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OfflineJameZTheNewbie
The Mahatma OfZalu

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 736
Loc: pass the gates of hell 2 ...
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
my song
    #2443871 - 03/17/04 05:06 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

hey heres a song i wrote let me know wut u think.
ingore the imperfections i dont feel like proof reading :smirk:

how long how long can this be the same already arranged pre set inbedded the fed like a spoon to you like they always will do. cant forget to be what they tell you every day they sell you. dont want you to see....the world dotn want you to see reality. just fantasty cant play me like that wont . be taken off track. at every sign u post i take the detour i wont rest till im sure your gone



they broken into my skin and attacked their demons inside of me every word i hear i fear and i draw near to the ledge that they try to push me off with their fearsome talk a hopelss desinty folds before me and i fall off i fall off talked down too to long i dont belong i dont belong
i fight back the law a lawless way to obey or not too a side to choose i choose lawless the flawless how can  u be wrong when they point to the bongs while children die from cancer and we spend billions on war its all thats in store your fear implaced into this rat race. a rats place. hell is here and this is my world this is my role this is my hole. the tunnel is so high. bleeds me dry so i excape to realate to see the striaght rightious path and get on track its my com back. idependize independcize technology a gift to thee intendet to be splendid useiong it for right to make our life to make us whole in our homes no more realibility a factor its freedom im after .

cants seem to fuckin kill you you are me devil cant seem to fuckin deal with you you are my evil cant seem to get over you you are my equal. cant seem to please you are my ego.


--------------------
Mice have feelings


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OfflineJacquesCousteau
Being.
Male User Gallery

Registered: 06/10/03
Posts: 7,825
Loc: Everywhere, Everytime.
Last seen: 5 months, 30 days
Re: my song [Re: JameZTheNewbie]
    #2443918 - 03/17/04 05:28 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

You might want to atleast format the actual body of the song's lyrics into stanzas and lines, if you want anyone to respond...


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OfflineJameZTheNewbie
The Mahatma OfZalu

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 736
Loc: pass the gates of hell 2 ...
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: my song [Re: JacquesCousteau]
    #2443970 - 03/17/04 05:51 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

nah


--------------------
Mice have feelings


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OfflineStrumpling
Neuronaut
Registered: 10/11/02
Posts: 7,571
Loc: Hyperspace
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
Re: my song [Re: JameZTheNewbie]
    #2444398 - 03/17/04 08:22 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

That looks like several paragraphs of stuff, not really lyrics for a song....... Each line is several lines long it seems.

I would break it up into separate lines, but you wouldn't. "Nah"


--------------------
Insert an "I think" mentally in front of eveything I say that seems sketchy, because I certainly don't KNOW much. Also; feel free to yell at me.
In addition: SHPONGLE


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OfflineJameZTheNewbie
The Mahatma OfZalu

Registered: 05/24/02
Posts: 736
Loc: pass the gates of hell 2 ...
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: my song [Re: Strumpling]
    #2451656 - 03/19/04 03:25 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

how long ,how long, can this be the same,
already arranged pre set inbedded then fed like a spoon to you, like they always will do.
cant forget to be what they tell you every day they sell you.
dont want you to see....the world dont want you to see reality.
just fantasty cant play me like that wont .
be taken off track.
at every sign u post i take the detour i wont rest till im sure your gone.



they broken into my skin and attacked their demons inside of me, every word i hear i fear and i draw near to the ledge that they try to push me off,
with their fearsome talk a hopelss desinty folds before me and i fall off,
i fall off talked down too to long i dont belong i dont belong,
i fight back ,
the law a lawless way to obey or not too,
a side to choose i choose lawless, the flawless,
how can u be wrong when they point to the bongs while children die from cancer and we spend billions on war ,its all thats in store,
your fear implaced into this rat race. a rats place.
hell is here and this is my world this is my role this is my hole. the tunnel is so high. bleeds me dry so i excape to realate, to see the striaght rightious path and get on track, its my come back. independcize independcize technology a gift to thee intendet to be splendid useing it for right to make our life to make us whole in our homes no more realibility a factor its freedom im after .

cants seem to fuckin kill you you are me devil cant seem to fuckin deal with you ,you are my evil cant seem to get over you, you are my equal. cant seem to please you are my ego.


hows that?


--------------------
Mice have feelings


Post Extras: Print Post  Remind Me! Notify Moderator
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