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Anonymous #1

I swear to god I can't die
    #23993422 - 01/08/17 07:07 PM (7 years, 22 days ago)

Yesterday I decided I didn't want to live anymore so I decided to hang myself. I used a belt and it did loop probably but somehow I couldn't die. I put my phone on blink 182s song Adams song and then dropped down till it pulled super tight. I started to feel this pulsing through my body and then my eyes started watering to the point I could not see. I was seeing this really bright light then I started to feel tired like I had taken a huge dose of sleeping pills then the light started fading. It was almost like god was diming down the light really slowly like one of these light switches . Then my mouth started watering really hard and it made me gag so it loosened the belt and woke me back up. I heard the song repeat 3 times so I was up there for at least 12 minutes I should be dead. I read it takes 5-6 minutes but I swear I did at least 12 I don't understand how I survived but once the gagging made the belt loosen up I knew it was going to take a lot more time so I gave up.


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OfflineDoneKildatReason
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23993957 - 01/08/17 10:13 PM (7 years, 22 days ago)

Holy shit man.  That must mean you're not meant to go.  What has gotten you to this point man, if you feel like sharing.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #23995394 - 01/09/17 02:19 PM (7 years, 21 days ago)

I have issues with my parents and they pissed me off really bad cause they started screaming at me for no reason and then threatened to kick me out. I can't afford to live on my own so figured I would just end my life. :frown:


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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: Anonymous #1] * 5
    #23995689 - 01/09/17 04:28 PM (7 years, 21 days ago)

A noose and a belt are very different choking devices. A belt will make you pass out long before it kills you, it doesn't have nearly the strangle hold that a noose does, and it's also the material.  No one was getting publicly hung with a belt.  I am not encouraging you to do it right, but I also wonder how someones parents could make them so mad that they would want to do that to themselves and their parents?  Your parents are probably going to die before you. I am not the guy to give proper advice on hell yas, and good mornings........but shit man, at least try some stuff before you kill yourself.

I think just judging by your method and your song you don't really want to die and there is a deeper issue here that you really want to deal with you just don't know how.

My parents have infuriated me, and I guess I was the most pissed off because I felt right, and they weren't on my side about something. One day that will all seem so trivial and you will really be glad you didn't tap out with a belt and blink 182.



The "I can't die" thing is a common misconception I hear among a lot of addicts. Meth heads think they are invincible, alcoholics rant about gods purpose, crack heads talking about demons and possession.  It's all just a matter of the bodies will to survive, that's why we've made it this far.  I'm not saying the way you tried won't work, it's just about as effective as wiping your ass with the bible and expecting to find good, and get a clean hole.  Neither will happen.


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OfflineDoneKildatReason
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: vandago] * 2
    #23996774 - 01/09/17 10:07 PM (7 years, 21 days ago)

Give us some more background anonymous.  How old are you.  Do you have a job.  Have you ever lived on your own.  More questions, but the answers to those will help choose right ones. 

A friend of mine hung himself in '03 with a belt.  We were 17 years old.... I still miss him all the time, and think about him often.  He was very fucked up when he did it, and tried to stop himself after "dropping" it looked like, because his hands were bruised on the web between forefinger and thumb.... Like he was trying to get out of it and stop it but failed..... Second thoughts were too late.  Fuckin terrible man....

I like above where vandago said, "shit man, at least try some stuff before...."  if you're mad about being hassled for Willy nilly stuff, that shows that you feel you deserve better, or at least something else..... You have sense of self worth if you're aware of or feeling mistreatment....

What specifically are you just "through with" or "done with"?


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Offlinehalo
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: DoneKildatReason]
    #23996951 - 01/09/17 11:19 PM (7 years, 21 days ago)

bump, please come back to us op. It gets better, if your parents pissed you off hopefully you can move out soon.


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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: halo]
    #23996964 - 01/09/17 11:26 PM (7 years, 21 days ago)

This section of the forum really is here to do what we can to resolve stuff like this.  Mods n Gods know I've been at the end of hope before.


If anything I said in my original post bothered you it wasn't intended to. I actually used to really enjoy blink 182, and I have a mutual friend who did commit suicide with a belt.

It's not that you can't die, I just don't think you truly want to and asking for help is obscure.

