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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Quick question - need some advice.
    #23966094 - 12/29/16 05:09 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Here's the scoop:

I reconnected with this girl I used to know and we hit it off over the summer. There were some great times and we had sex, but right after that she started getting more distant until she completely ignored me. I should have just let her go then, but seeing as I was such a loner for so long I wasn't prepared to, and over those few months I kept trying to hang out with her.

She would respond, make plans with me, then completely blow me off the day of the plans, sometimes messaging me out of the blue with, for all appearances, heartfelt apologies. This went on for a while... and it was bad, you know, just typing that out I can see how I never should have let anything like that persist in my life, but I did.

Anyways, fast forward to now and I'm in a much better place, writing music and enjoying myself. I got a new job and I met a girl there, and we've been hanging out recently. Things seem to be going really well between us, whether we're a couple or not is uncertain but that's okay, I'm just enjoying getting to know her. She's attractive and we're on the same wavelength with a lot of things like taste in movies and books, as well as the fact that we're both highly devoted and nearly obsessive with making our personal art.


Now the girl from this summer has suddenly messaged me saying she has a gift for me and wants to see me, and I don't even think I know how to respond. I don't want to hurt her feelings and ignore her, but I feel like the only things I could say to her would be along the lines of lecturing her on how to treat someone even slightly decently... which feels awful, albeit justified.

What would you do? Would you respond at all, even maybe see her? I don't feel like I need closure from her, and honestly wish she would just understand that I want the best for her but can in no way interact with her right now, because I just can't trust her.


thanx for reading and any advice. :sun: :peace: :nyan:


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InvisibleKhancious
da Crow
Male User Gallery


Registered: 12/05/12
Posts: 628
Loc: Behind Everything
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #23966243 - 12/29/16 06:20 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

I would jest with her without making it a priority to get your gift, it will give her the sense that you're keeping her at bay but still on the line.
And I think it will rustle her thong,
because you have the choice to either acknowledge her or let her communication drift off into space without much influence.

Some women are immune to romantic approaches and need a mind-fuck
Which is more soulful? I don't know, you would think being true to your intuition and compassion...
That could also be a dividing factor, maybe intermingling sexual and emotional attraction with her receptivity for unconditional love skews the intent and experience causing a retraction.


--------------------
I am that, which is.


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Invisiblesudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #23966343 - 12/29/16 07:02 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

because I just can't trust her.




Not worth it :imo:


--------------------
I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.



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Offlinematt1208
HERBALIST

Registered: 01/01/14
Posts: 589
Loc: in the heavens
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: sudly]
    #23966391 - 12/29/16 07:23 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

sudly said:
Quote:

because I just can't trust her.




Not worth it :imo:




:whathesaid:


--------------------
I AM ZEUS


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: matt1208]
    #23966692 - 12/29/16 09:08 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

It's just unfortunate because I believe that all of that mind fuckery over those months was not coming from a place of maliciousness in her, simply an inability to cope with certain stresses in life like the vulnerability of intimacy.

I definitely am not interested in being her boyfriend, or hooking up or anything like that. I just don't know how to handle this situation because in the past i would have responded immediately and been up for seeing her. Now I just don't want to but I don't want to hurt her feelings. Hmmm..  :strokebeard:


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Chakra Shock] * 1
    #23966711 - 12/29/16 09:15 PM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Leave the message seen and don't respond to her at all. She has had her chance, you gave her attention, tried to show her that you were interested in getting to know her, gave up your time....etc She didn't reciprocate. And now all of a sudden she is trying to bribe you to hang out with her, seems like she wants to know if she has any power left over you now that you have a new girl

Ignore her and move on man. Not worth your effort and from the sound of it she doesn't seem like she respects you enough

Quote:

Chakra Shock said:
Now I just don't want to but I don't want to hurt her feelings. Hmmm..  :strokebeard:





''Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.”
-Bob Marley


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


Edited by Rosen_Rot (12/29/16 09:22 PM)


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23967918 - 12/30/16 11:32 AM (7 years, 1 month ago)

Thanks for the feedback y'all. I'm probly gonna take your advice and not respond, I just don't know what to say and maybe it's better to just let it go.


