|
 D3_Myc
Weeb Trash
Registered: 05/06/18
Posts: 4,399
Loc: Year Zero
|
 Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist  [Re: Mateja]
#27053815 - 11/23/20 11:49 AM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
I wish I was oblivious.. I mean I get that everyone around me see’s when I’m down when I don’t but it’s those nagging thoughts that pop up “kill yourselfl “fucking kill yourself” and images of me dangling flashing through my head 10,000 times in a day.. those are what I hate. Pops up every few years and lasts for like 6 months. Stopped once I started tripping again
|
Wall.E
Bacteria's Bitch
Registered: 06/05/20
Posts: 2,881
Loc: Fungal Void
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: D3_Myc]
#27053833 - 11/23/20 12:04 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
For me it's just taxing. It takes a lot of energy arguing with yourself, trying to argue the reasons you should stay here. The emotional and energy drain of that leaves me beaten down and vulnerable a lot and it makes it difficult to maintain any type of relationship.
The funniest thing about this website is that a lot of people stick to reddit and shit because "they're nicer" but I've had 3 people reach out to me on here directly through dm's to check on me and I don't even have that in real life.
--------------------
Life’s shit, but I’m loving it
|
 starbones
I'm an alien, I eat uranium.
Registered: 03/04/20
Posts: 1,131
Last seen: 9 months, 26 days
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: D3_Myc]
#27053835 - 11/23/20 12:05 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
You can't have the good without the bad. Cold without the warm, night without the day. I'd hate to live a life where I didn't get to truly appreciate what it means to be happy. I know how beautiful the sun can be because I've been blessed enough to see the rain.
On a lighter note I confess I stepped on an open tube of silicone today while putting new SFDs on my jars and I gave my girls leather couch a helluva facial.
--------------------
Listen, I'm steel fisted with the iron lung
Heavy metal ballads out the guitar where lions run.
  
|
tryptkaloids
Learner
Registered: 02/08/15
Posts: 12,700
Loc: Exact Center
Last seen: 4 days, 10 hours
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: starbones]
#27053859 - 11/23/20 12:20 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Depression sucks, but believing in reincarnation makes suicide a fools errand in my eyes.
That'll just force me into rebirth.
Also, suicide doesn't end the pain, it just passes it on
--------------------
"Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage
Flowchart for Recommended plan of action.
Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms
Use the Damn search engine
After you know what you're doing, take a break
Pick a book, Make some chips!
Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
 
|
ReverendMyc
succinct is not my forte
Registered: 03/29/19
Posts: 2,182
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: starbones]
#27053869 - 11/23/20 12:31 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
I confess that I am the other guy. Most everyone that knows me thinks that I am an optimist, just a bit shy. In my head I have crushing social anxiety and no self esteem.
So here’s the thing about suicidal thoughts and what got me through my darkest time. Being suicidal is actually a super power as long as you don’t waste it. If you really don’t care whether you live or die nothing can touch you. If you believe that death would be a relief from pain you have nothing to fear.
Now all you are waiting for is the opportunity to use your new super power. You could be in the right place to push someone out of the way of a car or train. You could put yourself in harm’s way to rescue a drowning person or a stranger dangling from a ledge. You can stop an active shooter, robbery, or rape just by being there and standing up because you have nothing to fear. And if you can do those things, you have immense value even if no one recognizes that.
So just wait until you need that super power and know that you have a great value in this world. Holding those two thoughts can get you through the dark times and eventually make them go away. Knowing that you have worth, a purpose and a hidden strength gives you power over depression.
It may not be a cure, but it gets me by.
--------------------
Stoned Gummys | BRF Pucks | Primo Reusable Plates | Easy LI 4 Preserv & Propo"Psychedelics are powerful substances. Nothing that powerful is completely safe... and nothing completely safe is that powerful!" - Abigail Calder at ALPS 2023
Don't Panic    
|
MLPismyOPSEC
That One Ponyfucker
Registered: 11/13/18
Posts: 884
Loc: Equestria? Mordor? Wester... 
Last seen: 5 months, 20 days
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: ReverendMyc]
#27054040 - 11/23/20 02:14 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
I confess that if it weren't for mushrooms (microdosing specifically, but also cult) and the gym, i wouldn't be around today.
