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XUL
OTD Janitor



Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
Loc: America
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
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Feeling Failure (ACCEPTED)
#24015715 - 01/16/17 07:51 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Well, I got accepted to an M.S. program. Fucking A.
My Grandmother commit suicide. My mother passed. My father is near passing.
I tried one graduate school and I was denied, yet my friend, who I lead as a lead researcher was accepted. My other friend from the south was also accepted, yet I am tutoring her in statistics. I failed somehow. But why.
So, I apply for another, less prestigious graduate program.
But who the fuck am I?
A pot smoking nobody with aspirations that may run dry. They have run dry before, despite all the effort.
Sometimes I think effort is confused. With all the pain I had in my undergrad, I still succeeded with a 3.2. But apparently it is not enough. In the end, Master's programs are ruthless. They weed out the "weak" using regression or other predictive models, and they are cast aside -- like me. But there is more to my story. Or, perhaps, it doesn't matter to them. Rather, prediction of success is all that matters...
Life is so strange. How did I end up where I am? Why? Why me?
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TRUMP 2020
Edited by XUL (01/23/17 07:18 AM)
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beforethedawn
Registered: 06/19/16
Posts: 1,859
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Re: Feeling Failure [Re: XUL]
#24015854 - 01/16/17 08:42 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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So society is a fun game to play, but don't vest your whole worth in its cogs.
Try asserting yourself slightly in life, just a little, don't go all macho.
Just start saying, yes, I can do this,
yes, that makes me worthy,
no, that person is not better than me.
Very healthy, to have self-esteem, but be careful where you place the pillars that support it.
-------------------- Hostile humankind Can't you see you're fucking blind?
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CookieCrumbs
Fucked off to the pub


Registered: 12/10/11
Posts: 14,159
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Re: Feeling Failure [Re: XUL]
#24015907 - 01/16/17 09:00 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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You seem to have done alot to be proud of. And you admit you are very intelligent. Education institutions are not a true reflection of intelligence. Don't let that stupid shit get you down, it's a bad measure of self worth. Don't buy into it.
Why exactly do you want to go for a masters? most jobs, even higher level ones, you can work your way into by experience. And imo, and alot of employers agree, real on the job training is far better than class room theories you write on paper.
I'm sorry about your folks tho man. Whether they've said it or not I'm they know you've tried hard and made yourself into a good man. And I think because of that you're gonna be okay once you figure out what to do with yourself. Life said that school ain't for you, and it's time to go out and find something better for yourself.
Good vibes and much love to you and your folk op
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Free time is the only time
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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As you note, placing your self worth in the "educational" world is risky at best. I always looked at it that the professors were letting the grad students do their work and then if anything came of it take the credit. You see it over and over again.
Anyway OP chin up you got a lot going on. It's tough to lose family and I'm sorry you are going through that. Hang in there as best you can. For sure don't beat yourself up for smoking pot! Cmon...
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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XUL
OTD Janitor



Registered: 03/16/05
Posts: 28,261
Loc: America
Last seen: 4 years, 3 months
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Thank you guys for talking to me.
It helps.
Love you guys.
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TRUMP 2020
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dreaz


Registered: 03/03/14
Posts: 1,602
Loc: The Grand Budapest Hotel
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Re: Feeling Failure [Re: XUL]
#24017486 - 01/17/17 02:01 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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I'm sorry to hear about your loss. Keep you're head up. The universe works in mysterious ways. "Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again, but life goes on".
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