|
Some of these posts are very old and might contain outdated information. You may wish to search for newer posts instead.
|
tryptkaloids
Learner



Registered: 02/08/15
Posts: 12,641
Loc: Exact Center
Last seen: 3 days, 10 hours
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: TheBlackCat]
#24476693 - 07/11/17 10:36 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
I'm glad you got it germ'd! they'll be fine, I leave mine for weeks
-------------------- "Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage Flowchart for Recommended plan of action. Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms Use the Damn search engine After you know what you're doing, take a break Pick a book, Make some chips! Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
|
Doc9151
Mycologist



Registered: 02/23/17
Posts: 13,753
Loc: Gulf Coast USA
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: tryptkaloids]
#24476839 - 07/11/17 11:52 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
My confession:
I may have totally fucked up someone I love dearly. I have always been apprehensive about sending someone on there first trip. However, this person convinced me to do just that, we dosed and had an amazing time. The sex was just out of this world.
Well, since the first trip was so awesome, it became a regular thing for us to do together. After about the 3rd or 4th time I started to notice this person losing touch with reality, thinking her dead friend was still alive and just avoiding us (this only happened while under the influence of shrooms) and having uncontrollable crying spells, so, we (she did, I dosed secretly and still do) took a break from the shrooms.
This person that I love very much became very dark and depressed, started having crying spells on a daily basis without tripping.
She then tells me she wants to die. I explain to her how dear she is to me and that it would destroy me if that was to happen.
The love of my life became withdrawn and suicidal. She started hearing voices and hallucinating without mushrooms, but she hid this from me, but she couldn't hide the crying. I was finally able to talk her into seeing someone about the constant crying and I thought things would get better.
After trying for a month to get her an appointment and watching her steadily go down hill, we finally got an appointment with her primary care doctor.
The day before the appointment, she begs me not to let them put her away. I belay her fears the best I could.
So, the appointment day comes and on the way she confesses to hearing the voices, hallucinations and constant thoughts of suicide. She tells me she has attempted to take her life 3 times in the previous 2 weeks prior to the appointment day, by pulling into on coming traffic, but she thought of the pain she would cause to her mother and myself and that stopped her at the last moment each time.
As we pulled into the doctors parking lot, she breaks down and tells me she needs help and asked what to do. I ask if she would be willing to check herself into the hospital so she could get the help she needs, thank God she said yes.
The primary care doc saw us and sent us to the appropriate place. The love of my life was given a diagnosis of paranoid schizophrenia with bipolar manic depression. She never showed any of the symptoms prior to me giving her shrooms, come to find out, this runs in her family and has been hidden by the older generation for fear of being shamed. I almost lost the one person in this world that means everything to me because of a fucking secret that shouldn't have been secret.
I'm sharing this with everyone to create awareness of the dangers of undiagnosed mental illness and hallucinogenic substances (I know, it's in the propaganda leaflet, right, but who actually knows anyone this has happened too, not me until now).
I feel responsible in so many ways and will never forgive myself if she ever acts on those thoughts, I gave them to her for her first time and this is something I will have to live with the rest of my life.
I have used mushrooms and LSD for 30+ years and have never seen this happen before and it happened to the love of my life. I will never forgive myself nor give anyone their first dose again. Yes, I share my spores, but never again my shrooms with a beginner or someone I know whoms had many journeys.
I'm thankful I came across this thread, it gave me the opportunity to share something I never shared with another living soul. Thank you OP for this opportunity. I hope this makes everyone think and realise it's very serious using substances that awaken the mind, it just may wakeup a sleeping demon.
This is not a Bullshit story, it's 100% the truth and I have to look at my lover everyday knowing what part I played in bringing out her sleeping demon. If she was to ever actually act on her thoughts of suicide, I don't know if I could live with the guilt. Thanks for reading my confession.
--------------------
  Psilocybe cubensis data collection thread. please help with this project if you hunt wild cubensis. https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=26513593&page=0&vc=1#26513593
|
LizardWizard
GnomeGrower