Lifting and cultivation give me a schedule and a regimen, microdosing keeps my head level and consistent. Battled depression in high school, but at that time i could never fathom taking my own life. Was okay for a few years after. Got into a bad relationship, blew a ton of money on a race car i never finished and parted out. Still dealing with the consequences 7 years later. Started dating a new girl, things were going well, had my mind set on marrying her. Was working for a job shop, work dried up and i was let go, so i tried my hand at daytrading bitcoin before the initial 20k spike, lived through the subsequent crash, lost 90% of all of my money, had to move back in with family. Winter hits, somebody hits my car overnight and totals it. Have to declare bankruptcy. Depressed from that, i didn't want to look for a new job. Didn't want to do anything. Lost all hope and motivation. The following 6 months after that, became suicidal. Have my plan and everything, how i'm going to notify people, how i'm going to do it, tidying up all my loose ends. Spent so many days in bed, 18-20 hours laying in bed staring at the ceiling or browsing imgur/reddit and ignoring everything. That was the last few months of 2018, and when i started growing mushies, i had been going to the gym regularly since that August. Girlfriend stuck it out for almost a year, we had now been together 3 years, when she finally left in summer 2019. I still wasn't working, but finally starting to feel better. Things were beginning to look up. Girlfriend leaves a week before my birthday. Exactly one month later, i have a job, and my everything quickly begins changing. With the newfound spare change and motivation, i go and get my real estate license. Lifts are going up, i now have money banked (4 digits but coming from under 2 years ago i was literally surviving on change and filed bankruptcy, this is so huge it almost moves me to tears when i think about it), talking to a new girl, have a trouble-free car, was able to buy a lot of big things i've needed to for a long time (ie. mattress). I think i can say i'm pretty happy, and that's an emotion i haven't truly felt in close to a decade. Obviously still have my bad days, but like y'all have said, the bad days make me appreciate the good days that much more.
Sometimes i feel it's a little cheesy when people will post that they love everyone, but often i do truly feel that way. I love you guys, i love this place, and i deeply hope everyone is doing well. We all come from wildly different backgrounds, and it's incredible we can all come together like this. Reminds me that there is a lot of good and good people in this world.
PS. Quick stupid story that felt good to act like a boss. My ex came over this summer, not exactly sure who booty called who but anyway, when she got here, since i've been doing better financially i've been able to have cash on hand. Had like $120 sitting on my bedside table, and she spots it as she sits down on the bed.
"What's this?"
"Meh, just some walkin' around money..."
The look of surprise/bewilderment on her face was beautiful. Felt nice to show off a little bit, but also felt good that she knew that i was doing better. She saw me at my absolute worst, i know she still loved me even though she was the one that left, so her realizing life had turned a good corner for me was nice.
|
lookintolearn
Stranger becoming Strangest
Registered: 06/02/20
Posts: 574
Loc: Up in the Cut
Last seen: 18 days, 15 hours
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: MLPismyOPSEC]
#27054388 - 11/23/20 06:10 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
You guys all make me smile with relief talking about this stuff. Having those kinds of emotions and deep self loathing lead to the biggest turnarounds. If you've only known the good you have zero appreciation for it. I used to be just the same. Trying not to relive it as much as I can, the thoughts are always right around the corner. Never taken an anti-depressant as i've seen what it did to some of my friends.
Microdosing is my apple a day keeping the depression doctor away. Also I haven't been smoking because of probation for about a year and some now and while it was realllllly rough at first the combination of the microdoses and no longer being foggy because i'm stoned all the time has been a good change of pace. Granted, I do wish I could smoke a dooby every now and then.
Pain is temporary but it's worth it for the growth you can achieve because of it. Killing yourself is permanent and is a pain that see's no growth. That's what I like to tell myself.
I love you guys for sticking around. I love the Shroomery and all the wonderful people and ideas that are on here. I love the growth I get to experience everyday just by reading words on a website.
--------------------
Don't be afraid of feeling the feelings
Lookin to LAGM 2021     Looking to start growing? Read through Bod's Introduction to Everything
Looking to start agar? Start with Alien's Holy Grail
Looking to perfect your transfers? Start with D3monic's Perfect Transfers
Looking for easiest prep to Coir ever? Eat's UNBUCKET Tek
Looking to start LC? Try LI first! Munch's super easy Blenderless LI
|
A.k.a
Stranger
Registered: 10/27/19
Posts: 17,476
Loc: Gaming the system
Last seen: 3 hours, 26 minutes
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: lookintolearn]
#27054898 - 11/24/20 04:00 AM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
It’s so odd to me that people just kill themselves.
