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OfflineOneAwfulWaffle
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Registered: 05/19/17
Posts: 6
Last seen: 6 months, 13 days
Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents
    #24331585 - 05/19/17 01:10 AM (6 months, 21 days ago)

Hey guys, this is my first post on my new account. My old accounts privacy was 100% compromised, leaving me with no choice other then to leave it behind and create myself a new one. This time I'll be sure to be much more careful about my privacy.
Anyways, I've been having a really hard time lately with day to day life.
I live with my parents. Well, my Mom and her boyfriend. And as if that weren't worse enough...
They're both alcoholics.
I firmly believe there can be no genre of person more difficult to coexist among than the Severe Alcoholic. Now don't get me wrong. I've been through the 12 step program; many times in fact. So I've spent quite a considerable amount of time with drug addicts, and alcoholics alike. Now for the most part, we're just like everybody else. Some are good, some are bad, and some are worse. But one thing that is agreeable among every addict / alcoholic / -whatever you want to classify yourself as- is that the very worst kind of alcoholic/addict, is the kind that is unwilling to recognize much less ADMIT that they are in fact of the alcoholic variety. And that -so very unfortunately for me- is the type that I live with. That's the way my parents are.
  Now, for the most part, and I do mean MOST as in 'Any willing to recognize reality' for any user who uses, there is a reason for their use. It's basic cause and effect. Physics or something. SCIENCE! Anyways, for one addict, that reason may be coping with past trauma. Perhaps current trauma for another. And maybe some coke heads really do just realllly like the smell of cocaine. I know the reason I used. It's because of the same reason my mom uses. Which is to escape the wrath of her incredibly unstable and volatile anger issues.
  I learned through many a round of treatment, along with countless therapists to find the reason that I kept turning to drugs. And, inadvertently stumbled across the reason that my mother uses as well.
I have been suffering from psychological torment at the hands of my own mother since the day my dad left, and even more so since the day my grandmother passed away. Immense detail isn't necessary, so I'll be vaguely specific. It was as though I were constantly in trouble. Like every day of every week I was treated as though I had just broken her favorite vase. Sometimes it was worse, and sometimes it was worser. The only times it seemed that my mom wasn't completely disgustedly resentful towards me was when she was drinking.  Drinking had become, and continues to be, her only personally accepted method of temporary escape from whatever internal conflict it is which manifests itself as a burning rage that she takes out on whatever poor, singularly vulnerable individual; whom she can routinely abuse behind the closed doors of her own home.
  Maintaining a public, social image of being a kind, generous, loving and wrk individual seems to be a very high priority for her. Which causes her to bottle up all of the rage and frustration that she experiences throughout her days. This negativity is saved up until she is able to once again secretly abuse her victim in the darkness of her home; a place where all who live must live under the constant looming fear of this episodic violence.
There is also a very strong aspect of codependency with her. Since the departure of my father, there has been a constant string of drunk men she has brought into our home. She, over time, vets these alcoholics. This makes sure they are morally deficient enough to be not only tolerant of her abuse towards her victim -me- but she wants them to partake in the psychological torture. Basically anything that isn't going to leave any marks on me was acceptable and actively encouraged. This makes me believe that she not only took pleasure from her personally taking her anger out onto me. What she really sought was for her victim to be unhappy, and to live in constant torment. Regardless of their tormentor.
Anyways, that was an entry into my phones notepad from a few days ago. I just didn't feel like writing it all out again. Here's another entry focusing mainly on how my mothers boyfriend is becoming more and more abusive towards me as each day passes.
Well, it's finally happened. I am officially once again the house punching bag. Now that I'm the "lowest ranking" person in my family, the alienation and abuse has begun.
They really truly are being ruthless this time around. And as of right now, the brunt of the abuse isn't even coming from my mother, who is the usual terrorist. The majority of the abuse is coming from her boyfriend Blank.
Ever since I was a young child, I've been living under the hellish conditions of parental abuse coming from my mother, and whoever her boyfriend at that time is. When I was growing up, her partner in my abuse was an alcoholic loser named Blank Now however, Blank is out of the picture, and my mother is currently with a man named Blank. It seems this cycle of abuse will never end. At least as long as I'm allowing it to continue.
I live under the constant, 24/7 passive aggressive wrath of 2 alcoholics.
Idk what to do anymore. I can't leave because of extenuating circumstances,  it staying is literally killing myself inside.
I want to leave but I can't. Every day, I live under the constant torment of these passive aggressive alcoholics, and I'm helpless in defending myself against them. Just now, I went outside to go for a walk around the neighborhood. When I left, I walked right past my moms boyfriend to get to the front door and he saw me leave to go for a walk. When I got back home, I found both locks on the door were locked, and he was sitting exactly where he was (and always seems to be) right there on the couch. That's a good example of a passive aggressive message he's trying to convey to me without there actually being any conflict. And he's always got the potential excuse if I chose to confront him about it, he could just say "oh I didn't see you leave". It's this exact bullshit I can't take anymore.
It's been 16 years on and off since this abuse began. The only times it's stopped have been when I'd managed to escape living under her control. But each time she manipulates me into moving back in so that she can continue treating me this way in order to cope with her own sadistic nature.
If anyone has any advice that they think could help would be greatly appreciated.  I fear for my own sanity...