Registered: 01/07/15
Posts: 13,692
Loc: the parking lot
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: Doc9151]
#24476898 - 07/12/17 12:33 AM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Hi Doc.
Thanks for your confession, and sorry for the love of your life. Please do keep in mind, that you are not the cause of the problems now at hand. In cases like this, I always think the condition would have surfaced somewhere in life anyway, even without any substance giving rise to it. Just my 2 cts...
I always try to gauge the person's fragility of mind. In my opinion, a strong yet flexible mind is the best for a trip. If someone seems very rigid and breakable, or not grounded, I wouldn't give them shrooms. I don't think this makes it that much safer, but I don't think it hurts to be a bit careful either.
-------------------- The best things in life can be smelled on one's fingers.
Edited by LizardWizard (07/12/17 12:37 AM)
|
Germs
Space Force


Registered: 06/26/11
Posts: 4,607
Loc: Texas
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: LizardWizard]
#24477284 - 07/12/17 06:17 AM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Thanks for sharing Doc. My thoughts are with you
--------------------
|
ComebackKid
Multispore Enthusiast



Registered: 05/27/16
Posts: 3,951
Loc: ked in the trunk of a car
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: Doc9151] 2
#24477310 - 07/12/17 06:41 AM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Hey doc My sister had a lot of problems growing up my parents thought she was just crazy and acting out but we came to find out that she had bipolar disorder and it is a very hard thing to deal with at times. All you can do is provide her with support while she works through her disorder. It took many years for my sister to cope with it but she finally has control over it without using medication. She now lives happly with her husband and two kids. Finished college and has a great job as a dental hygienist. Bi polar disorder is something that a person is born with and can remain dormant for years but drugs and alcohol is usually what brings it out in people. That being said you can not blame yourself for what happened. It would have been a matter of time before she showed signs either way. She's lucky to have you to support her through this tough time in her life. That is what she needs most right now.
--------------------
Substrate surface conditions / Monotub prep and care
Look around you... Everything you see exists inside the mind. Consciousness, the awareness that is experiencing this mind, is peering in from outside the universe. Our individual experiences are all part of the universe's experience of itself
|
LizardWizard
GnomeGrower




Registered: 01/07/15
Posts: 13,692
Loc: the parking lot
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: ComebackKid] 1
#24477516 - 07/12/17 09:21 AM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
but you say it so much better than me
-------------------- The best things in life can be smelled on one's fingers.
|
mushboy
modboy



Registered: 04/24/05
Posts: 32,281
Loc: where?
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: LizardWizard]
#24477553 - 07/12/17 09:35 AM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
damn doc. thats some hard shit.
i get what you mean big time. it would be naive to ignore the way your actions affected the situation but you can NOT control that kind of thing. so i wouldnt blame myself or the drugs.
id blame societies ignorance and fear of mental illness. everybody is fucked up. no one wants to admit it. and that kind of mentality hit a wall with me. i know thats a fact. everyone i know has issues. lots of 'white' people problems but still problems that effect the way WE act. and mushrooms make you aware of it.
it can be a brutal slap in the face. similar to what happened after taking shrooms following a decade mainlining whiskey. i went completely insane for about a month. luckily my background in tripping helped with DTs and shit. so i can imagine how intense and forceful those bad thoughts can be. its like you are in the backseat and tyler durden is driving your car off the road. only its my behavior. and this insane person is doing things and i have no voice. no matter how loud i yell inside. no matter what happens. it was always driving.
i hope she gets better. i went to HS with a girl who ended up getting brutally sexually assaulted and all kinds of wack shit. she later went into hiding or some shit but she later took part in a trial testing MDMA on victims of sexual trauma. in a clinical setting under supervision. it changed her life.
i highly recommend using substances RESPONSIBLY to objectively give yourself perspective on your demons.
|
ichugwindex
Dex



Registered: 06/04/16
Posts: 4,613
Loc: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Last seen: 11 months, 2 days
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: Doc9151]
#24477688 - 07/12/17 10:54 AM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
A simple "do you or your family have a history of mental illness?' Would have sufficed. This was not your fault or the fault of the mushrooms. I get that you feel remorse but to turn away all the 1st time truth seekers from now on is just sad.
-------------------- Only hope can give rise to the emotion we call despair. But it is nearly impossible for a man to try to live without hope, so I guess that leaves Man no choice but to walk around with despair as his companion.
|
tryptkaloids
Learner



