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OfflineParadigm Shift
Strangler
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/25/16
Posts: 57
Loc: Outer Space
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
My Shitty Childhood
    #24032801 - 01/23/17 09:25 AM (7 years, 7 days ago)

I have just wrote this out because I wanted to write it out, it has no end yet I'm still here I just wanted to speak about what happened to me.  Not that it matters no one ever cared.  No one does care.  Thats what humanity is about.  Selfishness and just shitting out more people then blaming them for it.  Any way I'm at my end, close to causing my own end, so this is the begining...

The Story of My Life


When I was a kid my mother and father claimed to have no money.  We had no food or heating.  I can remember going to school every winter and barely being able write.  My hands were so swollen from the cold blisters on my fingers that I couldn’t even use a pen properly.  It was torture just to write but I suffered silently.  What choice did I have?

I remember watching as my parents grew fat.  They always had a new bottle of coca cola or a new piano yet I remember begging my mother for an extra wheetabix at breakfast and her just screaming in my face then punching her self in her own head.

I had a pretty weird childhood to say the least but I always tried.  From age 11 I started a car washing company.  I gathered a group of lads from the village and we would knock on peoples doors and ask if they wanted their car washed.  We did really well.  I also had a paper round.  I worked 4 hours per day in often freezing weather and I received 3.11 per week for my effort.  Which was in honesty looking back on it was child slavery.

When I was 12 years old my father was attacked by my neighbour who decided to beat him within an inch of his life.  My father then proceeded to abandon his family and I was left with my mother and 2 sisters.  This neighbour wasn’t happy at doing this to my father alone.  He then turned his intentions to me and my sisters.  My older sister was grabbed in the dark and groped / kissed.  I was attacked every time he saw me leave the house and could corner me.

Usually it was just him holding me trapped in a corner and shouting abuse at me about what a bad person I was and my father.  He would just be swearing at me basically and trying to scream at me.  I phoned the police over 4 times and begged my mother to help but nothing ever happened.  Even when my mother had the cahnce for the family to move house she turned it down because she was just a negative/despressive person and would never do anything to change the situation.  My mother spent most her life laying on a sofa drinking cola shouting violent words at her kids.

When I got to 15 years old I decided I had to leave the village.  I was unable to leave my bedroom anymore.  If I left inside the house and saw my mother then she would attack me.  If I left the house and saw my neighbour then he would attack me.  Both would use verbal attacks only but it was as damaging to my childhood self as any physical attack could be.  Over a period of years I changed from a child who loved all life and all humans to being a person who was extremely afraid, extremely hurt and eventually that loving nice boy became a person who was ready kill any person to defend their life.

At age of 15 I was working every day for 4 hours and going to school.  I had to pay for my own apartment and try to get an education.  This all fell through within a year or so I was homeless.  I went to city where I had a friend and I lived on his floor for 6 months until eventually my mother agreed to let me back home with her.

This was fine I had a water supply again but my mother would attack me over every human function that was possible.  If I needed a shower, to eat a sandwich, take a shit - these were all ways my mother would use to attack me.  She believes shes a good person but she needs a way to vent her emotional rage which seems to come about 5-6 times a day and so she invented excuses to blame me, like that I was eating a sandwich or had taken a shower and that she needed to tell me off about it.  Its hard to explain but she developed a weird psychosis and needed to vent her emotions all the time onto other people and did this by imagining scenarios and then blaming others for them.

I worked for a good 10 years on a minimum wage job and took all my mothers shit.  I saved up a good amount of money to leave.  All I found was more discrimination.  In the UK if you are a young male then you will be discriminated against.  Its that simple.  Despite the fact I had a good job and 5 figures in the bank I still wasn't allowed to have my own apartment.  This is because theres a lack of housing in the UK and any letter will always give any available housing to the elderly or female as statistically and in their judgemental eyes they are more likely to keep a long term paying tenant without any fuss by doing this.

To be continued...


Edited by Paradigm Shift (01/23/17 09:36 AM)


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OfflineMorel Guy
Stranger
 User Gallery

Registered: 01/23/13
Posts: 15,577
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: My Shitty Childhood [Re: Paradigm Shift]
    #24032877 - 01/23/17 09:58 AM (7 years, 7 days ago)

Lot's of us had bad times when kids.  Important part is each day is almost a new start.  To try to judge people fairly and accuretly.  Getting into bad relationships as an adult must be avoided.  We are worth more than peoples opinions of us.


--------------------
"in sterquiliniis invenitur in stercore invenitur"

In filth it will be found in dung it will be found


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OfflineMeyerLanski
Entheogenic Soulwarrior
Male User Gallery


Registered: 01/01/17
Posts: 84
Loc: United States of America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: My Shitty Childhood [Re: Morel Guy]
    #24032901 - 01/23/17 10:11 AM (7 years, 7 days ago)

Chin up, Chest out, the fact that you are aware of the situation speaks volumes, take steps to make a better life for yourself, its tough and not for quitters, and to forsake all of humanity due to your family life is foolish, there are good people in this world, find some, surround yourself with likeminded folks and change things.


--------------------
Knowledge is Power


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OfflineMrBlueYoMind
Don't do drugs (Without me)

Registered: 04/27/11
Posts: 3,753
Last seen: 1 month, 26 days
Re: My Shitty Childhood [Re: Paradigm Shift]
    #24032985 - 01/23/17 10:59 AM (7 years, 7 days ago)

Damn man sounds rough.  It's hard growing up with parents who have mental problems/personality disorders.  My heart goes out to you.  My best friend was in a similar situation, he used to get beat with vacuum sweeper cords, hot wheels tracks, anything within reach.  She would always have crackheads over to party and he said one time he got raped by one when he was 14.  His mom was 300-400 lbs at her biggest and always drunk and there were times where my mom had to buy him and his siblings presents so they wouldn't go without on Christmas (and my mom was poor too).  The thing is, she rarely was like that with his younger brother and sister.  Just him.  He thinks it was because his mom was raped and got pregnant with him.  It affects him a lot- especially since she refuses to acknowledge she ever behaved that way- yet I witnessed it with my own eyes.

One thing I would encourage is to remember that your parents are human, and humans usually don't get to the point you were describing without having their own skeletons in the closet(unresolved childhood trauma)/insufficient coping mechanisms-usually caused by neglect/abuse from their parents and so-on.  People don't normally punch themselves in their own face- which to me suggests she knew she wasn't healthy and it frustrated her to be like that.  One thing I think might help is if you can get to the point where you are able to forgive them, even if they don't ask for it.  Holding on to resentments is something that will drag you down into despair.  That doesn't mean you have to allow them to take their shit out on you or that her behavior was justified, just that it happened and it wasn't/isn't your fault that they are sick. 

Another thing to remember is that society itself is sick(it's cool to be bad, buy my product, you need $150 shoes or you aint shit, junk food costs less than healthy food, etc)- which isn't your fault either.  Just focus on taking care of yourself first and doing the right things in life.  At the end of the day the person who needs to care the most is yourself.  You can't change your past, but accepting it for what it is and not letting it get to you is a step in the right direction.  I'd suggest to avoid alcohol as in my experience that has a tendency to reopen old wounds and hinder growth. 

I feel like we all can relate to these songs st some point or another, and for me relating to music helps me feel less alone. 

 



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