I guess it’s probably brain chemistry but I’ve personally never wanted to die but I did go through a stretch in my mid-late 20s where I was just bored with everything. To the point I was seriously considering going to join this guerilla army that was spawned from a remote village that happened to be on a huge oil reserve and shell came in and lied to them and completely fucked these people and ruined their whole set up.
I was watching this documentary with these guys basically pulling drive bys on the refinery from river boats and thinking well shit...that looks pretty fun. And I’ve had such a good life compared to these poor bastards that I’m completely jaded.
Like muthafud said it’s a unique opportunity to truly not care. Just seems like such a waste to kill yourself instead of doing some wild shit until it catches up to you.
I also have this theory that people need to be exposed to serious danger somewhat regularly to be happy. Being a split second from getting mangled will put things in perspective for you real quick.
--------------------
 LAGM2020      
|
Wall.E
Bacteria's Bitch
Registered: 06/05/20
Posts: 2,881
Loc: Fungal Void
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: A.k.a]
#27054920 - 11/24/20 04:41 AM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Its a difficult place to be in and a harder place to imagine i guess. I have that superpower but that just came naturally. I'm always the one that's pulling people from rivers and shit like that. I've saved 2 people, 1 of them being my brother.
This is why it's taxing. I'm not a bad person. Have a fucked up a lot? Sure. Should I feel like shit all the time because two people were mean to me while I was growing up? Probably not, but I can't get over the worthlessness I feel sometimes.
--------------------
Life’s shit, but I’m loving it
|
PsiloPsychIn
PsiloPsychIn
Registered: 06/17/14
Posts: 8,182
Loc: up north
Last seen: 1 month, 21 days
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: Wall.E]
#27054931 - 11/24/20 04:55 AM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Awesome confessions!
I really do respect them, and yet my confession is not nearly so serious:
--------------------
What are they saying? Listen carefully, it might be something you need to hear... 
|
Wall.E
Bacteria's Bitch
Registered: 06/05/20
Posts: 2,881
Loc: Fungal Void
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: PsiloPsychIn]
#27054944 - 11/24/20 05:17 AM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Lol, melty melty
--------------------
Life’s shit, but I’m loving it
|
A.k.a
Stranger
Registered: 10/27/19
Posts: 17,476
Loc: Gaming the system
Last seen: 3 hours, 26 minutes
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: Wall.E]
#27054951 - 11/24/20 05:27 AM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
lol luckily I did that before I had plastic lids but the tyvek circles sucked up like shrinkydinks.
--------------------
LAGM2020
|
tryptkaloids
Learner
Registered: 02/08/15
Posts: 12,700
Loc: Exact Center
Last seen: 4 days, 10 hours
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: PsiloPsychIn]
#27055146 - 11/24/20 09:12 AM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Quote:
PsiloPsychIn said:
Awesome confessions!
I really do respect them, and yet my confession is not nearly so serious:
What happened there? I remember my first pc     
--------------------
"Remember, kids, the difference between science and screwing around is writing it down" -adam savage
Flowchart for Recommended plan of action.
Learn the tried and true way to grow mushrooms
Use the Damn search engine
After you know what you're doing, take a break
Pick a book, Make some chips!
Josex said:Don't take the site seriously bro, ain't worth it.
|
PsiloPsychIn
PsiloPsychIn
Registered: 06/17/14
Posts: 8,182
Loc: up north
Last seen: 1 month, 21 days
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: tryptkaloids]
#27055282 - 11/24/20 10:20 AM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Ouch!
--------------------
What are they saying? Listen carefully, it might be something you need to hear...
|
Welt-Melt
Seeker
Registered: 11/23/20
Posts: 4
Last seen: 1 month, 23 days
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: Doc9151]
#27055445 - 11/24/20 12:20 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Oh yeah, diabetes can creep for years before you notice. Had it developing since childhood: acanthosis on neck, felt my nerves and capillaries boiling in sugar, as if my blood was stuck in different parts of my body. Even seen suspicious red patches on my feet, frequent and horrible hyper and hypoglycemia made me barely functional. Massive inflammation, including in the brain ( leading to mood swings, but mainly depression and anger ) barely any vitamin D in blood. In the beginning of this year I found the Low carb and keto approaches to diabetes T2, decided to try and can't turn back. All symptoms have decreased to nothing, even the dark patch on my neck, and I'm no longer obese. Blood glucose always at low normal, unless I eat too many carbs, then hypoglycemia hits me for a few hours.
