Home | Community | Message Board

Original Seeds Store
This site includes paid links. Please support our sponsors.


Welcome to the Shroomery Message Board! You are experiencing a small sample of what the site has to offer. Please login or register to post messages and view our exclusive members-only content. You'll gain access to additional forums, file attachments, board customizations, encrypted private messages, and much more!

Shop: Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder

Jump to first unread post Pages: 1
Anonymous #1

Social problems as I enter my 20s
    #24030025 - 01/22/17 09:41 AM (7 years, 8 days ago)

This keeps coming up at this stage in my life. I'm 21, attending college, and can't seem to be a part of any group, large or small. I live with 5 other guys who are all down to earth and real cool with differences, which is great. My issue comes in when it's Friday night, and time to have a 'good' time.

I'm a quite guy. I'm a lone woof. I grew up through most of my childhood by myself. I had good friends back then, I've just always been the type of intellectual who enjoys introspection, so I would tend to not want to hang out in big groups-- just a couple friends and some weed. I had self esteem issues too due to the high school environment... the one that convinces the young mind that if you're not popular in class you're nothing. I wasn't a popular dude, and at that time I was convinced I wanted to be, but not at the risk of losing my individuality (major theme here).

So now I'm in college-- for the first 2 years I did exactly what I did in high school, that being I was never a partier. I would meet good people and hang out,and smoke weed IF I felt the need to hang out. Many weekends I would stay in and either study or make music. I've been very dedicated to my studies... My intelligence seems to lead me into being unsatisfied with many things, I have a high capacity for desire in that I always want more and drive myself to get it,but then it's never enough. As a result, I've never been sustainably happy for longer than however long it takes to finish the task at hand. Knowing this, I've really taken to scholarly pursuits. I bury myself in science because they are challenging. Coming into college I was expecting to be a geology major. I finished that so far ahead of time that I turned my eye to med school, and I'm pretty much poised to succeed in that endeavor unless this social life depression affects me too heavily.

So here's the issue. I'm always in this "need to get things done mode". I never let loose. I'm also, due to my desire to not sacrifice my individuality, a very strange person. When I'm chilling with a group, I can sense a general group vibe. The group is like a car, with each individual being a passenger going along for the ride. Each individual inside the car contributes his character to the trip and they go places. There's always a driver, and someone who's in charge of the music, and they other people in the car are just entities that add to the journey. It seems that unless I'm the driver, I'm not appreciated as an entity. I'm just weird. Friends will be joking about rappers or sports, and as soon as I open my mouth it's as if I said something completely unfunny and they have to address it in a way that just sounds... Almost unfriendly. Not unfriendly in the sense that they're mean, but unfriendly in the sense that I'm not on a level of friendship that translates to being able to joke. It's like they see me as this super serious dude.

Granted I wear really nice clothes even when we're just smoking weed (white button up with sweater) so I can sense that adds an air of superiority or professionalism or what have you, but that's just what I like wearing. I also always like to talk about serious shit, like general life outlooks. If people ask me how I'm doing, I'll tell them I'm fine but if I'm drunk I'll start talking about my ideas on life and how desire is really just a misleading disease or something that I think is interesting, such as business ideas. I'm the type of dude who'd rather watch a vice documentary over south park. Or planet Earth over a Rick and Morty rerun (I've seen that shit 3 times over, idk how people can watch the same episode and still be entertained)

I noticed this the other night with my roommate however: we were throwing a house party and someone asked how he was doing and he said "living the dream", even though I know that that's can't be, just by living with him (don't want to go in depth).

My other roommate came home last night drunk as shit and was slamming doors and cabinets because someone pick pocketed his wallet. I don't make mistakes like that because I'm smart, but I felt for the dude so I helped him look all-over the house and cancel his cards. Other people at the house were a little put back by his rage, but they still seemed to accept him, more so than I think I've ever felt accepted. It's like I do everything I should but I'm just not in the car with these people. I'm always just out there, contributing what I can but never the dude actively being seemed out. People only come to me when they're having a bad time, when their veil of happiness is slipping.

What blows my mind is that one on one, people love my company. Or at least it seems that way. Both men and women enjoy talking about what I talk about, or doing things that I like to do, because I'm so unsatisfied that I'm often the one who gets up and goes out into nature or hits up the beach with some friends.

It's just this new social world of post 21ness. Going to bars, getting fucked up at parties and yelling in order to get a girl to notice me, and idly bullshitting about what Migos brother is the better rapper doesn't satisfy me. It seems to be the direction that adult life is pushing, but due to my unnaceptance in these situations, I don't find it rewarding. It's an awful positive feed back loop.