I can only do it to save my life sometimes, and wish I'd ask for it more often to avoid getting to the edge.


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OfflineDoneKildatReason
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: vandago]
    #23997024 - 01/09/17 11:59 PM (7 years, 21 days ago)

Yeah it's hard asking for help.... Really hard....


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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: DoneKildatReason] * 1
    #23997095 - 01/10/17 12:48 AM (7 years, 21 days ago)

It's even harder accepting it when it's offered if you are used to not asking, and in an environment where it is rarely ever offered unless it's the only way to make you go away.


Parents, despite being your elders, are confused humans just like you.  It's hard to remember that and cut them slack and let everything work out in the wash, but it's tough.

I still try to talk to my dad sometimes, and keep a relationship with my old step dad who raised me despite the abuse, and I will always be there til my mom dies as much as I can.  I used to really despise her for no reason.  In retrospect she was 18 when she had me, fuck I am 31 right now, and I'd be arguing with a teenager. I can't even keep my damn weimaranar out of the fridge without bitching up a storm and pouting.

Bless her soul. 


I hope you get back to us OP, and feel free to PM me if you need to vent.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: vandago]
    #23997767 - 01/10/17 10:20 AM (7 years, 20 days ago)

Im 18 and I have a job I enjoy but if I get kicked out I will lose my job my parents know I smoke weed and do not like it they said if they found me with bud again I would have to move out. They went to see a movie and while they where gone I deiced to clean my piece and I used rubbing alcohol and heated it on the stove (it had to much resin) so when they came back it smelled like weed so they freaked out. I was just cleaning it so I didn't think it would stink but it had a lot in it so it was kinda bad. Plus im pissed because they are always spying on me they make fake snap chat accounts for the sole purpose of spying on me its so fucking frustrating. I just wish I had some privacy and I make minimum wage so I cant afford to move out but they calmed down now so its all right. Last time I did LSD I remember thinking about all the times I've tried to kill myself and it scared me when I was peaking on acid I remember thinking life is always worth living as long as their is LSD. But its winter and if I get kicked out I cant deal with the cold so I didn't know what else to do. I remember when I was hanging myself that tune from the grateful dead pooped into my head "let me lay beneath the roses let my eyes no longer see". Im fine now though as long as I dont kicked out.


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Offlinedaz01
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #23997812 - 01/10/17 10:42 AM (7 years, 20 days ago)

Stop doing drugs.
Control your money better, you'll have tons more without wasting it on drugs.
Respect your parents wishes until you can move out.
It's time to grow up.

:highfive:


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Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute or an hour or a day or even a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it will last forever.


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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23997941 - 01/10/17 11:34 AM (7 years, 20 days ago)

:whathesaid:

I had a LSD revelation sitting on the back of a tailgate about how suicide is not an option.  It always stuck with me even when the temptation came up.  You don't want to die op, because if your situation changed those feelings of suicide would fade just as quick as your current problems.

At the end of the day though, you're still in your parents home and given the illegal nature of cannabis if they don't want it in their house then, those are the rules.  Same as if you were getting drunk etc.  Their house their rules.  Being you're 18 they could give you the boot anytime they wanted so you atleast owe it to them to respect their wishes.  Use it as motivation to get into an apartment and smoke at will..  you'll be glad you have your own place and be able to set your own rules.  Your current troubles will fade and suicide will no longer be an issue.  Everybody needs a place of their own.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: Amanita86]
    #24003928 - 01/12/17 12:19 PM (7 years, 18 days ago)

I have not smoked weed in 6 days anyway and im not buying anymore soon because I do need to save my money. I might just get some ACRB and extract DMT so I can trade my plug DMT for weed to save money but im not buying more weed for a minute. I did some LSA last night and wanted weed so bad but when the trip was over I decided to quit weed its not worth it in all honesty. I mean I love weed but I should save my cash till I can get my own place and then I can just grow it instead of getting it from my plug because then it would be dirt cheap. Plus this tea break will help my tolerance go down so its all right.


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OfflineConnoisseur

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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24006461 - 01/13/17 07:49 AM (7 years, 17 days ago)

OP i hope your ok...have things improved at all for you?


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Offlinebestpsybeever
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: Connoisseur] * 2
    #24008189 - 01/13/17 08:06 PM (7 years, 17 days ago)

Yo, op. I think I speak for most if not all of us when I say we've all been in that position.

