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Anonymous #1

"not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" *DELETED*
    #23969839 - 12/31/16 02:19 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: too many ignoramuses in here acting like this is The Matrix, and they're the oracle telling me I'm not "the one" lol. Thanks anyway...and she hasn't left me yet.



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Anonymous #2

Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23970055 - 12/31/16 07:11 AM (7 years, 30 days ago)

Sounds like she doesn't want a relationship, but doesn't (or didn't) mind you being a fuck buddy. Given the age difference, I think you should keep your relationship as such rather than perusing more. For now at least.

You can as you say "cut your losses and move on", but what have you really lost just being friends? Keep your options open to other people and close them with this girl if you find someone else - otherwise see what this relationship has to offer until that point.


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OfflineOfTheVoid46
Timeless
Male


Registered: 07/10/16
Posts: 148
Loc: USA
Last seen: 4 years, 11 months
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #23970225 - 12/31/16 09:15 AM (7 years, 30 days ago)

I would honestly just give up and move on.

You never know what - or who - else she's doing first of all.
Maybe I'm somewhat old-fashioned but I'm not keen on tapping things that are out screwing for the hell of it.
I'm more of a relationship person.

If you're already attached then I'd really suggest simply moving on, like really.
You might get even more attached and if she decides that she does want to commit but not with you, you're going to break your own heart.

There's almost never any recovering from this.

I wouldn't suggest hitting it and not because of how I am with relationships but again because of the attachment.

Good luck.


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InvisibleMollyLucyMaryJane

Registered: 09/10/11
Posts: 1,302
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: OfTheVoid46]
    #23973092 - 01/01/17 01:46 PM (7 years, 29 days ago)

Quote:

OfTheVoid46 said:
I would honestly just give up and move on.




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OfflinePsilosoulful

Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: MollyLucyMaryJane] * 1
    #23974745 - 01/02/17 12:58 AM (7 years, 29 days ago)

I've been down this road and it ended terribly for me.
Move on man..I know it's corny but there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Go out to clubs, dance, have a great time for yourself and sleep with hotter women your age.
It's all about coming from a place of abundance before deciding to commit to one girl, and she has to be damn worth it.
I say get yourself a couple of fuckbuddy's, and work on improving on yourself for this year (eat healthy, go to the gym, meditate, read more books, etc).

I was forced to change in this manner after my last disaster of a relationship with a girl and I've grown soo much as a person since then.
Never put the keys to your happiness in someone else's pocket.


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Psilosoulful]
    #23975675 - 01/02/17 10:46 AM (7 years, 28 days ago)

Quote:

Psilosoulful said:
I've been down this road and it ended terribly for me.
Move on man..I know it's corny but there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Go out to clubs, dance, have a great time for yourself and sleep with hotter women your age.
It's all about coming from a place of abundance before deciding to commit to one girl, and she has to be damn worth it.
I say get yourself a couple of fuckbuddy's, and work on improving on yourself for this year (eat healthy, go to the gym, meditate, read more books, etc).

I was forced to change in this manner after my last disaster of a relationship with a girl and I've grown soo much as a person since then.
Never put the keys to your happiness in someone else's pocket.



This was very well said. Great post!


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OfflinePsilosoulful

Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23975752 - 01/02/17 11:08 AM (7 years, 28 days ago)

Quote:

FruitOfLife said:
Quote:

Psilosoulful said:
I've been down this road and it ended terribly for me.
Move on man..I know it's corny but there are plenty more fish in the sea.

Go out to clubs, dance, have a great time for yourself and sleep with hotter women your age.
It's all about coming from a place of abundance before deciding to commit to one girl, and she has to be damn worth it.
I say get yourself a couple of fuckbuddy's, and work on improving on yourself for this year (eat healthy, go to the gym, meditate, read more books, etc).

I was forced to change in this manner after my last disaster of a relationship with a girl and I've grown soo much as a person since then.
Never put the keys to your happiness in someone else's pocket.



This was very well said. Great post!



Thank you :smile:, just trying to shine some light, everybody goes through these things


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Anonymous #1

Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Psilosoulful]
    #23976193 - 01/02/17 01:31 PM (7 years, 28 days ago)

I get where you're all coming from, and I know the general consensus in a typical situation like this is to move on. I've been given the whole "let's be friends" proposal before, and this just feels different. Again, it's worth noting that she made it clear from the beginning she wasn't really looking for a relationship. But she liked me a lot, we both felt a connection and so she strayed away from her free single life for a bit.