Registered: 02/08/15
Posts: 12,641
Loc: Exact Center
Last seen: 3 days, 10 hours
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: ichugwindex]
#24477722 - 07/12/17 11:16 AM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
my ex girlfriend (and current friend) has bipolar disorder (or atleast that's the diagnosis) and she loves mushrooms and even claims that it helps her feel less depressed and "on track" so to speak with her mental illness. I'm not trying to say that it's a good idea to give people with mental illness psychedelics just that it's interesting how one person can go downhill and another person in a very similar scenario does the opposite. she is now thinking she may have been misdiagnosed because there are so many mental disorders and a lot of them can be similar. I really wish we knew more about the human psyche. and how it is effected by different drugs. I have known people with mental illnesses that have zero problems with mushrooms and those who have nothing but. I have met people with very well put together minds who can't handle shrooms for their life aswell as people who can't get enough. shit is odd.
DOC, hang in there buddy, be there for her, help her on her feet, use the introspection the mushrooms give you to help her see things in a better light. she needs to see all the beauty surrounding us and it just happens that mushrooms don't do that for her. give her a gentle nudge in the right direction and I'm confident she will turn around for the better
-------------------- "Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage Flowchart for Recommended plan of action. Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms Use the Damn search engine After you know what you're doing, take a break Pick a book, Make some chips! Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
|
Doc9151
Mycologist



Registered: 02/23/17
Posts: 13,753
Loc: Gulf Coast USA
Last seen: 1 year, 6 months
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: ichugwindex]
#24477844 - 07/12/17 12:08 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
ichugwindex said: A simple "do you or your family have a history of mental illness?' Would have sufficed. This was not your fault or the fault of the mushrooms. I get that you feel remorse but to turn away all the 1st time truth seekers from now on is just sad.
I guess you missed the part about her family keeping the mental illness a secret, my lover is 40 years old and never knew this, they only told her after her break down a month ago.
I have been with this woman for 10 years now and never even had a suspicion of mental illness until this happened. I have an extensive medical background, I retired as an independent duty corpsman from the U.S. military and finished my degree to become a physicians assistant 12 years ago specializing in emergency medicine. I have seen a lot of people with different psychological illnesses and she never showed any signs, until I shared the mushrooms. She too has a degree in accounting and human resources, this all came on suddenly, not at a young age or gradually like in most cases of mental illness. I'm convinced the mushrooms brought it to the forefront.
I really appreciate all the replies, this is exactly why I love the shroomery. I haven't found a place here I don't like. You guys are like family.
There is one suggestion I have for everyone, please share your family medical history with your loved ones. My whole situation could have been prevented if her family didn't feel they had to keep it secret. Thanks.
Doc
--------------------
  Psilocybe cubensis data collection thread. please help with this project if you hunt wild cubensis. https://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php?Cat=0&Number=26513593&page=0&vc=1#26513593
|
TheBlackCat
Possibly Human



Registered: 10/05/16
Posts: 2,819
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: Doc9151]
#24477949 - 07/12/17 12:56 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
That's rough Doc9151. Hugs.
I confess I'm putting off my transfers again. Big time procrastinating. Well I can't say entirely because I did spend 4 hours cleaning and packing yesterday. But I have to do them tonight because I am so far behind and people are expecting me to have certain things done around a certain time. I think it's mostly fear of failure or contamination.
|
tryptkaloids
Learner



Registered: 02/08/15
Posts: 12,641
Loc: Exact Center
Last seen: 3 days, 10 hours
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: TheBlackCat]
#24477966 - 07/12/17 01:06 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
you should be afraid of contamination if you don't keep up on your transfers. would you rather have things done on schedule or successfully?
-------------------- "Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage Flowchart for Recommended plan of action. Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms Use the Damn search engine After you know what you're doing, take a break Pick a book, Make some chips! Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
|
TheBlackCat
Possibly Human



Registered: 10/05/16
Posts: 2,819
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: tryptkaloids]
#24478213 - 07/12/17 03:19 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Done on schedule and succesfully are both options.
It's humid as fuck where I'm at. 87 percent humidity outside right now. Tomorrow is going to reach 91 percent.
|
TheBlackCat
Possibly Human



