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InvisibleKrishna
कृष्ण,LOL
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Registered: 05/08/03
Posts: 23,284
Loc: oakland
Is compassion a part of human nature?
    #2398231 - 03/03/04 02:11 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

OK this post is a bit personal and very long and all that, so I completely understand if people skip over it.

As a bit of background to my question, I live at an international school in Norway, where all the students live on campus. For the last year and a half, I have been together with this girl, before getting together we were really good friends, and have all of the same friends here. So in January she told me that she wasn't in love with me anymore, that she didn't know why, but felt she had to tell me. So we broke up - she was a bit lost, and I was really heartbroken. She told me that while she knew we couldn't just be friends again, she wanted to do anything she could to try to help me. Because of how remote the school is, there is no privacy really, everybody sees everybody all the time, etc. So a few weeks ago, and going on now, she started to try to get together with a good friend of mine. At first I just thought it was nothing, because they are also good friends. But then it became obvious that it wasn't just good friends talking, but that she was really trying to get with my friend. So I talked to him, and he felt really bad... he knew our past, knew how I was still trying to get over her, and told me that he would never even dream of doing anything with her, especially not while we were still at school where I would have to see it all the time. Then I tried to talk to her. I explained my thoughts... I said that I thought after all we had had together, and after what she had said when we broke up, that I didn't understand what she was doing. I told her that of course I know that she doesn't love me, that we won't get together again, and that we would eventually start being with other people. However, I said, I didn't understand why she was doing this - here at school where I was forced to see it all, and with a good friend of mine. She said that I couldn't ask her to fake emotions... and I explained that I didn't want her to fake anything... I had thought that after all we had together, she wouldn't want to hurt me more, that she would recognize how I was trying to get over heartbreak, and place my recovering soul above her libido. I told her that I thought she was being really selfish, and not showing me any compassion, especially considering all that we had shared together. And then she got pissed at me, saying that I have mental problems in dealing with our breakup, and that it's my own problem now, and basically - "tough shit... i'm over it and moving on, it's not my fault if you are still having trouble, and it doesn't matter to me that we are in a place where you are going to have to see me trying to get together with your friends... stay in your room if you don't want to see it."

Ouch. So... I always had a theory that compassion and kindness were a part of human nature, and that if you made a connection with someone this would show itself. And I thought it had. But then this! To me, this is extreme selfishness and her not caring at all for me as a person and my recovery process. It's not as if we had a horrible breakup and left hating each other... it's just the opposite... we just both had to accept that for whatever reason fate made her love for me fade away. So do people think that humans are just naturally selfish, and that I was being naive in thinking that someone whom I shared so much with would think about me and my feelings and the current locale we are living in when they decide their actions? Sorry for posting this here, but all of my friends are also her friends, and so while they all sympathize with me, nobody can give me a straight-forward answer...

Just spilling my soul out on the net,
Krishna


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Offlinephi1618
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Registered: 02/14/04
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Re: Is compassion a part of human nature? [Re: Krishna]
    #2398263 - 03/03/04 02:19 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Compassion is part of human nature, but so is cruelty.

Sounds like a tough situation. Try not to let her have so much power over you. Stop acting like it bothers you (whether it does or not) that she goes with your freind, and find another woman. I've never seen a clean or straightforward relationship, and trying to be too honest,open, or aboveboard doesn't really help things.


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InvisibleKrishna
कृष्ण,LOL
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Registered: 05/08/03
Posts: 23,284
Loc: oakland
Re: Is compassion a part of human nature? [Re: phi1618]
    #2398406 - 03/03/04 02:56 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

Unfortunately, I think I'm learning (almost 19, so I guess it's time for such a lesson in cynicism) that being too open and honest doesn't help as much as I had hoped it would... It's not so much the thought of her getting together with someone else (and assuming my friend was honest to me, she won't be) that hurts me, it's more her telling me that she doesn't care how I feel. As for another woman, I'm in no rush :smile: Been in a relationship for a long time... going to move to Copenhagen in June and start digging the single life for a while.

Thanks for the advice,
Krisna


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Offlinephi1618
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Registered: 02/14/04
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Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Is compassion a part of human nature? [Re: Krishna]
    #2398438 - 03/03/04 03:08 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

cool.  :thumbup: :smile:


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OfflineGus
Back in town.

Registered: 07/16/03
Posts: 1,503
Loc: Quebec, Canada
Last seen: 8 years, 2 months
Re: Is compassion a part of human nature? [Re: Krishna]
    #2399234 - 03/03/04 05:30 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

I think you're both selfish :smile:

Well it seems like she was waiting for you to give her an excuse to be pissed off and then say whats on her mind.
I had a friend like this, it was kinda funny


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Offlinenicechrisman
Interdimensional space wizard
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Registered: 11/07/03
Posts: 33,035
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Re: Is compassion a part of human nature? [Re: Gus]
    #2399993 - 03/03/04 08:59 PM (12 years, 11 months ago)

That's kind of a shitty situation. I'm really sorry to hear about that. I agree that you may both be being selfish depending on how you look at it. I know that this probably isn't what you want to hear, but if she feels the possibility of love towards your friend, then maybe she should pursue it. Maybe they are meant for each other. You don't want to be selfish and ruin that do you? On the other hand, she may be the selfish one too. If she does have these feelings towards your friend, discression probably would be the best policy, so that she doesn't hurt your feelings. My alalysis might sound kindof harsh, but I do really feel for you. There's nothing more painful than a broken heart.


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"Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent:
it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not."

John C. Lily

 


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