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OfflinePsilosoulful

Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #23974875 - 01/02/17 02:18 AM (7 years, 29 days ago)

Quote:

Chakra Shock said:
I just don't know what to say and maybe it's better to just let it go.



Yeah man, that's what I would do. If there's no trust, then there's nothing at all. Let go and enjoy going out with this new girl.
And don't worry about hurting her feelings, she has many other guys in the wings, trust me on that.


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InvisibleMojo
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/07
Posts: 1,676
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #23975469 - 01/02/17 09:23 AM (7 years, 28 days ago)

I would meet her, accept the gift, and have sex with her.  That is honestly what I would do.


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Mojo]
    #23975681 - 01/02/17 10:48 AM (7 years, 28 days ago)

:lol: well, that's radically different from my way of going about things, but I understand the temptation. I just can't see us actually being in a relationship and we're definitely past the possibility of just having casual sex. I think once this whole thing cools off in a few months we could probably just talk and be friends. 


But it's all just drama. The best thing to do, in my opinion, is to find a way to engage with each other compassionately, and until I know how to do that, I'm not going to engage with her at all.

Some female perspectives would be greatly appreciated in this thread :peace:


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Offlineblackhawk
Newton's Law of Majesticity
I'm a teapot


Registered: 04/02/11
Posts: 8,465
Loc: Where Jimmies are Rustled
Last seen: 4 hours, 22 minutes
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Psilosoulful]
    #23975685 - 01/02/17 10:49 AM (7 years, 28 days ago)

Take the gift. It could be a bottle of whiskey :awesome:
Then share it with new chick


--------------------


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InvisibleMojo
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/07
Posts: 1,676
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: blackhawk]
    #23976964 - 01/02/17 06:30 PM (7 years, 28 days ago)

Yea, or it could be good drugs.  Besides, do you think that you are being a little sensitive?  So the chick had you on hold for a bit, no biggie; she's ready for you now.


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Mojo]
    #23977498 - 01/02/17 10:22 PM (7 years, 28 days ago)

Idk man, I really can't stand that. It wasn't like "see ya, I gotta take care of myself for a bit, I'll get back to you later" it was like months of leading me on, making plans with me then ditching me the day of the plans, texting me at three in the morning with dramatic, emotional voice recordings, saying she would come over at four in the morning and then never showing up. It's the kind of stuff that, while I can forgive, it definitely makes me wary of taking her at her word. In fact, I can't really do that with her at all.


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OfflinePsilosoulful

Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Chakra Shock] * 1
    #23977519 - 01/02/17 10:29 PM (7 years, 28 days ago)

Drop her man, not worth it.


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Psilosoulful]
    #23980068 - 01/03/17 09:29 PM (7 years, 27 days ago)

She's still texting me, getting progressively more expressive of her frustration. Nothing serious or big, but I can tell she's pissed off... I don't want to be goaded into a confrontational conversation, but I also don't want her to keep on texting me.

I guess I should just tell her what I really think, to spare us anymore confusion.


Edited by Chakra Shock (01/03/17 09:37 PM)


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #23980263 - 01/03/17 11:11 PM (7 years, 27 days ago)

wasn't that what you were supposed to be doing in the first place?

What were you doing before? Just slowly phasing it out and hoping for the best ?? lol


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23980273 - 01/03/17 11:18 PM (7 years, 27 days ago)

I've just been ignoring her texts :paranoid:

I honestly did not know what to say to her, i've just been thinking how to best express myself. At this point I feel like it should be obvious, but I'll spare her any long winded explanation and just say I really think it would be best if we both moved on.


