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Patlal
You ask too many questions


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 14 hours, 7 minutes
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If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. 6
#23978220 - 01/03/17 09:20 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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So you're a 18 year old infant or a 29 year old toddler? You're about to go study in a field where no potential jobs and pay 30k to get that useless piece of paper? Good for you.
But now you have a problem. You have no job prospect and a useless piece of paper you have to buy a 30$ frame for and 30k of debt to reimburse. Bummer.
Well I have the answer and it's gonna fucking suck but it's a must nowadays. Jobs are scarce and the cost of living is increasing every day. The deck is stacked against you and I don't want to hear you bitch about it once you whiny little fuck. So apply these rules to your life right now and future self will love you.
1. Take care of yourself. Exercise and eat well. That should be a basic, not even worth mentioning thing, but apparently it has to be reminded on a weekly basis. Massages when needed, yearly doctor and dentists visits.
2. You need to downgrade. Like seriously downgrade. All of it can be done in 4 hours.
- Grab a black garbage bag and open every drawer and closet door and toss everything you haven't used in a year. And don't give me that emotional attachment to inanimate object crap. Toss the useless. Less clutter, better mental environment. If you bring it to the thrift shop, you can make someone else happy. You garbage is someone else's treasure.
- Buy yourself a plant. It sucks in the CO2 out of the air and shits out oxygen. It's good for you and it looks good.
- Call your phone provider and shift to a lower plan. Limit your phone calls and use free stuff like Facebook. You don't need to watch YouTube on the bus. Music is fine and so are free apps.
- Same for Internet. You can wait an extra second for the page to load and believe or not, it won't kill you. Downgrade to a lower plan
- Do you live alone in a 2 bedroom apartment, if so, WTF are you doing? Get and roommate (but I like being on my own boohoohoo). Suck it up or move to a one bedroom place. You tossed out the clutter, you have space now. Moving isn't all that stressful when you no longer have to pack useless shit.
- How many glasses can you drink out of at the same time? How many plates can you eat off at same time? Clear it up, you don't need 30 forks and 15 plates. Goodwill. It'll force you to clean up more often.
- You need new furniture and it costs 500$? Go to a thrift shop get a solid wood piece for 50$, buy 5$ worth of sandpaper and 15$ worth of varnish and refinish it. It's easy, it looks awesome and you'll have accomplished something.
- You're not allowed to have a life anymore. No bars. No expensive booze. You want to get wasted, then buy cheap vodka. It'll fuck you as much as a bottle of Patron.
- If you're gonna clean up shit, do it for everything. Facebook friends you haven't talked to in a year? Unfriend them. Same for cellphone contacts. Same for whatever other shit you have, whether is points card or pointless twitter feeds and click bait Facebook subscription. Toss it all.
- Download Reebee. It's a flyers app. You'll save a shit ton of cash. I've saved maybe 2k just by stocking up on sale. Walk the extra distance to another store, it's exercise and well worth it.
- Don't go steak and chicken. Go beans and quinoa. Cheaper, healthier, better for the environment, better for your brain, better everything. You body and wallet will love you for it. There are amazing recipes out there.
- Still drinking pop and sugar water marketed as orange juice? Stop that shit. You're killing you're pancreas and your wallet. I just stopped drinking pop 9 months ago. It wasn't hard at all.
- You have a friend you prefer not replying to? Tell him politely that you would like to end the friendship based on lack of same interests. If he's remotely intelligent, he'll understand. Less clutter. Less dumb ass stress over pointless shit.
- You actually need something (not want, need). Go for something high quality. Cheap shit that breaks is a useless stress, it'll always break when you need it most too... So go high quality and keep clean and well maintained.
- Manage your time. Use it wisely. The time machine you're working on isn't finished yet so until then every second gone by is a second you'll never have again.
- You have to pay for water and electricity? It's cold? Put a shirt on. Wanna save water without having to dehydrate yourself? Fill up a glass bottle (salsa containment) put the lid on and let it sink into your toilet water tank. It'll take up space which means less water per flush and you won't see the difference until the bill comes. Trust me on this, I was hella surprised to see how much I saved by doing this and so will you.
- Use ad blockers on your laptop. Less aggravation and less influence from marketing. You don't need to be tempted by a slap chop at this point in your life. No matter how convincing that son of a bitch is.
3. Your environment should be clean at all time. Not slobbing around, no clothes on the floor, no piss jugs about to tip over from the top shelf of your bookshelf. You're a human and you can clean your environment. Even birds clean up their nests. Do the dishes you dirty fuck cause remember, you have 3 plates now, you have no choice. It's a basic thing too many people ignore. You're not on welfare therefore you shouldn't live like you're on welfare. Sparkle and shine motherfucker.
4. Friends, girlfriends and social outings. To be kept at a strict minimum. "Hey lets go to the bar", "wanna go to the water park?", "Honey let go the city this weekend and have dinner and a movie, maybe a hotel room?"... No, no, no and no. Fuck no. Do something local. Do something cheap. It's their presence that makes things fun, not the activity you do. Play cards, board games, picnics, go for a walk. You'll be happier too.
5. Yes you can do it. With ease too. I did that when I was 17 and I'm only a year or 2 from being able to stop. I've managed to gather assets. I've found mental peace. I'm officially happy and by far the most important thing that comes out of all of this is that I'm currently attempting to chase a one in a million dream of playing poker for a living. Why? Because I'd rather lose money than feel regret for not trying and also, because I fucking can. I lived by the rules I listed and I've put myself in a position where I can attempt whatever I what.
So there you go infants and toddlers. Live by those rules and 35 year old you will have the option of quitting that dead end job and actually trying to live a dream of yours.
Add extra wisdom if needed. Peace!
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Edited by Patlal (01/03/17 01:05 PM)
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Sanguin3
Optimist

