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TameMe
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Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike
#24024579 - 01/20/17 12:36 AM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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Thinking about how I am perceived by other's... and can't tell if honestly concerned with their feelings or just how their feelings towards me affect my experience in life....is my "personality" in itself hurting itself?
And i am kind of stuck, do i decide,yeah, i do want to change that flaw about myself ( for whatever elusive intention i cant firmly grasp), or perhaps do i just need to augment my perception of the whole thing completely...and be true to myself...act without concern of how it may influence another to respond...and certainly dont intentionally guide you influence, but that seems manipulative and wrong(or is that a moral justification why its better not to consider your perception)...
Guessing I should think more on a spectrum than absolutes..
Any way...I wrote something to myself in a "journal"...
And this may sound like a fairly trivial thing and nothing to harp over, but i think it captures the crux of my "personality flaw" beyond this specific behavior,and i feel like i am stuck in an infinite loop, not really knowing how or why i behave the way i do....i wrote to myself..
"Stop blurting out ideas merely for the desire for them to be heard by you"
Meaning, what i am about to say is less important than the fact you heard me eloquently say it....the merit of the idea is somehow less than how amazed you are by me thinking and sharing such wisdom or whatever....
Not sure if this makes sense...but i hope this can turn into a larger pivoting talk on personality and how we reflect on our own and either adapt or not based on reflections...
Edited by TameMe (01/20/17 12:43 AM)
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: TameMe]
#24024584 - 01/20/17 12:42 AM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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Just love yourself. The answer really is that simple.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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TameMe
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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#24024593 - 01/20/17 12:48 AM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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:/ for me it truly isnt (& probably because i am not looking for an answer but attention and recognition)....words and ideas expand into so many words and ideas...
I wouldnt even be able to decide "is this what loving myself is? Or is that?"
I have trouble determining my own motivation, or desire.... they are shifting scales....always impermanent....it feels like a maladaptive trait that is causing repeating behaviors that end in undesirable results...and no progression towards larger goals
Edited by TameMe (01/20/17 01:07 AM)
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TameMe
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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#24024599 - 01/20/17 12:53 AM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: Just love yourself. The answer really is that simple.
This flaw extends to....me being honestly saddened by your response because i want more attention...or really to feel my attention desired...
Your response was too short and not inquisitive..it instructed in a arbitrary empty rhetoric type way that left me feeling isolated and alone....
I want to be less attention seeking and ok with it...or more strategic about how to seek attention....
Get me?
Btw...not to be rude
But i dont really "get" the use of one liner phrases regarding such large issues...."just love yourself" and it makes me feel like i a completely different sort of being than you...to the point where i already know if we met youd be annoyed or put off by my personality....
Other one liners i cant stand (or maybe cant stand that i cant stand them) "just do it" "it is what it is"....
Let me ask you....because...you must not feel as.....perhaps insecure or unsure of yourself as i am of mine.....
How do you process thoughts, and what kinds of thoughts do you have for eople you might see regularly but maybe put you off in a way...or you have no desire or joy being around...or even play no positive or negative either way...how do the take it or leave it peeps that dont matter, yet you know, compare personalitt wise that you desire....are there comonalities for those groups? Do you perhaps have pet peeves or recognize quarks or flaws that if possesed that person doesnt make it onto A list? Or do these thought even cross your mind?
Edited by TameMe (01/20/17 01:06 AM)
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: TameMe] 1
#24024648 - 01/20/17 01:59 AM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
TameMe said: How do you process thoughts?
The key is here. I no longer 'process' thoughts in the same way I did before I learned to love myself, rather, I 'obverse' them.
I have no secret answer as to how all this is possible; years of meditation, introspection, self study and life experience probably account for some of it. The pursuit of a 'path' probably accounts for the rest.
I don't mean to, in any way, detract from you, nor your desires. I'm 100% interested in what you have to say. Life is fucking fascinating and I'm here to help in any way I can.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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TameMe
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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#24024662 - 01/20/17 02:13 AM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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Are you willing to address the latter part about your relationships....and compare those of who you consider intiment and reciprocal joy feeding off each other, vs how you might interact with others that dont do much for you either way, or evn those that bring unpleasant vibes based on personality mismatch alone?