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #23980293 - 01/03/17 11:33 PM (7 years, 27 days ago)

Ignoring never really works and it's a disrespectful experience to the other party member, believe me, it was done to me by my ex and I had to find out the reason for our break up, after spending 5 years together, through her bimbo best friend. Just point blank shoot and tell her how you feel man and just end it. Its a lot less hassle for you and at least shows some form of respect towards her. Her giving you respect doesn't matter, she didn't give it nor do you need it but take the high road, have the difficult conversation and just end it


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23980348 - 01/04/17 12:05 AM (7 years, 27 days ago)

Yeah, I'll make that a priority at a reasonable time tomorrow. It's too late in the night now, I don't want to bomb her with a long message right now. However, giving myself some time to really think this through has been helpful, instead of explosively responding one way or the other.

Now I feel like I'm really prepared to be straightforward and honest, after thinking things through and understanding myself a little better.

I appreciate the advice, I'm gonna put it into action.


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #23980592 - 01/04/17 05:11 AM (7 years, 26 days ago)

Awesome update us on what the response is :shineon:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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InvisibleMojo
Stranger

Registered: 07/12/07
Posts: 1,676
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23980652 - 01/04/17 06:31 AM (7 years, 26 days ago)

You are acting like you both were in a relationship or something, but it doesn't sound like you were  And by the way, you are treating her just as bad now as she was treating you; so its going to be hard do play the more holier-than-thou card.

Why is everyone so quick to boot people you care about out of your lives? People grow up, and change over time, why be so quick to make forever-decisions over these minor dramas?

And why cast her out of her life before offering her a chance to explain herself?  Maybe she was going through some serious shit when she blew you off.  And yea, she probably didn't handle herself right but neither are you, right now; so isn't that forgivable?

If I was in your shoe's I would say something to the effect of, "Hey, you have been such an unreliable friend to me over the past year that I don't know what to think about you reaching out to me, whats going on with you?"

Behavior can usually be rationalized if you dig deep.  And your friendship could become a lot stronger if you become aware of her struggles. 

Do what your going to do, I just wanted to offer a counter perspective among the onslaught of "Fuk Dat Bitch" that gets pounded into people's head on this website.,


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Mojo]
    #23981040 - 01/04/17 10:35 AM (7 years, 26 days ago)

It's nothing like 'fuk da bitch', I do care about her and I'm not trying to hurt her feelings.

I don't know if I'm handling this situation correctly or not, I could probably be way more chill about it. All things considered, I would still be her friend and hang out with her, but I've just begun a new relationship and I want to focus on that, while simultaneously letting go of those months of drama and intrigue.

I believe in her and she's a very cool person when you just analyze the kind of things she's into, but she just treated me poorly and toyed with my emotions. Her actions depicted a different kind of person than her words. It's water under the bridge but that doesn't mean I want to go putting myself right back into the drama.

edit: I appreciate your perspective though, it's good to hear that side of things too.


Edited by Chakra Shock (01/04/17 10:38 AM)


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23984183 - 01/05/17 03:18 PM (7 years, 25 days ago)

Quote:

Rosen_Rot said:
Awesome update us on what the response is :shineon:




She was kind of angry, I suppose? She said I was 'projecting all of my emotions' onto her, as if to say there could be no emotional context or response to her proposal of seeing me and giving me a gift. Classic manipulation to gain some non-existent upper hand.

Then, she also said I should stop being so judgmental and just tell her whether or not I still had a particular item of hers at my house, which I had failed to actually tell her that I did not have because she had asked me that very question a month ago and I really didn't think she would have forgotten that.

Overall, it was pretty unpleasant and she wasn't curious in the slightest as to why I felt the way I did, or have anything to say whatsoever about the broader scope of our friendship. If there was any shred of genuine caring for me in her she probably would have asked me why I felt the way I do, or something, anything, to see if there was a positive way to reconnect. Instead, she just tried to make me feel terrible for having natural, human emotions and expressing them. Sheesh...