She has made it pretty clear still, that she isn't over her feelings for me. Her last relationship was a disaster and I can tell she's genuinely scared of commitment and some of the things that go along with that, rather than this just being some typical excuse. She told me that it felt like we would last forever, and it scared her. She genuinely seems like an honest person, and I don't see her just making up comments like that to placate or bs me. She also told me that if the timing was different, that she would want a relationship with me. I do think she's young, and probably confused, and maybe that in itself is a reason for me to move on. Idk, once in a while girls do come back around, especially if you go away and do some of the things Psilosoulful mentioned (improve yourself, create more abundance, be more ambitious etc). It does happen occasionally.

I had a real connection with her over the past month, and it was more than a mere fling. I stopped texting her for a few days after I made this thread, and she's been messaging me more. She sent me a sexy snapchat of herself two nights ago on NYE, saying "I miss you so fucking much" lol

I plan on improving myself regardless, getting in better shape, and re-dedicating myself to my goals and dreams. I work with her too remember, a couple days a week. So she'll see this potentially cooler, more confident and sexier me anyway. She has told me repeatedly how handsome I am, how amazing I am, and we've been so intimate with eachother. It's hard for me to think that this is just a matter of her losing physical attraction to me. That wouldn't happen this quickly. I acted distrusting/needy a few times over the past couple weeks, and that's when her interest started fading. But that can be regained over time, can't it? Seems totally possible. She's young and could easily come to regret her decision. I know these other guys in her orbit are also younger and probably aren't especially interesting.

You guys really don't think there's even a small hope of re-attracting this person? I know what it's like to get burned and then strung along, and it makes a man jaded after going through that. This situation just feels different.


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23976582 - 01/02/17 03:53 PM (7 years, 28 days ago)

Yeah there's always a chance of re-attracting her. You said yourself she has been messaging you more since you backed off. Keep doing what is working, but don't revert back to your old ways if things get re-kindled. You have an idea of what turned her off before so don't make the same mistake twice.

The way you need to look at it is that you gave her a chance and she blew it. Now if she wants you back SHE needs to work and earn that chance with you. In the mean time go out and see other woman and just do you man.


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Anonymous #1

Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: FruitOfLife]
    #23976682 - 01/02/17 04:36 PM (7 years, 28 days ago)

haha, jesus christ...literally just got another text from her saying "I've been thinking about you a lot today. I really miss you". Ugh. I immediately thought to myself, good, go ahead and miss me some more.

Yeah I will def try to not revert back to any of the needy crap I was pulling with her. Being cool and self-sufficient (or at least appearing that way) is such a constant, unrelenting challenge of being aware of oneself. It's hard for anyone I imagine.

I'm not even sure how to respond to her little breadcrumb texts she's sending me now, or if I even should. And also who knows what exactly "I miss you" means. Could be she just misses my attention and awesome personality : /

to be continued...


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OfflinePsilosoulful

Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23977437 - 01/02/17 09:55 PM (7 years, 28 days ago)

I say put her on ice, I've had a girl toy with me this way and all it did was make me more and more frustrated, and it carried over into everything else I did. That girl was like the black plague, I caught the "oneitis" as the pick up community calls it, fell into a hole, and couldn't climb my way out until there was literally just bitter resentment and hatred between me and her.
It was a mess, and I acted like a little child, but I learned from it, and here I am today, banging drunk sluts every weekend while I search for some casual dates on okcupid and figure out what to do with my life.

Remember, while she's sending you these sweet texts here and there trying to win your attention back, she may be having sex with some random dude she met on a dating site, at the mall, at the bar, wherever..
Not trying to sound jaded, but girls have soo many guy options available to them, they don't know what to do with them all, so they pick and choose to string along the "commital" type guys for the attention, while they fuck the "alphas" just for the fun of it because hey, girls really love sex too, they just don't want to admit it for fear of being slut-shamed by the entire planet :lol:
Own your personality, let the women gravitate towards you, and draw them in quickly.

