FUCK YEAH!!!

Words of Wisdom: Individual Rights BEFORE Collective Rights

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." -- Thomas Jefferson


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InvisibleRipple
Ripple
Male User Gallery

Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 05/16/02
Posts: 21,014
Loc: the timbers of Fennario
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: Innvertigo]
    #2459926 - 03/22/04 01:02 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

lol....yeah moan and groan


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The bus came by and I got on that's when it all began!



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InvisibleInnvertigo
Vote Libertarian!!
Male

Registered: 02/09/01
Posts: 16,296
Loc: Crackerville, Michigan U...
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: Ripple]
    #2459942 - 03/22/04 01:09 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

yeah, moan and groan, and when they get distracted just stop and say "i'm sorry, you were saying?" and the minute they start talking go back to moaning and groaning. Repeat as neccessary.


--------------------

America....FUCK YEAH!!!

Words of Wisdom: Individual Rights BEFORE Collective Rights

"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants." -- Thomas Jefferson


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OfflineYouEnjoyMyself
PHiSH

Registered: 03/01/03
Posts: 8,127
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: sakura]
    #2460557 - 03/22/04 04:46 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

haha those are great. sometimes i will just talk like i am retarded and say dumb stuff. Or i'll be like "oh...you sound sexy..." and go from there.


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-Wash uffitze drive me to firenze


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OfflineOzrichead
Hippie
Registered: 03/19/04
Posts: 16
Loc: Sweden
Last seen: 11 years, 1 month
Re: How To Get Rid Of Telemarketers [Re: sakura]
    #2464255 - 03/23/04 05:35 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

I work with telemarketing right now, for a prechoice operator, it's my first and so far only job, I started in November. I don't think it's a shitty job, but sometimes you get really tired of it, as with most jobs I can imagine. I recently started selling for another operator than before and it's going much better now, so hopefully this month I will get enough pay to be able to move out of my parents house.

It's usually I that say silly och mean stuff not the ones I call.  :grin:


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