As for confessions: I went straight to grain jars because the wide mouths suitable for making pf cakes are super expensive here. I burned half of my first batch of grain jars because I failed to understand how I should use a modified autoclave, it was quite stressful too because of panicking people around saying it will explode ( Initially it is suppossed to be full of water and closed jars, then reach 4 bar pressure. This is unacceptable for sterilizing grain jars, which can't be sumberged and require a little water to reach 1.03 bar - 15 psi ) Dummy increased the pressure to 3 bars with a pump and started cooking, the more heat the better!  The jars on the bottom were basically filled with coal  Those that remained in seemingly salvageable state got pretty much all infected, they drew in contammed air as they were cooling outside the autoclave. Learned a lot from it pretty quickly tho, next batch was near perfect and provided real results.
About two of the jars that remained from first sterilization had no mold visible and developed a strange marshmallow like growth with pleasant smell so my dum ass mixed the grain with substrate and waited. It grew extremely quickly and started emitting some kind of irritating fumes, even though no spores were visible. Watch out for this y'all, and thank god for bleach.
|
Pastywhyte
Say hello to my little friend
Registered: 09/15/12
Posts: 37,908
Loc: Canada 
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: Welt-Melt]
#27056702 - 11/25/20 07:56 AM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
This is why when newbies get all excited about trying to find or use an autoclave old hands are just like
|
PsiloPsychIn
PsiloPsychIn
Registered: 06/17/14
Posts: 8,182
Loc: up north
Last seen: 1 month, 21 days
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: Pastywhyte] 1
#27058767 - 11/26/20 01:18 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Happy Thanksgiving to the US Crew
For the rest - happy gratitude day!
That’s they way I think of it anyway.
I’m thankful for you all. Your honesty, your courage, your intimacy, you trust and support of one another. I also appreciate the knowledge that gets shared here.
Thank you one and all for being you and being here!
--------------------
What are they saying? Listen carefully, it might be something you need to hear...
|
Wall.E
Bacteria's Bitch
Registered: 06/05/20
Posts: 2,881
Loc: Fungal Void
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: PsiloPsychIn]
#27059034 - 11/26/20 04:57 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
Right back at ya. Thanks for making this thread and allowing us to have a spot to get touchy feely
--------------------
Life’s shit, but I’m loving it
|
Inthepit
Aum Mani Padme Hum
Registered: 08/20/19
Posts: 1,742
Loc: Puerto Rico
Last seen: 7 months, 22 days
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: Wall.E]
#27059099 - 11/26/20 06:05 PM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
0
From the chess movie Queen Katwe, as in chess, so in life,
you reset the board and keep playing.
This is what came to mind washing the jars and plates.
I dumped the contam and have a dishrack full of resets!
The Queen`s Gambit and Queen Katwe two awesome movies.
Edited by Inthepit (11/27/20 12:20 PM)
|
Camera93
We got dicks like Jesus
Registered: 08/15/18
Posts: 3,354
Last seen: 1 day, 22 hours
|
Re: TRUE CONFESSIONS - of an amateur mycologist [Re: Inthepit] 3
#27064101 - 11/30/20 07:48 AM (3 years, 9 months ago) |
|
|
I confess: she said yes
finally buckled down and got the xfers made last night a week over due. Looking forward to pouring 350ml LC to 36 quarts this week! 
also expanded a sponsor oyster LC to my own 250ml broth, 1st time LC -> LC 
--------------------
All I need are some tasty waves, a cool buzz, and I’m fine. Whatever you decide won’t really impact our survival
Close your eyes, and do the best that you can 
|
|
Threaded
Previous
Index
Next
Golden Teacher Liquid Culture For Sale 
Buy Bali Kratom Powder 
Buy Kratom Extract 
Substrate Bags 
Olympus Myco Bulk Substrate 
Red Vein Kratom 
All-In-One Bags That Don't Suck 
Bulk Substrate
Edit 
Reply 
SixTango
Hannibal88
gray1
1 2 all )
Killjoy
Northernsoul