When I go out clubbing, all the drunk girls are literally begging for my attention while I literally let go and be free and own the dance floor.
Hahah, last weekend a girl grabbed me by my chin, drew me in, and just started making out with me I was like wtf wow, I just got here.
Dance your ass off and you will get laid, guaranteed :lol:


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Anonymous #1

Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Psilosoulful]
    #23977549 - 01/02/17 10:45 PM (7 years, 28 days ago)

Thanks for the real talk, man. I appreciate it, as much as I don't want to hear it. I'm sure she is fucking other dudes, or "being free" or whatever the fuck she calls it. I'm not going to let her try and make me some kissless friend. She basically ripped my heart out and now she wants to put a leash on it and carry it around with her for the attention and comfort. It's amazing how even some of the seemingly "sweet" girls out there end up resembling the same cold and careless type of person in the end. I am leaning more towards cutting her out of my life, but the fact that I work with her a few days a week makes that real tricky. I fucking hate that place now, honestly. Everything about it just reminds me of her. I'm not crazy about the job anyway, and I might just look for a new one.


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InvisiblePlain
You are the universe
Male User Gallery

Registered: 05/30/16
Posts: 1,620
Loc: In the moment
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #23978014 - 01/03/17 05:41 AM (7 years, 27 days ago)

Op if you had a connection with her do not let your ego get in the way of something that could be rare and beautiful.

Keep an open mind and give her the benefit of the doubt if you truly care for her and trust her.

Otherwise move on.


--------------------
"You are not IN the universe, you ARE the universe, an intrinsic part of it. Ultimately you are not a person, but a focal point where the universe is becoming conscious of itself. What an amazing miracle."

- Eckhart Tolle

“Everybody is ‘you’. Everybody is ‘I’. That’s our name. We all share that.”

- Alan Watts

"Cosmic apotheosis wears off quicker than Salvia"

- Rick Sanchez (voice of Justin Roiland)


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Plain]
    #23978992 - 01/03/17 02:23 PM (7 years, 27 days ago)

Quote:

Plain said:
Op if you had a connection with her do not let your ego get in the way of something that could be rare and beautiful.

Keep an open mind and give her the benefit of the doubt if you truly care for her and trust her.

Otherwise move on.



From what he's posted I don't think he can truly trust her therefore I think he should cut her out romantically. Unless she reallllllllllly shows she's changed her ways. There might still be room for a plutonic relationship as friends only, but if she "ripped his heart out" why should he put himself at risk for that to happen again? She had her chance and wasted her opportunity with a seemingly great guy so she should learn her lesson and hopefully she won't take the next for granted.

OP..... I think she realizes she messed up and that might be why she's texting you saying she's thinking about you and misses you etc. But like you said, she could be just looking for attention. I would say not to be cold and just not respond to her, but respond in a way that shows you've moved on. Just say something like "Yeah but you'll see me at work later this week, but I'm busy now so can't talk." This will probably make her want you back more which is good if that's your end goal, but if you keep it up then eventually she will get the point and stop texting.


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Anonymous #1

Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: FruitOfLife] * 1
    #23979309 - 01/03/17 04:32 PM (7 years, 27 days ago)

Welp, I just spent the last couple hours sitting with her in the park, making out, grabbing and squeezing each other like a couple of horny animals. I don't know what to think. She hasn't cheated on me or anything, and the whole excuse she gave me about feeling confused and conflicted regarding entering into a relationship, seems to be completely real.

It's really difficult, because she seems so conflicted. She says she really likes me, more than anyone, but that she really doesn't want to like anyone. She apparently has some serious hangups in her mind about relationships, yet she still states that I'm perfect for her and that her heart tells her she should be with me. I was like good, listen to your heart! She says she can't even be around me or look at me without feeling like she's going to melt.

I obviously feel better, since I know that this whole scared of commitment thing isn't just a lie or excuse, but she doesn't seem to have made up her mind yet, so this still might not be a great situation for me. Idk, I told her to just take her time, don't rush a decision, and that we don't have to even talk about a relationship right now. We could just be two people who enjoy each other's company, and keep having fun, see what happens etc. When I look into her eyes it feels like home (and yeah that's some cheesy ass sounding stuff right there, but she says she feels the same). I won't be able to stay on this rollercoaster ride of hers forever though.