Edited by TameMe (01/20/17 02:14 AM)
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Cosmic Jane
Naive


Registered: 01/15/17
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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: TameMe] 1
#24024664 - 01/20/17 02:16 AM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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I am pleased to know there are others similar to me! I mean If I understood you correctly. I have difficultly in understandings what others are saying to me. I just dont get it. In conversations I speak directly to others. I use words the way they are defined. Usually people don't ask me "wadda mean". I.e. I try to say it straight. When others speak to me words are used that don't match definitions, and the maze of words used is daunting for me to navigate. Sometimes its like pulling teeth just to get to the point. I recently decided not to engage as much as I used to. I quit answering my phone. I do respond as needed. Overall I feel better. Not sure how others feel but for me how I feel is first & foremost.
-------------------- When I grow up...
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TameMe
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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: Cosmic Jane]
#24024669 - 01/20/17 02:19 AM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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I definetely feel that way about how i communicate. I like to be clear and precise as possible...to an end where other's lack of detail or arbitraryness is bothersome. And when i request clarification they become annoyed....
Feels exhausting being this way. Chasing an endless rabbit whole...not even looking for answers...but really missing a partner in crime that can help keep things from getting banal when i run out ideas or bore myself....
Personalities have found a way to persist...so now the goal is to stay entertained??
Edited by TameMe (01/20/17 02:23 AM)
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TameMe
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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: Cosmic Jane]
#24024672 - 01/20/17 02:22 AM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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Quote:
Cosmic Jane said: I am pleased to know there are others similar to me! I mean If I understood you correctly. I have difficultly in understandings what others are saying to me. I just dont get it. In conversations I speak directly to others. I use words the way they are defined. Usually people don't ask me "wadda mean". I.e. I try to say it straight. When others speak to me words are used that don't match definitions, and the maze of words used is daunting for me to navigate. Sometimes its like pulling teeth just to get to the point. I recently decided not to engage as much as I used to. I quit answering my phone. I do respond as needed. Overall I feel better. Not sure how others feel but for me how I feel is first & foremost.
I think whatever strand you picked up on though is different or missing the points or main ideas i was communicating. You seem to have found solice in avoidance...i crave companionship and fear isolation.
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sudly
Darwin's stagger


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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: TameMe]
#24024731 - 01/20/17 04:29 AM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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Maybe you need to realise that you may be the center of your own world but most people don't pay you much attention in public because they are the centers of their own world too, that is to say that people probably don't pay as much attention to you as you think.
Quote:
The spotlight effect is the phenomenon in which people tend to believe they are being noticed more than they really are. Being that one is constantly in the center of one's own world, an accurate evaluation of how much one is noticed by others has shown to be uncommon.
"Just love yourself" may be the ultimate goal but finding it is a journey each individual has to take on their own. Perhaps the simplest way of putting it is that you are the arbiter of your own future.
If there's any advice I could give it might be to learn to say goodbye when you want to leave from somewhere or something, that and perhaps thinking less of having expectations and more so about having preferences because I think that often expectations can become pre-meditated resentments if they aren't fulfilled.
Personally I prefer not to let things I can't control influence my mood.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: TameMe]
#24024804 - 01/20/17 06:21 AM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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It's very odd for me when I am walking around how I can "make" people say hi versus just walk on by. It's a subtle thing, to attract their attention and to get them to initiate contact with me. The key is to recognize them early and show them appreciation and certainly no disrespect. This in the time it takes for them to walk up to you and on by. The opposite sex is a bit trickier, younger people pretty much forget it, so not everybody is even a prospect. I think in general older people think it's discourteous not to be friendly, that may seem a given but nowadays discourteous is the norm. Just look at your phone while walking on by. Just talk on your phone while in the store. Nobody at that store is important, only your phone matters. Keeping that thing radiating EMF into your brain, nothing else matters. Sorry to keep harping on this.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Rahz
Alive Again



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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: TameMe]
#24025216 - 01/20/17 10:09 AM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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I think your idea of a spectrum rather than an absolute is spot on. It is all selfish behavior but selfishness is a nuanced topic. It is a difficult thing if you are trying to be selfless, and it can promote anxiety and you are in effect hurting yourself. If you are too self centered you become incapable of intimacy and are in effect hurting yourself as well.
My answer is that there is nothing wrong with being manipulative if it results in at minimum, comfort for both you and those with whom you are interacting. Everything else is icing on the cake. Your primary focus should be your own comfort and you are free to extend your will so long as it does not upset that quality in yourself to a degree that you are unable to regain your footing. Once your own comfort is lost, providing it to another can seem deceptive as a matter of experience, and if the intended effect is to produce good feelings in yourself (nothing wrong with that) your best effort will not be good enough. But it's not all up to you unless you are perfect. Being to some degree open with others necessarily involves making yourself vulnerable, so if you think spreading your wisdom should be a rock solid endeavor you are expecting too much of yourself.
