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OfflineOneAwfulWaffle
Stranger
Registered: 05/19/17
Posts: 6
Last seen: 9 hours, 29 minutes
Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents
    #24331585 - 05/19/17 01:10 AM (5 days, 12 hours ago)

Hey guys, this is my first post on my new account. My old accounts privacy was 100% compromised, leaving me with no choice other then to leave it behind and create myself a new one. This time I'll be sure to be much more careful about my privacy.
Anyways, I've been having a really hard time lately with day to day life.
I live with my parents. Well, my Mom and her boyfriend. And as if that weren't worse enough...
They're both alcoholics.
I firmly believe there can be no genre of person more difficult to coexist among than the Severe Alcoholic. Now don't get me wrong. I've been through the 12 step program; many times in fact. So I've spent quite a considerable amount of time with drug addicts, and alcoholics alike. Now for the most part, we're just like everybody else. Some are good, some are bad, and some are worse. But one thing that is agreeable among every addict / alcoholic / -whatever you want to classify yourself as- is that the very worst kind of alcoholic/addict, is the kind that is unwilling to recognize much less ADMIT that they are in fact of the alcoholic variety. And that -so very unfortunately for me- is the type that I live with. That's the way my parents are.
  Now, for the most part, and I do mean MOST as in 'Any willing to recognize reality' for any user who uses, there is a reason for their use. It's basic cause and effect. Physics or something. SCIENCE! Anyways, for one addict, that reason may be coping with past trauma. Perhaps current trauma for another. And maybe some coke heads really do just realllly like the smell of cocaine. I know the reason I used. It's because of the same reason my mom uses. Which is to escape the wrath of her incredibly unstable and volatile anger issues.
  I learned through many a round of treatment, along with countless therapists to find the reason that I kept turning to drugs. And, inadvertently stumbled across the reason that my mother uses as well.
I have been suffering from psychological torment at the hands of my own mother since the day my dad left, and even more so since the day my grandmother passed away. Immense detail isn't necessary, so I'll be vaguely specific. It was as though I were constantly in trouble. Like every day of every week I was treated as though I had just broken her favorite vase. Sometimes it was worse, and sometimes it was worser. The only times it seemed that my mom wasn't completely disgustedly resentful towards me was when she was drinking.  Drinking had become, and continues to be, her only personally accepted method of temporary escape from whatever internal conflict it is which manifests itself as a burning rage that she takes out on whatever poor, singularly vulnerable individual; whom she can routinely abuse behind the closed doors of her own home.
  Maintaining a public, social image of being a kind, generous, loving and wrk individual seems to be a very high priority for her. Which causes her to bottle up all of the rage and frustration that she experiences throughout her days. This negativity is saved up until she is able to once again secretly abuse her victim in the darkness of her home; a place where all who live must live under the constant looming fear of this episodic violence.
There is also a very strong aspect of codependency with her. Since the departure of my father, there has been a constant string of drunk men she has brought into our home. She, over time, vets these alcoholics. This makes sure they are morally deficient enough to be not only tolerant of her abuse towards her victim -me- but she wants them to partake in the psychological torture. Basically anything that isn't going to leave any marks on me was acceptable and actively encouraged. This makes me believe that she not only took pleasure from her personally taking her anger out onto me. What she really sought was for her victim to be unhappy, and to live in constant torment. Regardless of their tormentor.
Anyways, that was an entry into my phones notepad from a few days ago. I just didn't feel like writing it all out again. Here's another entry focusing mainly on how my mothers boyfriend is becoming more and more abusive towards me as each day passes.
Well, it's finally happened. I am officially once again the house punching bag. Now that I'm the "lowest ranking" person in my family, the alienation and abuse has begun.
They really truly are being ruthless this time around. And as of right now, the brunt of the abuse isn't even coming from my mother, who is the usual terrorist. The majority of the abuse is coming from her boyfriend Blank.
Ever since I was a young child, I've been living under the hellish conditions of parental abuse coming from my mother, and whoever her boyfriend at that time is. When I was growing up, her partner in my abuse was an alcoholic loser named Blank Now however, Blank is out of the picture, and my mother is currently with a man named Blank. It seems this cycle of abuse will never end. At least as long as I'm allowing it to continue.
I live under the constant, 24/7 passive aggressive wrath of 2 alcoholics.
Idk what to do anymore. I can't leave because of extenuating circumstances,  it staying is literally killing myself inside.
I want to leave but I can't. Every day, I live under the constant torment of these passive aggressive alcoholics, and I'm helpless in defending myself against them. Just now, I went outside to go for a walk around the neighborhood. When I left, I walked right past my moms boyfriend to get to the front door and he saw me leave to go for a walk. When I got back home, I found both locks on the door were locked, and he was sitting exactly where he was (and always seems to be) right there on the couch. That's a good example of a passive aggressive message he's trying to convey to me without there actually being any conflict. And he's always got the potential excuse if I chose to confront him about it, he could just say "oh I didn't see you leave". It's this exact bullshit I can't take anymore.
It's been 16 years on and off since this abuse began. The only times it's stopped have been when I'd managed to escape living under her control. But each time she manipulates me into moving back in so that she can continue treating me this way in order to cope with her own sadistic nature.
If anyone has any advice that they think could help would be greatly appreciated.  I fear for my own sanity...


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Invisiblenooneman
Male

Registered: 04/25/09
Posts: 9,207
Loc: California
Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: OneAwfulWaffle]
    #24331613 - 05/19/17 01:25 AM (5 days, 12 hours ago)

Either move out or find a way to form a better relationship with your parents.


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InvisibleCookieCrumbsM
The Motherfucking Sandwich Queen
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Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 7,167
Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: OneAwfulWaffle]
    #24333781 - 05/19/17 08:29 PM (4 days, 17 hours ago)

OP you are 16?

Other stuff aside, as long as they feed you and provide for you, stick with them. I made the terrible mistake of moving out well before I was able to support myself. I can't begin to explain the fucked up things that happened to me, the fucked up things I still live with because of real bodily abuse and the natural fucked up PTSD inducing shit that tends to happen when you're essentially living off the street... 10 years later and I'm still not right. I learned alot from it but I think I would be in a better boat today if I had just waited a few more years.


Try to get a job. Try to find a way to start becoming independent. It does not happen over night and it takes serious work.
It gets better man. But you have to make it better.


--------------------
          :dancingbear: Free time is the only time :dancingbear:                    :thatsinteresting:


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OfflineOneAwfulWaffle
Stranger
Registered: 05/19/17
Posts: 6
Last seen: 9 hours, 29 minutes
Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: CookieCrumbs]
    #24344642 - 05/24/17 12:48 AM (13 hours, 20 minutes ago)

Like I stated, this is a very complicated situation with a lot of layers and details. I guess without being able to be more specific on those details on my end, it's not really possible for me to be able to get any decent advice. So never mind I guess. Thanks for trying.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: OneAwfulWaffle]
    #24344682 - 05/24/17 01:12 AM (12 hours, 56 minutes ago)

I noticed with alcoholics you have to find the proper time to interact with them. For example, mornings are usually a stay away time..

Also take what they say with a grain of salt.


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
Male

Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 1,790
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 10 hours, 31 minutes
Re: Living under the abusive oppression of two passive aggressive alcoholic parents [Re: OneAwfulWaffle]
    #24344793 - 05/24/17 02:28 AM (11 hours, 40 minutes ago)

Quote:

OneAwfulWaffle said:

I have been suffering from psychological torment at the hands of my own mother since the day my dad left . . .




As a man who was abused by his mother, I can relate.

It took a lot of effort to stop condemning her, and see her as a suffering human.


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