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Invisiblenooneman
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Registered: 04/25/09
Posts: 9,774
Loc: California
Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: OneAwfulWaffle]
    #24331613 - 05/19/17 01:25 AM (6 months, 21 days ago)

Either move out or find a way to form a better relationship with your parents.


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: OneAwfulWaffle] * 1
    #24333781 - 05/19/17 08:29 PM (6 months, 21 days ago)

OP you are 16?

Other stuff aside, as long as they feed you and provide for you, stick with them. I made the terrible mistake of moving out well before I was able to support myself. I can't begin to explain the fucked up things that happened to me, the fucked up things I still live with because of real bodily abuse and the natural fucked up PTSD inducing shit that tends to happen when you're essentially living off the street... 10 years later and I'm still not right. I learned alot from it but I think I would be in a better boat today if I had just waited a few more years.


Try to get a job. Try to find a way to start becoming independent. It does not happen over night and it takes serious work.
It gets better man. But you have to make it better.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


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OfflineOneAwfulWaffle
Stranger
Registered: 05/19/17
Posts: 6
Last seen: 6 months, 13 days
Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #24344642 - 05/24/17 12:48 AM (6 months, 16 days ago)

Like I stated, this is a very complicated situation with a lot of layers and details. I guess without being able to be more specific on those details on my end, it's not really possible for me to be able to get any decent advice. So never mind I guess. Thanks for trying.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: OneAwfulWaffle]
    #24344682 - 05/24/17 01:12 AM (6 months, 16 days ago)

I noticed with alcoholics you have to find the proper time to interact with them. For example, mornings are usually a stay away time..

Also take what they say with a grain of salt.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Registered: 09/20/08
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Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: OneAwfulWaffle]
    #24344793 - 05/24/17 02:28 AM (6 months, 16 days ago)

Quote:

OneAwfulWaffle said:

I have been suffering from psychological torment at the hands of my own mother since the day my dad left . . .




As a man who was abused by his mother, I can relate.

It took a lot of effort to stop condemning her, and see her as a suffering human.


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OfflineDeadfrancis
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Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: OneAwfulWaffle]
    #24355862 - 05/28/17 09:02 AM (6 months, 12 days ago)

You're a creature, just avoid harm and try not to have an opinion. Be more self reliant, the answer to everything is common sense, truly. God is reality itself, you will find it through Distancing yourself from distractions and sin, sin fuels the ego that divides consciousness from the spirit, the less conscious we are the closer we are to danger and being dead. God is the only thing that matters and everything else in life is a bunch of bullshit and will seem like a big deal and or of having relevance until you see God and realize that all this shit means nothing and life is overrated. And, We're all the same person, there's nobody else.