Life is so big and dynamic, that things which piss you off, upset you, or make you depressed now, will likely be completely forgotten in time.

I think a lot of us don't realize how long life is, since it feels like it's whizzing by, and how much we have changed from a self a few years younger who seems so similar, but when we think about the things that used to be a big deal to us - missing the bus to school, breaking your favorite toy, mom sending you to your room.- we see that now, in this moment, to this version of ourselves, those things mean nothing. good nor bad. These things that feel so important, and big in our lives, in the moment, are just a small part of an ever changing, growing, story that is our own life, and there will always be obstacles, but we overcome those obstacles and grow as people.

You will grow past any problem you ever have, if you give yourself the time, and it will all seem so insignificant one day, these things that are the biggest part of your life right now.

Spread love, and happiness. Talk with your parents. Not in an angry resentful way, in a peaceful understanding way. Your parents made you and will care about you always, even if they're pissed off in the moment. If you sit down and calmly tell them how you feel, and ask them how they feel, and tell them how what they're doing is affecting you, and listen to how what you're doing is affecting them, I bet there will be a lot of new understanding between you guys. Understanding can be one of the best ways of relieving conflict.


I hope you are okay man. Things will change faster than you know, and you'll be out of this situation and on to the next before you know it.


--------------------
One thing I've learned. "You can turn your back on a person, but never on a drug, especially when it's waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye."


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Offlinegoldcaphunter
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: vandago] * 1
    #24010802 - 01/14/17 08:43 PM (7 years, 16 days ago)

Actually vandago, a noose is designed to snap the spine and spinal cord to lead to death whereas a belt is more like a choke hold, just constricting the jugular veins to cease blood flow to the brain.

Please talk to a professional op, you deserve to live a happy life. I mean seriously if it's that bad just come live with me. I may not take care of myself like I should but I'll sure as hell stick it out with ya!


--------------------

The picture to the far left is a reminder to our users to stay safe and healthy, that's my third open heart surgery due to over use of amps. Stay safe kiddos :wink:


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OfflineDoneKildatReason
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: goldcaphunter]
    #24023270 - 01/19/17 03:38 PM (7 years, 11 days ago)

Hey, there ya go, op.  Ever been to Massachusetts?


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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: vandago] * 1
    #24024580 - 01/20/17 12:37 AM (7 years, 11 days ago)

Quote:

vandago said:

My parents have infuriated me, and I guess I was the most pissed off because I felt right, and they weren't on my side about something.
One day that will all seem so trivial and you will really be glad you didn't tap out with a belt and blink 182.




:thumbup:


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Offlinesprinkles
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24024611 - 01/20/17 01:04 AM (7 years, 11 days ago)

is this one of those 'cry for attention' things people do?  I do that too, I just say something like "im lonely. I need attention."  and that seems to do the job.


I dont know who you are, so I cant tell you if you should stay or go.  most of the time i encourage people to stay, but if you're not having a good time here I understand. I don't blame anyone for wanting to end life.  It just enrages me that people have to go to lengths like this.  Death should be a basic human right just as the right to live.  no one should have to fucking hang themselves.  No one needs to see that shit.  Who wants to find their loved one that way? there absolutley needs to be a humane option.


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welcome to my world http://www.shroomery.org/forums/postlist.php/Board/326


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Offlinesprinkles
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24024655 - 01/20/17 02:05 AM (7 years, 10 days ago)

you're 18?  Christ you have your whole fucking life to live.  find something you are enjoy and are passionate about. commit and dedicate yourself to it so when you wake up every day you can make a decent living wage doing something you love.


Weed is a total ambition and motivation killer.  you will stay stagnant in the same place the rest of your damn life.  im not going to tell you to stop doing drugs but dammit son, it will take you NO WHERE in life.


whatever you do the single best piece of advice i can give a guy is STAY OUT OF LEGAL TROUBLE.  It will limit your opportunities.  It's not a career killer but you do not want to check "yes" on the "have you ever been convicted of a crime?" question. 


ugh shit.  I wish I could just adopt you and bring you into my house.  If I had it to do over again I would have joined the military.  I'd want to fly a f- whatever jet and go faster than anyone on earth, while I drop bombs on fuckers who got it coming.  Then stressfully land back on an aircraft carrier.


