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Anonymous #1

Balance
    #23997517 - 01/10/17 08:00 AM (7 years, 20 days ago)

So i have a fuck buddy who is almost a porn star. She is smoking hot, literally no one can resist her.

She is serial dating men almost to a nympho extent most of her adult life.

She wants to keep it on a friendly fuck level between us but i started developing stronger feelings for her...

We keep in touch by texting each other frequently and have a good friendship apart from hot sex.

...after 5 years (we meet once or twice a year and spend a month or so together) the situation started bothering me. The reason is i can't get her out of my head, when i flap i think of her, when i dream i dream of her, when i fantasize any sexual act i always fantasize her.

During the day i will have many moments while i think of her and our sexy moments.


I meet other women and unwillingly i compare them to her,needless to say, they all seem less atractive now...

So i came to the conclusion that i have to somehow stay away from her (regarding communication) in order to protect my mental health and start enjoying flirting other women again. 

So i stopped texting her after a few weeks that we didnt give each other much attention. 

But that had the opposite effect and now she is trying to communicate with me like crazy calling  texting etc.again

it's been about 1.5 months now and she keeps trying to get in touch. I didn't want to explain why i cut her out of my everyday life because that would strengthen her ego and make me seem fragile and vulnerable, the way i actually really feel :frown:

It is very hard to resist her she is very addictive.

i  do feel like an ass for not giving her an explanation for my absense.

I am defending by keeping a greater distance from her to reduce the mindfuck..

The thing is i feel i have less interest in other women because of this <relationship> even tho it is not frequent or constant.


I tried to see things more realistically and accept the fact that i must share this woman with other men indefinitely, i know that the difficulty accepting this has alot to do with my social conditioning. The problem is i still find myself thinking of her all the time and i am not shure this is good in the long run.

Should i speak up to her about my true feelings or would that make me look like a hopeless retard? Deep inside i think i hope that she will change her mind and want a relationship with me one day. I realize that this is very difficult given the nature of this beast.But even a few months in a row with her could feel so good that could esily compare to years with another female, so it gets even more confusing.. :frown:


How can i say "i dont want to communicate with you on a daily basis" but still keep the door open for those hot moments when we meet each other?


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Balance [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23999602 - 01/10/17 09:37 PM (7 years, 20 days ago)

I would be straight up with her and tell her you are developing feelings for her and that you need your space/time away from her to straighten yourself out. She will understand what you're going through and either grant your wishes or keep trying to talk to you. If she still tries talking to you all the time then chances are she really likes you and you should try and enter a committed relationship?


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Anonymous #1

Re: Balance [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #24000044 - 01/11/17 12:59 AM (7 years, 19 days ago)

Thanks for your advice FruitOfLife, i really appreciate.

i will open up.

Feels right..


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OfflineDoneKildatReason
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Re: Balance [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24000076 - 01/11/17 01:42 AM (7 years, 19 days ago)

Yeah I agree man.  Tell her straight out how it is, no games, it's respectable.  Even if she doesn't feel the same right now, or does, but is too hot to trot to settle down, you'll stand out in her mind when she IS ready to settle the fuck down (stfd)... And eventually she will.... She might be 30 or 50 or 80, but she'll eventually she'll stfd....

Or maybe you could go old school and proclaim your love with a list of reasons and ways you can make her life better with exclusivity with YOU.  Tell her why those other guys ain't shit.  But you can't do that unless you are ready.  What can you offer this hot to trot female who is not ready to stfd?

Edit:
There is no fear in being or feeling pathetic if she really is missing out being with YOU, the mighty and unique YOU.  Let her know what she's missing.  When the the time is right of course.  Make her realize it on her own, how fucking awesome you are in many ways, and when you know she knows it, tell her.  And if she isn't ready, her loss.  No feeling "pathetic" . 


--------------------
This was an experiment.


Edited by DoneKildatReason (01/11/17 01:48 AM)


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Offlinenhobidy
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Re: Balance [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #24000082 - 01/11/17 01:46 AM (7 years, 19 days ago)

it wont last that life style is too toxic


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Offlinenhobidy
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Re: Balance [Re: nhobidy]
    #24000083 - 01/11/17 01:48 AM (7 years, 19 days ago)

but keep it casual is my advise on that, dont say more than needs saying


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Offlineqman
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Re: Balance [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24000528 - 01/11/17 08:57 AM (7 years, 19 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Thanks for your advice FruitOfLife, i really appreciate.

i will open up.

Feels right..




Why don't you just say you met someone else and are in a committed relationship, go out with some self-respect instead of pouring your heart out only to get rejected.