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Invisiblebirdeatingspider
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Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #24356982 - 05/28/17 07:28 PM (6 months, 12 days ago)

My hunch is that the abuse started once the father passed, making OP 18+, hopefully.

OP: It's not that you aren't being specific enough, some of us have dealt with this, too.

You did get decent advice, it just wasn't what you wanted to hear.

To rephrase: Move out. You are aware of what staying is doing to you.  Get a piece of paper and divide into quarters: in a box for each, label them: 'If I stay +', 'If I stay -', 'If I go +', 'If I go -'.  Fill in the pros and cons for both.

Fact of the matter is, while you want change your mother most likely can't/won't.

Hope it gets better for you.


Edited by birdeatingspider (05/28/17 07:36 PM)


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InvisibleThayendanegeaS
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Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: birdeatingspider]
    #24379713 - 06/05/17 03:44 PM (6 months, 4 days ago)

Living with wet  alcoholics, especially abusive ones can be dangerous.
I know, because I am a drunk. We like to fuck with your heads...making it appear that everything is your fault and that you're worthless. It is not really us, as much as it is the disease talking though. Alcoholism protects itself at the expense of anybody that is close. First choice is to get out if you can...maybe live with a brother or sister if you can.

If you have no way to get away from them...at least, get to an alanon meeting. You will meet people there who may be able to help you...at least, you will meet people who can relate to you.

Alcoholics will tear you down to the point where you think you are worthless...don't let that happen. If you need someone to talk to, IM me. Prayers to you  and good luck.:peace:


--------------------
Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better.

Albert Einstein


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Registered: 09/20/08
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Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #24381222 - 06/06/17 01:48 AM (6 months, 3 days ago)

Quote:

Thayendanegea said:

I know, because I am a drunk. We like to fuck with your heads...making it appear that everything is your fault and that you're worthless.




People who suffer often spread their suffering.


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Offlineegoslap
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Registered: 05/08/17
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Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: RJ Tubs 202] * 1
    #24385277 - 06/07/17 03:14 PM (6 months, 2 days ago)

Tell me about it.  I'm still in healing and mediation everyday from what my mother did to me.

She would scream in my face, beat me with weapons, tell me I was useless and a bad person etc etc every day when I got home from work or before I even went to work.  I used to get beat if the phone rang or I needed to pass her to get water from the tap.  Screamed at for even having a shower in the morning or eating.  My whole life was under her domination.

I used to leave the house before she would get home and come in after she was asleep every single day just so I could live with some peace - provided I managed to do it without waking her else I was in for an abuse session.

I just had to take it because shes a female, you can't hit them back and you tend to love and look up to your mother.  She actively prevented me from being able to move out of the home by refusing to sign the paperwork I needed in England to be allowed to get an apartment.  All so she could continue using me as a rag for her anger.  It took me a long to time to realise and accept this person I loved was wrong and I was being violently abused.

She wasn't even on drugs or alcoholic just a vicious, angry violent person who used her children to release these emotions.  I'm trying to forgive her so I can move on but its near impossible.  I still feel the pain every single day.  Its lodged in my memory around the excuses she would use to attack me such as showering or eating.

Do everything in your power to save as much money and get the hell out of there.  When you leave you may find your just at the beginning of healing from this.  Just please don't go on to abuse someone else because of what was done to you as most people seem to.  :/


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
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Registered: 12/10/11
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Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: egoslap] * 1
    #24385302 - 06/07/17 03:27 PM (6 months, 2 days ago)

I think child rearing and driving are the two biggest things in society that should require testing and evaluation.

But then adoption standards are so fucked up taking a child out of a somewhat abusive environment often just puts them in another environment of abuse and neglect.



We have very serious issues in society.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: egoslap] * 1
    #24386939 - 06/08/17 02:42 AM (6 months, 1 day ago)

Quote:

egoslap said:

She wasn't even on drugs or alcoholic just a vicious, angry violent person who used her children to release these emotions.  I'm trying to forgive her so I can move on but its near impossible. 




Try to remember her suffering had origins.

Forgiveness is not for her. It's for you.

To heal. And abandon your resentment and anger.


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