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OfflinePedM
Interested In Your Brain
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Registered: 08/31/99
Posts: 5,494
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 22 days, 3 hours
Spiritual Antics
    #2407646 - 03/08/04 05:12 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

Lets take a quick break from the heavy discussions, debates, and arguments around here.  Post your Spirituality-related jokes!  I'll start.

Q:  What did the Buddha say when he approached the hot dog stand?
A:  Make me one with everything.


Q:  Why don't Buddhists vacuum in corners?
A:  Because they don't have any attachments.

:lol:


--------------------


:poison: Dark Triangles - New Psychedelic Techno Single - Listen on Soundcloud :poison:
Gyroscope full album available SoundCloud or MySpace


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OfflineSpecialEd
+ one

Registered: 01/30/03
Posts: 6,220
Loc: : Gringo
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
Re: Spiritual Antics [Re: Ped]
    #2407675 - 03/08/04 05:23 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

A drunk is sitting on the street curb in front of a bar.
A stranger comes by and asks if he's O.K.
The drunk replies by asking, "Do you know who I am?"
The stranger says "No. Who are you?"
The drunk proudly says "I'm Jesus Christ...and I can
prove it! Come with me!"
They enter the bar and the bartender looks up and yells
"Jesus Christ! Are you here again?"


Jesus saw a crowd chasing a woman to stone her and approached
them. "What's going on here, anyway?" he asked.
"This woman was found committing adultery and the law says we
should stone her!" one of the crowd responded.
"Wait," yelled Jesus, "Let he who is without sin cast the first
stone."
Suddenly, a stone came from out of the sky, and knocked the
woman out cold.
"Aw, c'mon, Dad," Jesus cried, "I'm trying to make a point here!"


A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, and
Ryan, 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first
pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, 'Let my brother
have the first cake. I can wait."
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be
Jesus!"


A man walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the
cash register he saw a display of caps with "WWJD" printed on all of
them. He was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn't
figure it out, so he asked the clerk.
The clerk replied that the letters stood for What Would Jesus Do,
and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but
rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation.
The man thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I'm damn sure
Jesus wouldn't pay $17.95 for one of these caps."


--------------------
"Plus one upvote +1..."
--- //
-- :meff:
  /l_l\/
--\-/----


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OfflineFrog
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Registered: 10/22/03
Posts: 4,284
Loc: The Zero Point Field
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Re: Spiritual Antics [Re: Ped]
    #2407906 - 03/08/04 06:22 PM (12 years, 9 months ago)

What did God say to Jesus?

"I don't care if you are my son, drop that cross one more time,
and you're out of the parade."


--------------------
The day will come when, after harnessing the ether, the winds, the tides, gravitation, we shall harness for God the energies of love. And, on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.  -Teilard


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Offlinefireworks_godS
Sexy.Butt.McDanger
Male

Registered: 03/12/02
Posts: 24,849
Loc: Pandurn
Last seen: 14 days, 8 hours
Re: Spiritual Antics [Re: Frog]
    #2410064 - 03/09/04 06:39 AM (12 years, 8 months ago)

:lol: Ya'll made me laugh! :grin:

I don't have any spiritual jokes though. :frown: I can come up with funny lines and all, and can imagine hilarious situations, but not like jokes like that or anything....  :grin:

..... I've been sitting here trying to think of something funny quick, but it isn't working.... I'll just leave.  :sad:

:laugh:
Peace.  :mushroom2:


--------------------
:redpanda:
If I should die this very moment
I wouldn't fear
For I've never known completeness
Like being here
Wrapped in the warmth of you
Loving every breath of you

:heartpump: :bunnyhug: :yinyang:

:yinyang: :levitate: :earth: :levitate: :yinyang:


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OfflineTheShroomHermit
Divine Hermit of the Everything
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Registered: 02/19/02
Posts: 7,575
Loc: border of Canada and Mexi...
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Spiritual Antics [Re: fireworks_god]
    #2411193 - 03/09/04 03:03 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

>I can come up with funny lines and all, and can imagine hilarious situations, but not like jokes like that or anything....
-The trick to making up those kinds of jokes is to end with something that was not expected.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Becuase it was dead.

Put a scenario together and make it gold in the punch line.
Of course, one liners are an exception... usually just a play on words or something with an obvious double meaning. But for a regular joke with a story line, follow the formula.


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Offlinehuxmush
Wanderer

Registered: 04/03/03
Posts: 184
Loc: Australia
Last seen: 2 years, 9 months
Re: Spiritual Antics [Re: TheShroomHermit]
    #2411690 - 03/09/04 07:05 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Three men are in a plane which has malfunctioned and is about to crash. The first man jumps out of the plane and yells 'Allah - save me!'. Out of the clouds a huge dark hand appears from the clouds, catches the man, and gently places him on the ground.

The second man similar in appearance to the first then also jumps out of the plane and cries 'Allah - save me!'. Once again, a large dark hand descends from the sky, catches the man and places him gently onto the ground.

The third man seeing this happen as the plane speeds towards the ground is totally amazed and astounded. He's fairly quick witted and given his situation quickly decides to jump out of the plane and yells 'Allah - save me!'. Yet again, a large dark hand descends from above, catching him and gently places him on the ground.

He's totally in awe of what's happened and checks that he's all ok and can't believe he's just survived what surely was his death. 'Thank Christ for that!' he exclaims. Then suddenly a large dark foot descends from above and squashes him.  :shocked: :smile:


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OfflineSYCOdelik
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Registered: 02/01/04
Posts: 124
Loc: where am i again?
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
Re: Spiritual Antics [Re: Ped]
    #2411714 - 03/09/04 07:20 PM (12 years, 8 months ago)

Frog, hahaha, thats the best .


A young man, puzzled about god. Kneeled down and prayed.
"God", he ask, "How long is a thousand years to you?"
and god replied to the man, "Why a thousand years? thats like a second to me."
The young man then asked, "God, how much is a billion dollars to you?" and god again replied. "Why a billion dollars, is like a penny to me."
The young man prayed once more and asked, "God, could you give me a penny?" and god replied, "In a second."


Three men were platying golf, and they were on the 18th hole. The first man swung and hit his ball, which traveled 300ft away and landed in the sand trap. The second man took his swing, and his ball traveled striahgt across the fareway, and landed feet from the hole. the third man took took his swing, and his ball flew 100ft into the lake, where it was eatin by a fish. Then from the sky a hawk swooped down, grabed the fish, and flew over the green. the ball fell out of the fish's mouth and into the woods where it landed in a rabbit's ear. This startled the rabbit who ran onto the green. As the rabbit ran out on the green it was struck by lightning and fell dead. The ball rolled out of the crispy rabbit ear and into the hole. The first guy looks to the third guy and says, "Jesus you suck!".


those are da only ones i can think of right now.


--------------------

~Life is one long ride, make it the best ride you can.


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