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welcome to my world http://www.shroomery.org/forums/postlist.php/Board/326


Edited by sprinkles (01/20/17 02:10 AM)


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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: sprinkles]
    #24024683 - 01/20/17 02:52 AM (7 years, 10 days ago)

The first time I went to jail and had to sit more than 30 days I started thinking that a lot.  I could've gone to the military and realized as people grow they separate and been an independent bad ass with at least an excuse to complain about stuff.  Jail you walk out with a probation officer and a few felonies, when you leave the military you actually have something to show for your life ( even if they lie and treat you like shit in the military, it's not like jail was a fantasy )


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Invisibleeeso
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #24025907 - 01/20/17 03:13 PM (7 years, 10 days ago)

I was seriously suicidal about 8 years ago, I was in my mid 20s. I fucked all around with to asphyxiate myself with a belt, but never could go all-the-way through with it. (nobody knew, so it wasn't a 'cry for help')

I was suicidal in 2010, drove my truck into a boulder at high-speed and rolled it. (I had also taken a fatal combination of drugs {not consciously intentionally} which led to that). I died. I was clinically dead when the paramedics got to me. And for a while in the hospital.

Since that experience I've decided that suicide is ridiculous. Won't attempt it again. Being alive, even if you feel like shit all the time, is way better than the alternative.

Like other posters have said - you have no idea that things won't get better. Unless you're in the ground.


Edited by eeso (01/20/17 03:32 PM)


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Offlinesprinkles
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: eeso]
    #24026203 - 01/20/17 04:46 PM (7 years, 10 days ago)

i agree.  feeling down is better than feeling nothing. ever. again.  never hearing music again, tasting food again, feeling love or human touch.  human touch is important btw.  I think a lot of people here dont get enough.

go back to a time before your first memories.. when you were in the womb.  remember? it is nothingness.


one thing a lot of us addicts have in common is a spiritual seperation from the divine.  Drugs cut of your connection to others and your spirit.  thats why muslims dont drink or use. AA approaches it as a spiritual disease, which is why its success is hit and miss.  You cant talk someone out of heroin or alcoholism. You cant talk someone out of a disease. It is a mental disease and should be approached as such. it is also a spiritual disconnectedness.  Both should be addressed




thats not saying living in chronic pain is better than feeling nothing.  there are of course circumstances where death is better.  depression is stiffling.  you must find joy in things.  I try to have an attitude of gratitude, though i struggle with that sometimes.

read the bible.  thats the best advice i can give rite now.


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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: sprinkles]
    #24130231 - 03/02/17 01:56 AM (6 years, 10 months ago)

OP is there any update? How are you doing?


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Offlinebestpsybeever
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: sprinkles]
    #24151651 - 03/10/17 02:52 PM (6 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

sprinkles said:
i agree.  feeling down is better than feeling nothing. ever. again.  never hearing music again, tasting food again, feeling love or human touch.  human touch is important btw.  I think a lot of people here dont get enough.

go back to a time before your first memories.. when you were in the womb.  remember? it is nothingness.


one thing a lot of us addicts have in common is a spiritual seperation from the divine.  Drugs cut of your connection to others and your spirit.  thats why muslims dont drink or use. AA approaches it as a spiritual disease, which is why its success is hit and miss.  You cant talk someone out of heroin or alcoholism. You cant talk someone out of a disease. It is a mental disease and should be approached as such. it is also a spiritual disconnectedness.  Both should be addressed




thats not saying living in chronic pain is better than feeling nothing.  there are of course circumstances where death is better.  depression is stiffling.  you must fiyourjoy in things.  I try to have an attitude of gratitude, though i struggle with that sometimes.

read the bible.  thats the best advice i can give rite now.




I think that makes a lot of sense. That's probably why psychedelics especially the ones known to be more spiritual like mushrooms and ayahuasca can be so effective for helping people defeat addiction.

I'd like to add that I think the majority of humanity (or at least the majority of those living in a western like society) are so horribly disconnected from their spirituality. So much so to the point that if you try to talk about spirituality with most people they look at you like you're telling them about the time you walked into the forest and pet a unicorn after exchanging an awkward glance with a goblin.