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Balance [Re: qman]
    #24000746 - 01/11/17 10:26 AM (7 years, 19 days ago)

Quote:

qman said:
Quote:

Anonymous said:
Thanks for your advice FruitOfLife, i really appreciate.

i will open up.

Feels right..




Why don't you just say you met someone else and are in a committed relationship, go out with some self-respect instead of pouring your heart out only to get rejected.




Or, just say you got busy.  She is unlikely to change, and if you use the L word I think you are going to lose her.  Be cool OP, you don't want to scare her off.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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OfflineChakra Shock
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Re: Balance [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24000998 - 01/11/17 12:05 PM (7 years, 19 days ago)

Yeah man you should just talk to her about it. But from the sound of it, you're part of her male harem. That's pretty fuckin' cool, but now you've got these feelings involved and if she doesn't feel the same way, then can you let go of the feelings and still continue the casual fling with her?


But dude you're giving this way too much attention, if it's blocking you from making connections with other people. You know, a lot of women out there are looking for genuine intimacy and understanding. You should probably find someone who actually wants to get to know you. Fun relationships are great for blowing off steam and encouraging each other in your pursuits in life, but they're not exactly the type of relationship which leads to deep intimacy and inner growth.


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Balance [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #24001012 - 01/11/17 12:09 PM (7 years, 19 days ago)

Quote:

Chakra Shock said:
Yeah man you should just talk to her about it. But from the sound of it, you're part of her male harem. That's pretty fuckin' cool, but now you've got these feelings involved and if she doesn't feel the same way, then can you let go of the feelings and still continue the casual fling with her?


But dude you're giving this way too much attention, if it's blocking you from making connections with other people. You know, a lot of women out there are looking for genuine intimacy and understanding. You should probably find someone who actually wants to get to know you. Fun relationships are great for blowing off steam and encouraging each other in your pursuits in life, but they're not exactly the type of relationship which leads to deep intimacy and inner growth.




He's hooked on her, she feels the same, but wants her harem too.

God damn it.

Calls for some ooga



--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Balance [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24001048 - 01/11/17 12:23 PM (7 years, 19 days ago)

First of all, thank you all for the advice guys, it shure feels good to be able to share these thoughts and have other opinions on the subject because i start to feel like a schizo from overthinking it.

Opinions seem to differ quite a bit tho, and the reason i initialy posted about this was to clear up if pouring my heart out would actually have a positive result or not.

Now i am still confused. I do agree that over reacting and confessing my deeper feelings completely would scare her, but i am also still sceptical about telling her i am in a commited relationship...  saying i just got busy doesn't justify my absence either... hmmmmmm.... :undecided:


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Balance [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24001055 - 01/11/17 12:25 PM (7 years, 19 days ago)

Just enjoy what you have, wear protection and such, don't overthink it, just say fuck it.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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Offlineqman
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Re: Balance [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #24001104 - 01/11/17 12:48 PM (7 years, 19 days ago)

There are men that fall in love with prostitutes, many times these women are the only female that these men will have sex with for whatever reason.


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InvisibleLunarEclipse
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Re: Balance [Re: qman]
    #24001120 - 01/11/17 12:54 PM (7 years, 19 days ago)

Quote:

qman said:
There are men that fall in love with prostitutes, many times these women are the only female that these men will have sex with for whatever reason.




It's the fucking "Pretty Woman" syndrome.  Been there, done that.  The hooker with a heart.  Yawn.


--------------------
Anxiety is what you make it.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Balance [Re: LunarEclipse]
    #24001495 - 01/11/17 03:06 PM (7 years, 19 days ago)

...part of her male harem... not exactly the type of relationship which leads to deep intimacy and inner growth...pretty woman syndrome... :frown: 

this is exactly what is going on guys...

Now i just feel that keeping my mouth shut and staying the fuck away from her are maybe the best things i can do...

Oh well, your posts where a real eye opener...

Truth hurts but is very revealing as well.

Thanks guys :rolleyes:


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OfflineChakra Shock
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Registered: 02/22/13
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Re: Balance [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24001523 - 01/11/17 03:20 PM (7 years, 19 days ago)

Don't beat yourself up about it, man, I think everyone goes through something like this at least once.

It's not like it's a bad thing to have casual, sexual relationships, but if you understand that that's really all they are, then you won't have the problem of wanting more from them than that, avoids a lot of heartache. And, as I've noticed as a trend, most people seem to get bored with relationships like that over varying lengths of time. For me, it was the second casual hook up relationship I had where I realized I didn't like putting my time and effort into things like that, unless it comes out of nowhere with zero effort, the path of least resistance in my life.