Registered: 10/05/16
Posts: 2,819
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: TheBlackCat]
#24478418 - 07/12/17 04:39 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Welp. Just figured out why the humidity is so high. Flash flood warning and I live by the river. And OMG the sound of thunder here. Holy shit it's awesome! I love storms. It sucks that I have to stop mid transfer on my plates because of emergency services blowing up my phone to prepare.
|
tryptkaloids
Learner



Registered: 02/08/15
Posts: 12,641
Loc: Exact Center
Last seen: 3 days, 10 hours
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: TheBlackCat]
#24478427 - 07/12/17 04:42 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
TheBlackCat said: Done on schedule and succesfully are both options.
IME it's hard as fuck to get both.
Quote:
TheBlackCat said: It's humid as fuck where I'm at. 87 percent humidity outside right now. Tomorrow is going to reach 91 percent.
that sucks! I hate humidity. I assume (bad I know) that faster evaporation = faster pinning can anyone disprove this?
-------------------- "Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage Flowchart for Recommended plan of action. Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms Use the Damn search engine After you know what you're doing, take a break Pick a book, Make some chips! Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
|
mushroom_therapy
Apprentice



Registered: 03/23/17
Posts: 1,526
Last seen: 9 months, 24 days
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: TheBlackCat]
#24478428 - 07/12/17 04:42 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
-------------------- Speak to me in energy, that way I can understand you better.
ALSO...check out this fellow shroomites dope tunes... LOBIS' soundcloud playlist
|
tryptkaloids
Learner



Registered: 02/08/15
Posts: 12,641
Loc: Exact Center
Last seen: 3 days, 10 hours
|
|
I'd hate to see what your place looks like, you have a serious spore load, and not the good kind like oysters contaminating your cube spawn. the bad kind like living with penicillum sp. in your lungs
-------------------- "Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage Flowchart for Recommended plan of action. Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms Use the Damn search engine After you know what you're doing, take a break Pick a book, Make some chips! Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
|
TheBlackCat
Possibly Human



Registered: 10/05/16
Posts: 2,819
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
|
|
|
CapnZ
Dimensional explorer



Registered: 12/22/16
Posts: 1,420
Loc: In the Mystic
Last seen: 3 months, 14 days
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: TheBlackCat]
#24478753 - 07/12/17 07:01 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
I threw some old Purple Mystic bulk sub out in a shady spot in my back yard. 2 days after a heavy heavy rain I had shrooms growing!!
-------------------- Deep into the darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing, doubting, dreaming dreams no mortal ever dared to dream before...
|
TheBlackCat
Possibly Human



Registered: 10/05/16
Posts: 2,819
Last seen: 1 year, 5 months
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: CapnZ]
#24479162 - 07/12/17 09:44 PM (6 years, 6 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
CapnZ said: I threw some old Purple Mystic bulk sub out in a shady spot in my back yard. 2 days after a heavy heavy rain I had shrooms growing!!
I can't wait to get my purple mystics off agar!
I confess I was so nervous and hot while doing agar work I dropped a jar and I was working in bare feet. Cut my toe but it wasn't so bad. I just pushed the big pieces under and kept working and had to be careful not to move around too much. I was too afraid to stop and clean everything up and kick up contaminants. The 90 percent humidity and 80 degree heat was killing me. Thought I was going to die with no AC in that tiny room. Was drenched again and had to take a shower after. Who knew agar could be such hard work. can't wait to move in November and set up a dedicated work bench. Once I make a few trades I'm going to build my own flow hood so I can keep cool and work comfortably. 
So what I did was I divided the pan cyan into 6 different dishes. I then picked my two favorite purple mystic growths that grew into perfect circles that looked like they had no splits in-between them and were compatible genetically or something like that. My brains a little broken right now. I'm sure you know what I'm trying to say. I wonder if they have to grow really big to really notice the splits. I think this was the right thing to do. The black flecks you see are flakes of spores. My technique is still a bit messy and I didn't have sterile swabs or an inoculation loop both of which are in the mail now.
I was super surprised that I had absolutely 0 mold contamination and only 1 dish with visible bacteria. I think there was some I couldn't see in a couple because it was growing all funky or maybe it just wasn't compatible genetically and didn't want to grow together. I have to read the chapters again so I can understand some of this better. Hopefully this works out. Here are a few photos I was able to snap.





Edited by TheBlackCat (07/12/17 10:06 PM)
|
|