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Registered: 03/16/04
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Last seen: 14 years, 1 month
An attempt to come to grips with a perceived reality
    #2438749 - 03/16/04 12:18 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

I Remember my life before drugs. It was a much simplier life in which i was able to live in the parameters my society had given me. I never felt obligated to challange my boundaries or views in my life. I was floating along contently feeling I was succeeding in my reality.

Then I got into drugs, and since then it's been such an introspective look into the depths of my soul that I feel like my subconcious is trying to make my concious understand what its really about. It constantly talks with me now, and challanges my every thought I had ever considered, completely disproves my origional thinking, and leaves me on the brink of understanding and absolute confusion. This feeling almost always leads me into a state of depression, which I love. When you are content you do not expand your mind, there is no reason for it. When you have this depression your head kicks into overdrive and tries to fight its way out of this blanket of melancholy. Along the way it also makes you understand what it is you are trying to understand, and that is pure extasy. To have something in life make so much sense to you.

It's this feeling that i'm addicted to. I'm addicted to knowing that I have no clue of whats going on in my life. It makes me realize no one does, we are put on this earth and we gotta figure out why the hell that is. What's the point? I've always been cynical of spirituallity. In my opinion it is weak. It is too much acceptance of the ambiguous. To put trust in others thoughts is to be too narrow minded to accept your own. My spiritually is my head, which keeps me in an everlasting limbo now, trying to understand myself and my surroundings. This life is such a game, I feel like I simply like to sit in Park Place, just taking stock of the situations at hand and trying to come up with the best senario that I would like to find myself in, without taking any true action. You may find that pathetic, that i've let my mind control the fantasys I happily entertain. I understand this isn't what many people feel is progress, but I feel like i'm understanding myself when I present myself with these thoughts and senario's. It's what I truly feel in life. It has to, its too stong of a conviction for me to unable to believe it for its worth.

Drugs make sense. If they didn't you wouldn't do them cause you'd simply scratch your head and say "WTF!?" And never pick them up again. The problem is they make too much sense. So much sense that you're too big of a dumbass to really pick up the shit it is trying to put down. Your conformed concious cannot handle this much truth, for we have thrived on simple lies this entire time. Truth is such a deep enlightment that it's startleing. This revelation makes your concious what to shit the bed and pass out.

So now that i've accepted this mind altering entities into my life, i've changed immeasurably. I find myself looking wide eyed at the world like when you were six. So oblivious to so much around you yet at the same time in perfect zen. I need this so one day perhaps i will come to grips with my true reality. It'll be the most freaky and disturbing thing I have ever concieved, at the same time it'll probably bring me so much happiness i will truly live in between the depression and the elation for the rest of my life.

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Registered: 10/03/03
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Re: An attempt to come to grips with a perceived reality [Re: Shimmernfades]
    #2438925 - 03/16/04 01:03 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

balance my freind balance, for we are not conformed to the world or babylon anylonger but to the truth, keep easy brother, peace

"Well the first days are the hardest days." When life looks like easy street there is danger at your door.....

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Registered: 11/26/03
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Re: An attempt to come to grips with a perceived reality [Re: Shimmernfades]
    #2439019 - 03/16/04 01:32 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

I always tell my non drug friends, that once you have that first reality shattering trip it's a a one-way ticket. Your perception of what we call reality will never the same

I don't think I'd be nearly the creative thinker I would be without having tripped. I also believe I was pre-destined to trip in a way. I have that curious mentality that wouldn't have allowed me to refuse the opportunity to be exposed to a different reality than the one I had known. Ever since my mother had explained to me the truth about hallucinogens I was curious. I couldn't help but be compelled to know what a simple chemical could do to your senses, which are your only method of perception on a physical scale.

I cannot say which was more profound, my first mind shattering mushrooms, LSD, salvia, or MDMA experience. They each had their unique insights. Salvia simply put me out of the world I knew, whereas; shrooms and LSD were simply altering my visual and logical reality. I never previously thought it were possible to think of things in the manner or clarity in which I did. Both euphoric in their own regard but nothing like MDMA.

MDMA made me re-evaluate my whole life and the world, as I never thought life could feel so wonderful without anything in particular happening. I didn't think such unexplainable joy could be found in a physical sensation and emotional satisfaction.

The two together is almost a sensory overload for me, and I prefer to experience each seperately now to get the full benefit. While I cannot say it isn't indescriblebly "fun" for both at the same time; the "spiritual" or mental refining and not as whettening.

"The army is on Ecstasy, so they say. I read all about it in USA Today. They stepped up drug testing to make it go away. It's hard to kill the enemy rollin' on MDMA."


