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prupprupprup
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Registered: 12/04/16
Posts: 7
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
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Is it HPPD?
#24030045 - 01/22/17 09:52 AM (7 years, 8 days ago) |
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Hello,
I already made a thread quite a few weeks ago where I talked about having anxiety issues after having low-dosed on shrooms. So end of October I tried 0.5 gram out of interest. Then on the next weekend I tried 0.8. However I seem to be quite a "sensitive" person because it turned out to be a rather awful experience. Since then I have strong anxiety problem and also feel depersonalized often. I also have some weak hallucinations, like "beams" in front of the eyes and some green circle that I see regularly for a few seconds. Also when I lie down and close my eyes (like when I want to fall asleep), I tend to see pictures and scenes that are made up by my imagination. Like random people, animals, buildings, whatever. I also fall into weird thought patterns when I lie down with closed eyes, like a whole lot of thoughts are just running through my head. I think sometimes I even have weak auditory hallucinations (like a short sound like a ringing or sometimes a scream). This also always happens when I lie down or when I am half-asleep. Well the hallucinations do not bother me a lot, these thoughts and "pictures".... also not extremely. But the anxiety is just awful. Also on shrooms I had this "dark" feeling of loneliness and despair, and once in a while it feels like this feeling is returning to me (in a less strong form). So my problems are mostly mental and the visuals are just like a side-effect, does this count as HPPD? Most symptom lists just include the visual stuff but I do not have stuff like trails and after-images. But then, why does this "dark" feeling from the shroom trip reappear? This does not seem normal. I guess I got traumatized by this mushroom experience and have problems coping with it. When I write down this stuff I am sure it sounds kind of weird. However I have read that some hallucinations can come from stress and anxiety, so I kind of hope that it is "just" a phase. I had anxiety issues from 2007 to 2010, but I felt good during the recent years so I thought I could give a low dose of shrooms a try. It is a sad thought that I might got neurological damage from two weak shroom doses, most people seem to get it from regular use of synthetics.
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AuroraBorealis88
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Registered: 05/06/16
Posts: 5,871
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Dude a low dose of shrooms (like lower than 1 gram) is just gonna make you feel weird and sometimes even depressed. It's like having all the weird pessimism and feelings of coming up on a higher dose but without any payoff or rejuvenation or euphoria.
Take 3 grams and see what it's all about.
I find the 0.4 to 0.9 dose range to just be a total downer. It's not like microdosing and it's not like low dosing it's just weird and disappointing.
edit: Oh and btw HPPD is NOT neurological damage.
Edited by AuroraBorealis88 (01/22/17 10:50 AM)
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prupprupprup
Stranger
Registered: 12/04/16
Posts: 7
Last seen: 5 years, 10 months
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Yeah I heard that some people can cure this with taking a higher dose. But I am not capable of doing this with a positive mindset right now. So I guess that it is not really HPPD but more some "reactivation" of an older mental illness. Now I am not sure if I should wait to let it heal "by itself" or if I should take pills. 2.5 months are not such a long time but on some days the symptoms are unbearable.
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ShadeOfDeepPurple

Registered: 10/08/11
Posts: 2,831
Loc: The Isle Of Everywhere
Last seen: 5 years, 9 months
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Doesn't sound like HPPD imo.
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SpaceDawg



Registered: 09/01/14
Posts: 328
Last seen: 1 month, 26 days
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Quote:
prupprupprup said: I also have some weak hallucinations, like "beams" in front of the eyes and some green circle that I see regularly for a few seconds. Also when I lie down and close my eyes (like when I want to fall asleep), I tend to see pictures and scenes that are made up by my imagination. Like random people, animals, buildings, whatever. I also fall into weird thought patterns when I lie down with closed eyes, like a whole lot of thoughts are just running through my head. I think sometimes I even have weak auditory hallucinations (like a short sound like a ringing or sometimes a scream). This also always happens when I lie down or when I am half-asleep.
This happens too me all the time sober. I think its normal and should be nothing to worry about. Also anxiety is a hellava drug man. It has a way of convincing you that something is extremely wrong when it is not. You probably got a lot of issues you're dealing with and that is why your having this "dark" feeling come over you. Is it a sense of impending doom? It's your anxiety man. I used to get It sporadically a lot.
Quote:
prupprupprup said: Now I am not sure if I should wait to let it heal "by itself" or if I should take pills.
It won't heal by itself, you have to work hard at it. But the medication route I wouldn't suggest at this point as they are more of a band aid and don't really fix the problem. If I may ask, hows your diet? Do you exercise regularly, do you practice meditation, read any self help books? All of these things have greatly reduced my anxiety and have just made my life greater in general. Also worrying about your anxiety or that you messed yourself up is going to exacerbate the effects. I have lots of books that have helped me and people I know that I could recommend if you would like. Hang in there dude.
-------------------- I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
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Rockette
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Registered: 01/21/17
Posts: 30
Loc: Portland, Oregon
Last seen: 6 years, 3 months
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Very similar thing happened to me after doing 10 grams. About 2 or 3 hours later, i asked them to show me what was really happening to construct this world. No words or thoughts could ever communicate that experience, but for a while i had tracers, snake like movements the whole thing but very subtle. And when it would happen, i could convince myself i was making it up and it would turn off, freaked me out nontheless. A dose that low could never have effects that long, and in retrospect i dont think what i experienced was aftereffects directly related to the tripp. Moreso some part of my mind hanging on to it. With a dose like that, i feel like it creates an itch more than anything. If you feel comfortable giving it another whirl, go head first into an eighth with a buddy and a sitter, and tell yourself to have the "fuck it" attitude. Thats what workes for me anyway, you could ne diffetent.
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AuroraBorealis88
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Registered: 05/06/16
Posts: 5,871
Last seen: 5 years, 2 months
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Quote:
prupprupprup said: Yeah I heard that some people can cure this with taking a higher dose. But I am not capable of doing this with a positive mindset right now. So I guess that it is not really HPPD but more some "reactivation" of an older mental illness. Now I am not sure if I should wait to let it heal "by itself" or if I should take pills. 2.5 months are not such a long time but on some days the symptoms are unbearable.
Man to me it doesn't even sound like anything is wrong with you. It just seems your mind is more open, everything you described is normal for human beings to feel. You do not have HPPD. You may have depersonalization disorder and/or just general anxiety but you may just want to get off all drugs for the present moment maybe even caffeine and let your mind heal and reshape. Then maybe come back after and revisit mushrooms with a moderate dosage like 3 grams. I've heard of some people using Ibogaine or psilocybin to "cure" or treat depersonalization disorder so maybe there's something to that.
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