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Anonymous #1
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On listening...
#23953915 - 12/24/16 10:49 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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This situation just took me for a loop last night.
I'm walking back from the bar with my girlfriend last night, as we finish crossing the street i say "I love you" (something i rarely do for reasons like this).
Her response: "I wish I was able to cook right now, Its every cooks dream to be busy during the holidays"
Me: "Wow that kind of hurt... I just said I love you".
She then goes off on me for not listening to her? Telling me how some things dont necessarily need a reply but at least she listened to me (and gave me no indication that she did so). But I do essentially the same thing (ignore the fact I had spoke first) in that my response was completely irrelevant to what she had said, and shes the one thats mad at me.
Anyone.... Anyone out there have any thoughts? Jesus.
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demiu5
humans, lol


Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium
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i think, in this specific situation, some leeway is required, considering you both had, presumably, been drinking at the bar
-------------------- channel your inner Larry David
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Anonymous #1
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Re: On listening... [Re: demiu5]
#23954210 - 12/24/16 01:09 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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One drink... We mostly went for food.
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Jokeshopbeard
Humble Student

Registered: 11/30/11
Posts: 26,088
Loc: Deep in the system
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Is your main issue here that she didn't respond or her hypocrisy OP?
-------------------- Let it be seen that you are nothing. And in knowing that you are nothing... there is nothing to lose, there is nothing to gain. What can happen to you? Something can happen to the body, but it will either heal or it won't. What's the big deal? Let life knock you to bits. Let life take you apart. Let life destroy you. It will only destroy what you are not. --Jac O'keeffe
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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You jumped the gun on being offended, she got defensive
It is weird to gloss over a statement like that, especially if you dont throw four letter words out there all the time, but people have derp moments, its impossible to speculate further without having been there
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
Jokeshopbeard said: Is your main issue here that she didn't respond or her hypocrisy OP?
Both
To top it off she ignored me all Christmas Eve... I havent been able to sleep at all and its currently 6AM Christmas day...
I just wanted to let her know i loved her...
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Anonymous #1
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This honestly isnt anything new. I feel like every time I try and show affection I always get the cold shoulder. But everything is completely reversed when she wants affection from me.
To top it off sometimes it hurts so much I have trouble jumping from being hurt to showing her affection, she will get mad (not hurt the same way I do), and its up to me to make everything ok again.
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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This reminds me if my 2nd relationship, although she did indulge in my affection, there were similar miscommunications and in the end I broke things off because I didnt understand where we were going, as well as trust issues and sometimes feeling like she was pushing my buttons on purpose. On hindsight it all makes sense and could have worked out...
Good luck figuring this all out, the dynamics sound confusing
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Lucis
Nutritional Yeast

Registered: 03/28/15
Posts: 15,622
Last seen: 1 month, 29 days
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Sometimes people say random stuff like what your girl said when you say "I love you" to them, they hear you say you love them, so they figure they can then engage you in conversation about things which they feel passionate about because you're in a loving mood.
Also, you should be able to tell her you love her, without her having to say it back to you, if she never said it back to you ever, then you might want to worry, but I wouldn't worry about this OP.
-------------------- ©️
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Anonymous #1
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Re: On listening... [Re: Lucis]
#23956148 - 12/25/16 10:34 AM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Still nothing. Merry Christmas guys cause im not feeling it. Its the only thing I wanted.
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sudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
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What kind of timing is that?
I'd be pretty disappointed if someone told me they loved me after crossing a street, maybe you could have waited to be in a park, on a jetty, after a kiss to say it?
Maybe you said you loved her but I doubt you showed it or gave her a reason to believe it in the moment it was said.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
Edited by sudly (12/25/16 06:48 PM)
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 15 hours, 59 minutes
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I feel like every time I try and show affection I always get the cold shoulder..
Meaning your expectations are not met.
This is a major cause of all human misery.
People often don't live up to our expectations.
You want affection but she doesn't have it to give.
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sudly
Darwin's stagger


Registered: 01/05/15
Posts: 10,812
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Often expectations become pre-meditated resentments.
Expecting reciprocation is one of those things, though if you have a good relationship with your gf a little intimacy shouldn't be unexpected.
-------------------- I am whatever Darwin needs me to be.
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 14 days
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Re: On listening... [Re: sudly]
#23959003 - 12/26/16 06:43 PM (7 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
sudly said: What kind of timing is that?
I'd be pretty disappointed if someone told me they loved me after crossing a street, maybe you could have waited to be in a park, on a jetty, after a kiss to say it?
Maybe you said you loved her but I doubt you showed it or gave her a reason to believe it in the moment it was said.
Yeah, kinda what I was thinking. Especially since OP said he doesn't say "I love you" very often, if its a rare occasion kind of thing she probably just thought the booze was hitting you harder than normal and you were a little emotional from the holidays. Not exactly the most romantic reason to say you love someone.
But I wasn't there. You can say "I love you" without even saying anything, or "I love you" can sound like the most pathetic, empty, pointless words in the world.
Sounds like you two aren't doing too good from what you've said. Basically saying "Wow, I was expecting a little reciprocity here, how about go fuck yourself," pretty unhealthy response to a simple lack of acknowledgement of a trope.
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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dodgem
Learner



Registered: 08/04/11
Posts: 2,683
Last seen: 6 months, 14 days
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I'm walking back from the bar with my girlfriend last night, as we finish crossing the street i say "I love you" (something i rarely do for reasons like this). .
Should have said it before you crossed the street, or at least while your were in the process of putting one foot in front of the other with in the middle of the street. Can't be saying 'I love you' after you cross a street and expect a genuine response. This is 2017 for fucks sake, pull it together man.
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Walk where you like your steps
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RJ Tubs 202


Registered: 09/20/08
Posts: 6,016
Loc: USA
Last seen: 15 hours, 59 minutes
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Quote:
Anonymous said:
I'm walking back from the bar with my girlfriend last night, as we finish crossing the street i say "I love you" (something i rarely do for reasons like this).
Her response: "I wish I was able to cook right now, Its every cooks dream to be busy during the holidays"
At that moment, her thoughts were about cooking.
Be grateful she was sharing with you what she was focused on.
This is true intimacy. Don't take it lightly.
Later, when you are sober, remind her of what you said
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