Any ideas on some of these things because they're not doing me any good staying in my head haha

What's really fucked up is when I go off on my own, like to a concert or a bar, I often have better luck than if I go with friends. When friends are in the zone, they get to a certain point in their partying that they perceive me as lame. I don't ever go wild though, I prefer intelligent conversation... But to some extent I feel that. I could very well be lame. Personally I don't think this the case but fuck it, if everyone perceives me to be lame then, socially at least, I'm lame. That's how that works, right? :wink:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleDark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop
Male User Gallery

Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
Re: Social problems as I enter my 20s [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24030253 - 01/22/17 11:20 AM (7 years, 8 days ago)

Best to get out of your shell, have fun & socialize now. Just gets harder as you get older....and you'll wish that you had taken advantage of the opportunities you have now.


--------------------


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Invisiblevandago
 User Gallery


Registered: 07/07/04
Posts: 20,917
Loc: .
Re: Social problems as I enter my 20s [Re: Dark_Star]
    #24030266 - 01/22/17 11:27 AM (7 years, 8 days ago)

Fuck advice.


Show me a true god and i might listen


but all i see are pigs and charlatans


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineMoonbeam
Loner


Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 201
Last seen: 6 months, 13 days
Re: Social problems as I enter my 20s [Re: vandago]
    #24031253 - 01/22/17 05:34 PM (7 years, 8 days ago)

I feel you, man. I have multiple friend groups (like two, lol) and they are both different yet dear to me. I go to school without any of them and I often try to make friends, but most of the time nothing really forms beyond a friendly "campus friendship". There are a few exceptions, but I am no Mr. Popular. Most people see me as strange or bizarre, particularly the women I approach. It used to bum me out to the point where I'd come home and basically cry with how upset I was with myself. And now? I fucking love my oddness and embrace it. Seriously, fuck anyone who doesn't appreciate you.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to dress nice (it's shallow of anyone judging you for that) and desiring intelligent/deep conversations and tv programs. Those are actually very positive attributes, man. I do understand the trouble of not understanding why you're not appreciated by these people - I mean they're your friends and you enjoy their company. Perhaps you should try meeting others, though? It's FAR better to have a few deep and genuine friendships than many shallow and superficial ones. Who the fuck wants to get drunk and be a dumbass while embarrassing themselves anyway?

If you find you have a better time going to shows or bars without them, then do it. I'm 23 and am just starting to realize the importance of following your own path rather than trying to fit in, or whatever. By doing your own thing and having a good time, it is inevitable that you will eventually meet someone with a similar outlook.

Hopefully this provides insight and doesn't come off too cliche or anything lol.


--------------------


Edited by Moonbeam (01/22/17 05:36 PM)


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleLunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story
Male User Gallery

Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
Re: Social problems as I enter my 20s [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24035338 - 01/24/17 07:53 AM (7 years, 6 days ago)

It sounds like a) you have perfectionism traits and that's not good and b) you need to quit trying to hang out with your roommates and trying to "fit in".  I toughed out reading your post, and it's obvious you need to find some brainy shy girl to hang out with.  If you are at the library Friday night and you see her hunched over a book there's your girl.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Offlinelonelypsychonaut
Stranger
Male
Registered: 07/23/12
Posts: 810
Last seen: 6 years, 11 months
Re: Social problems as I enter my 20s [Re: Moonbeam]
    #24037395 - 01/24/17 10:01 PM (7 years, 5 days ago)

Quote:

Moonbeam said:
It's FAR better to have a few deep and genuine friendships than many shallow and superficial ones.





This.

Maybe you just weren't meant to be a social butterfly? I'm 20, and during my adolescence, I too felt and thought similar things. I always had friends, I was never ALONE, but I always wondered why I didn't have more friends? How could I be more like the party animals who have tons of friends? Eventually, I kinda just realized that its not who I am and I'm not meant to be that. And you know what? I don't think I've ever felt happier in my life. I can spend an entire day by myself, working on projects, thinking about whatever, goofing off, etc. and I'll be totally satisfied. As soon as I stopped striving for popularity, stopped caring for so much approval from others, stopped scheming ways to get more friends or meet new people, etc. I felt way better about myself and happier being the lone wolf that I always have been.

Don't get me wrong, I have a solid group of friends, about 10 of us. We split into our own subgroups, we all get together sometimes too, and we all live our own lives as well. I know they're there when I need them or want them, but I'm not always with them or wondering about them or whatever. It's a perfect balance. But its not even that. What makes it perfect for me is that, with my projects and my small circle of ride or dies, I feel I don't need/have time to make any more new friends (without risking how much work goes into my projects).

People are nice and all, but you can't be friends with everyone, and you will kill yourself trying. My advice to you, is to enjoy the friends you have (your roommates I guess?) the most you can. IMO life is way too short to stay fucking around in your wonders and curiosity. If you want answers or change, go get it. I'm not sure what type of people your roommates are, but would it hurt to open up to them about this shit? If you explain to them how you feel about all this, you will get your answers. If they are actually good friends, they'll reassure you that they love you, and hell, they'll probably help you out getting some more friends if thats what you want! And if they're shitty friends, they'll shrug you off and not really care about how you feel. Either way, you can decide where to go from there depending on how things work out.


