Trip: Level 4 Amount: 2 grams dried (eaten), 12 grams fresh [pins] (eaten), 8 grams fresh [pins] (lemon-tea). Setting: 4am. Alone at home, with my dog. My favorite 5-hour meditation track playing (432hz). Stormy weather outside. Raining, light thunder. Lights off, except for the warm glow of a Himalayan salt lamp.
Breathe in...
The journey began as I woke up around 1:30am, with a craving for chicken and waffles.
[Preamble]
I've been on 2 month long journey to re-discover myself, as well as my purpose in life. I came to somewhat of a stand-still in life back in November. Everything I was once so passionate about; my work, progression in life, attaining all the goals I set out to achieve, all suddenly stopped mattering. I didn't know what I truly wanted out of life. I didn't have a genuine passion for really anything.
But I knew though, that knowledge like that can't be seeked and attained so easily. There's no "universal key" in unlocking that knowledge. What worked so perfectly for someone else may not work the same for you, because every human individual is custom tailored. None of us are the exact same.
So I started preparing once December started. I was highly fortunate enough to put down my usual work regime in order to dive further into my journey. I started meditating everyday. I provided myself the time to become highly conscious of everything I ate. I'd read up on highly philosophical concepts. I diagnosed my "chakras". I slowly started to attempt to tune myself in with the "universe", or "ultimate consciousness", or "hyperspace", or "it". Like how you'd slowly tune an analog radio. With patience.
Fast-forward a bit, and it's January, Friday the 13th. Highly coincidentally, and not realizing the date (though it doesn't really matter), my friend (who's on a similar path to understanding) and I decide it's finally time to dive in. We both are 3.5 grams dried. We both learned quite a bit, but I can honestly say that I didn't find what I was looking for with that trip. Though I could see that my friend may have experienced a significant breakthrough.
Something didn't feel right for me after that day. It's possible I expected too much from the trip, and overly prepared myself, but I felt even more incomplete after that day. I patiently waited though, knowing I'd know eventually. After that day, I stopped eating super healthy. I just did what felt natural to me. I've heard that "muddling through" life is sometimes the best thing to do.
[January 19th, 2017] The Breakthrough
Fast-forward to today. Woke up at 1:30am craving chicken and waffles. I was kinda high still from smoking weed before I dozed off. After I ate, I watched the season finale to a show called "Regular show". It's a show I've been following for about 7 years, didn't think much of it at the moment. Just thought I'd watch it and go to sleep.
It may sound kind of silly, but I found a good chunk of what I was searching for in that hour-long animated special. Though I perceived it as such ground-breaking information, I won't get into it much here on this post. But I do welcome you to watch the series. It revolves around (at the core) the neverending cosmic dance between "positive" and "negative" energy. Yin and Yang.
Though perceived as "bad", yang isn't simply "true evil". It is the rope pulling back towards "emptyness", "nothingness". Yin, as I perceived it, is "untampered purity", "hope", "bliss". The rope pulling towards the side of hope and meaning. One simply cannot exist without the other. As they're both realities, they're both necessary.
Somewhat mindblown from watching it, I decided I was ready for a mushroom guided voyage, once again. This time, by myself.
I ingested the amounts I mentioned at the top of the post. This time I was more silent and receptive. Not expecting anything from the trip, letting the golden teachers teach me. I munched on the fresh pins while I was making and steeping the lemon-greentea. I went outside and picked a few more lemons. As I munched the dried mushrooms I sucked on the lemons simultaneously. After waiting for it to cool a bit, I started sipping the tea in my setting of choice (my bedroom).
By the time i took the first sip of my 18oz tea, I was already feeling a slight head change. It was very mild. Things started to get weird as I was 3/4 done with the tea. I've shroomed many times in the past, but this feeling was somewhat familiar and foreign at the same time. I should also mention I've never eatten mushrooms strategically with lemons before either. Feeling like things were getting started, I finished my tea and sat in a meditative stance on my bed.
There's so much that I understood. So much I connected with. I truly and honestly believe I tapped into, or more accurately, merely caught a glimpse of "higher consciousness", or "nirvana", or "enlightenment". Everything made sense. Everything was okay. Then scary as hell, but then okay again. The next 7 hours was a constant battle of understanding, even fathoming the role of Yin and Yang. Perceiving these untangable forces, which are so much insanely bigger than us.
It peaked out to a level 4, and I'll explain how. In more understandable terms, my visit to this "nirvana" state was very shaky. Somewhat like a bad phone connection. Sometimes the voice would be clear, other times static.
The times where the connection was clear was when I was truly out-of-body. Nothing relating to physical reality really "mattered" at all. The words "bliss" and "beauty" came to mind many times, as I saw the beauty in everything; Our human helplessness, the bigger forces at play, and contentment. Everything is simply how it should be. Anything that's "not meant to happen" simply won't ever happen, because everything that happens is meant to. I saw the beauty in the cold "nothingness", what I perceive Yang as.
Then there were the moments of static, the moments where I was more aware of physical reality. I began to get scared when trying to mix physical reality with the "it" that I just tapped into. It seemed so beautiful, but I wanted to hold on to dear life for my physical body, knowing that it will one day perish. I was so in love with the state I was in; having a physical body and being able to tap into nirvana at will, but then having the option to return to this body of mine. It was quite frightening, but the connection would become clear again soon.
After the first time experiencing the static connection, the rest of it was a constant in-and-out journey. Gathering little pieces of knowledge from each state of connection and trying to piece it all together with the goal of finding my purpose in life.
At the time, I felt as if I were acquiring years of knowledge. Like I was, at a fairly quick rate, downloading information during the patches of clarity. It was just so beautiful. There's just no way I could begin to explain and describe everything I; understood, realized, learned, experienced.. during the journey. Every moment other than the times I got up to pee were deep, deep in thought. In tune with inner peace and simultaneously in tune with the higher consciousness. I'm not sure how you, the reader, may understand the notion of "higher consciousness". There is a specific way to define it, but I'm probably not the best person to explain it. Understanding the notion alone takes experience and a collection of different pieces of knowledge. It can be taught, but can also be picked up with experience.
Every time I got up to pee felt like a huge gap in time. I went from my state of being "in tune" to walking (to the bathroom and back) through a half-stale, half-magical physical world. It wasn't as fulfilling, so I always naturally returned to the meditative state.
There's many enriching parts of the journey, which were so enriching at the time, that I can't fully explain or even fully recall. Much of the breakthrough itself cannot be simply explained, It was an experience that encompassed many things related to my view of reality. All I can really recall is the feeling. A cycle of restlessness (the static patches of the connection) and content (the clear patches).
As 9 o'clock rolled around, my meditation track stopped. I had lost all contact with time, but knew that since it stopped, it's been about 5 hours. I layed there in silence for another hour. Still trying to make sense of everything. I layed there with a feeling of contentment mixed with an eagerness and helplessness to make sense of "everything". Helpless, because I knew I had no control over these universal forces.
//
- Does the universe reset itself at a point? - Could the matter that contain my very specific neurological pathways be recreated somehow, naturally, possibly in another universe, or another timeline of this universe? - Higher consciousness aside, what about my personal consciousness? Is it doomed to die out? Is that... okay?
//
Breathe out...
It's now 8pm, same day. I'm still trying to make sense of everything. Still wondering how I can apply what I've learned into the real world. But for the most part, I'm content. Thanks for taking the time to read. It was a long journey to get to the state of mind I'm in now. And the journey's not over. It never is. Finding joy and peace in the journey is key.
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