The thing that's tough about it is that you want more and she's almost certainly not looking for that. I think you could explain that you're just trying to find something more fulfilling to her, and that while the times were good you're ready for something else. Who knows, maybe it will inspire her as well :shrug: At least that's all how it sounds to me. :peace:


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Anonymous #1

Re: Balance [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #24001704 - 01/11/17 04:38 PM (7 years, 19 days ago)

Some solid advice from you Chakra Shock, i like your calm, down to earth approach. This way i can express some real feelings without making a grand drama out of it.

Thanks for spreading your light into this. It helps me more than words can explain.

Respect!  :bow2:


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OfflineChakra Shock
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Re: Balance [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24001778 - 01/11/17 05:13 PM (7 years, 19 days ago)

Ah, thanks man :smile: :peace: :sun: all the best to you


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OfflineAldous
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Re: Balance [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24008955 - 01/14/17 06:21 AM (7 years, 16 days ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
the reason i initialy posted about this was to clear up if pouring my heart out would actually have a positive result or not


The only outcome it can have is a positive one, although there are different configurations. But the consistent positive result will be that you will be truthful and feel genuine, which is a benefit in and of itself.

As to her reaction, either she will freak out and dump you, and your problem will be solved. Eventually you will forget her, enjoy firting with other women again, and find that which she's not to you, a soulmate.

The other possibility is that she's getting tired of her sexual lifestyle, been there done that, and that she's looking to take things to a more intimate and meaningful level. The fact that she keeps trying to get in touch is a good sign of her appreciation for you. So maybe if you speak up, it might trigger some positive reflections in her mind about deepening your relationship.

Either way, your problem will be solved. You'll live happily ever after with her, or go through a period of cold turkey before learning to appreciate other women again and find your partner for the meaningful relationship you're looking for. But in any case you'll get out of that nasty in-between that's nagging at you.


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InvisibleMojo
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Re: Balance [Re: Aldous]
    #24009254 - 01/14/17 09:22 AM (7 years, 16 days ago)

You need to decide if the risk of having her as a girlfriend is worth losing what you have with her now.

If you open up to her, you will probably disrupt the equilibrium of the relationship.  Once she realizes you both aren't on the same level, she's is likely to stop having sex with you.  She is probably constantly dealing with dudes losing there shit over her.  The fact that you aren't "one of those guys" could be what makes you attractive to her, you lose that edge, and you could lose it all.

However, you AREN'T the indifferent fuck buddy that she thinks you are, your falling in love with this girl, so you are living a lie.  Moving forward, how much fun could this possibly be now that you are living a lie?  You may be at a bit of an impasse here...

So far, you have only considered the two extremes, pouring your heart out, or pretending like nothing is wrong.  Maybe you could try a path somewhere in the middle.  Instead of pouring your heart out, start showing her that you are boyfriend material, show her that your emotionally mature enough to handle a really hot girlfriend like her. 

Cornering a girl with emotional vomit is almost always the wrong decision IME.  Good luck.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Balance [Re: Mojo] * 1
    #24015322 - 01/16/17 05:12 PM (7 years, 14 days ago)

Hmmmm.... "the middle path" :soundsgoodman:

Aldous i was ready to pour my heart out and prepare to deal with the results... but Mojo got me thinking that i am actually not ready to deal with loosing the best sex ever... plus i have tried showering with emotional vomit girls in the past with bad results indeed. 

So what i finally did, was let her know i don't want frequent communication in order to keep control over any (annoying) extra feelings, but i do want to keep meeting her once or twice a year to enjoy ourself.

I felt she was puzzled by my reaction, as this made me look i am in control of the situation...(i think she preferred to have more control over me) but had to agree with what i offered. This way i think i can finally accept this relationship for what it really is. I also have the feeling that keeping my distance was something she didnt expect and will make me seem like something a little more hard to get.Either way, it works for me, and also will hopefully make her think deeper that the way she treats people around her has a direct effect on the way people are going to treat her.

Well, i never thought a casual relationship can be so complicated. Your opinions shure helped me see everything clear enough to make the right maneuvers. :bigyesnod:

Thanks! :bow:


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OfflineLucisM
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Re: Balance [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24016209 - 01/16/17 11:17 PM (7 years, 14 days ago)

Tell her your anaconda don't want none unless she got buns hun.

Seriously though, the shitty things about girls that are smoking hot and nympho-ish, they like to play guys a lot, they know their vagina possesses phenomenal cosmic powers, and by god they fucking use it, they build up an army of men who will support them in one way or another, this way they use their looks to want for nothing, if one guy falls through, then they turn to another guy, be leery of these types of girls because they often don't commit until later in life, which might not work for you.

She'll probably just laugh at you if you try to take things further, probably not in your face, but in her head, maybe not though.  The nympho behavior has me concerned for you.

I am not saying your lady is doing this, but just be warned.

Put the pussy on the chainwax.


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©️


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