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OfflinePsilosoulful
Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Chakra Shock] * 2
    #23984323 - 01/05/17 04:04 PM (7 years, 25 days ago)

Quote:

Chakra Shock said:
Quote:

Rosen_Rot said:
Awesome update us on what the response is :shineon:




She was kind of angry, I suppose? She said I was 'projecting all of my emotions' onto her, as if to say there could be no emotional context or response to her proposal of seeing me and giving me a gift. Classic manipulation to gain some non-existent upper hand.

Then, she also said I should stop being so judgmental and just tell her whether or not I still had a particular item of hers at my house, which I had failed to actually tell her that I did not have because she had asked me that very question a month ago and I really didn't think she would have forgotten that.

Overall, it was pretty unpleasant and she wasn't curious in the slightest as to why I felt the way I did, or have anything to say whatsoever about the broader scope of our friendship. If there was any shred of genuine caring for me in her she probably would have asked me why I felt the way I do, or something, anything, to see if there was a positive way to reconnect. Instead, she just tried to make me feel terrible for having natural, human emotions and expressing them. Sheesh...



Sounds like a complete beotch. Block her number and move on. Plenty more fish in the sea and you have a lot to offer. Good luck to you my friend :smile:


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Chakra Shock] * 1
    #23986397 - 01/06/17 12:03 PM (7 years, 24 days ago)

wow

she didn't get her way and twisted it to save pride and face

At least her true colors came out and now you don't have to worry about what to do anymore

You did good and it was a faster way to deal with things by just being honest

Good for you man :shineon:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflineChakra Shock
Waxing Prophetic


Registered: 02/22/13
Posts: 2,514
Loc: The Enterprise
Last seen: 3 years, 8 months
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23986805 - 01/06/17 03:15 PM (7 years, 24 days ago)

It was disappointing to see her acting like that: with zero effort for real communication, but it's a relief to be done with the whole thing, especially knowing the kind of attitude she really has towards me.

Thanks for the advice and support! :sun:

In other news, things are going really well with the girl I met at my job. She and I are finding out that we have a lot in common and I just feel grateful to have met her. I don't want to say too much, life has proven to be rather unpredictable for me as of late, but it seems like a really good thing that we've got going.


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OfflineRosen_Rot
Learning
I'm a teapot


Registered: 12/06/14
Posts: 1,225
Loc: Goa
Last seen: 11 months, 22 days
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Chakra Shock]
    #23988472 - 01/07/17 03:10 AM (7 years, 23 days ago)

Meh lots of things in life are disappointing, people change and are not always what they seem to be. It's the process of life I suppose. A plant will get light one day and darkness the next, shit happens and it must be a lot better than second guessing yourself over thoughts that obviously you two did share or were on the same page. In the long run, if she decides to ever think about it and you, she will look on you with respect further down the line

Hey, at least you have a new girl to focus on and are hitting it off :shineon: Focus your energy on her if she makes you feel good and see where this new road will lead

better than me,

I'm still carrying baggage 10months after the break up and haven't even came close to meeting a girl whom I can share myself with, not even casual sex so yea there are worse things in life :lol:


--------------------
:sporedrop:"The internet has one rule; use or be used" - Bjeldiablo :sporedrop:
''there is no loneliness, only moments where contentment is fleeting''

SBJs "The Basics"
3iRiS9 "Cirque du freak"
B+ BONANZA

   


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OfflinePsilosoulful
Registered: 09/05/14
Posts: 7,205
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
Re: Quick question - need some advice. [Re: Rosen_Rot]
    #23988487 - 01/07/17 03:31 AM (7 years, 23 days ago)

Quote:

Rosen_Rot said:
I'm still carrying baggage 10months after the break up and haven't even came close to meeting a girl whom I can share myself with, not even casual sex so yea there are worse things in life :lol:



Go out to clubs and dance, you'll find lots of girls willing to engage in casual sex with you if you give off the right vibe...just be carefree and having fun,
then pull them back to your place, done :thumbup:


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