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OfflineAlan Stone

Registered: 11/23/02
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Re: An attempt to come to grips with a perceived reality [Re: Shimmernfades]
    #2440087 - 03/16/04 05:52 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

I agree, no one on this globe has a clue what life is really about, and that includes all of us here. As for spirituality: educated/lucky guesses, although even that is doubtful. Heck, there's an infinity of information out there. If we can't figure out all the answers as a human race, how is one individual supposed to?
All I know for sure is that there is a lot of beauty out there, and in here - the latter being both in the human mind and this community. Sunsets, fractals in nature, clouds, monochrome orange-black environments under a streetlight, I can't even name it all, but I like it a heck of a lot. And, of course, hallucinogens. Great waste of time they are, just like everything else we do on this globe, and at the same time the most important thing one can experience.

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.

- Aristotle

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Registered: 01/11/04
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Re: An attempt to come to grips with a perceived reality [Re: Shimmernfades]
    #2440121 - 03/16/04 06:04 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

My life as well is similar to yours. Before drugs, my life was simple. Get up, play some video games, visit friends, do my normal things. Watch T.V. Pretty hum-drum run-of-the-mill everyday life. But then drugs paid me a visit.

The first thing I noticed is something that I can't put a defenite value on. Trivial, material things aren't as important to me. Video games, for instance, are hopelessly (most of the time) boring and don't carry as much interest to me as they once did. When I do find myself enjoying a videogame, it's very, very unstable. I could be enjoying myself thoroughly, and then, I'm done. I can't stand it. Moody perhaps? I don't know.

Computers, once my LIFE, are now something that I am beginning to despise. There is NOTHING that can make you see the truth about something than a good shroom. I saw the plain truth about computers while tripping. They truly are pointless. All they do is just complicate things, and make life far far less meaningful. We are all going to be numbers soon. I don't want that anymore. But yet I'm still having a hard time shedding the things I no longer care for. Am I still majoring in Computer Engineering? Yes. Why? I'm not sure. It may take some time for me to figure that out.

Drugs have also put me in a melancholy mood alot. Often I find myself sitting around doing absolutely nothing (in the most literal sense of the word nothing) and it's just dreadful. I know this seems like a bad thing, and when I am that bored/depressed it is bad. But it makes the good times seem much more meaningful.

But seeing this post is fantastic. It's put the melancholy times in a new light. And the last thing you said, you are absolutley right. When we do figure out whatever it is we are searching for, we are going to be very content with our lives.


Ron Paul 2008!

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Registered: 01/12/04
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Re: An attempt to come to grips with a perceived reality [Re: freddurgan]
    #2444353 - 03/17/04 08:12 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

Yes. Exactly. I was just discussing this with a freind. I'm happy with what pot and shrooms have taught me. They have definatly helped me in the expansion of my mind.

In fact. Two years ago I was intent with being a typical teenager. Sit around the house, bullshit with friends, watch tv etc. Although i still partake in the same activities hanging out with friends and such I view the world differently. I'm far more creative. I think a hell of alot more than what I use to and i'm not afraid to question things. I question so much. Thats the key to mind expanding. What your taught in school does not expand the mind. You're not taught to question, you not taught to wonder why things are the way they are. Without drugs I would not have come to that realization and I'd be happy being the typical american. As long as I had my cable, Internet connection and my mc donalds happy meal i'd be content right? After all that seems to be the American way after all.

If you sit and ponder where our country is going (United States) it's obvious were heading in the wrong direction. Patriot act 1 and now 2 where the fuck is our freedoms going and what ever, EVER happend to what this country was based on. In god we trust. Bullshit. Our country is going to fucking hell. Not now but it's in the beginning stages and has been for quite some time. What pisses me off is that the American people have no feeling. NO feelings at all towards this. Some do but little amounts and the masses are just sitting on there asses doing the 9-5 without a worry or a care in the world. They eat their mc donalds, rot in front of the television and not ONCE NOT ONCE do they even think about what is going on in the world. Oh, uncle sam will take care of it. Fuck that, our gov is the problem. The masses don't care yet. Ohh, but I see in 30 years or maybe even less a change. You know what. It will be to late to care by then. Us as humans and technology are focused to much on others fixing our problems for us. The thing is now the people who we need to help us out are only hurting us. Thats in refrence to our gov. I'll sit watch and see it all unfold.


I'll see you on the darkside of the moon.

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Registered: 10/03/03
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Re: An attempt to come to grips with a perceived reality [Re: Mindgames]
    #2445069 - 03/17/04 11:24 PM (14 years, 3 months ago)

I agree with a lot of what you say, aaronumbra.

Once you've done the deed, there's no going back. You see a lot more things once you've tried certain drugs. It makes you think a lot more... I can't say that it's for everyone though. Everyone's so sheltered these days.

I remember times before I even smoked marijuana. I was a happy go lucky dumbfuck. I didn't know a thing about people in general, had no knowlege or interest in the government/politicians, and just went about my own business. I can't say that it was all too bad, after all, ignorance is bliss. I'd rather not live a lie though. Even though there's a lot out there that gets me depressed, that's life and I'm strong enough to deal with it. :smile:

When the stress burns my brain it's like acid raindrops
maryjane is the only thing that makes the pain stop

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