Registered: 10/19/13
Posts: 2,273
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. *DELETED* [Re: Patlal] 2
#23978239 - 01/03/17 09:30 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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Post deleted by Sanguin3
Reason for deletion: .
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Patlal
You ask too many questions


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 14 hours, 7 minutes
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Sanguin3]
#23978271 - 01/03/17 09:43 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
Sanguin3 said: I would just like to say I have more than 3 plates because I often have company.
Good. Just don't go overboard with wine and shit.
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tyrannicalrex
Strange R



Registered: 04/24/03
Posts: 38,323
Loc: subtropics
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Patlal] 1
#23978281 - 01/03/17 09:45 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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yeah, some wine does not go well with feces. You have to match the feces with the wine, and shit.
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Bikerfool
Your Local Edgelord


Registered: 11/21/05
Posts: 1,577
Last seen: 5 months, 14 days
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Patlal]
#23978293 - 01/03/17 09:51 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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I'm 32, is it too late for me?
-------------------- Just an angsty teen contributing to the pubs decline with contentless posts.
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Patlal
You ask too many questions


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 14 hours, 7 minutes
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Bikerfool] 1
#23978300 - 01/03/17 09:53 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
Bikerfool said: I'm 32, is it too late for me? 
Never too late buddy
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howsyournaggerdoin
Happy


Registered: 02/04/16
Posts: 1,600
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Patlal] 9
#23978306 - 01/03/17 09:56 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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1. Dont go to college
2. Get a job
3. shitpost on the shroomery all day
worked for me
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Crazy_Horse
I’m Rick James, bitch!


Registered: 08/15/16
Posts: 13,284
Loc: Hampsterdam
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Patlal] 5
#23978312 - 01/03/17 09:57 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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I don't want to live like a poor person.
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Patlal
You ask too many questions


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 14 hours, 7 minutes
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Crazy_Horse]
#23978314 - 01/03/17 09:58 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
Crazy_Horse said: I don't want to live like a poor person.
Then you'll live like an average life.
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Crazy_Horse
I’m Rick James, bitch!


Registered: 08/15/16
Posts: 13,284
Loc: Hampsterdam
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Patlal]
#23978320 - 01/03/17 10:01 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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Living like a poor person is best left to those with no money.
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Patlal
You ask too many questions


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 14 hours, 7 minutes
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Crazy_Horse]
#23978335 - 01/03/17 10:07 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
Crazy_Horse said: Living like a poor person is best left to those with no money.
Live like you want. No judgement here.
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Sanguin3
Optimist

Registered: 10/19/13
Posts: 2,273
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. *DELETED* [Re: Patlal]
#23978352 - 01/03/17 10:14 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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Post deleted by Sanguin3
Reason for deletion: .
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LobsterSauce


Registered: 11/09/08
Posts: 19,884
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Crazy_Horse]
#23978368 - 01/03/17 10:22 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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Don't buy any shitty Chinese plastic containers to hold things in.
Buy a glass of anything at the supermarket and clean out the glass when your done for a perfect glass container.
Mayo, gherkins(bigger glass the better), pickled onions, ready made sauces etc.
There's no excuse for wastefulness.
There are Facebook groups called free your stuff to give away your unwanted stuff and to request others' unwanted stuff.
Big glass alcohol bottles are reusable water bottles, plus you'll look the part swigging out of booze bottles all the time.
Surprise your colleagues and loved ones with the joke water bottle. Boy will their faces be red when they realise you don't have a drinking problem, but just enjoy conserving bottles and trying to lessen your contribution to the worlds destruction at our hands.
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Bikerfool
Your Local Edgelord


Registered: 11/21/05
Posts: 1,577
Last seen: 5 months, 14 days
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Sanguin3] 5
#23978369 - 01/03/17 10:22 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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I find it ironic that you've sacrificed all these years so you could become a professional gambler.
-------------------- Just an angsty teen contributing to the pubs decline with contentless posts.
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LobsterSauce


Registered: 11/09/08
Posts: 19,884
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: LobsterSauce]
#23978376 - 01/03/17 10:27 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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Also, I recommend the lo-flow :hankhill:
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Patlal
You ask too many questions


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 14 hours, 7 minutes
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Bikerfool] 1
#23978383 - 01/03/17 10:29 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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Quote:
Bikerfool said: I find it ironic that you've sacrificed all these years so you could become a professional gambler.
To each his own.
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Vriska Serket
Mindfang



Registered: 10/02/13
Posts: 1,468
Last seen: 2 years, 10 months
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Patlal] 9
#23978388 - 01/03/17 10:29 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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tl;dr
i live a superfluous and bourgeois life and im not stopping because some old guy on a drug message board wants to stunt like he aristotle or sth smh
-------------------- the queen of shitposting
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LobsterSauce


Registered: 11/09/08
Posts: 19,884
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: LobsterSauce]
#23978390 - 01/03/17 10:30 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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Regarding the toilet flush, this flusher doesn't have a set flush time.
Number ones, you can just press it for a second.
Number twos, a little longer.
You can also just leave it pressed down for a full long flush.
With this cistern, you write your own script.
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Crazy_Horse
I’m Rick James, bitch!


Registered: 08/15/16
Posts: 13,284
Loc: Hampsterdam
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Patlal]
#23978415 - 01/03/17 10:42 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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I do agree with your health and time management suggestions.
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sh4d0ws
LSx


Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 12,086
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Re: If you're 18 to 30 years old. Read this and thank me 10 years from now. [Re: Patlal] 1
#23978422 - 01/03/17 10:45 AM (7 years, 27 days ago) |
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Patlal, do you work at a bookstore?
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