"Stop blurting out ideas merely for the desire for them to be heard by you"
Sometimes blurting something out is going to be your best effort and is better than nothing, and if perhaps embarrassing yourself in the process regain a sense of comfort as it is your primary intention. Making mistakes is the way forward. However, being able to get back home is just as important. So retrospect of an interaction, and whether you did well or not should be of secondary concern. When a moment is over, let it go. This aspect of being selfish is essential to being able to extend ones self to others and improve your ability to do so. Being comfortable with yourself is the correct context in which to consider what has passed. Giving up a little bit of comfort for the sake of an interaction is reasonable. Making ones self vulnerable, as long as your are able to return to your center, will eventually result in the "icing on the cake" where more than comfort is experienced yet comfort is not lost.
The process could be framed in the context of Maslow's hierarchy, yet perhaps that pyramid is a bit too simplistic and each level of it has it's own levels. I keep bringing up comfort because it is the lowest base from which all else is experienced in it's most full form, both selfish and selfless.
Quote:
TameMe said: Thinking about how I am perceived by other's... and can't tell if honestly concerned with their feelings or just how their feelings towards me affect my experience in life....is my "personality" in itself hurting itself?
And i am kind of stuck, do i decide,yeah, i do want to change that flaw about myself ( for whatever elusive intention i cant firmly grasp), or perhaps do i just need to augment my perception of the whole thing completely...and be true to myself...act without concern of how it may influence another to respond...and certainly dont intentionally guide you influence, but that seems manipulative and wrong(or is that a moral justification why its better not to consider your perception)...
Guessing I should think more on a spectrum than absolutes..
Any way...I wrote something to myself in a "journal"...
And this may sound like a fairly trivial thing and nothing to harp over, but i think it captures the crux of my "personality flaw" beyond this specific behavior,and i feel like i am stuck in an infinite loop, not really knowing how or why i behave the way i do....i wrote to myself..
Meaning, what i am about to say is less important than the fact you heard me eloquently say it....the merit of the idea is somehow less than how amazed you are by me thinking and sharing such wisdom or whatever....
Not sure if this makes sense...but i hope this can turn into a larger pivoting talk on personality and how we reflect on our own and either adapt or not based on reflections...
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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TameMe
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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: Rahz]
#24026418 - 01/20/17 06:05 PM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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I really appreciate this perspective Rahz...hopefully can integrate it into how I pursue life...
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TameMe
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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: sudly]
#24026420 - 01/20/17 06:08 PM (7 years, 10 days ago) |
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" that and perhaps thinking less of having expectations and more so about having preferences because I think that often expectations can become pre-meditated resentments if they aren't fulfilled."
good point
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: TameMe]
#24027363 - 01/21/17 04:41 AM (7 years, 9 days ago) |
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Quote:
TameMe said: Are you willing to address the latter part about your relationships....and compare those of who you consider intiment and reciprocal joy feeding off each other, vs how you might interact with others that dont do much for you either way, or evn those that bring unpleasant vibes based on personality mismatch alone?
The way I see it, is we each only have a finite amount of time here, and even less of that time is 'free' time which can be dedicated to others. Therefore I feel it is my responsibility to gauge who and which of the many, many people I come across I should dedicate my limited amount of time to.
Obviously those that I 'gel' most naturally with, and those who inspire me, are at the top of my list, but to be fair, I'd guess that it's less than once a year that I come across a person who 'brings unpleasant vibes'.
Not that it's always been this way; when I used to radiate bad vibes myself (I used to be extremely aggressive) I was surrounded by people who put out bad vibes. But through years of striving to live from my heart, and from a place of love, I have found that the people who enter my world nearly always radiate these same vibes.
Some law of attraction type shit I'm sure. In observation of your words and posts, it strikes me that you're overthinking this whole thing; it's a very natural process. As I said in my first response, it really is simple.
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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imachavel
I loved and lost but I loved-ftw



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Re: Broad scope: personality - Narrow scope: flaws or things we recognize about ourselves we dislike [Re: Jokeshopbeard]
#24028351 - 01/21/17 02:32 PM (7 years, 9 days ago) |
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Nice to see you still posting here. I thought they had run you off the forum.
That's well said. I like the way you summed it up in your signature though the most. The Jac o keefe quote. There's nothing to hurt anyway so go for it.
--------------------
I did not say to edit my signature soulidarity! Now forever I will never remember what I said about understanding the secrets of the universe by paying attention to subtleties!
I'm never giving you the password again. Jerk
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