Life is weird, dude.


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Psilosoulful]
    #23980295 - 01/03/17 11:35 PM (7 years, 27 days ago)

Quote:

Psilosoulful said:
Go out to clubs, dance, have a great time for yourself and sleep with hotter women your age.
It's all about coming from a place of abundance before deciding to commit to one girl, and she has to be damn worth it.
I say get yourself a couple of fuckbuddy's, and work on improving on yourself for this year (eat healthy, go to the gym, meditate, read more books, etc).





I want a fuck buddy :sad: Pity I don't go to clubs or dance


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
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OfflinePsilosoulful

Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23980484 - 01/04/17 02:15 AM (7 years, 27 days ago)

Quote:

Rosen_Rot said:
Quote:

Psilosoulful said:
Go out to clubs, dance, have a great time for yourself and sleep with hotter women your age.
It's all about coming from a place of abundance before deciding to commit to one girl, and she has to be damn worth it.
I say get yourself a couple of fuckbuddy's, and work on improving on yourself for this year (eat healthy, go to the gym, meditate, read more books, etc).





I want a fuck buddy :sad: Pity I don't go to clubs or dance



You should, it's super fun. I don't even drink or take anything when going out, don't feel the need. It ruins my game and I'd rather be sharp.
I do however make it a priority to eat healthy, go to the gym everyday, drink lots of water, etc so when Friday night rolls around I walk into the club dressed real nice feeling like a million bucks.
I encourage you to go out on the dancefloor and let loose like you don't give a flying fuck, you'll see girls start to instantly gravitate towards you.

Getting laid this way is super easy and you'll find plenty of fuckbuddy's.
You just have to make yourself vulnerable a bit to let them see the cool guy you are, but also be dominant enough to lead everything towards sex at the end of the night :thumbup:


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Psilosoulful]
    #23980599 - 01/04/17 05:18 AM (7 years, 26 days ago)

Clubs ain't really my thing man.

I've done it all before, befriend everyone at the bar, dance like you own the place, chat up women, drunken conversations and the works but it makes me uncomfortable, the music is just not for me and the quality of people puts me off. I have never managed to get a fuck buddy by simply going to the club, and this was in one of the hottest clubs in Europe. I've had one experience where I was dancing, keeping my ground and just enjoying my dominant self unfold my adaptability to such a horrid place and almost got bottled by a women cause I tole her spot light. There is this place I really want to test out, apparently lots of people get picked up and it's known for hook ups and the likes, trashy drunk women, but me, it's been almost 10months without any sex so why the fuck not :shrug:

I'm the kinda guy that can twist words enough to get someone to go to bed with me but everytime I try it I get a gut wrenching feeling inside telling me it's wrong. It just ain't me and it kinda sucks cause sometimes I feel like I am missing out lol if that even makes any sense

The only dancing I like to do is when going to Psytrance parties, the only real dance floor where I feel I can let loose my animal side and actually enjoy myself instead of the forced programmed plan that one has when going into a club. But, obviously, I am more busy trying to keep my shit together from tripping too hard on mushies, than actually paying attention to the ''free spirited'' girls there. I never managed to pick a chick up at those parties either, well...... once... and tbh I think I fluked it big time lol


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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Offlinekoods
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Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,066
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 6 hours, 6 minutes
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23980670 - 01/04/17 06:53 AM (7 years, 26 days ago)

people dont pass up on Mr. Perfect. if she was really into it, she would be making excuses as to why she should go for it despite her reluctance. shes doing the opposite.


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NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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Offlineshaggyp
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Registered: 12/27/12
Posts: 454
Last seen: 1 year, 9 months
Re: "not ready for a relationship/let's be friends" [Re: koods] * 1
    #23981487 - 01/04/17 01:35 PM (7 years, 26 days ago)

What do you have to lose? Just tell her you understand why she doesn't want a relationship, and a friendship sounds fine. Stay busy and don't obsess over it. She's 21 and needs some freedom. Haven't you ever felt that before?

I totally understand that. I've had those times in my life. No matter how "perfect" someone is, sometimes you just aren't ready. Go date someone else if you need a distraction, but be a good friend if you care about this person.


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Burt Cocaine


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