I think its a large part of the reason why so many humans are destroying the earth with no remorse. If you're not in touch with you spiritual side it's easy to ignore all of the horrible shit you're a part of when you're so disconnected from your emotions and spirit that feeling empathy is way out of the question. Especially if the horrible shit is half way around the world.

Op. Have been here since the tread started and haven't heard back in a long time. Hope you're still kicking man, and facing and defeating your demons.


--------------------
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OfflineRJ Tubs 202
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: sprinkles] * 1
    #24163293 - 03/15/17 12:19 AM (6 years, 10 months ago)

Quote:

sprinkles said:

You cant talk someone out of heroin or alcoholism. You cant talk someone out of a disease. It is a mental disease and should be approached as such.





You can teach people their real motivation for intoxication.

Millions of people have defeated addiction, and the only way to leave it behind is understanding.

People remain unable to change their behavior because of ignorance.


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OfflineMemories
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: RJ Tubs 202]
    #24166964 - 03/16/17 12:46 PM (6 years, 10 months ago)

Understanding was only part of the battle.

I can understand how i react to drugs and alcohol, but still find myself going back to it or continuing to use, fucking up my life in the process.

What was necessary for me was taking action, which first started with accepting that i needed help.


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OfflineArose Chaos
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Re: I swear to god I can't die [Re: Memories] * 1
    #24171016 - 03/17/17 09:02 PM (6 years, 10 months ago)

Shit I would give my left nut to be 18 again and not have the same mistakes I made when I was 25 and 26 which are still fucking me over. Sounds like you have a normal life for an 18 year old. It gets better. And I fucking guarantee 100% there will be multiple moments in the future where your feeling good and having a great time where you look back and say "man, i'm glad I didn't kill myself". I do it all the time these days man. Just fight through.


--------------------
<<WOW
"There is nofhing noble in being superior to your fellow man;
true nobility is being superior to your former self" -Hemingway


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Anonymous #2

What do you do with actual issues? [Re: Arose Chaos]
    #24171316 - 03/18/17 12:00 AM (6 years, 10 months ago)

This is absolutely completely someone not appreciating things because of snapchat this made me feel better about myself and that's not what I expected I thought this would be about drug overdose or some crazy story I'm going to be blunt this really pissed me off like I'm getting high as fuck to forget I read this, if this is upset what are you going to do when an actual obstacle comes your way. I'm only hoping you either stop letting lack of appreciation and awareness over what you have or you will probably hate life because people caring and having money you earned is a gigantic issue, I won't say I'm not wishing I was in your position just the only thing seems to be you getting upset. A have income B you are doing well with DMT weed is not unreasonable priced nor do you need t break it's in no real way going to harm you long term. What do you even plan on doing when life is not being very stable for you get upset more? People die, relationships, cheating, car accident, loss of job so much more. I handle shit with heroin and my issue is living in worst time of my life my self caused issue. If snapchat was bothering me I'd probably sell my phone over that alone I have one friend and one alone on my list. I'm pissed off I likely cannot be in your shoes and it's upsetting to you.


You are worried your parents are spying on you, you have fucking loving parents? I have no idea how lsd and dmt use is involved and you're still caught up in materialistic or issues that just aren't issues. My general reason for not trying to commit suicide again I was fucked up instead of dead trying benzos for putting me out put me on that bed fucking mindnumb, that turned into I want a good ending so no drugs are too toxic or addictive and taking excessive amounts of shit just to pack it in and cut a big chunk off lifespan. I really hope there is something you're leaving out because you are doing well. If you can't get something more out of DMT LSD it's no wonder you tried to kill yourself. I haven't paid for drugs with my money since 2016 last couple months of it. If by some chance I got sober and had a job smoking weed doing DMT and LSD and got upset over snapchat I would kill myself that's just incomprehensible. Drugs aside we both live at home and we're same age. Every time I've said I was suicidal after 14 was  was lying as to the behavior changes and withdrawing from life. At worst taking some drugs will make you suicidal when they wear off sleep takes care of it.
If you swear you can't die, than you really from my experience with suicidal thoughts have something holding you back. If you were suicidal you would sigh and figure out what went wrong and try again.


Edited by Anonymous (03/18/17 12:39 AM)


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