Also, it seems like we have a bunch in common, and I'd love to be your friend honestly. I'm going to University for Psychology, and I'm hoping to be some type of therapist some day. I love talking through this type of stuff with people and I'd love to help you and maybe gain a friend in the process. Message me if you want! :grin:


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineMikeify
Wildin Foo
Male User Gallery


Registered: 01/30/17
Posts: 288
Loc: USA Flag
Last seen: 3 years, 2 months
Re: Social problems as I enter my 20s [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24052724 - 01/30/17 07:39 PM (7 years, 1 hour ago)

My little brother is about to go to high school and sometime I see this a a blessing then something to be worried about


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
InvisibleTheFakeSunRa
Bitch Splitter
 User Gallery


Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 16,449
Loc: Dirdy SOUF Flag
Re: Social problems as I enter my 20s [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24052831 - 01/30/17 08:24 PM (7 years, 31 minutes ago)

Are you getting laid?


--------------------
[quote]Asante said:
You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar.

You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason.

I disendorse you.[/quote]


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineLucisM
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
Re: Social problems as I enter my 20s [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24053185 - 01/30/17 10:35 PM (6 years, 11 months ago)

You should just accept the fact that you might be "lame", eventually you will find someone you'll gel with, but I think you're just an introvert in a world of extroverts, nothing wrong with that.  You sound like you're your own worst enemy though, don't judge yourself so harshly.

Maybe get hammered every once in a while, let your guard down.

I can relate to some of what you said, I am pretty mellow because I don't feel like I have anything to prove, and my humor tends to be a bit on the darker side because of having to use humor to deal with death, I just don't worry about trying to please people, if they like me they like me, if not fuck em.  At parties when everyone was getting hammered, I was smoking weed and chilling observing things unfold, eventually I made a couple of good friends that were similar, and things were fine.

Don't think just because you're different, that you're "broken" in some way, you're fine the way you are, the world is made up of myriad people, love yourself.  Nobody is telling you to fuck off, so you're good, every group has that one guy who's like you, no worries man, as you get older people might turn to you for advice, take that as a compliment.


--------------------
©️


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
OfflineDoneKildatReason
Chemical in the body
Male User Gallery


Registered: 02/25/05
Posts: 1,061
Loc: Green Country Flag
Last seen: 12 days, 38 minutes
Re: Social problems as I enter my 20s [Re: Lucis]
    #24053317 - 01/30/17 11:37 PM (6 years, 11 months ago)

You don't have to make what is fun for everyone fun for you, and don't worry if it's not.  I know it's frustrating sometimes to feel like you're not as interesting to other people as some others are, but that probably isn't a bad thing.  You'll be very interesting to a select and lucky few who get to know you.


--------------------
This was an experiment.


Extras: Filter Print Post Top
Jump to top Pages: 1

Shop: Unfolding Nature Unfolding Nature: Being in the Implicate Order   Kraken Kratom Red Vein Kratom   Original Sensible Seeds Autoflowering Cannabis Seeds   PhytoExtractum Buy Bali Kratom Powder


Similar ThreadsPosterViewsRepliesLast post
* fighting my social anxiety....
( 1 2 all )
shr00m 7,506 28 06/23/03 05:06 PM
by Anonymous
* Best drug for social anxiety (help please)
( 1 2 3 4 all )
Mickel 17,330 63 05/21/03 09:00 PM
by SBTlauien
* The third largest psychological problem in the world
( 1 2 3 all )
Fungi_x 11,443 44 06/01/04 10:32 AM
by MOTH
* Dealing with friendship Grav 3,291 9 03/04/03 11:16 AM
by enotake2
* Post deleted by Administrator
( 1 2 all )
SBTlauien 4,296 28 05/31/03 01:19 AM
by SBTlauien
* results of battling out my social anxiety..... shr00m 2,892 10 08/18/13 01:36 PM
by nhmi
* Socially Inept
( 1 2 all )
Slite 4,171 28 02/01/04 08:52 PM
by distortion
* Merck marketing team attempted to discredit unfriendly doctors zorbman 837 1 07/19/05 01:15 PM
by badchad

Extra information
You cannot start new topics / You cannot reply to topics
HTML is disabled / BBCode is enabled
Moderator: CherryBom, Rose, mndfreeze, yogabunny, feevers, CookieCrumbs, Northerner
388 topic views. 0 members, 1 guests and 1 web crawlers are browsing this forum.
[ Show Images Only | Sort by Score | Print Topic ]
Search this thread:

Copyright 1997-2024 Mind Media. Some rights reserved.

Generated in 0.033 seconds spending 0.009 seconds on 15 queries.